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[AngryMoth]

Op are you asian? Double eyelids is huge in Asian culture. It's not as bad as most other forms of plastic surgery imo.....

Edit. Re-read op. I'm guessing not asian? There's going to be alot to learn about asian culture. If you continue your relationship. Good luck

Yeah, not Asian. You make it sound so scary haha. It true cultural differences can be an issue sometimes but we are both understand towards each other and so far there's nothing we haven't been able to work through together

 

[Aikidoka]

I don't really know much about the surgery, but I'd probably recommend talk therapy if you think it's self-esteem related.

 

[Two Words]

She's your girlfriend not your property.

What she chooses to do you should support her.

He doesn't have to support her. If he's against it, he's against it. There's nothing wrong with him being honest about it. Obviously, as others have said, it is her decision alone. But I don't think OP is out of place for expressing his opposition.

 

[Septimus Prime]

This pic(not you) is misleading since double eyelid doesn't give you two layers of eyeliner, mascara and ("big eye") contacts.

To OP: it's just double eyelids, I would say let her do it if it makes her happy. It's a very minor thing and not as invasive other plastic work... that said, no amount of plastic surgery is going to fix her esteem if she can't work it out on her own.

Yeah, it's not the best pic—especially with it being an ad, and it doesn't even look like the
top and bottom are the same person—but you can at least see the difference between the eyelids.

It does make a noticeable difference, though. I actually have one single and one double eyelid (except when I'm really tired, in which case they're both double for whatever reason), and it makes one of my eyes look bigger than the other.

 

[zeemumu]

It's her body. If you don't like it you can always bounce.

There's a Sonic Sez joke in this post somewhere.


OP you're entitled to your opinion but at the end of the day it's entirely up to her. Personally I don't see plastic surgery as a necessity but I don't think I'd ever see it as a relationship deal breaker unless you went ridiculously overboard with it, like trying to turn yourself into a human barbie. That never turns out the way people think it does.

 

[Zoe]

Has she ever tried the glue or tape instead?

 

[Llyranor]

Ask her how she would approach her kid asking her why his/her eyes are different from mommy's, or how it might or might not play a role in his/her self-esteem. Not in a condescending way, just have her think about it. Will it bother the kid that his/her mom had surgery because of the way her eyes (and possibly her kid's) looked? Will it put some pressure on the kid to possibly ponder surgery eventually?

That's really common. Julie Chen (CBS Anchor) talked about doing it for career advancement reasons and her conflicting feelings on it a few years ago.

Jackie Chan had it done too.

 

[A Link to the Past]

There's nothing wrong with talking to her about it, but ultimately it's her choice to make.

 

[MartyStu]

You should make your opinion known, especially if it really bothers you, but keep in mind that you have no say or input here, so voice your piece accordingly.

 

[III-V]

If it were me, I would tell her she is beautiful with or without double eyelids.
If she does decide to go through with it, it may be a big confidence booster for her.

 

[Jenov]

If it will truly make her happy and gain some self confidence it's probably worth it for her. Especially a simple and common one on the eyelids. Now if she wanted lots of different extreme surgeries I'd have some concern about body image disorder, but it seems fine, OP.

 

[otapnam]

Yeah, not Asian. You make it sound so scary haha. It true cultural differences can be an issue sometimes but we are both understand towards each other and so far there's nothing we haven't been able to work through together

Lol. You will learn. It's not as bad as you think haha

 

[Jenov]

Ask her how she would approach her kid asking her why his/her eyes are different from mommy's, or how it might or might not play a role in his/her self-esteem. Not in a condescending way, just have her think about it. Will it bother the kid that his/her mom had surgery because of the way her eyes (and possibly her kid's) looked? Will it put some pressure on the kid to possibly ponder surgery eventually?


Jackie Chan had it done too.

Oh shit, he did!

 

[Llyranor]

Oh shit, he did!

To get a better comparison:

1976

1978

It can be done 'subtly'.

 

[ZOONAMI]

I had no idea this was a common surgery.

 

[a Master Ninja]

A bunch of people I knew in college went on trip to South Korea for the surgery. On the one hand, they were happy with it so fuck what I think.

