Sorry to hear it man, but if there isn't a connection there isn't. I'm guessing it would have happened even if she wasn't so beautiful to you. Either there are connections or there aren't. Some you can forge but you can only do so much. Take a short break, but try dating a variety of people, or just meet people casually. Find those connections, figure out what you're really after.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Sorry to hear it man, but if there isn't a connection there isn't. I'm guessing it would have happened even if she wasn't so beautiful to you. Either there are connections or there aren't. Some you can forge but you can only do so much. Take a short break, but try dating a variety of people, or just meet people casually. Find those connections, figure out what you're really after.
AdventureRacing
Member
I had this attitude and trust me it's one that will only get you hurt. You need to just move on and concentrate on yourself. If things turn around and eventually she contacts you then you can go from there. Otherwise you need to start living your life and looking to the future.
If you really want to get her back the best way is to keep enjoying yourself and making the best of your life anyway.
Sometimes you just need to stop focusing on finding a girlfriend. If you focus on it too much when it doesn't happen you will just start looking for problems with yourself. Don't get discouraged, you seem like an alright guy and i'm sure things will work out.
PflargBlarg
Member
I guess the only question is, can it really work? I figure you can do it for a while, but there's going to be some time when you either move to each other or you end it. I haven't done one before, but that time period can't be that long.
I'm mostly just curious for curiosity's sake. There's a girl that I'll be seeing in Boston soon and we had a couple good chats online a while ago. We make little pokes at each other on facebook every now and then. She lives in Cali and I live in BC, Canada so I figured it wasn't even worth bothering. Not that I would mind living in California. Sunnnn.
Hehe, I moved out to BC this year after 4 years of an LDR. We are now happily together, so I can at least say it works every once in a while. I'll post my full experience one of these days if anyone's interested.
Vancouver, btw?
Devolution
Member
I've been in two now myself. Both off forums. I'm such a nerd.
HarryHengst
Member
I dont know how you guys deal with dating. I started seeing this girl recently who im really starting to like, had a few dates so far which went all pretty well, im pretty sure she likes me too and yet here i am freaking out about all kinds of things.
I can get really excited about things and just dive in head first (which she admitted was something she liked about me), while she is more reserved and needs more time for things (which is good for me, i need someone to sometimes tell me to stop). But at the moment causes me to stress out because i know i should just let her be and give her space and time, especially this early on. My natural reaction however is to want to talk to her a lot and tell her i like her and stuff. But im afraid that might scare her off, so i have to restrain myself, which is hard. :lol
I can get really excited about things and just dive in head first (which she admitted was something she liked about me), while she is more reserved and needs more time for things (which is good for me, i need someone to sometimes tell me to stop). But at the moment causes me to stress out because i know i should just let her be and give her space and time, especially this early on. My natural reaction however is to want to talk to her a lot and tell her i like her and stuff. But im afraid that might scare her off, so i have to restrain myself, which is hard. :lol
Been seeing a girl since near the end of January, I thought things were going well. Spoke to her last night she gave me the "let's be friends" talk.
I'm cool with it, we weren't exclusive or anything, just a few dates and so forth. I respected told me that instead of stringing me along.
No real purpose here, just felt I needed to write it out somewhere to feel a bit better. I'll definitely be over this soon, just a bit bummed is all. Ah well, can only move forward from here.
I'm cool with it, we weren't exclusive or anything, just a few dates and so forth. I respected told me that instead of stringing me along.
No real purpose here, just felt I needed to write it out somewhere to feel a bit better. I'll definitely be over this soon, just a bit bummed is all. Ah well, can only move forward from here.
Sanky Panky
Banned
I'm assuming you have been single for a while? I will always say you should do what you feel like doing, because in the end this is who you are, and the person you are meant to be with will appreciate that about you. With that said, when these urges come from anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, or from finally landing a girl who is actually attracted to you, you need to chill the fuck out.
Keep diving in head first, but only into fun activities and experiences together. Don't jump in into labels or false notions of "love" at this early stage. Let her be the one to tell you when she is ready.
HarryHengst
Member
Been single for more than two years, after a relationship that lasted more than six years. I really needed a lot of those two years to get over my former relationship and work on myself. The last last six months or so i've finally started feeling i had myself and my life in order again and was ready to start dating. Had a few dates but they never resulted in anything, which was fine. It was good to just get out again and have some fun with girls.
I guess the fact that with this girl im finally feeling a connection is what makes me a bit insecure. I really like her and dont want to fuck it up, so i start overthinking things once im alone. But you're right anonymous internet bro, i should relax and just let things go where they go and for now just enjoy her company. Thanks!
