Support NeoGAF

[Articate]

I agree that it's possible to maintain a worthwhile relationship after cheating rears its ugly head, but the victim needs to know before deciding whether to move forward or walk away. If they stay with it, they can be sure that trust issues will linger for a long time.

I still have trust issues. I also have a fear that they'll never go away, but we talk about that. I always knew what was going on, I just decided to stay and fight, even though I knew it destroyed me. It was totally worth it. I stood my ground. Never felt worse.

 

[Get'sMad]

I feel like One Week would make a pretty good r'n'b song.

 

[usea]

Giving people the respect and privacy they deserve is tantamount to hiding a friend who has just commit elderly rape now? You're right that is a shitty outlook on life.

I didn't equate the two. In fact I clearly put them on a continuum, at separate points. Respond meaningfully. Stop trolling.

 

[crimzonflame]

This thread is fucked up. If you let cheating go on while you know about it, you're implicitly approving of it. Let me ask you guys this: If you were friends with 2 people who were in a relationship, and you knew one was cheating on the other, would you tell the person being cheated on?

You should treat all people with respect, not only your friends. There is no reason to help a friend shit all over a third party unless you're also an asshole. Would you shelter your friend if he was hiding from the police after raping some old lady? Where's the line where it ceases to become friends vs the world? That's a really shitty outlook on life.

How much do you donate to starving kids in Africa each month?

 

[triplestation]

Don't know how anyone can defend cheating. It's real difficult to give a crap about these sort of humans. I only respect people with integrity.

 

[ScOULaris]

I was in an 8 year relationship. Never cheated on her once.

The relationship is over now. Am I glad I never cheated on her? Fuck no. Wish I'd fucked around with every girl that I had the chance with. At this point, what's the difference?

Shit isn't black and white. And to me, most of the things I regret doing are sexual opportunities I passed up, not the ones I took.

I have been 'the other man' in the past too. You can get all high and mighty about your morals, but that shit feels good, man. Fobidden sex is the best sex. It's like a trade-off: you endure the pain of being cheated on in exchange for the chance to be the other guy once in a while.

We're not on this planet for very long. Enjoy yourself. You don't win a special prize for being 'virtuous', so have some fun.

I'm sure some men here can agree with me on this: You can have one night of (safe) sex with a random stranger and it doesn't mean you love your woman any less. Sex is sex, and if a shot of fresh pussy keeps your head on straight, go for it. Straight up, monogamy is HARD.

I really wonder about all you 'White Knights' that are so hypersensitive about this issue. Tell us about the woman who fucked you over so hard in the past to make you so insecure and hypersensitive about this issue that you feel the need to condemn anyone who cheats, even to the point of ratting them out? Do you really think you can fix human nature with your moral policing? That if you quest against infidelity long enough you'll make all people see the light, and then you'll never have your insecure heart cheated on again.

I'm gonna quote Chris Rock here: "A man is only as faithful as his options." Really, how long would you noble crusaders be able to say 'no' for? I remember the Tiger Woods thread people were coming out of the woodwork criticising him, claiming they'd never cheat in his situation.

Bull-fucking-shit. I'll bet my life on it.

Oh, great. Another "only one life, fuck as many pussies as you can" post. I agree that you should go all-out if you want to WHILE YOUR SINGLE. In a relationship though, don't hurt the person you're with. Just stay single if you want to mess around with random women. You did this in your relationship, and that's good. Your regrets aren't healthy though. Sex feels good, yes, but the opportunities you passed up while you were in a relationship will always be better and more fulfilling in your head than they would have been in real life.

 

[JumpJeff84]

Oh, great. Another "only one life, fuck as many pussies as you can" post. I agree that you should go all-out if you want to WHILE YOUR SINGLE. In a relationship though, don't hurt the person you're with. Just stay single if you want to mess around with random women. You did this in your relationship, and that's good. Your regrets aren't healthy though. Sex feels good, yes, but the opportunities you passed up while you were in a relationship will always be better and more fulfilling in your head than they would have been in real life.

You can cheat on someone without hurting them.

