Oh that's, wow. Adapting an insult into official language?
"Leftover Women Rescue", yeeesh
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Are single women over 30 screwed in dating?
- Thread starter Miles Quaritch
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"Leftover Women Rescue", yeeesh
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
Yep. Living in the south as an Atheist (and not wanting kids) definitely limited the online dating pool severely, even on the big sites like Match.
Skellig Gra
Member
Sure seems like it. There are tons of attractive successful intelligent 30 + single women in NYC because all the "good" men were snapped up ages ago. The slobs I see some of them going out with...its pretty eye opening.
Omegasquash
Member
I don't imagine that age is the determining factor, here.
AwesomePossum
Member
must be because i primarily date 30+ year olds.
User 479360
Banned
In some ways, I kind of hope so, because maybe they'll lower their standards and start dating me. I'm a good guy, I swear, but I'm chubby and shy.
Out of Working Order
Member
What about 30 plus single men that have never had a relationship, had sex, and still work an entry level job? Aren't we at a far greater disadvantage?
I'd love to meet somebody who was in her 30's. It's just that very clearly women don't see me as being worth their time.
I'd love to meet somebody who was in her 30's. It's just that very clearly women don't see me as being worth their time.
Yes, I already elaborated that earlier lol. I never meant it as so and figured it was common sense, but then I realized people misunderstood me so I explained.
SoRuffShoNuff
Member
I've found that you can get around that by simply not bringing it up. In the south it's sort of the default that you believe in God. I won't say religious because often women who believe in God don't go to church or even practice their claimed religion, they just don't want a guy who actually says they don't believe. Unless you meet a woman who is actively involved in the church you can skirt the religion issue if it even comes up by saying you just haven't found a church that speaks to you yet. You technically aren't lying but you also didn't commit the cardinal sin of admitting to being an atheist.
A few dates in, if the woman actually likes your personality she won't really care about you not going to church. Women will bend a lot of rules for a guy she likes. Trust.
The not wanting kids thing on the other hand is a much larger issue. That crushes your chances.
NoblesseOblige
Banned
I hope so. Half the point of dating is to get screwed.
Jesus...the YT comments. Do not read the YT comments.
They probably deserve it for being picky as shiet in their 20s.
This would be my ideal
Edit there are only a few things I won't budge on:
No one who is not physically active.
No one who is actively religious.
No one who isn't a progressive.
User 479360
Banned
RaySpencer
Member
It's true. An easier way to tell is people using proper words (ex: not 'u'), spelling and punctuation. Haha.
What he's getting on is probably that a lot of people think they deserve much more than they realistically do and think that their actions have no consequences, and by the time they realize that their biological clock is ticking, it's "too late".
Well, that's their problem. I don't judge anyone that is picky. Everyone discovers themselves at their own pace.
User 479360
Banned
koji kabuto
Member
No, it's just that women over 30 look for person to settle down with which means that he must be successful both financially and socially.
family_guy
Member
I don't think they are. I'm in my 30s and have no issue dating women in their 30s. However with some it felt like if I didn't meet their list of requirements by over 90% they wouldn't bother having any additional dates with me. It's strange too because I feel like I'm more willing to work with someone by going out on at least 3 dates to see if there's something that can grow but rarely is that reciprocated. It's either meet their fantasy or get nexted.
User 479360
Banned
I'm screwed then.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
In some ways, yes, especially if they want children. Despite proclamations that women can have it all, life involves trade-offs. I can offer some anecdotal experience: I have a 31-year-old friend in the city who's attractive, has a great job, sweet personality, huge sports fan, and is absolutely a catch. Our first date (it didn't work out, but we stayed friends) involved eating pizza, and for our second, we smuggled scotch into the zoo.
She's been on something like three hundred first dates in the past two years. I was one of a handful that she went out with more than once. She's told me cringeworthy stories. She's on Tinder, OKCupid, and Bumble; she's gone on matchmaking cruises. For a while, she was dating someone younger than her, but it didn't quite work out.