The Last Wizard
Member
So I asked a girl from my class out to coffee and she had a bf just like the girl in my other class. Now I'm sitting in another class and a bunch of girls are talking about their bfs. It's like damn every girl I find attractive is taken.
But at least it's getting easier to ask these girls out, I just did it. Didn't even get nervous like I usually do.
But at least it's getting easier to ask these girls out, I just did it. Didn't even get nervous like I usually do.
You only see proof that confirm your current belief. So change the belief to the opposite and you'll meet lots of single girls simply because you start to notice them more.
Attackthebase
Member
Can't you also hide them?
Atramental
Banned
Exactly.
Beliefs shape our perception of reality. I used to believe that all the girls at my university were taken but now that I've changed that belief I'm starting to come into contact with more single girls.
PflargBlarg
Member
One of the burbs of Vancouver.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Got myself a date for tomorrow. Gonna go hiking. Pretty stoked.
The Last Wizard
Member
Oh don't get me wrong I don't go asking a girl out thinking shes taken. It's just noticeable when 2 out of 2 girls you ask are. But its whatever. Its not stopping me.
I found it weird cause the girl kept apologizing, I was like don't be sorry.
Or just delete them. Who gives a shit? It's his ex.
theignoramus
Member
How do the brothers in here do on online dating sites like PoF or OKC? I've had women tell me my profile wasnt the same old same old, my messages were interesting and pictures looked fine, but my response rate is like, abysmally low. 20-25%. Ive assumed it's because of something I'm doing wrong on my end. Maybe I dont look fun or exciting enough in my pictures, maybe my profile could use a little more descriptiveness, but I write some of these broads something interesting and funny, something i KNOW departs from the normal boring shit or cut and paste jobs, and not only do I get no response, my profile doesnt even get checked out.. I know OK Cupid posted racial stats and all that noise, but shit, I dont want to believe that shit.
Those sites are all about victory by numbers. Don't expect a high reply rate. 20% is fine. The girls on it get a ton of messages and if they start chatting to a few, then they'll probably ignore the rest for a while. On one dating site(not OKC though) I've gotten 2 replies from about 25 messages. But hey, I got 2 girls I'm chatting with and a date set up with one. I don't need 30.
Well, you guys were right. I was skeptical, but apparently guys do fall for women pretty easily. After the last relationship didn't work out, I was bummed (I don't find a lot of women interesting/attractive). Low and behold not long after, I've found someone else who I'm already starting to have feelings for, I guess it really is just a matter of looking. Looking forward to our second date.
20%-25% is GOOD! 10% is about normal, but it depends on what you're doing of course.
The real truth is the sheer number of messages girls get on there limits the exposure you're gonna get.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Darn, girl from my class texted me this morning saying she was under the weather (thus no date).
To be honest I believe her, considering she's been flirting with me a ton during the last week or two, but rain checks are so lame. :3
To be honest I believe her, considering she's been flirting with me a ton during the last week or two, but rain checks are so lame. :3
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I always find things like that to be a little suspect, but it's hard to question in. Just let her recover, if she needs to.
You can't let the numbers bother you. Online dating is difficult regardless of your skin colour because most women who use those sites are flaky or in it just for the ego-boost.
Use it as a supplement to your real life pursuits and don't be outcome-dependent. I'd say sticking to the advice that's always given in here with regards to keeping your messages brief, and then setting an actual date ASAP still ring true. If you're already doing these things, then you're Doin' It Right™.
Vermillion
Banned
Conversation openers for college students at parties?
Already got "where are you from"?
Female friend notes that she hates the school topics - she's there to be away from school. That one's dead.
Uhm...
"You don't seem like you're having fun" and "I see you're not drinking" are probably terrible...
What do you guys have?
Already got "where are you from"?
Female friend notes that she hates the school topics - she's there to be away from school. That one's dead.
Uhm...
"You don't seem like you're having fun" and "I see you're not drinking" are probably terrible...
What do you guys have?
I hadn't heard from the girl I had a date with next weekend for 3 days so I texted her and never heard back...not really sure what to make of it cause she seemed keen and everything before. Should I send another text or wait?
I'd open with a statement rather than a direct generic question. "Wow, you look really bored over over here. You mustn't be drunk enough yet. What's your name? I'm X"
Or maybe even
"What's that drink you have, that looks great!"