 

[DY_nasty]

I know not every case is the same, but I disagree that they shouldn't be handled the same. My advice in any of those situations would be to tell her.

Situation 1) A happily married father of two who shares his own business with his wife gets shitfaced drunk and makes the terrible mistake of cheating on his wife. He rarely drank in the past, but after this incident promises to himself that he'll never drink again. He tells you, as he needs someone to confess to, but swears that he'll never tell his wife.

Don't tell
Situation 2) Fratboy Chad cheats on his GF in front of you all the time. Has unprotected sex with everyone he comes across. Won't stop, etc.

A situation where its okay to tell

Situation 3) In a circle your circle of friends, two of your close friends who are in a relationship hit a rocky patch. You hear from another friend in the circle that their may be some cheating going on.

Shut the fuck up, none of your business. Go read a book until shit dies down.

 

[Articate]

Whoomp is just trying to get over jerking off to Justin Bieber.

 

[JaseMath]

It doesn't matter what their "reasoning" was for cheating. The other half of the couple that was cheated on deserves to know. Let them decide if the reasoning makes any difference after hearing the news, but everyone deserves to know when they are being cheated on.

It's none of your fucking business to get involved, OP. If you're really in some kind of moral dilemma, then confront the cheater privately, but don't take it upon yourself to get personally involved in things that don't concern you. I know, you think you're taking that high road, but while you're riding around on your moral high horse, consider the situation, not yourself. You sound like an asshole.

 

[JumpJeff84]

Whoomp is just trying to get over jerking off to Justin Bieber.

I'll never get over that. I'll see his face before I come each and every time, regardless of who I'm fucking.

 

[ScOULaris]

Situation 1) A happily married father of two who shares his own business with his wife gets shitfaced drunk and makes the terrible mistake of cheating on his wife. He rarely drank in the past, but after this incident promises to himself that he'll never drink again. He tells you, as he needs someone to confess to, but swears that he'll never tell his wife.

Really? Are we really going to start blaming alcohol for making the choice to cheat on someone? It's not like we're fucking robots or animals when we get wasted. I swear, this thread is really making me worry.

Stop calling cheating a mistake. It's not accidental, and the person doing it knows that they shouldn't.

 

[Karak]

I'm gonna quote Chris Rock here: "A man is only as faithful as his options." Really, how long would you noble crusaders be able to say 'no' for? I remember the Tiger Woods thread people were coming out of the woodwork criticising him, claiming they'd never cheat in his situation.

Bull-fucking-shit. I'll bet my life on it.

Sadly I would have to bury you then...cause you would die in my case I have had to and continue to have this situation daily every single day and I have not cheated ever and in the last 11 years in my job and enviroment the tension is obvious and the intention very clear as to what supposed rewards you can get from it

Sex is great sure, but unless you have no other goals than to be wrapped up into the singular feeling of an orgasm, or are a porn star, there is a good deal of hours in the day to do other things and there isn't really any need to be driven to rut like a mindless drone.

However, Chris Rock is only a comedian and I have no idea if he was joking, talking from experience or simply feels that way himself but his quote, taking into a context of meaning EVERYONE is sadly wrong.

And this is just in my case. Each to their own unless they enter my world and impact me.

 

[Snuggles]

One week.

And with that, a new meme was born. At least this painful backfired resulted in something worthwhile. This is what happens when you make too many threads.

 

[Articate]

Really? Are we really going to start blaming alcohol for making the choice to cheat on someone? It's not like we're fucking robots or animals when we get wasted. I swear, this thread is really making me worry.

Stop calling cheating a mistake. It's not accidental, and the person doing it knows that they shouldn't.

Yet in OP you have this big division between evolution and society and 'basic instincts' and what not. I'm not the one saying that not cheating is 'fighting our primal urges'.

 

[crimzonflame]

I had a friend in university who would purposely break up with his gf right before the weekend just so he can go out and have fun on the weekend. He would then make up and get back with the gf the following Monday. He must have down this like 5 or 6 times.

