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[Emitan]

"You will not soon realize it!"

Google translation hilarity ensues.

So far I have used to translate all my posts from Google.

Spoiler

English>Japanese>English for "From now on I'm using Google Translate for all of my posts."

 

[hardcastlemccormick]

The source moved across the room, shifting his weight slowly across one leg to another. I looked at my partner, my eyes communicating my true feelings. This half weight? My partner nodded his head in silent agreement, and I trusted him. He had been on this magazine board for months, and I had to trust him.

I lit a cigarette and offered the source one as well. He didn't accept. He didn't speak. His face was covered, and his long trenchcoat only offering a momentary glance of fatter legs in jeans.

"So, my friend, what kind of information are you coming to us with?" I said scornfully, my best bad cop routine since I was actually on the force. I slicked back my hair in a moment of inspiration. "What on earth could you know about Nintendo?"

The source grabbed the notepad on the table and started writing with a gloved hand, sloppily. I looked at my partner again, but he was watching the pen rotate across the paper.

The notepad slid across the desk. "Iwata" was the only word. It was crossed out.

"Iwata's being ejected..." I said, looking down at the simple symbol. It meant nothing, and it meant everything. What else could this source possibly know? The implications were wide and consumed my mind.

But my only true thought was...why trust this source at all? I stood up and walked around the table.

"Who are you?" I said, my voice laced with force and power. "How do we know we can trust what you say?"

"Because," said the source in an unmistakable voice, as he lowered his trenchcoat flaps slowly. "It's a me, Mario."

I turned to my partner.

"Jim, we've got a headline."

 

[BocoDragon]

Yamauchi... now I know the source!

Obviously he is manipulating events from afar. I'm tempted to think this 01net business is more of his evil trickery. But to what end?

 

[The Technomancer]

Wow, did not expect this to be a ShockingAlberto thread. Have we all agreed that these guys are hacks yet?

 

[GDGF]

I can't wait to find out who the 'informant' was.

 

[Emitan]

Iwata is on the "ejection seat"?

He's demonstrated tremendous leadership, took Nintendo to new heights, earned them an absolute insane amount of money, dominated the handheld and home console marketplaces, and caused their competitors to play a continuous game of catch-up, climbing over themselves to copy motion controls. Nintendo went from also-ran to defining a generation (Wii Sports) with his guidance.

Following this high there has been a period of understandable decline and some uncertainties as Nintendo plans its next strategy. There has been a shift from profits for the present, as one console winds down and a new handheld tries to find its success.

For this blip, despite the fact that Nintendo is clearly thriving, his "ejection" is imminent?

Forgive me 01.net, but I'm going to need more than that.

But the last 6 months have been bad! Who cares about the last 6 years?

 

[Duxxy3]

Someone needs to make an 02net to make sony rumors

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Yeah. This all just sounds like someone's fanfic they wrote about Nintendo.

It reads like a political drama or a novel about corporate espionage.

Which is not to say there's absolutely no way this could be happening at Nintendo - I do wonder if it's likely there's someone on the BoD who wants Iwata's head so he can make a play for his position. But this article especially doesn't add up.

In the full article - which I didn't post because the way google translate copy+pastes is fucked up - it vaguely kind of implies that Yamauchi is behind the plan to oust Iwata. But maybe it was just rushed reporting, not drawing a proper line between two thoughts.

 

[StevieP]

They may be true!!!???

Never change.

I so want it to be true, though. I want an industry where Wada runs a major company and Iwata The Failure spends his days staring at a turned-off 3DS on his coffee table.

Square - the shining example of things gone well this generation.

 

[The Technomancer]

Also yeah, usually people in power get the boot when they've actually screwed up, not when it looks like they might

 

[BocoDragon]

The source moved across the room, shifting his weight slowly across one leg to another. I looked at my partner, my eyes communicating my true feelings. This half weight? My partner nodded his head in silent agreement, and I trusted him. He had been on this magazine board for months, and I had to trust him.

I lit a cigarette and offered the source one as well. He didn't accept. He didn't speak. His face was covered, and his long trenchcoat only offering a momentary glance of fatter legs in jeans.

"So, my friend, what kind of information are you coming to us with?" I said scornfully, my best bad cop routine since I was actually on the force. I slicked back my hair in a moment of inspiration. "What on earth could you know about Nintendo?"

The source grabbed the notepad on the table and started writing. I looked at my partner again, but he was watching.

The notepad slid across the desk. "Iwata" was the only word. It was crossed out.

"Iwata's being ejected..." I said, looking down at the simple symbol. It meant nothing, and it meant everything. What else could this source possibly know? The implications were wide and consumed my mind.

