• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

"Why was my son suspended from Xbox Live until 31/12/9999?"

J

Jive Turkey

Unconfirmed Member
I thought this was going to be about pirated games or modded consoles but this is so much better.

EDIT: 150 posts before the Penny Arcade? :(
 
N

Nikashi

Banned
Rikyfree said:
I read that Gord thing. Hilarious stuff. I noticed nothing past 2001 I think. Did he go out of business?
Click to expand...

Naw, I still have him on my MSN, want me to get him into this thread? Lol
 
T

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
Rikyfree said:
I read that Gord thing. Hilarious stuff. I noticed nothing past 2001 I think. Did he go out of business?
Click to expand...

Read the thread. He closed down and went traveling.
 
G

Grampa Simpson

Banned
NolbertoS said:
I remember reading that website...some hilarious, some just WTF stuff that happens in the store...but back on topic....meh...Going on LIVE brings out the best and worst in people and kids.
Click to expand...
I got in trouble for reading that site at work.
 
I

imthemaid

Banned
TheSeks said:
...

Chat Roulette just shot themselves in the foot.

I don't know how much the rest of you know about this overtired "<subject> is Chat roulette" joke (I'm an expert), but not being funny and repetition are huge parts of it. It's not like Gamefaqs where you can become successful by being lame. If you keep posting this shit over on Gaf, you bring shame to yourself, and the only way to get rid of that shame is repentance.

What this means is Gaf users, after reading these posts, are not going to want to reply to any of your posts again, nor will they read anymore of your threads. This is HUGE. You can laugh all you want, but they have alienated an entire fourm with this move.

<subject> is Chat roulette joke posters, publicly apologize and close this thread or you can kiss your Gaf account goodbye.

This one is just as overtired and unfunny unless modded
Click to expand...

Chat roulette?
 
S

sneakypete

Member
I'm loving Gord, the best I've read so far:

Gord said:
A Tournament Where Everyone Wins!

In the middle of a Tekken 2 tournament with about 70 contestants someone's father comes up to the Gord.

"My son was eliminated in the first round."

"Well, lots of people were eliminated in the first round."

"Why is he already out?"

"I would take a guess and say about 35 people were eliminated, and that would be half the people who entered. It's an elimination ladder. In the end there can be only one."

"I want him to be put back in!"

"And why would I do that? I put him in, I have to put everyone back in."

"So?"

"Then it's hardly a tournament."

"This isn't a fair tournament."

"Do you even understand the concept of a tournament?"

And the winner of the tournament won the controllers that were opened for the tournament (worth $80), and $20 in cash. Second place was a can of coke and an autographed picture of Gord. Third place was $20.

The Gord likes to remind people that second place is just the first loser.
Click to expand...

:lol
 
S

sneakypete

Member
One more and I'll let the thread resume its Xbox Live hilarity:

Acts of Gord said:
Organized Crime

Everyone was gathered in the back of the store watching an entranced gamer complete Final Fantasy VIII. During this time, a lone individual entered the store and went straight for the N64 game thief bait.

Upon noticing this, Gord then returned to the front counter. He observed that the bait was taken.

"Anything in particular you're looking for?" queried Gord.

"Uhm… Do you have any more copies of Einhander?" was the response, as the individual apparently paid no attention to the stack of Einhanders directly in front of him.

"Yes, I have lots." Then after a dramatic pause Gord asked "So, are you familiar with the phrase 'the jig is up?'"

Suddenly a van screams to a halt in front of the store and the driver hits the horn. Buddy then books it outside and runs towards the van full bore. The van door slides open and the mysterious individual does a tuck and roll into the side of the van. The van then screams off down the street.

"Well, that was odd" noted Gord. "Why would someone go to all that trouble of setting such an elaborate scheme up only to use a van with a company logo on the side?"

While normally Gord would phone up the person directly and ask why they stole a game, since buddy had gone for a collective stack of crap N64 games he phoned the police.

<Half hour later>

The police return with buddy in hand. Seems he really wants to apologize and pay for the games. Something about being on probation and he'll lose his job, go to jail, and how he was offering to pay for the games to avoid those problems.

"Hmm" thought Gord. For he was the Caesar and the life of the young thief was his to control. Would Gord be a benevolent Gord or a contentious Gord?

Today Gord was a benevolent Gord. For the prices on the crap N64 games were exponentially priced far beyond their values to increase the attractiveness of the titles to prospective thieves.

"Very well, here you go" and the Gord was paid in full.

"I trust I will not see you in here again for a number of years?" asked Gord as he brought up the issue of the excommunication of the would be thief.

"Actually, I'll be back on Friday."

"What?" decried Gord, setback by this unforeseen statement.

"I like this store, I'll be back on payday to buy more games."

"err….. Ok."

And thus the thief was reformed and made into a traditional customer. The work of Gord transforms all!
Click to expand...

All of the chapters in the book of villainy are grrrrrreat.
 
N

nbraun80

Member
The Book of Victory is hilarious, it's too long to post here, but it is awesome.