 

[YuriLowell]

I was gone from her for months and months. I put myself back together and rebuilt the broken image of myself. I was out, meeting girls and my life started to feel good again. I thought I was past it, to some extent. Then one night I just broke down crying. Then she called. She had given up trying to call me for months (she was trying to get me back for months). I realised I had to meet her, and we spent days just talking about everything. Then I went to Tokyo for two weeks, leaving her completely behind, having a fantastic time. Then I came back and knew my feelings. So we got back together some time after that, while discussing how to get past the entire issue.

It's 10 months since we got back together. Last semester I got my best grades ever and my life has never been more stable and I've never felt more content. We're crazy about each other and I've never felt the way I do for her about anyone.

Live and let live - I would never be around if anything like this happened again, but I'd never say anyone is beyond "redemption". We talk about the tiny kinks we have in our relationship and everytime we do, we become a bit more happy. The kind of relationship I want. I made the right choice.

I have a similar story.

Shit happens in life. You either get over it or bitch about it.

 

[Deleted member 22576]

I didn't equate the two. In fact I clearly put them on a continuum, at separate points. Respond meaningfully. Stop trolling.

You asked "would you shelter a friend who just committed rape?" directly after stating that minding your own business is "helping a friend shit all over a third party." Then you go on and say "where is the line between your friends vs the world." IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT. It's not about "helping" your friends keep a secret. It's about respecting other's personal lives and not interfering with an already delicate situation.

By staying out of it you're not taking a side.

 

[ScOULaris]

This is what happens when you make too many threads.

I'm pretty sure this is the first off-topic thread I have made all week.

 

[Slo]

Stop calling cheating a mistake. It's not accidental, and the person doing it knows that they shouldn't.

Not all mistakes are accidents. Bad decisions are mistakes too.

 

[DY_nasty]

Really? Are we really going to start blaming alcohol for making the choice to cheat on someone? It's not like we're fucking robots or animals when we get wasted. I swear, this thread is really making me worry.

Stop calling cheating a mistake. It's not accidental, and the person doing it knows that they shouldn't.

Alcohol makes you do crazy shit.

Like I said, I don't consider it an excuse. I consider it a reason (omfg is that so hard to understand) but if a guy who's taken it upon himself to rectify his situation and deal with it in his own way, then who the fuck are you to jump in and say that its not good enough then go and tell his wife anyway?

 

[Vicetrailia]

Honestly I've only cheated because I wasn't getting enough.

4 times:
Two times for pre-relationship booty calls.
Two times for hookers (which to me is especially stupid).

No stories, I just physically wanted to bang.

I've been cheated on once but at the time I was already out of the relationship in my own mind. I was swinging with the girl and she went behind my back and fucked some guys. But you know, I didn't care about the relationship and cheated myself. So I actually cheated more than 4 times.

 

[Articate]

I'll never get over that. I'll see his face before I come each and every time, regardless of who I'm fucking.

Thinking of someone else while having sex is pretty much cheating.

Spoiler

One week.

 

[YuriLowell]

Situation 1) A happily married father of two who shares his own business with his wife gets shitfaced drunk and makes the terrible mistake of cheating on his wife. He rarely drank in the past, but after this incident promises to himself that he'll never drink again. He tells you, as he needs someone to confess to, but swears that he'll never tell his wife.

Don't tell
Situation 2) Fratboy Chad cheats on his GF in front of you all the time. Has unprotected sex with everyone he comes across. Won't stop, etc.

A situation where its okay to tell

Situation 3) In a circle your circle of friends, two of your close friends who are in a relationship hit a rocky patch. You hear from another friend in the circle that their may be some cheating going on.

Shut the fuck up, none of your business. Go read a book until shit dies down.

This man is a voice of reason.

 

[usea]

Situation 1) Don't tell
Situation 2) A situation where its okay to tell

Situation 3) Shut the fuck up, none of your business. Go read a book until shit dies down.

Agreed on all counts. However, in the third situation I only agree because you only 'know' about the cheating from a rumor you heard. If you were first party to that knowledge, then I would definitely tell in that situation. No reason to stir shit up over rumors.

