Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I'd be surprised if the Romans didn't try that.
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Who would win? Chimpanzee vs. Martial Artist
- Thread starter AllIsOneIsNone
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I'd be surprised if the Romans didn't try that.
Dynamite Ringo Matsuri
Member
Lol, Prime Mike vs. a Gorilla? This is like Goku vs. Farmer with a Shotgun level shit. Mike would get absolutely destroyed if he touched a chimp let alone a gorilla
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
Glad to see this thread going well, it's my first off topic and my second total.
So far the youtube videos such as the chimp attacking the wildlife guy haven't done that much to sway me. The guy was totally defenseless, didn't tried to fight back; in fact tried to do the exact opposite to calm the chimp down. He also let the chimp attack him at the beginning, which is probably the most important part of the fight.
I read the linked article about chimps being much stronger than humans, and it appears that as far as pulling a particular amount of weight, a chimp can pull about double than the average human. This along with other info I've gathered, I'd say these are some of the pros and cons for each side.
Chimp pros:
-Sheer arm strength. If a chimp got its grip on you, it'd be harder to make them let go, they could probably dislocate/break body parts easier if they were to get that grip and fling themselves around wildly.
-Arm length. They'd be able to grab a human before it grabs them.
-stronger bone/skull structure. A blow to the head would probably need to be stronger or at least much more correctly placed to hurt a chimp.
Chimp cons:
-Saying that a wild animal would win because it's so wild is not enough reason to believe it would beat a calm fighter using all of his energy deliberately. Haven't you seen the youtube videos of guys swinging wildly in a fight only to be destroyed by the guy who gives him one quick straight uppercut to the chin? Wildness only helps the chimp because we already know a chimp wouldn't do things nearly as calculated as a human, therefore for them wild rage is the best answer. A human could still do the same if they had to (and probably would if they were in a fight to the death); rip for the face and other soft zones.
-Lack of acute dexterity. Chimps are really amazing at swinging through trees, but on land using their arms they look much more sloppy than a person with their movements. Their arms are like a mix between our legs/arms, which has positives and negatives. The negatives, I believe, outweigh the positives.
-Chimps aren't as smart as us; especially in pure defensive/offensive mode, their immediate problem solving skills probably turn to red just like any animal in that situation. A man who has been trained to deal with these situations for his whole life, however, can almost slow time down and know what to do based on the opponent's position.
-A monkey doesn't know or use it's own strength. Just because it has double the strength of a man, doesn't mean it uses it. Maybe it's grip would allow it to do some damage, maybe a wild string would output a decent amount of damage. The fact is, however, A better than average human trained to push every pound of weight into 2 knuckles or heal, can do more damage. Even if the chimp grabbed you and pummeled you, a fighter could do something with that hold and dislocate or break bones, choke the animal out, or find other pressure points.
Is my point of view ridiculous? Why yes, but mainly because a wild animal is seen as a wild animal by the vast majority of people; we don't know so we assume the worst and we take the few examples we have that validate this. I assure you that a crazy insane person could tear the face off an old woman just as brutally has a chimp. People are wild animals with ties on.
One more thing, I know humans didn't reach the top of the food chain because of their physical abilities. Planning and working with tools as a team is how we did it. I'm not denying that one bit, I'm simply saying humans are capable of amazing things when they put their minds to it, and a person who lives to fight is going to have the edge in this situation.
So far the youtube videos such as the chimp attacking the wildlife guy haven't done that much to sway me. The guy was totally defenseless, didn't tried to fight back; in fact tried to do the exact opposite to calm the chimp down. He also let the chimp attack him at the beginning, which is probably the most important part of the fight.
I read the linked article about chimps being much stronger than humans, and it appears that as far as pulling a particular amount of weight, a chimp can pull about double than the average human. This along with other info I've gathered, I'd say these are some of the pros and cons for each side.
Chimp pros:
-Sheer arm strength. If a chimp got its grip on you, it'd be harder to make them let go, they could probably dislocate/break body parts easier if they were to get that grip and fling themselves around wildly.
-Arm length. They'd be able to grab a human before it grabs them.
-stronger bone/skull structure. A blow to the head would probably need to be stronger or at least much more correctly placed to hurt a chimp.
Chimp cons:
-Saying that a wild animal would win because it's so wild is not enough reason to believe it would beat a calm fighter using all of his energy deliberately. Haven't you seen the youtube videos of guys swinging wildly in a fight only to be destroyed by the guy who gives him one quick straight uppercut to the chin? Wildness only helps the chimp because we already know a chimp wouldn't do things nearly as calculated as a human, therefore for them wild rage is the best answer. A human could still do the same if they had to (and probably would if they were in a fight to the death); rip for the face and other soft zones.