Also, do anyone have a picture of this Gord guy. I know it's kind of a weird request, but after reading all that I kinda formed an image of him in my head, and I just wanted to see how close I am...
 
P

Prophet Steve

Member
slidewinder said:
More like faaaaaake. And when he delivers his "zingers," laaaaaame.
Click to expand...
Maybe, I really can't imagine some very athletic guy who beats up thieves. But the stories are so good, have now read everything in two days. And I believe he just stopped with the shop and went to Asia or something. Too bad.
 
V

voltron

Member
Reading all these Im actually getting a little worried. Im no moron with an offensive bio, but I do regularly get into blind rages playing Worms Armageddon. I play Worms while exercising on the bike as its the best game for passing the time and keeping me occupied...

The prob is about 80% of the Worms community are fucking quitting assholes. I play ranked Fort and when someone quits the person who quit gets 2 losses on their stats and the other player gets 2 losses and 1 win. Net result? 1 loss for the person who didnt quit. Yeh its just a game but building stats is half the fun of online games.

Anyway, whenever someone quits I call them all manner of naughty words in a msg. I cant help it. It pisses me off so much, cos they could just use 'surrender' rather than quitting when they feel they cant win any more.

Hopefully it doesnt get me banned.
 
I

InfiniteNine

Rolling Girl
voltron said:
Reading all these Im actually getting a little worried. Im no moron with an offensive bio, but I do regularly get into blind rages playing Worms Armageddon. I play Worms while exercising on the bike as its the best game for passing the time and keeping me occupied...

The prob is about 80% of the Worms community are fucking quitting assholes. I play ranked Fort and when someone quits the person who quit gets 2 losses on their stats and the other player gets 2 losses and 1 win. Net result? 1 loss for the person who didnt quit. Yeh its just a game but building stats is half the fun of online games.

Anyway, whenever someone quits I call them all manner of naughty words in a msg. I cant help it. It pisses me off so much, cos they could just use 'surrender' rather than quitting when they feel they cant win any more.

Hopefully it doesnt get me banned.
Click to expand...
Well you can try to put a stop to it slowly and find other outlets. I don't think cursing at someone who sucks is worth a suspension, and with repeated cases a permaban should they decide to report you.
 
O

orion434

Member
I read those Xbox forums regularly and it's not surprising with some of these posts... though 1 thing that is just not right is the whole saving and editing can get you 2 suspensions. I mean if someone changes their bio and then saves and then their motto... all within 5 seconds they can get suspended again.
 
S

sneakypete

Member
voltron said:
Reading all these Im actually getting a little worried. Im no moron with an offensive bio, but I do regularly get into blind rages playing Worms Armageddon. I play Worms while exercising on the bike as its the best game for passing the time and keeping me occupied...

The prob is about 80% of the Worms community are fucking quitting assholes. I play ranked Fort and when someone quits the person who quit gets 2 losses on their stats and the other player gets 2 losses and 1 win. Net result? 1 loss for the person who didnt quit. Yeh its just a game but building stats is half the fun of online games.

Anyway, whenever someone quits I call them all manner of naughty words in a msg. I cant help it. It pisses me off so much, cos they could just use 'surrender' rather than quitting when they feel they cant win any more.

Hopefully it doesnt get me banned.
Click to expand...

We're both fucked if you're right. Though I do have one now, for awhile I was sans-microphone and had to write out all of my messages.. let's just say I enjoy the use of sentence enhancers. Especially with my RL friends on Live, it would be unnatural not to curse.
 
T

TommyT

Member
LOL it'z liek OOkno is Mycrowsawfts vursun uf chat rullette AMIRITE!?!?!?!













*on a side note, that creator of chatroulette made some interesting comments about the 'future' of that site.
 
S

sneakypete

Member
slidewinder said:
More like faaaaaake. And when he delivers his "zingers," laaaaaame.
Click to expand...

Surely you're not a simpleton who believes that great comedians have the most interesting, wacky lives and they're simply recounting them for your benefit?

I never understood people's polarity on comedy, as soon as they realize someone might have exaggerated they're up in arms crying foul. It's entertainment, not a news source.

/rant
 
V

Vorador

Banned
Ok i needed a laugh :lol

On the side, the gord stuff is great

"Do you sell mod chips?"

"Go ahead, ask me what I sell."

"What do you sell?"

"I sell video games. What a stupid question."

"What does a mod chip cost?"

"Apparently one of us isn't keeping up."

"What do you mean?"

"If I sold you a mod chip, then you would never buy a game from me ever again. And that would be very much in opposition to my being able to run a profitable business."

"I just want one to play copied games."

"What? Do I look like an idiot? What the hell did you think I thought you wanted it for?"

"err…"

"Exactly. Now look, if I were to sell you a mod chip I would lose you as a customer. Now, if I were going to lose you as a customer I'd rather do it on a high note like setting you on fire. At least then I would have some satisfaction of a job well done."

"I'm leaving!"