But my only true thought was...why trust this source at all? I stood up and walked around the table.

"Who are you," I said. "How do we know we can trust what you say?"

"Because," said the source in an unmistakable voice, as he lowered his trenchcoat flaps slowly. "It's a me, Mario."

I turned to my partner.

"Jim, we've got a headline."

I think Mario is due for a "roadside accident"...

 

[Emitan]

It reads like a political drama or a novel about corporate espionage.

Which is not to say there's absolutely no way this could be happening at Nintendo - I do wonder if it's likely there's someone on the BoD who wants Iwata's head so he can make a play for his position. But this article especially doesn't add up.

In the full article - which I didn't post because the way google translate copy+pastes is fucked up - it vaguely kind of implies that Yamauchi is behind the plan to oust Iwata. But maybe it was just rushed reporting, not drawing a proper line between two thoughts.

Yeah, they had better hurry before someone else reports this "news"

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Wow, did not expect this to be a ShockingAlberto thread.

You have no idea how hilarious I found this article.

 

[GDGF]

Question :When was the last time Nintendo's board of directors ousted a standing President?


Answer :Never.


This shit is fan fiction.

 

[Shalashaska161]

Maybe next 01.net can start writing Sonic fanfics.

 

[flawfuls]

I can't wait to find out who the 'informant' was.

Miyamoto!

 

[MYE]

Just stop.

The d00m and gl00m shall never stop

 

[Mpl90]

The source moved across the room, shifting his weight slowly across one leg to another. I looked at my partner, my eyes communicating my true feelings. This half weight? My partner nodded his head in silent agreement, and I trusted him. He had been on this magazine board for months, and I had to trust him.

I lit a cigarette and offered the source one as well. He didn't accept. He didn't speak. His face was covered, and his long trenchcoat only offering a momentary glance of fatter legs in jeans.

"So, my friend, what kind of information are you coming to us with?" I said scornfully, my best bad cop routine since I was actually on the force. I slicked back my hair in a moment of inspiration. "What on earth could you know about Nintendo?"

The source grabbed the notepad on the table and started writing with a gloved hand, sloppily. I looked at my partner again, but he was watching the pen rotate across the paper.

The notepad slid across the desk. "Iwata" was the only word. It was crossed out.

"Iwata's being ejected..." I said, looking down at the simple symbol. It meant nothing, and it meant everything. What else could this source possibly know? The implications were wide and consumed my mind.

But my only true thought was...why trust this source at all? I stood up and walked around the table.

"Who are you?" I said, my voice laced with force and power. "How do we know we can trust what you say?"

"Because," said the source in an unmistakable voice, as he lowered his trenchcoat flaps slowly. "It's a me, Mario."

I turned to my partner.

"Jim, we've got a headline."

Bravo, sir. Bravo.

 

[lordfroakie]

Maybe next 01.net can start writing Sonic fanfics.

Nope. Next rumor is about Nintendo buying Team Sonic and Sonic franchise

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Nope. Next rumor is about Nintendo buying Team Sonic and Sonic franchise

Why would you need Sonic Team

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

You guys are trying too hard to make 01net a banned site. Didn't they break the Wii-U? They should stickerrrrrround.

Not saying all these articles aren't stupid though.

 

[daffy]

It does seem kind of unlikely that, say, an engineer would know if there's internal pressure among the board to take Iwata down.

And it seems pretty unlikely that someone higher up would be leaking to a French website under the idealistic terms of "I want to bring this information to the people!"

Am I reading this correctly? ... So then why did you post this ?

Some things are left untranslated for a reason.

 

[[Nintex]]

Question :When was the last time Nintendo's board of directors ousted a standing President?


Answer :Never.


This shit is fan fiction.

Well there are these guys:
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-...jump-to-iphone-as-nintendo-wii-3ds-slump.html

“Smartphones are the new battlefield for the gaming industry,” said Ohki, a fund manager at Tokyo-based Stats Investment Management Co. “Nintendo should try to either buy its way into this platform or develop something totally new.”

He declined to identify his holdings or to name any companies that Kyoto, Japan-based Nintendo should consider as acquisition targets. Yasuhiro Minagawa, a spokesman at Nintendo, declined to comment beyond statements made previously by Iwata.

Remember Nintendo was never this succesful before so I'm sure some people bought stock when the DS was a hit and saw it rise when the Wii became succesful. After that it started to tank and they were dissapointed.

 

[Emitan]

Why would you need Sonic Team

Someone has to make the coffee.

 

[Graphics Horse]

Also yeah, usually people in power get the boot when they've actually screwed up, not when it looks like they might

Uh, there were a bunch of salary cuts including Iwata's after the 3DS didn't sell go according to plan. I think we all agree these are sensationalist articles but there's no point pretending nobody is under pressure from screwing up.

