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Embarrassing Confession Time! GO GO GO!!!

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W

Wilbur

Banned
WoodenLung said:
I remember when me and my friends were really young (young enough for our dicks to look like small thumbs), we used to find our parents porn stashes and then jerk off in the same room while watching it. Didn't jerk each other off, but I can only imagine the horrors if someone busted us, a bunch of kids jerking it in the same room.

Also yeah, Luis CK is totally right with that, didn't realize you could use the whole hand back then, only used like two fingers.
Click to expand...

Me and all my friends used to watch Sexcetera in his cellar and wank. Again, not each other, and we wouldn't look, but I suppose there isn't a stigma with boys... or am I wrong? We didn't care about having our dicks out, we were just watching the titties.

I was sent to isolation in school once and masturbated as quietly as I can because eight hours in one room was the fucking worst. Wiped my cum on the bottom of the table.
 
G

Galang

Banned
StickSoldier said:
When I was 10, I heard a kitten on the other side of a fence, so I climbed up onto a tree and began to look for the cat. I was standing on a limb that was pointed upwards but slanted a bit, so when I tried to get down, my foot slipped and I fell. The limb went through my basketball shorts, right around the groin area. I was too short to pick myself off the branch so I was hanging for awhile until my mom and dad saw me. When they picked me up off from the limb, I looked in the hole and saw my ball sack had been sliced open, with my ball hanging out. Needless to say, I had to grab it and hold it while I went to the ER.

I needed 13 stitches but the doctor believed it was an unlucky number so gave me 14 instead. And getting a shot in the gooch is the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

I had to wear a diaper for like a week to boot.
Click to expand...

Wowww this was hard to read..
 
V

ViewtifulJC

Banned
Sometimes when I'm in an elevator alone and going up/down a shitload of stairs, I bounce off the walls in-between floors to entertain my inner 12-year old.
 
B

braves01

Banned
What the hell is wrong with you people? I seriously you hope guys are going all-out Rapala to get some tags.

  • sucking your own dicks
  • wearing jizz covered t-shirts in public
  • fapping in the car during family road trips
  • watching porn starring your parents (lol, "accidentally")

No wonder ronito can't handle this shit.
 
H

Hot Coldman

Banned
Wilbury said:
I also put my balls in a co-workers bag once when she left it downstairs.
Click to expand...

beaker-muppet.jpg
 
I

I NEED SCISSORS

Banned
Sometimes I don't wash for a few days so that my dick cheese accumulates. Then I gather it all up at once under my nail and give it a good sniff. Like farts and your own body odor, there is something satisfying about your own brand.
 
W

Wilbur

Banned
braves01 said:
Despite being sexual harassment, this is actually one of the less shameful things in here.
Click to expand...

It was only in the side pocket where she keeps her cigarettes. If you think about it, I was trying to get her to stop smoking by warning her that if she continued to purchase cigarettes there's a chance I might accidentally put my balls on them.

I NEED SCISSORS said:
Sometimes I don't wash for a few days so that my dick cheese accumulates. Then I gather it all up at once under my nail and give it a good sniff. Like farts and your own body odor, there is something satisfying about your own brand.
Click to expand...

this is too far what why the fuck what
 
M

Mordeccai

Member
braves01 said:
Despite being sexual harassment, this is actually one of the less shameful things in here.
Click to expand...

Dafuq? Rubbing your genitals on somebody else's property, thereby directly affecting someones life with the potential to spread something or land you in jail is less shameful than a self inflicted act that harms nothing but your personal (/confidential if you don't talk about it) dignity?
 
T

t-ramp

Member
Mordeccai said:
Dafuq? Rubbing your genitals on somebody else's property, thereby directly affecting someones life with the potential to spread something or land you in jail is less shameful than a self inflicted act that harms nothing but your personal (/confidential if you don't talk about it) dignity?
Click to expand...
Shameful, not illegal or immoral.
 
W

Wilbur

Banned
Mordeccai said:
Dafuq? Rubbing your genitals on somebody else's property, thereby directly affecting someones life with the potential to spread something or land you in jail is less shameful than a self inflicted act that harms nothing but your personal (/confidential if you don't talk about it) dignity?
Click to expand...