"It's just a-"
"Yeah, I don't really care, I just wanted to come up because I thought you were adorable. I'm X"
Don't ever ask ""where are you from?". Change it too "Let me guess, you're from England, right? I could tell when you were adding all those extra U's to your words"
I'd open with a statement rather than a direct generic question. "Wow, you look really bored over over here. You mustn't be drunk enough yet. What's your name? I'm X"
Or maybe even
"What's that drink you have, that looks great!"
"It's just a-"
"Yeah, I don't really care, I just wanted to come up because I thought you were adorable. I'm X"
Don't ever ask ""where are you from?". Change it too "Let me guess, you're from England, right? I could tell when you were adding all those extra U's to your words"
Vermillion
Banned
Noted.
I would figure that, but that's harder when you're a college student. Chances are that you'd get someone from another state at best. Worse so at a state college.
But good tips.
SpectreFire
Member
Another one from Vancouver? I wonder how many of us are here. There's at least 3 including me.
AFAIK, there are several Vancouverites here on GAF. Firestorm, MikeWorks, Socreges, Bish(mod), and a few others.
Hypereides
Member
Feels kinda wierd knowing that my x is a participant/TV celebrity in a documentary about agriculture in Indonesia, on danish national TV.... watching her on screen is hilarious and wierd-ing me out at the same time.
/end blog
Anywho, Saturday? Saturday. Whiskey? Whiskey. Hope you have a nice night out folks... gotten slightly rusty in my approach.
/end blog
Anywho, Saturday? Saturday. Whiskey? Whiskey. Hope you have a nice night out folks... gotten slightly rusty in my approach.
Crap. Broke down and texted my ex-fiance after a week and 2 days. She seemed ok with me texting her and we talked about our week and work and stuff. Asked her if she wanted to play tennis sometime next week and she said "Yeah, I'll think about it, do I have your racket?" Hmm. Don't know how to take any of this. She seemed a bit distant but that would be normal.
ThanksVision
Member
The opposite sex is both the best and worst thing ever. These women are so frustrating!
TheSchwab_7
Member
So I have a date in a few hours with this girl I met online. All we have done is text and I rarely initiate cause I have been busy this week with school. Her facebook is filled up with things like: there's actually good guys out there, ive been waiting so long go this, fingers crossed, etc. and I'm like wat. Kinda freaking me out since we haven't even met. I have a feeling tonight is going to be weird. She also already asked about a relationship since shes transferring next semester. May need a few drinks to get me through this.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Don't do it, man. Don't do it. This is just gonna hurt more and more. Cancel it. Do not go see her, apologize for wasting her time, whatever. You will not get back together. It will be awkward and crushing. Don't do it. Be strong. Go find a hobby, hang out with friends, bury yourself in work, but don't do this.
Do. Not. Do. It.
Jeez lol. So after 5 years of being together and after agreeing to stay in contact you dont think this is a good idea? I went in with a very positive attitiude about everything and she seemed ok. She responded, and didn't say stop texting me, or do anything to stop it. I didnt say hey I miss you or anything like that.
hawkshockey11
Banned
So it has been 2 months since I was dumped (relationship was ~8 months long) I've moved on and don't want her back. I have other girls in my life right now that I am working on but I still feel like I want to talk to her. I guess it is because of all the things I planned to say when I finally saw her in person I've bottled up. Not unhealthy things, some apologies and some insight I guess. I sent a message during our spring break when she was in town asking her if she wanted to take pictures with me but she didn't respond.
I want to send her this message on Facebook. Is it too needy sounding? Should I not even bother at all? I want to be friends with her and I know it is possible since she is friends with her other ex.
"Hey, I think it's been a good amount of time of no contact and was wondering if you wanted to catch up a little. To be honest, I kind of miss you. Not in a "I want to get back together" way or an "I'm so lonely and just want human contact" way but just an "I miss you" way.
It's fine if you don't want to just yet or even ever for some reason. I know it takes time and all. And don't ever feel too proud or scared to contact me. I will always be glad to see a "hello" from you.
thoughts?
I want to send her this message on Facebook. Is it too needy sounding? Should I not even bother at all? I want to be friends with her and I know it is possible since she is friends with her other ex.
"Hey, I think it's been a good amount of time of no contact and was wondering if you wanted to catch up a little. To be honest, I kind of miss you. Not in a "I want to get back together" way or an "I'm so lonely and just want human contact" way but just an "I miss you" way.
It's fine if you don't want to just yet or even ever for some reason. I know it takes time and all. And don't ever feel too proud or scared to contact me. I will always be glad to see a "hello" from you.
thoughts?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I think it's a horrible idea.
terrible
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Follow up on this:
She came to a house party I was hosting last night with a friend. She specified that she couldn't stay late, so she was just there for a few hours. We were sitting in the den watching some peoples play Mortal Kombat and I was trying to snuggle and tickle her. She wouldn't hold my hand back and told me she doesn't like public displays, so in my mind I'm facepalming.
