Think about it. Out there it's survival of the fittest. The best way to ensure that you are the one that is going to fuck that other chimp is to take out your competition. Your competition can't fuck if you rip their dick and testicles off. With their grip strength, it must be quick to do and is an easy target.
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Who would win? Chimpanzee vs. Martial Artist
- Thread starter AllIsOneIsNone
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Think about it. Out there it's survival of the fittest. The best way to ensure that you are the one that is going to fuck that other chimp is to take out your competition. Your competition can't fuck if you rip their dick and testicles off. With their grip strength, it must be quick to do and is an easy target.
BravesCountry
Banned
What a cold, cruel world we live in...*shudders*
Chimps don't just slap though. They rip off fingers and hands. They crush bone.
I was literally thinking that yesterday before this post. I believe so yes, an African Elephant could.
Here is 16yo Mike Tyson shadow boxing without gloves: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccyxU2OEf_0 Idk, chimps are tough but just watch the vid and see if it changes your mind. I just don't see a chimp being able to comprehend what is going on with Tyson unleashing his fists like this.
DyslexicAlucard
Member
I just want to pipe in for a bit here.
First of all, people really need to stop exaggerating the strength of chimps. The reliable data puts them at twice as strong as a human, pound for pound. That last part is very important. I means that a 250lb human that is a muscle-filled monster would be just as strong as the chimp.
Also, people are under-estimating how powerful humans can be. Yes, a chimp can break a bone, but so can gigantic fighters. Hell, people keep refering to that older woman getting her face mauled beyond recognition. A testament to a chimp's power, for sure. But, let's be honest, Alistair Overeem could've fucked her up just as badly if he was as uninhibited.
That being said, I do still give the edge to the chimp. It's almost impossible to put a hold on it. The though is asinine, as it would literally tear any limb you're try to use apart, something an MMA fighter can't do.
This, combined with its terrifying teeth and the lack of "button," would make for a very steep challenge for any human.
But I just wanted to pipe in, because people saying that chimps are 15x stronger than the biggest human and could rip an arm totally out of its socket are just making them into superheroes they're not. Yes, they can break bone and fingers off. Guys, humans can do this too.
The chimp is impressive enough without people exaggerating for them. It just makes the pre-chimp side (my side, to, once again, be clear) look like hyperbole-fuelled fanatics.
My 2c.
First of all, people really need to stop exaggerating the strength of chimps. The reliable data puts them at twice as strong as a human, pound for pound. That last part is very important. I means that a 250lb human that is a muscle-filled monster would be just as strong as the chimp.
Also, people are under-estimating how powerful humans can be. Yes, a chimp can break a bone, but so can gigantic fighters. Hell, people keep refering to that older woman getting her face mauled beyond recognition. A testament to a chimp's power, for sure. But, let's be honest, Alistair Overeem could've fucked her up just as badly if he was as uninhibited.
That being said, I do still give the edge to the chimp. It's almost impossible to put a hold on it. The though is asinine, as it would literally tear any limb you're try to use apart, something an MMA fighter can't do.
This, combined with its terrifying teeth and the lack of "button," would make for a very steep challenge for any human.
But I just wanted to pipe in, because people saying that chimps are 15x stronger than the biggest human and could rip an arm totally out of its socket are just making them into superheroes they're not. Yes, they can break bone and fingers off. Guys, humans can do this too.
The chimp is impressive enough without people exaggerating for them. It just makes the pre-chimp side (my side, to, once again, be clear) look like hyperbole-fuelled fanatics.
My 2c.
Clearly a chimp is threatening to rip your dick off if you don't post that.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Could fifteen sharks beat up a blue whale?!
It ain't just about sheer strength son, it's about their agility and how then can just pounce and sit squarely on your forehead prying your skull open like a ripe avocado.
Yes.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
It also has tremendous force as a result of its size/wieght.
Unless the sharks are coordinated, it can smash them to smithereens one by one.
None of those punches would've landed on a chimp, Mike would have to pray for a lucky uppercut. Boxing is useless here, the answer is Gracie Jiu Jitsu my friend! Those long Chimp arms are easy pickings in the guard of a man who wears a Gi and follows the Gracie Diet.