Can you spread something by just placing ball skin in a ball pocket? If I had herpes or some shit I wouldn't have done it anyway, but I don't think my ballsack can carry an STD can it?

Can it?

Maybe it can.

Sucking your own dick is weird
 
R

ronito

Member
Ok,
Now that the anonymous confessions is on hold I figured I'd sum up the unpostable stuff from the anonymous confessions (keep in mind these were unpostable either because of nsfw pics, confessor asked for them not to be posted, they were involving other gaffers, or racist stuff, or they were banned/non-gaffers, or illegal stuff)

So here's what I remember:

- A guy is married to a black woman. He's horribly racist. She wants kids. She doesn't know that he's racist. He doesn't want to have kids with her because he doesn't want his "seed degenerated"

- A guy hooks up with a transexual woman at a bar. He didn't know she was transexual. When he finds out he beats her up and runs away. But now gets hardest when looking at transexual porn.

- A guy wrote a five page email about all the horrible things he had done to animals and people. I forwarded it on to authorities. They couldn't do much. That stuff still haunts me.

- Lots of people on TOR looking for naked teens.

- More than a few confessions of highly questionable exploration with underaged family members (confessors were under aged too)

- One gaffer kept a folder full of another gaffer's posts and pics.

- One banned guy masturbated only over a toilet because he couldn't bring himself to touch cum. He thought it was "gay"

- One gaffer admitted to being a bi-swinger but wanted it secret.

- One guy admitted to driving past the junior high to look at the girls.

- One guy essentially admitted to insurance fraud

- One guy was addicted to hookers and bareback. He got genital herpes and sent pics to prove it.

- One gaffer sent me a pic of them using a butt plug with the caption "It's a secret to everyone." A fave.

- One guy who worked in IT essentially admitted to not hiring Indians because he was racist. Accompanied with a nice racist rant.

- There were 2 date rapists and 1 molester. Authorities alerted again. Nothing.

- Several posts about people who claimed to be "well known gaffers" (some of them actually were) that admitted to pirating all the games they talk about.

- One guy sent a pic of his "bust rag". Disgusting

- One female who didn't have an account but listed out all the stuff that she put in her vagina. I don't remember all of it but it was like the handle of her hair brush, her curling iron, a toilet plunger, a banana, celery, a bottle of baby food, a golf club handle, a wrench, a toothbrush, a miniature baseball bat. There was more but I forget.

- There something about using used condoms to make balloons or something. It was so obviously fake I didn't post it.

- And dick pics. Lots of those.

- Oh and bromance. Lots of bromance. With little notes "please don't post this!"
 
B

braves01

Banned
Mordeccai said:
Dafuq? Rubbing your genitals on somebody else's property, thereby directly affecting someones life with the potential to spread something or land you in jail is less shameful than a self inflicted act that harms nothing but your personal (/confidential if you don't talk about it) dignity?
Click to expand...

Nah, you're right. Harassing someone else is worse. Maybe I should have said...shocking. You hear about sexual harassment pretty often. The things I listed aren't as common.
 
R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
Muffdraul said:
My friend used to fap, wipe it up with his shirt, and then wear the shirt out in public. He did this proudly.
Click to expand...
Is that bad? Something similar happened to me once, only that it was because a girl fapped me, and not on purpose. The spunk decided to jump up there, just before we had to go out with some friends. And I damn sure wasn't going to change my shirt for something so small, so hopefully nobody realised that. She laughed at me a lot after that, though.
 
M

Mordeccai

Member
Wilbury said:
Can you spread something by just placing ball skin in a ball pocket? If I had herpes or some shit I wouldn't have done it anyway, but I don't think my ballsack can carry an STD can it?

Can it?

Maybe it can.

Sucking your own dick is weird
Click to expand...

You won't see me contest that, haha. Perhaps it just boils down to a difference in world view. I have no hard proof but I don't find it inconceivable that a good percentage of dudes wonder what it'd be like to autofellate at least once in their life.


Holy shit Ronito. Holy shit. The burden you bear.... it seems too much for any one mortal man. Its too bad you did not have a Samwise to your Frodo, nobody to share the load with.