-Lack of acute dexterity. Chimps are really amazing at swinging through trees, but on land using their arms they look much more sloppy than a person with their movements. Their arms are like a mix between our legs/arms, which has positives and negatives. The negatives, I believe, outweigh the positives.
-Chimps aren't as smart as us; especially in pure defensive/offensive mode, their immediate problem solving skills probably turn to red just like any animal in that situation. A man who has been trained to deal with these situations for his whole life, however, can almost slow time down and know what to do based on the opponent's position.
-A monkey doesn't know or use it's own strength. Just because it has double the strength of a man, doesn't mean it uses it. Maybe it's grip would allow it to do some damage, maybe a wild string would output a decent amount of damage. The fact is, however, A better than average human trained to push every pound of weight into 2 knuckles or heal, can do more damage. Even if the chimp grabbed you and pummeled you, a fighter could do something with that hold and dislocate or break bones, choke the animal out, or find other pressure points.
Is my point of view ridiculous? Why yes, but mainly because a wild animal is seen as a wild animal by the vast majority of people; we don't know so we assume the worst and we take the few examples we have that validate this. I assure you that a crazy insane person could tear the face off an old woman just as brutally has a chimp. People are wild animals with ties on.
One more thing, I know humans didn't reach the top of the food chain because of their physical abilities. Planning and working with tools as a team is how we did it. I'm not denying that one bit, I'm simply saying humans are capable of amazing things when they put their minds to it, and a person who lives to fight is going to have the edge in this situation.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Chimps live to fight all their lives.
We humans are great when working together, or using tools.
Deprive us of our two main advantages, and we are toast in most situations tbh.
We humans are great when working together, or using tools.
Deprive us of our two main advantages, and we are toast in most situations tbh.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
Beta males usually just take a beating from alpha males. They're not purposefully putting themselves in these situations for hours a day. Watch a documentary where people follow a group of chimps around and you'll see that they're peaceful an overwhelming majority of the time.
if Tyson bites the chimp's ear off first, I think he would stand a real chance
Rickson Gracie would armbar a chimp and likely a gorilla for these reasons:
- Rickson is a Red Belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu.
- Pure strength isn't enough to get out of a joint lock such as an armbar.
- Chimps and Gorillas are not trained to defend against Gracie Jiu Jitsu, watch UFC 1 to see what happens when that's the case.
- Chimps and Gorillas aren't made in God's image.
Inferior fighting styles such as wrestling and boxing aren't suited for fighting great apes because they rely on power instead of intelligence, technique & budo spirit. Mike Tyson would get beaten to death, Bruce Lee might win with an eyepoke but it's risky.
- Rickson is a Red Belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu.
- Pure strength isn't enough to get out of a joint lock such as an armbar.
- Chimps and Gorillas are not trained to defend against Gracie Jiu Jitsu, watch UFC 1 to see what happens when that's the case.
- Chimps and Gorillas aren't made in God's image.
Inferior fighting styles such as wrestling and boxing aren't suited for fighting great apes because they rely on power instead of intelligence, technique & budo spirit. Mike Tyson would get beaten to death, Bruce Lee might win with an eyepoke but it's risky.
TheMan
Member
i guess you win the debate
They're multiple times stronger than humans, much more agile, faster, more explosive, ferocious and vicious. They can and will maul your testicles and face, rip the flesh from your bones and then eat you raw; they have massive teeth designed for this task.
It's not even debatable.
It's not even debatable.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
Human hand-to-hand combat is designed to attack and defend against other humans. Ignoring the huge strength advantage and dirty eye/genital targeting of the chimp, the human would be at a strategic disadvantage just based on how they were trained.
Maybe if the chimp was muzzled and the human was drugged up to not feel pain, even then it still need to be a person with a large weight advantage. And someone strong enough to pick the chimp up and slam them repeatedly on their head with a lot of force. Blunt force trauma to the chimps head is the humans only shot and thats only an option if the chimp is muzzled, otherwise the chimp would just start ripping the flesh off the guys arm as soon as he's grabbed. Basically you need to put a lot of things in the humans favor to even make this a level playing field
Maybe if the chimp was muzzled and the human was drugged up to not feel pain, even then it still need to be a person with a large weight advantage. And someone strong enough to pick the chimp up and slam them repeatedly on their head with a lot of force. Blunt force trauma to the chimps head is the humans only shot and thats only an option if the chimp is muzzled, otherwise the chimp would just start ripping the flesh off the guys arm as soon as he's grabbed. Basically you need to put a lot of things in the humans favor to even make this a level playing field
well, 99% in gods image. That 1% human/chimp DNA difference is where the "god" is at, right?
equippedwithtowel
Member
You have to put them in that hold first. That is not a realistic proposition if they're already on the offensive. If the chimp is not muzzled putting your arms within a meter of it is suicidal.