 

[Boney]

You have no idea how hilarious I found this article.

Shiggy's title from yesterday was better though.

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Am I reading this correctly? ... So then why did you post this ?

Some things are left untranslated for a reason.

The last four had been posted and I found it funny.

And noir detective music has been running through my head since I saw it.

Oh no, precious internet space.

 

[Gravijah]

Why would you need Sonic Team

Maybe they'll be buying the PSO franchise with it.

 

[SovanJedi]

Good grief, this is just ridiculous now.

Good luck keeping a valid reputation now, 01Net!

 

[miksar]

Now I'm almost certain it is just Iwata trolling.

 

[White Man]

so this is where Johnny Nightrain went?

 

[MisterHero]

Oh I finally get it

Random Nintendo employee thinks he knows more than Iwata

 

[nckillthegrimace]

Aonuma does actually read message boards.

I think he stopped in recent years, though.

That must be the reason why he looks so old!

 

[hardcastlemccormick]

I think Mario is due for a "roadside accident"...

Iwata slammed his fists onto the table in visible fury, his body quivering with rage. Miyamoto watched in sedentary boredom.

"How did they find out!" he screamed ruthlessly, shaking his fist at some unknown god or demon. "How the hell did they know?"

The room was silent. The cold steel walls were no solace from the cruel fate that had begotten him. Life, he considered, was just a series of ill-begotten moments that were quickly falling to a wayside.

"We can still find out who talked," said Miyamoto. "The source had to come from inside Nintendo. There's no other way."

"The source will be watching our every move," said Iwata, approaching Miyamoto, his finger quivering. "They have more secrets than we could ever dream of withholding. How could we possibly find out who did it without setting off the press?"

Itoi, who had been in the back of the room the entire time, stepped forward.

"Don't you worry, boss," he said, his voice a menacing growl. "I'll find out who done it."

Iwata relaxed immediately. Get a writer on the writers' case. Perfect. He turned away from them and looked over the Tokyo city scape. Things could work out in the end.

 

[daffy]

The last four had been posted and I found it funny.

And noir detective music has been running through my head since I saw it.

Oh no, precious internet space.

oh yes, for precious lols on yellow websites. continue.

 

[ShockingAlberto]

so this is where Johnny Nightrain went?

Oh wow, that name brings back memories.

Good old Drama Queen Johnny.

 

[R-User!]

I cant help myself, but I feel like Ray from Ghostbusters: "It just popped in!"


Iwata Asks: Can I keep my job guys?!.....

.....Please!? ,<_>

 

[abstract alien]

Can we ban this damn place yet? StopNintendo should be allowed if this is what we can actually post...

 

[StevieP]

The secret source:

 

[Graphics Horse]

"You will not soon realize it!"

Google translation hilarity ensues.

Heh, just spotted that.

 

[Cosmonaut X]

Good grief, this is just ridiculous now.

Good luck keeping a valid reputation now, 01Net!

Well, to be honest, most of this is fairly deniable:

-- 3DS revision/analogue dongle/rebranding doesn't materialise? Nintendo must have reconsidered...
-- Wii U launches with working wireless controllers etc.? The dev hardware was a WIP and problems were ironed out...
-- Iwata holds on to his position? The board must have decided performance was satisfactory etc...

There's not really much here that can easily be validated or that could turn out to be obviously false later on - it's all easy enough to explain away.

 

[Emitan]

The secret source:

I knew it was no mere photoshoot!

 

[[Nintex]]

Sakurai must've really gotten sick of all those smash bros. games

- Demand second analog stick for Kid Icarus from Iwata
*lol wut so stupid ahhaahhaa*
- Iwata gets the boot
*who will save us, Miyamoto is too old, Aonuma doesn't give a fuck and Eguchi is too busy porting animal crossing *
- Sakurai is pretty much unvincible
*SAKURAIIIIIII!!!!! the board screamed with joy*
- Sakurai leads Nintendo, no more Super Smash Bros.!!! he said with his eyes flickering in the mirror showing his everlasting youth

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Can we ban this damn place yet? StopNintendo should be allowed if this is what we can actually post...

For the most part, I don't think they made anything up. A lot of things they have posted in this series of articles has made sense or corroborates what we already know.

That said, there's parts that are particularly outlandish. We don't know if the leaker was making things up, if there was miscommuication, or if the writer added in their own biases and supposition.

The theory that this is, say, an engineer or someone at Nintendo that is passing on gossip or merely thinks he could do a better job running things makes the most sense to me. Maybe he had an idea for a dual-analog attachment and is describing it as necessary so the idea gets out there and he thinks Nintendo will have to take his idea.