I don't get it. She's not excessively picky, either.
Hell, anyone in D.C. want to date an amazing petite blonde girl?
The thing is, once men hit their stride, we become picker too. Full disclosure: I simply wasn't interested in dating anyone older than me. I just turned 33, I'm divorced, and I was looking for girls aged 25-28, basically. Obviously, I'm part of the stereotype the article's talking about, because I didn't want to deal with the looming bio-clock issue just quite yet, and young(er) professionals were just more fun. As you might've guessed, I was making up for my 20s.
My current girlfriend just turned 28, and we're verging towards seriousness. Much like the OP's friend, she's not pressuring me towards anything; it's all happening quite naturally. And while we've discussed children -- the fact that we both want them, for instance -- it hasn't been an albatross hanging over the relationship.
To put it another way, all else being equal (not that it is in the real world, of course), if a 25-year-old and a 35-year-old woman pursued the same 30-year-old man, the latter's at a significant disadvantage. If you take natural-born kids off the table, I'm sure that affects the data.
What is the best option for our mid-30s woman? The rational economist in me says, "date someone older so that you can be the better option compared to women in their 40s," but that's such a male-centric take on things that I really do want to hear women's opinions.
crimzonflame
Member
No you're not. Stop talking like this.
this is a complete aside to the discussion about whether women age 30+ have it rough in dating, but i have to laugh at this author's "learning" experience on bumble.
plenty of women these days identify as progressive/feminist -- yet so many women seem entrenched in the antiquated notion that men should always be the pursuing party. there is no good reason that women should not be able to ask men out, especially so since we have, ostensibly, moved on from an era when women were chattel.
and yes, i know that more women these days are asking men out than before, but those remain a tiny minority. i know why: rejection is hard, and it's much easier to be passive and wait for the men to come to you than to seek them out.
Women don't have any pressure to approach men. They can easily just chill their get free drinks (at a bar), and have people come up to them. Why change what works haha?
it definitely works for some women, but probably only the most attractive women. it does not work for everyone, considering all the recent articles bemoaning the scarcity of dateable men.
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
Like I said above, I wasn't willing to settle. I don't have a lot of respect for religion, spirituality and that non-sense so I'm just as unwilling to overlook people that are as the very religious are unwilling to date an atheist.
My fiance has even less patience for religion, and hates kids even more than I do, so it all worked out in the end.
It just took a while to find her! Works for pretty much all women. Of course there are outliers, but it essentially stands true for all that if a girl wants a date she can get one easily (doesn't have to be perfect man). Men essentially get these powers later in life when financial success is evident. Extremely attractive men get it earlier.
A lot of what's being talked about in this thread is covered in the recent book Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game. If you find this subject particularly interesting, it's worth a read.
Among the author's ideas for women looking for men in lopsided dating markets (areas where single, available, hetero women outnumber single, available, hetero men):
- Move somewhere where there are more available men than women
- Be more aggressive
- Mr "Perfectly Acceptable" is a fine choice in lieu of Mr "Right"
- Date Blue Collar men, there are not enough White Collar men to go around
- Issue ultimatums to men who are unwilling to settle down (high risk, imo)
Among the author's ideas for women looking for men in lopsided dating markets (areas where single, available, hetero women outnumber single, available, hetero men):
- Move somewhere where there are more available men than women
- Be more aggressive
- Mr "Perfectly Acceptable" is a fine choice in lieu of Mr "Right"
- Date Blue Collar men, there are not enough White Collar men to go around
- Issue ultimatums to men who are unwilling to settle down (high risk, imo)
SoRuffShoNuff
Member
It may work but increasingly it's not successful. A lot of times the guys doing the blind approaching will approach every semi attractive woman in the room. That's usually not the guy the woman wants long term. Women are more successful if they pick a target and put themselves in a position for the guy to notice her instead of just waiting on someone to come to them.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Thanks for the recommend. I'm really fascinated by this subject now, will definitely give this a read.