I agree completely, but what if the chimpanzee was given 2 weeks sprawl training and taught not to jump into Rickson's guard? Only then would doubt creep into my mind.
Fat people can only shoot straight
Chimp Lee wins a slow victory as he chews through the thick layer of fat
chixdiggit
Member
Did you guys even watch the video? The big guy was punching him.
And again... show me the thug that is going to take out someone like 185 pound Anderson Silva. What "limits" would give any advantage to a "drunk diesel thug"?
Rickson Gracie can lock in an armbar in the blink of an eye, he's not an average man.
equippedwithtowel
Member
He might be an impressive fighter but all of his opponents are only human. Your average chimp is at least 2x stronger and faster then a man and can use all four limps in a grapple. As soon as you enter a into grapple heavy fight with an un-muzzled chimp...
The units you are using are a measurement of force. Pounds force or kilograms force. An objects weight is mass times gravity (acceleration). Not sure what you are trying to say.
chixdiggit
Member
So the entire fight would be Machida landing a couple weak strikes on the chimp and the judges declaring victory to Machida based on points?
SquiddyCracker
Banned
What abotu a chimp that knows martial arts?
Finn of Ooo
Member
Martial artist stands no chance, even if by some miracle he got a choke going chimp would just claw through the arm until the guy had to let go
SapientWolf
Trucker Sexologist
The problem with this setup is that the things people are posing as weapons (fists, feet, arms, legs, etc.) are edible to the chimp. You'd have to learn nub foo.
Trent Strong
Banned
An African elephant could beat a T-Rex.
User Name Here
Member
A chimpanzee that knows martial arts.
So, the human?
Riposte
Member
Is Yajirobe there?
Lambda Pie
Banned
the catch-as-catch-can stylings of Ken Shamrock would prove useful, maybe more so than Hickson's BJJ.
i can imagine Ken closing in for the clinch and then snapping into a kneebar rather easily.
other things to consider: is the chimp japanese and if so, is the fight being held in Japan?
Really? That seems a bit counter-intuitive to me.
Gorillas are far stronger, but they avoid confrontations with chimps because they like having genitals and fingers.
Wut
You have no idea what you're talking about, there's no acceleration from gravity unless you're falling
SiteSeer
Member
this. i don't know why this discussion is ongoing so long, should have ended long ago given that the first thing a chimp would do is to bite hard and take flesh. show me a human fighter that can grapple and wrestle while being eaten alive.
If the human wants to dance with his genitals on, then he wouldn't even dare challenging a breakdacer chimp. Chimps can dance harder than humans because of their muscle density, plus, they have more ram.
TheKaeptain
Banned
riiiiiight
Why have I never seen this?
Go and watch some more Tyson/fight science to understand the forces involved. Unless that 150 pound chimp has a 3 inch thick skull, it's getting rocked and getting the fuck out of there. This leads me on to the next point, everyone talks about how super aggresive they are but when in a real fight, do they fight or fly? The videos I have seen such as the group attacks, the one on the end of a beating is getting the fuck out of there as opposed to trying to inflict damage.
The biggest danger in a chimp fight appears to be those razor sharp teeth. If you get knocked over, it's game over. The strength discussion is almost void imo. Chimps can't utilise that strength to deliver a powerful blow as they have no technique and result to girly slaps. Highlight a bone breaking blow such as a 1000+ lbs Tyson punch. Grip strength would come into it but I find it hard to imagine that this would come into play unless the human would get knocked down.
Also, LMAO at the mayweather no testicles comment. Bravo.
BravesCountry
Banned
What is it with Chimps and ripping off genitals? Why is that a thing? To suffer such a fate..I don't even want to think about it
Pickles the Firecat
Banned
I don't understand how Mike Tyson would uppercut a chimp.
equippedwithtowel
Member
You have no idea what you're talking about, there's no acceleration from gravity unless you're falling
Einstein would like to have a word with you. (He's still way off though)
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