I gave her a little pot of flowers I had bought earlier before she left and called her an hour or so later. She said she wasn't ashamed of being with me or anything like that, and I'm inclined to believe her. She likes privacy. But still, I'm not sure I can stand being without a reasonable amount of physical affection. I know I sound like a whiny middleschool crybaby, but it's just hugging and kissing, I'm not asking her to unzip me or spread her legs.
I'll give it a couple more dates. If things don't work out, then I dunno...major bummer.
She came to a house party I was hosting last night with a friend. She specified that she couldn't stay late, so she was just there for a few hours. We were sitting in the den watching some peoples play Mortal Kombat and I was trying to snuggle and tickle her. She wouldn't hold my hand back and told me she doesn't like public displays, so in my mind I'm facepalming.
I gave her a little pot of flowers I had bought earlier before she left and called her an hour or so later. She said she wasn't ashamed of being with me or anything like that, and I'm inclined to believe her. She likes privacy. But still, I'm not sure I can stand being without a reasonable amount of physical affection. I know I sound like a whiny middleschool crybaby, but it's just hugging and kissing, I'm not asking her to unzip me or spread her legs.
I'll give it a couple more dates. If things don't work out, then I dunno...major bummer.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Thanks for the insightful input -_-
Sound to me that the history between you two has led her to be "nice" in pursuing a relationship with you but her heart isnt in it. But she still wants to be "nice" and friendly.
We'll see. Can't get much worse anyway. I figured hey, why try to fight it? Be nice, the break up was for the better, we wanted to stay in contact, why not talk to her and get an idea where I stand? She responded, if she didnt want to talk she wouldnt have, she didnt say no to playing tennis, and told me her schedule. I have no idea how this will end but oh well, you only live once, and god damnit. I love her, fight for what you love and no regrets. Ill take the pain as it comes.
pelicansurf
Needs a Holiday on Gallifrey
You're cruising for a bruising, bud. I caught up on your backstory and I really can't recommend going through with this. There may be a small chance that maybe she'll get back together, but if that was the case, you guys wouldn't be broken up in the first place. Knowing when to let go is an important life skill. You're just prolonging your suffering, but to each his own.
I see sadness in your future. Keep us updated though.
I'm not very positive in the outcome. I wont push it or anything like that. I just had a breaking point today when she said on Facebook "Sitting outside eating a bowl of Life and enjoying this beautiful morning. I can think of only one thing that could make this better." That broke me, doesn't mean anything, but at this point I'm not sure why I did it, it didn't end bad though. So heres hoping it goes well. I'll keep you guys updated. I'll probably need to post in here after the relapse lol.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Well, if you plan on fighting for her, then go big or go home.
Sounds a LITTLE like me and one girl I'm seeing, but this girl knew from the start I was seeing other girls and I knew she wasn't seeing anyone. And yes, I have had sex with other girls and there are other girls I'm actually interested in. It's far from directly compatible because I have zero history with any of these girls, but it sounds to me like that girl might not be looking for much from you or anyone right now. When a girl goes that 'far' and then pulls back she's got a lot going on in her mind and she's not really feeling any particular affection towards you (and based on making out, probably not to anyone right now). Point is, I'm still hoping to see that girl again and you're not in a BAD place.
In my opinion it's very hard to call it a relationship until sex has happened, and even then it may not be a relationship. Just as long as everyone you're dating knows what's up, communications is only fair. Jealous types beware.
As a virgin & maybe you're feeling lonely you may not realize it but you are pushing things quickly because of your emotional needs. I agree all your options suck but I think the most rational would be something along the lines of 'dating around'. If you're in this advanced 'mature' relationship you can bring that up with her. If you have romantic ideas that she is 'the one' (there is no such thing but I understand the feeling), then cool your jets and be prepared to ride this out for years and for her to decide you're not the one after all before you even go anywhere. That may sound harsh but it's the truth. You may end up getting married and having kids too. There are too many factors over that length of time.
I think you are a little too emotionally invested for the fact that she's clearly not 'ready' to move forward and you are feeling a bit needy and you're too focused on that one girl. So at the very least make attempts to rationalize your like/love for this girl.
Anyways, I gotta prepare for another date in less than an hour. Starting with dinner, maybe a stroll afterwards around my place or hers, and then maybe stuff afterwards (I vacuumed lol).
May the odds be ever in your favor.
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