I don't think a person would be in the wrong to tell in situation 1, however personally I think it'd be better for all parties not to. The guy should probably confess to his wife though imo.

 

[JumpJeff84]

Thinking of someone else while having sex is pretty much cheating.

Spoiler

One week.

Well I'm like Tiger Woods all up in this motherfucker then.

 

[Neuromancer]

Honestly I've only cheated because I wasn't getting enough.

4 times:
Two times for pre-relationship booty calls.
Two times for hookers (which to me is especially stupid).

No stories, I just physically wanted to bang.

You've got one week.

 

[usea]

By staying out of it you're not taking a side.

By not telling, you're helping the cheater get away with it.

You've got one week.

:lol

 

[WJD]

Thinking of someone else while having sex is pretty much cheating.

Spoiler

One week.

That's me fucked then.

 

[rainking187]

Situation 1) A happily married father of two who shares his own business with his wife gets shitfaced drunk and makes the terrible mistake of cheating on his wife. He rarely drank in the past, but after this incident promises to himself that he'll never drink again. He tells you, as he needs someone to confess to, but swears that he'll never tell his wife.

Don't tell
Situation 2) Fratboy Chad cheats on his GF in front of you all the time. Has unprotected sex with everyone he comes across. Won't stop, etc.

A situation where its okay to tell

Situation 3) In a circle your circle of friends, two of your close friends who are in a relationship hit a rocky patch. You hear from another friend in the circle that their may be some cheating going on.

Shut the fuck up, none of your business. Go read a book until shit dies down.

In situation 1 I'd tell him to tell her. Don't tell me this shit to make yourself feel better or because you need a therapist. Get a real therapist, someone who's obligated to not tell your shit. I'm not going to feel guilty because someone else fucked up.

In situation 2, yeah I agree.

In situation 3 there's no real evidence. I was speaking more in terms of having the guy himself tell you, or you walk in on it or something. Having someone else tell you something might be going on with someone else could be complete bullshit. I'm not going to say anything without any evidence.

 

[Vicetrailia]

You've got one week.

lol what does this mean?

 

[triplestation]

I also don't know why people are calling OP an asshole. Surely if you didn't know you were being cheated on and someone came along and brought to you the reality, you'd appreciate it. If you counter this post with something like ''ignorance is bliss'' or something like that, congrats on being a vapid derelict of a human being.

 

[Plywood]

But what if you plan on telling her on the 8th day?

 

[DY_nasty]

Agreed on all counts. However, in the third situation I only agree because you only 'know' about the cheating from a rumor you heard. If you were first party to that knowledge, then I would definitely tell in that situation. No reason to stir shit up over rumors.

I don't think a person would be in the wrong to tell in situation 1, however personally I think it'd be better for all parties not to. The guy should probably confess to his wife though imo.

Say situation 3 wasn't a rumor and you got a picture of one those friends getting freaky with a hot nurse at a halloween party - still, shut the fuck up and stay out of it. Pretend you never saw a thing until its safe to do otherwise.

 

[Articate]

lol what does this mean?

It's not a meme unless someone doesn't get it. We've officially got a new meme, folks.

 

[BamYouHaveAids]

Honestly I've only cheated because I wasn't getting enough.

4 times:
Two times for pre-relationship booty calls.
Two times for hookers (which to me is especially stupid).

No stories, I just physically wanted to bang.

I've been cheated on once but at the time I was already out of the relationship in my own mind. I was swinging with the girl and she went behind my back and fucked some guys. But you know, I didn't care about the relationship and cheated myself. So I actually cheated more than 4 times.

How can she cheat if you are swingers? Also, specify her infidelities in graphic detail.

 

[Neuromancer]

But what if you plan on telling her on the 8th day?

One week = 7 days.

 

[Articate]

I also don't know why people are calling OP an asshole. Surely if you didn't know you were being cheated on and someone came along and brought to you the reality, you'd appreciate it. If you counter this post with something like ''ignorance is bliss'' or something like that, congrats on being a vapid derelict of a human being.