On the other, I couldn't help but feel they were caving in to white/Western standards of beauty and they looked fine before the surgery. It's like they were really unhappy that they looked Korean, and that's kinda fucked up.

 

[hurricanes]

Yeah, it's not the best pic—especially with it being an ad, and it doesn't even look like the
top and bottom are the same person—but you can at least see the difference between the eyelids.

It does make a noticeable difference, though. I actually have one single and one double eyelid (except when I'm really tired, in which case they're both double for whatever reason), and it makes one of my eyes look bigger than the other.

Haha. I know someone exactly like you and she eventually got the double eyelid. Cost over $2k(!) since she went to the best clinic in Korea(she's Korean).
And yes double eyelids do "open" the eyes so make them look bigger in general. Wether it look good or not... that's another story.

 

[Kaizer]

I had no idea this was a common surgery.

In Eastern Asian cultures at least, it's pretty much a common birthday gift in South Korea

 

[Magus1234]

I had no idea this was a common surgery.

According to something I saw on tv a million years ago, one of the most common cosmetic surgeries among Asians.

I blame anime, as usual.

 

[LinkAndEpona]

Her body her right!

She could do what she wants!!

 

[Zoe]

And yes double eyelids do "open" the eyes so make them look bigger in general. Wether it look good or not... that's another story.

The double eyelids on Oguri Shun in the Gintama poster look ridiculous. Like they're too perfect or something.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

or breakup with her.

This. If it's a deal breaker then bounce.

 

[Faiz]

I love all the "her body her decision not your property!" kneejerks. Dude never even indicated he was going to try and control her, just the he had misgivings.

It's ok to have misgivings and concerns about something your SO is doing/considering. Its ok to talk to your SO about them. You SHOULD talk about them. I don't like my nose and I guarantee if I started talking about a nose job my wife would have a whole lot of concerns very loudly expressed to me. 😂

 

[hurricanes]

The double eyelids on Oguri Shun in the Gintama poster look ridiculous. Like they're too perfect or something.

I had to google that. They do look weird as hell. I think that's because they use double eyelid tape for that and did kind of a bad job with it...

 

[Clipse]

Came in here expecting the OP's girlfriend wanting a nose or boob job. Double eyelid surgery is child's play lol.

 

[Syriel]

What are double eyelids?

It is plastic surgery to mimic Caucasian eyelids.

 

[Obliterator]

This is a pretty minor surgery and if it's something she wants and it will improve her self confidence and make her feel better more power to her.

I get you having some misgivings OP but considering the relatively small scale of the surgery itself I don't think it should really be that worrisome

 

[see5harp]

I don't even understand the fascination with double eyelids. I have double eyelids and I don't even remember ever noticing that I had them.

 

[Henry Jones Jr]

Seems like it is a pretty minor thing and it is her body so you can't really stop her. But obviously you can have an opinion. If I were going to have an elective surgery, I would surely take the feeling of my GF heavily into my decision making.

Also, this surgery may help her self-esteem some but if her upbringing was as harsh as you imply, this is unlikely to solve all of her body image issues. I completely understand that it can be hard to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't love themselves--I've been on both sides of it.

 

[The Greek Freak]

So glad my wife doesn't follow the "support them it's their choice" cowardly attitude. If ypur significant other isn't willing to call their loved one out for a bad decision that's a shit relationship.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

As an Asian born with double eyelids I don't feel like my eyelids are prettier than those without.

Beauty is weird man.

I do like my long lashes though.

 

[MatrixMan.EXE]

I don't like this idea that you have to support every decision your partner makes, with the caveat being "they're not your property". It's a silly and outright lazy argument. Yes, OP, it's ultimately her choice, but you're in no way obligated to support it if you don't feel it's the right thing for her to do. You can't force her not to go through with it, but it's fine to let her know how you feel and why you feel that way.

 

[Two Words]

This is something I think people should be fervently against. Again, its obviously anybody's choice to do what they want to their body, and nobody can actually stop them. But any kind of culture that is saying "Your Asian characteristics should be changed" should be pushed back on at every turn.

 

[Tagyhag]

I know your heart is in the right place but it's really her decision. I mean definitely talk to her and make sure she's going into this knowing everything and is sure but ultimately it's her body.