Godspeed you, and your mental recovery. A vacation is well earned from those horrors. And props on forwarding shit to authorities, holy fuck, who in their right mind would confess to that shit at all. God damn.
 
R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
Phonomezer said:
Similar happened to me once when I was visiting home, had just knocked one out in my old room, I open the door to dispose of the kids and my mother is just walking down the hall as the stench of my crime billows out of my room.

"mmmmm, that smells sweet, is it a new cologne? I like it!"

Fucking mortified.
Click to expand...
ClovingWestbrook said:
This thread...
Click to expand...
Fuck fuck fuck, this made me laugh so hard I spat all over the keyboard and screen. Gold material in this thread.
 
H

Hot Coldman

Banned
Mordeccai said:
That one and the racist guy made me hang my head and slam a fist on the desk. Would have given up on that confessional a long time ago, Ronito a superhuman confirmed
Click to expand...

At the same time, he also has major dirt on "known GAFfers" which seems like it'd be fun just to know.
 
R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
Mordeccai said:
This shit reminds me of high school. I had the biggest issue with boners... compounded by the fact that I wore basketball shorts all the time in junior and senior year.

I had one friend who was really weird about it. We always sat near each other and sometimes I'd catch him looking down at the floor and wonder what the hell was so interesting. One day I traced his line of sight and caught him staring at my woody. He chuckled and looked away.

Well the next day in bio I had a raging lap rocket, almost at the point of liftoff, about to propel off of my hips and into whatever orifice was closest. It had lasted for three periods so far and was really starting to hurt. I had to cover it with a binder in the hallways because the shit made an outline in my shorts. I sat down next to him like usual and started taking notes when in my peripheral I see his hand creep away from his desk and suddenly he smacks my boner. Reaches over with his meaty hand and claps me a good one. I had loose boxers on and basketball shorts so there was some wiggle room and the smack caused my dick to clap against my thigh and make a fleshy collision noise, you know, that fleshy "fwap" sound. I look around paranoid as fuck hoping nobody noticed, but some people around us saw his hand retract and put two and two together.

Dude denies he hit my dick to this day, and nobody else mentioned it, but I can't deny that another man has spontaneously smacked my dude piston and it was noticed by a classroom of peers.
Click to expand...
C'mon, is the purpose of this thread to make me choke on my own saliva? I'm glad I'm not reading this at work, or else I'd be fired in an instant.
 
T

TheExecutive

Member
ronito said:
Ok,
Now that the anonymous confessions is on hold I figured I'd sum up the unpostable stuff from the anonymous confessions (keep in mind these were unpostable either because of nsfw pics, confessor asked for them not to be posted, they were involving other gaffers, or racist stuff, or they were banned/non-gaffers, or illegal stuff)

So here's what I remember:

- A guy is married to a black woman. He's horribly racist. She wants kids. She doesn't know that he's racist. He doesn't want to have kids with her because he doesn't want his "seed degenerated"

- A guy hooks up with a transexual woman at a bar. He didn't know she was transexual. When he finds out he beats her up and runs away. But now gets hardest when looking at transexual porn.

- A guy wrote a five page email about all the horrible things he had done to animals and people. I forwarded it on to authorities. They couldn't do much. That stuff still haunts me.

- Lots of people on TOR looking for naked teens.

- More than a few confessions of highly questionable exploration with underaged family members (confessors were under aged too)

- One gaffer kept a folder full of another gaffer's posts and pics.

- One banned guy masturbated only over a toilet because he couldn't bring himself to touch cum. He thought it was "gay"

- One gaffer admitted to being a bi-swinger but wanted it secret.

- One guy admitted to driving past the junior high to look at the girls.

- One guy essentially admitted to insurance fraud

- One guy was addicted to hookers and bareback. He got genital herpes and sent pics to prove it.

- One gaffer sent me a pic of them using a butt plug with the caption "It's a secret to everyone." A fave.

- One guy who worked in IT essentially admitted to not hiring Indians because he was racist. Accompanied with a nice racist rant.

- There were 2 date rapists and 1 molester. Authorities alerted again. Nothing.