"But I haven't set you on fire yet!"
Click to expand...
 
N

Neuromancer

Member
Look at this doucher:
avatar-body.png

And he wonders why his console was banned.

Hint: green avatar skin is not normally seen on non-modded consoles

Edit: also, this guy:
avatar-body.png
 
V

Vamphuntr

Member
Neuromancer said:
Look at this doucher:
And he wonders why his console was banned.

Hint: green avatar skin is not normally seen on non-modded consoles

Edit: also, this guy:
Click to expand...

These people are so dumb. Showing you are modding directly via your avatar.
 
S

SpongeBob NoPants

Member
Neuromancer, "You got shagged nastily" won't be that offensive to most people - including me - but I can just about understand why Microsoft objected. For those that don’t know, “shagged” is a British slang alternative to “fucked”. Nowadays people rarely use it and, when you do occasionally hear it, it just sounds horribly old-fashioned.

It's a word that's lost it's impact over the years but you've still got to figure a bio that basically says "you got fucked nastily" is something that Microsoft would have to act on.
 
N

Neuromancer

Member
This might be the best one I've ever seen:

"I was banned for no reason for a month!!!!!!!!"

SpongeBob NoPants said:
Neuromancer, "You got shagged nastily" won't be that offensive to most people - including me - but I can just about understand why Microsoft objected. For those that don’t know, “shagged” is a British slang alternative to “fucked”. Nowadays people rarely use it and, when you do occasionally hear it, it just sounds horribly old-fashioned.

It's a word that's lost it's impact over the years but you've still got to figure a bio that basically says "you got fucked nastily" is something that Microsoft would have to act on.
Click to expand...
Yeah I know, I was being facetious... I forget that that can be hard to detect sometimes.
 
S

SpongeBob NoPants

Member
The fact that I wasn’t expecting sarcasm / irony probably didn’t help. Still, hopefully somebody, somewhere will a little more enlightened about what people in the UK (used to) find offensive.
 
D

Degen

Member
Such an action reminds me that similar behavior is believed to take place elsewhere on the Internet--
a website perhaps--
but I cannot recall the location of said action having been allegedly performed! Blast!
 
B

black_vegeta

Member
http://forums.xbox.com/32091786/ShowPost.aspx

For the lazy:

User
On March 10 at approximately 12:30 AM, I was disconnected abruptly from xbox live. At first I thought it was an internet problem but when I looked into the matter further and tried to reconnect with xbox live, I found that my account (BPU x MoNoXiDe) was banned untill April 24. I the went to my email which is [Mod Removed] to check if I had a message from Xbox live telling me the reason that I was banned. I checked through all the messages and I could not find the message from Xbox live. I am a little aggravated that I have been banned for 2 weeks with no reason or motive and I would like an agent to contact me back ASAP at the email below to get my account unbanned.

User
I am still waiting on a moderator to contact me about this. I do not have a modded jtag xbox . I am actually talking about my xbox live account itself. The gamer tag is BPU x MoNoXiDe and I would like a moderator to contact me via the email on that account or the eamil on the account I am posting on. Please respond to this ASAP becasue I have tried everything possible as to figuring out this problem and no one has given me any information as to solving this problem.

Mod
You put "Alright heres a scenario for you: Suppose your mom sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. Im looking good. Got a luscious V of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball fro and she takes one look at me and she goes "Oh my God." which is clearly inappropriate and against the Terms of Use
 
N

Neuromancer

Member
black_vegeta said:
Mod
You put "Alright heres a scenario for you: Suppose your mom sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. Im looking good. Got a luscious V of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball fro and she takes one look at me and she goes "Oh my God." which is clearly inappropriate and against the Terms of Use
Click to expand...
Holy shit :lol :lol :lol
 
J

JambiBum

Member
Note To Self:

Talking to a person about being into the hardcore gaming scene is completely different than talking to them about the hardcore anime scene. In future, I must find a new adjective.

And do not, I repeat, do not say "if she is really into the hardcore anime scene, I can get import DVD's from Japan and Hong Kong" when I'm talking to a 14 year old girl's mother.

Further notation: Do not attempt to salvage this by then saying "I mean, I can get DVD's from Japan that you can't get here."

Next time, say "really likes anime" and "can get DVD's not on sale here yet."
Click to expand...
.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Sea of Thieves live on PS5, Season 12 launches April 30th
13
966
ManaByte replied
Crytek Asks About Ryse: Son Of Rome, Gets Huge Response From Xbox Fans - "Please bring it back"
News Game Dev 2
87
5K
digoutyoursoul replied
Devolver co-founder talks about competing with live service AAA titles for players' time and why indies may have a harder time on Xbox and PlayStation
Opinion Business Game Dev
12
1K
PanzerCute replied
My first 3 months with a PS5 is kinda a mixed bag...
2 3 4 5
200
14K
TropicanaTwista replied
PC, Xbox exclusive 'Gigantic' may be back from the dead, according to private email
Rumor Platform
1
548
Spyxos replied
Top Bottom