Great first post, make sure she's doing this just to be happy and not make her mom happy but ultimately it's up to her.

 

[SummitAve]

How expensive is it?

 

[WaterAstro]

If you're not okay with someone who thinks like that, it's a good indicator of conflict in the relationship that could go bad.

I certainly would not support a significant other who wants to superficially change their looks. It's not for you, it sounds like, since you're against the decision.

If it was me, I'd engage in a breakup conversation saying I like them the way they are and plastic surgery isn't the answer. They might question their decision since I prefer the "ugly" version of them over the plastic version. If they don't, I'd be outta there.

 

[Replicant]

I don't even understand the fascination with double eyelids. I have double eyelids and I don't even remember ever noticing that I had them.

Same here. I didn't even realise that many Asians don't have them and want it so much until I read about it.

 

[Keri]

Obviously, it's her body and her choice, but that doesn't mean the OP is wrong to have misgivings about it. If its motivated by self-esteem issues and abuse she received from her mother throughout the entirety of her life...then it's not exactly a freely made choice. The whole situation sounds pretty gross and there's nothing wrong with the OP noticing that.

 

[navii]

I say voice your concerns and be supportive, worry when the slope becomes too slippery for you. If then ure not comfortable with it date a girl who is not as concerned with being externally "beautiful".

Personally I would be happy for her. An ex of mine had a nose job done (as an addition to a surgery they were performing on her nose) and she didn't seem to want to get any more surgeries, but she wasn't insecure about herself from what I could gather.

 

[MsKrisp]

Be supportive and let her know how you feel about it, but also let her know you support whatever she decides. My mother's Taiwanese and she's pretty relentless too. Over time, the self-esteem issues can lift with support through healthy relationships, but it's tough breaking a mindset that your mom put into place.

 

[Pau]

Her mum sounds like mine. And I'm also from a culture that heavily endorses plastic surgery. And my (physical) self esteem is nonexistent.

I ended up getting it (rhinoplasty) and had a dangerous complication during the surgery. Definitely the worst weeks of my life. But hey my mom stopped calling me ugly and an idiot every waking moment.

Maybe my boyfriend will chime in. He was definitely not down with it. We had just started dating and had a huge fight about it. I think in the end the complication was scary enough that he tried to be as supportive as possible through it instead of trying to be like "I told you so."

If you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

[TheSpoiler]

She's your girlfriend not your property.

What she chooses to do you should support her.

"She's her own person, but she's not on the same level as you and you should blindly support her instead of treating her as a human being!"

 

[NetMapel]

Just so the OP knows, double eye lid cosmetic surgery is basically the most common surgery in east Asia. Not really a very risky surgery nor a really big visually changing one either. I know it's weird, but yeah, that's one of those things that a lot of Asians do.

 

[Hyun Sai]

I don't know, I wouldn't even think of doing any plastic surgery if my significant other was against it. The "it's her(his) body" argument is weird and selfish as hell to me when talking about intimate relationship.

But, heeh, to each its own.

 

[Deleted member 17706]

I don't even understand the fascination with double eyelids. I have double eyelids and I don't even remember ever noticing that I had them.

Yes, that would be because you've always had them.

 

[Cagey]

So it's not even anything major.

For a second I thought it was boobs or bum the way you were going on.

Wife got both done.

For the eyes, she doesn't want anyone except her side of the family to know.

For the teddies, it's the opposite: everyone can know except her side of the family.

What's considered a big deal varies based on cultures.

 

[always crazy bacon]

OP phrases it as concern. But really I get the feeling that the cosmetic surgery makes him insecure that she'll become more attractive and trade him up for a better looking guy.

Dont become more attractive because I cant compete.

 

[Zoe]

OP phrases it as concern. But really I get the feeling that the cosmetic surgery makes him insecure that she'll become more attractive and trade him up for a better looking guy.

Dont become more attractive because I cant compete.

Double eyelid surgery will make her more attractive?

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Has she ever tried the glue or tape instead?

That's what I was wondering. She should probably try that out and make sure she likes the effect it has on her appearance before choosing to undergo surgery. I have a lot of friends who've tried the tape for cosplay purposes, and to be honest I think they look better with their natural eyelids.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Double eyelid surgery will make her more attractive?

Yes.