- Several posts about people who claimed to be "well known gaffers" (some of them actually were) that admitted to pirating all the games they talk about.

- One guy sent a pic of his "bust rag". Disgusting

- One female who didn't have an account but listed out all the stuff that she put in her vagina. I don't remember all of it but it was like the handle of her hair brush, her curling iron, a toilet plunger, a banana, celery, a bottle of baby food, a golf club handle, a wrench, a toothbrush, a miniature baseball bat. There was more but I forget.

- There something about using used condoms to make balloons or something. It was so obviously fake I didn't post it.

- And dick pics. Lots of those.

- Oh and bromance. Lots of bromance. With little notes "please don't post this!"
Click to expand...
How are these anonymous confessions? Is there a thread I don't know about? I have drank just enough to be confused about this post? Are you the dr. Phil of GAF? Good tag if you ask me!
 
T

TheExecutive

Member
Wilbury said:
Me and all my friends used to watch Sexcetera in his cellar and wank. Again, not each other, and we wouldn't look, but I suppose there isn't a stigma with boys... or am I wrong? We didn't care about having our dicks out, we were just watching the titties.

I was sent to isolation in school once and masturbated as quietly as I can because eight hours in one room was the fucking worst. Wiped my cum on the bottom of the table.
Click to expand...
Isolation?what type of school you go to?
 
Y

Yagharek

Member
I think we should chip in a kickstarter for Ronito's inevitable therapy sessions. The poor guy needs some debriefing/counselling after seeing and reading all that horrible stuff.
 
R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
braves01 said:
What the hell is wrong with you people? I seriously you hope guys are going all-out Rapala to get some tags.

  • sucking your own dicks
  • wearing jizz covered t-shirts in public
  • fapping in the car during family road trips
  • watching porn starring your parents (lol, "accidentally")

No wonder ronito can't handle this shit.
Click to expand...
This isn't weird at all. Nor bad. And if it's dry, not even gross.

And if I were tag fishing, I'd go with something a little crazier, not a true story.

I NEED SCISSORS said:
Sometimes I don't wash for a few days so that my dick cheese accumulates. Then I gather it all up at once under my nail and give it a good sniff. Like farts and your own body odor, there is something satisfying about your own brand.
Click to expand...
This is the second time I read about someone talking about his "dick cheese" (same words both times, but the other guy said it in Spanish). I'm officially ashamed of having a dick now.
 
S

StickSoldier

Member
RionaaM said:
This isn't weird at all. Nor bad. And if it's dry, not even gross.

And if I were tag fishing, I'd go with something a little crazier, not a true story.


This is the second time I read about someone talking about his "dick cheese" (same wording, but he said it in Spanish). I'm officially ashamed of having a dick now.
Click to expand...

I'm still trying to figure out what exactly dick cheese is.
 
C

coldvein

Banned
i think it's something that only uncircumcised people get. like if they dont clean it their foreskin gets full of dick cheese.
 
R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
ClovingWestbrook said:
Umm maybe I am weird but I have never purposely worn an article of clothing that had my own semen on it.
Click to expand...
I haven't ejaculated on my t-shirt on purpose, so I'm guilty of nothing (if anything, blame the girl, she was the one playing with the joystick). Well, maybe laziness, but you have no idea how long it takes to change shirts :p

StickSoldier said:
I'm still trying to figure out what exactly dick cheese is.
Click to expand...
Want me to not wash for a couple of days, take a pic and show it to you?

Please tell me you don't want that.
 
V

Vibed

Member
I have this weird thing where if I put my groin (right about where the dick is) on a hard corner with a bit of weight going up and in towards the pelvic bone and keep it there, I orgasm. It's so discrete I can literally lay over a table with my hands on it like I'm looking at something on the other side and do this, essentially masturbating, then go about my day with no one noticing. I've been able to do it since I was like 7 but didn't actually practice it till I was 12.

Yes I jizz in my undies. I don't think it's even possible for anyone to remotely smell it though!

It obviously hurts if my dick is erect, but if it's completely flaccid it feels amazing. When I keep it in that spot, there's no blood flow so no problems there.

I didn't actually realize till now semen can potentially stain clothes, but I checked all mine and I don't see any yet.
 
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