A
A More Normal Bird
Unconfirmed Member
Gracie jiu-jitsu would be useless in this situation. Even Hoger says that 80% of BJJ is useless in an MMA situation. What you'd need here are some of those aggressive Sambo style subs. The same recklessness that exposed Fedor against the first two competent BJJ fighters he fought is what gave him his success in those situations that most resembled our chimp scenario: Choi Hong-man, Roid Rage Coleman, that bear in the pictures.
Wow, didn't know he was that fast. Thought he was mainly a brute strength kinda guy.
This thread is killing me at work
Anyway, I'd bet on the chimp. But I think if a martial artist in the vein of Bruce Lee somehow got a clean powerful kick to the head when the chimp pounce at him and the guy could follow it up with another good blow to head just as the chimp gets back up super fucking pissed he might have a chance. Unlikely but still.
Anyway, I'd bet on the chimp. But I think if a martial artist in the vein of Bruce Lee somehow got a clean powerful kick to the head when the chimp pounce at him and the guy could follow it up with another good blow to head just as the chimp gets back up super fucking pissed he might have a chance. Unlikely but still.
A
A More Normal Bird
Unconfirmed Member
I agree I think if any human has the ability to phase a wild beast like a chimp with a strike it's gonna be someone who's light and quick and has put in a lot of effort choreographing their timing for that perfect shot.
As a 160lbs actor Bruce Lee fits the bill perfectly.
AdventureRacing
Member
I don't get it. So a human can withstand the blows from Mike Tyson and even beat him but a chimp who is far stronger with a much thicker skull couldn't?
Chimps are stronger and faster than humans with the added advantage of razor sharp teeth and an incredibly thick skull.
About the only possible situation i see a human winning is if they somehow get off a cheap shot and poke the chimps eyes out or something. Conventional fighting is going to lead to death or dismemberment for the human imo.
Always-honest
Banned
I think a guy like Ernesto Hoost in his prime would have a decent shot.
But only because he would be able to kick with an tremendous amount of force.
Punching won't do shit.
But only because he would be able to kick with an tremendous amount of force.
Punching won't do shit.
I hope he had long legs.
Always-honest
Banned
he did. But that's the only way that i can see a human do any damage.
The most force can be done with a kick (1000 pounds of force if you're a top fighter)
I wouldn't risk my leg getting torn off.
Always-honest
Banned
That's not the point. Neither would he.
Haha, you're probably right, it's not happening. I still think a fighter (with a greater physique than Bruce) that could clock the chimp at least twice with kicks at the start of the fight have a very slim chance of succeeding. Chimps may have a high pain threshold but they probably aren't resistant of being disoriented. I want to believe in the human potential!
Lambda Pie
Banned
the penis ripping thing is a non-issue, send Lex Steele and the chimp would dislocate both shoulders trying to rip it off.
Erm, no gloves? HUGE DIFFERENCE. Kimbo slice straight wrecked guys bare fisted and he sucks in speed and power to a Tyson.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
let's not get crazy. Tyson had a shit ton of physical tools, but his head wasn't right (bipolar) and had a poor upbringing. If he could have been focused on boxing instead of being a piece of shit, raping women and blowing all his money, his career would have been a much different story. the guy was gifted.
The Awesomest
Member
Well, they've got a smaller braincase and all that muscle surrounding the skull, soooo
Pickles the Firecat
Banned
His hands would be wrecked on impact. Gloves protect the hand more than the head.
MisterHero
Super Member
One time the Justice League (except Batman and GL Kyle Rayner) got turned into gorillas and Superman and Aquaman started fighting over who got to mate with Wonder Woman. Green Lantern projected a giant squid to stop Aquaman, but Batman only had to stare down Superman.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
he trained (when he did train at all) like dog shit post-prison. And his head wasn't right from the start. My point was just that me was a mental mess and had a ton of talent that wasn't fully realized.
I didn't say anything about tyson vs. chimp. The thread premise is pretty dumb
Lovely Salsa
Banned
Penis ripping? Just wear protection
Couldn't a big MMA fighter go for the chimps neck? Manage to snap it and its over for the chimp
Couldn't a big MMA fighter go for the chimps neck? Manage to snap it and its over for the chimp
Royce Gracie proved it's not about size and strength, it's about technique. A chimpanzee has never trained a day of BJJ in its life. It may be an animal, but it needs blood pumping to its brain and oxygen flowing through its lungs to survive.