I don't think any of the counter-arguments were 'ignorance is bliss'. It's just scary if your morals are more real than your friends.

 

[DY_nasty]

In situation 1 I'd tell him to tell her. Don't tell me this shit to make yourself feel better or because you need a therapist. Get a real therapist, someone who's obligated to not tell your shit. I'm not going to feel guilty because someone else fucked up.

So you'd break up a marriage and happy home because of what? A friend came to in you confidence?

Friends are therapy. If you've got a good friend, you don't need a shrink or a confessional. You can go to them to talk.

You'd really watch that house crumble because a guy who trusts you let you know that he had a weak moment?

 

[Plywood]

One week = 7 days.

 

[Karak]

I don't think any of the counter-arguments were 'ignorance is bliss'. It's just scary if your morals are more real than your friends.

Wait...what? Of course they should be...

 

[samus i am]

So you'd break up a marriage and happy home because of what? A friend came to in you confidence?

Friends are therapy. If you've got a good friend, you don't need a shrink or a confessional. You can go to them to talk.

You'd really watch that house crumble because a guy who trusts you let you know that he had a weak moment?

Pretty much. Don't be a douche and involve yourself in other people's business.

 

[Foliorum Viridum]

People who try to justify cheating are such cunts. If you're in a relationship, stay loyal. If you don't want to do that, don't be in a relationship. Simple.

 

[Zenith]

What if it was your brother-in-law cheating on your sister? Would you still pretend it's up to the guy doing the cheating to tell their significant other?

 

[TacticalFox88]

GAF has a cheating Defense force? WTF....

 

[John Rabbit]

it astounds me how many people who are victims of infidelity blame the "other man/woman" rather than their own partner. it takes 2 to have sex, but it only takes one to cheat.

that said, i have never been cheated on, but have cheated twice on the same person. she found out a year after this first incident (because of something stupid i did) and was willing to forgive me and work things out. truth is i was ready to be out of that relationship for months but didn't have the gall to actually pull the trigger. i used the incident to basically run the relationship into the ground in the worst way possible and in the process ended up cheating again. i am not proud of this.

however, my current girlfriend of 4 years is the 2nd "other woman" in the above example. i have never cheated on her, despite there being times where its been VERY difficult not to try. i think our relationship is all the stronger for the terrible mistakes i learned from in my previous one.

op also has a shitty policy regarding cheaters.

 

[DY_nasty]

What if it was your brother-in-law cheating on your sister? Would you still pretend it's up to the guy doing the cheating to tell their significant other?

Be real, thats your family. You fuck that son of a bitch up on the spot.

Let your sister find out when the police show up.

 

[usea]

Say situation 3 wasn't a rumor and you got a picture of one those friends getting freaky with a hot nurse at a halloween party - still, shut the fuck up and stay out of it. Pretend you never saw a thing until its safe to do otherwise.

Honestly I'm with the OP in this one. Tell your friend that you know, and urge him to confess to it. If he doesn't, inform the SO.

Of course there are lots of nuances. Not all relationships are monogamous or serious. If it is serious and he seems genuinely remorseful and won't repeat, urge him to confess but don't do it for him. Sort of a judgment call.

I have a school friend whose girlfriend cheats on him, I'm pretty sure. I don't know if he knows about it as I'm not really privy to their relationship details, and I'm not 100% sure about the cheating since I've only heard about it from others (although I believe it to be true). I found out many months ago and I haven't said anything.

 

[rainking187]

So you'd break up a marriage and happy home because of what? A friend came to in you confidence?

Friends are therapy. If you've got a good friend, you don't need a shrink or a confessional. You can go to them to talk.

You'd really watch that house crumble because a guy who trusts you let you know that he had a weak moment?

I'm not the cheater. If the relationship ends because of this I'm not going to feel like it's my fault. I'd be willing to talk with friends about lots of things, but if someone wants to tell me they cheated on their wife and they don't plan to ever tell her, don't come to me, find someone else. That's not something I'd be okay with.

 

[Sotha Sil]

One week = 7 days.