 

[Mpl90]

Iwata slammed his fists onto the table in visible fury, his body quivering with rage. Miyamoto watched in sedentary boredom.

"How did they find out!" he screamed ruthlessly, shaking his fist at some unknown god or demon. "How the hell did they know?"

The room was silent. The cold steel walls were no solace from the cruel fate that had begotten him. Life, he considered, was just a series of ill-begotten moments that were quickly falling to a wayside.

"We can still find out who talked," said Miyamoto. "The source had to come from inside Nintendo. There's no other way."

"The source will be watching our every move," said Iwata, approaching Miyamoto, his finger quivering. "They have more secrets than we could ever dream of withholding. How could we possibly find out who did it without setting off the press?"

Itoi, who had been in the back of the room the entire time, stepped forward.

"Don't you worry, boss," he said, his voice a menacing growl. "I'll find out who done it."

Iwata relaxed immediately. Get a writer on the writers' case. Perfect. He turned away from them and looked over the Tokyo city scape. Things could work out in the end.

Bravo again :lol

 

[Hobbestetrician]

Oh I finally get it

Random Internet troll/games writer thinks he knows more than Iwata

Fixed to fit how Nintendo has been looked upon these past few years.

 

[TestOfTide]

Out a portable machine dedicated to the game but equipped with one analog stick in 2011 was a mistake. The fact that we have recognized, and we do what is necessary to remedy this, let me suggest that 3DS has before it many years of success.

The one analog stick is the reason? REALLY? Not the more glaring problems such as:

- Ridiculously inflated price that decided not based on cost, but because they openly thought that they could sell something for more just because people were hyped about it.
- Crappy graphics. The device has some neat shader effects but doesn't have nearly enough RAM or powerful enough CPU and GPU. It was supposed to be because of battery power, except we still got..
- Shitty battery life. Nintendo should have either gotten more efficient batteries or made room for a more powerful one.
- Aesthetic design that literally damages the main feature of your handheld.

 

[thecouncil]

nintendo thinks the 3DS needs a second analog stick? this is the company that went into the current generation with no online strategy or HD output for the Wii.

i feel like the 2nd stick should really be the last thing on the list of concerns.

i dont think anyone has EVER suggested that was a fault of the system, amirite?

 

[Mama Robotnik]

This shit is fan fiction.

I'm going to try my own.

If we are to believe our sources, then Iwata is no longer the same man he once was, indeed he may not be human any more at all. Our source under the most stricted confidence, told us of Nintendo's euphoria at their success, and then Iwata's obsession in beating the Wii. He would spend his every waking moment in his private hardware laboratory, and if our source is correct, sleeping under his desk.

Our source told us that after months of reclusive, eccentric behavior and communicating only with his staff by email, the unwashed and bearded Iwata burst into a board meeting with his successor to the Wii, the Wii 2, shimmering with a bright white light. Activating the console in the board room The Wii 2 became self aware and expanded its consciousness into all of the humans present. They were remade into extensions of the consoles will and now work for the creature's sinister agenda

We asked our source if he could evidence this, and he pulled out some sketches on creased paper, of a box spreading an aura into what looks like zombies around it. We've been studying this at the 01.net office and have agreed not to upload it to protect our source.
Our source closes by telling us "I've said too much. The Wii 2 had absorbed many of my friends and colleagues into its hivemind, and I'm convinced that The 3DS and the Wii U are purposely being manipulated into selling only small amounts at a time, to gradually increase the possession field of the Wii 2. If they all sold at once, the creature would wither and die." We ask our source what he would have our readers do: "We need to support the other developers to make an intelligence as powerful as Wii 2, but benevolent. This is the only way of saving the planet"". The source suggested that Google could buy Sony, and Apple could buy Microsoft, and then Goosgony and Applesoft could merge into Goosapoft, the one company capable of making a console to defeat this evil power.

"Metroid Dread..." our source began to say, before dying on the table. Check out tommorow's 01.net exclusive in which we have another exclusive discussing his autopsy results.

 

[Thoraxes]

It reads like a political drama or a novel about corporate espionage.

Which is not to say there's absolutely no way this could be happening at Nintendo - I do wonder if it's likely there's someone on the BoD who wants Iwata's head so he can make a play for his position. But this article especially doesn't add up.

In the full article - which I didn't post because the way google translate copy+pastes is fucked up - it vaguely kind of implies that Yamauchi is behind the plan to oust Iwata. But maybe it was just rushed reporting, not drawing a proper line between two thoughts.

Yeah. I'm sure what they've said have had inklings of truth in them, but the over-dramaticization kinda sounds like pandering at times, so it's harder to distinguish fact from fiction.