If 27x mundial champion Renato Laranja and a chimpanzee were both forced to wear muzzles, the chimp would get lapel choked. No doubt in my mind.
If 27x mundial champion Renato Laranja and a chimpanzee were both forced to wear muzzles, the chimp would get lapel choked. No doubt in my mind.
Deified Data
Banned
Human martial arts are based on techniques designed to take down human opponents - that's the fundamental flaw of all martial arts. In the time it takes for the martial artist to adapt his entire training for use on a short, squat, extremely powerful animal, the chimp is going to tear him asunder. Your friends are right, OP.
pr0cs
Member
this really depends on the size of lapels and what sort of douchbag shirt he was wearing tbh.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
How is this even a question? Anyone with any sense of logic based in reality knows the chimp would win.
This thread is hilarious though, thanks for the laughs GAF.
Congrats, you both have just created a new episode of Deadliest Warriors.
This thread is hilarious though, thanks for the laughs GAF.
Let's be honest, who have chimps ever beaten? Zookeepers, hippies, old people and children...a trained killer who follows the Gracie Diet is an entirely different animal having transcended athleticism.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
But your reality is skewed by popular opinion, which is why I started the thread in the first place, a sort of social experiment. An animal being wilder than us and stronger than us pound per pound just doesn't mean as much as you think.
I'll bet you there is a fighter out there that could take down 5 men coming at him...does he have 5 times the strength of a man? No. Does it matter? No. So just what reality do you live in?
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
Apparently we live in a world on two different axles. It's really not the matter of pure physical strength but a variety of factors including that fact, which put the chimp ahead.
1) The superior physical condition of the chimp in relative strength and agility has already been discussed at length. (+ C)
2) The wild and instinctual ferocity / no-holds-barred attitude of survival imprinted into the chimp versus a human male has been given as an example as well. But for the sake of the martial artist we will assume that both chimp and man know that this is a fight to the death, so just to be nice we'll pretend that they are even here. (/)
3) The greatest martial artists would only have ever train against other men. As far as I know none were ever let loose into the jungle to fight wild animals. That puts the chimp on a different level for that reason alone: martial arts were built for humans with the human body in mind. Not for fending off the attacks of wild beasts with sharp fangs, fierce agility and incredible brute strength. (+ C)
4) I just don't see a human man, no matter how heavily trained in martial arts, having the same durability of a chimp. These are creatures that fly into a powerful rage and are still built for rough and tumble tree climbing. I don't see it being beaten into submission by a kick or a punch. Whereas a nasty bite or ripping off any body part of the human is going to be a huge impairment to the martial artist. And all it takes is one grip to pull the human in. That is a small margin of error for the martial artist and a huge liability. (+ C)
5) All that I see the human having over the chimp is the intelligence and previously mentioned tactic of shutting down the chimp before it knew it was in for a fight. (+ H)
Tallying it up I just don't see how the martial artist would stand a chance in an all out, to the death, physical brawl if all other factors are even.
1) The superior physical condition of the chimp in relative strength and agility has already been discussed at length. (+ C)
2) The wild and instinctual ferocity / no-holds-barred attitude of survival imprinted into the chimp versus a human male has been given as an example as well. But for the sake of the martial artist we will assume that both chimp and man know that this is a fight to the death, so just to be nice we'll pretend that they are even here. (/)
3) The greatest martial artists would only have ever train against other men. As far as I know none were ever let loose into the jungle to fight wild animals. That puts the chimp on a different level for that reason alone: martial arts were built for humans with the human body in mind. Not for fending off the attacks of wild beasts with sharp fangs, fierce agility and incredible brute strength. (+ C)
4) I just don't see a human man, no matter how heavily trained in martial arts, having the same durability of a chimp. These are creatures that fly into a powerful rage and are still built for rough and tumble tree climbing. I don't see it being beaten into submission by a kick or a punch. Whereas a nasty bite or ripping off any body part of the human is going to be a huge impairment to the martial artist. And all it takes is one grip to pull the human in. That is a small margin of error for the martial artist and a huge liability. (+ C)
5) All that I see the human having over the chimp is the intelligence and previously mentioned tactic of shutting down the chimp before it knew it was in for a fight. (+ H)
Tallying it up I just don't see how the martial artist would stand a chance in an all out, to the death, physical brawl if all other factors are even.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
A chimp would just rip your dick off.
And then eat it.
And then eat it.
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