Your Entertainer
Member
As a mid-late-20's guy, I've noticed a big change in attitude among female friends who are nearing 30 or 30+ - they become worried, to the point difference in mindset is striking when compared to my younger female friends. Going out to dinner with some of them, all they talk about is dating and relationships and being afraid of dying alone. Most of them are at least college-educated, and many hold four year post grad degrees.
Very off-putting to me personally - I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment so quickly, although it is something I desire in the future. I am myself worried about dating women my own age when I reach 30+, if I'm still single. One absolute deal-breaker is a woman that has her own kids. Don't see myself ever dating one, for a variety of reasons. But I suppose I always will have the ability to date younger. Still, I can't imagine many of my colleagues/friends at that stage will be single, and it will become more difficult to put myself in situations to meet younger people.
Very off-putting to me personally - I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment so quickly, although it is something I desire in the future. I am myself worried about dating women my own age when I reach 30+, if I'm still single. One absolute deal-breaker is a woman that has her own kids. Don't see myself ever dating one, for a variety of reasons. But I suppose I always will have the ability to date younger. Still, I can't imagine many of my colleagues/friends at that stage will be single, and it will become more difficult to put myself in situations to meet younger people.
don't tell me how you feel about god until we've at least had sex.
koji kabuto
Member
Not really, You have endless options.
Example : Apply for jobs overseas and go in a journey for love and adventure.
There's no such thing.
If you have to use some fictitious idea of "leagues", then you've got other issues I'm afraid.
KernelPanic
Member
My wife lost one of her good friends from childhood she is married and her friend isn't(can't even get a date) and now she's in her late 30s.
The jealousy, snide comments have been building over the years until it finally blew up.
There's more to the story here about how her friend isn't "willing to settle" and is going for men way out of her league(even if they're married) of course.
The jealousy, snide comments have been building over the years until it finally blew up.
There's more to the story here about how her friend isn't "willing to settle" and is going for men way out of her league(even if they're married) of course.
PepsimanVsJoe
Member
If you live in a rural town, you're going to be SOL in a few years.
Where I live and on the dating sites I frequent, 95% of women have children.
I feel like a dick, but I hate this too. and god damn it happens so often.
I guess so, but it comes down to how serious you take it. Online dating apps are already full of pretty flaky people who aren't serious at all in a lot of cases. Tinder is to me, a hook up app despite people saying otherwise.
Sitting back and letting everyone contact means you'll be combing through a lot of rubbish to find someone worthwhile to talk to and potentially date. I've talked to female friends who have taken the initiative and found men that appeal more to them VS letting all guys contact you.
As some guys will contact everybody even some very unattractive women if it meant a chance of sex.
FreedomFighter
Member
I think Black women have it the worst if over 30 and want to marry or re-marry.
I'm with you on that. And a lot people throw shade my way for taking that stance but I know that I personally would not be the best fit for a woman with children (as I have none myself). Children is a dealbreaker. We can be friends and have fun but there will not be anything serious.
unless the father is dead, and the father's brother is also dead. and their entire side of the family is on Mars.
TickleMeElbow
Member
Idk.
If a 32 year old below average looking woman working at Walmart is rejecting anyone who isn't a doctor making 6 figures, I'd say she's waiting for someone who's "out of her league" lol.
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
Some are just way too picky. Same applies to some men. However I think men are easier pleased.
With such a big population everywhere people should have trouble to find a partner.
With such a big population everywhere people should have trouble to find a partner.
And what about us 30 plus single men who with their mom and dad. Women avoid me like the plague!!
pixelation
Member
When is it that woman start having difficulties in having children?, the average age i mean...
Prime crotch
Banned
I swipe right all I can. For the feminist cause.
Statistically, black women have it worst, period.
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