Etrian Oddity
Member
And she reschedules again.
I have the worst fucking luck with women in the whole goddamned world.
I have the worst fucking luck with women in the whole goddamned world.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Just be glad you're in a better position than me.
I am quite literally nowhere, and the hole I'm in is getting deeper and deeper.
Did you meet her via online dating or what?
Vermillion
Banned
Literally lucky, dude. One is exactly as bad as me, but he's funny and attractive... his girlfriend's friends and other people were basically throwing opportunities at him. He didn't move till shit was guaranteed.
To give you an idea, he called me the black him. He thought (or maybe was being nice) I was more attractive than him. He is/was wrong.
Vermillion
Banned
You can't skate on looks, no. But it's also infinitely more difficult if you don't have them.
I'm not saying I'm ugly - merely pointing that out.
Vermillion
Banned
Devolution
Member
Some of you guys need to learn to channel your inner smart asses and comedians if you don't feel like you're that slick in other departments. Hilarious banter is always a plus. My first boyfriend wasn't suave at all but he was funny. I wanted to spend time with him because he constantly made me laugh.
Vermillion
Banned
I was thinking about this and how male/female interactions are almost banter. I rarely see genuine friendship as with male/male friendships. But I guess if that's what people want...
TurboLibre
Member
I'm always watching these guys, trying to see what they're doing that I'm somehow failing on. It hasn't helped out though, whatever it is they're doing, I can't see it. I've frequently asked them for advice and they have no idea what I'm doing wrong, all they do is tell me I'm great. Hell, these guys look up to me. I just don't get it.
I'm getting even more mixed signals from the ladies. I've had a number of women go on about how they think I'm awesome, and throw out "I love you" (in a friendly context), but will still pass me up to make moves on one of these guys.
I'm a pro at that. It just turned me into the "funny friend".
Atramental
Banned
All my "comedic" material is just me repeating shit I found on the internet but I make it sound like I'm making it up.
(not memes & image macros. actual funny stuff)
FortunateSon
Banned
Straight up a good tip and without fail can capture any girl. If you are good at hilarious banter and you can make her laugh a lot; it doesn't matter if the next guy is hotter, you are in.
I'm a pretty hilarious guy myself. I've been getting girls through my conversations.
D
Deleted member 81567
Unconfirmed Member
Only comedic material I have is humiliating myself. I have no confidence at all, but it works.
If you say it right, like in a confidence, iconic or sarcastic like way, then it can still be seen as a proper joke. I do that sometimes but I'm always very light hearted about it.
My main sense of humour is like dry or observational comedy but it seems a lot of girls never get it. Guys do though. :\
Vermillion
Banned
I love you Chinner. On this note, the girls who say I'm awesome are sually those who are the girlfriends of friends.
Atramental
Banned
Losers can become winners.
And winners can become losers.
Some of the biggest winners in life were at one time total losers. What separates these people from the people who are still losers is that they never gave up on their goals and they learned from their fuck ups.
Also, if you say "I'm a loser" then you're right. If you say "I am a winner" or "I can become a winner" then you're right.
Your beliefs about yourself shape your perception of reality.
you train people the way that they treat you. Why would she meet up with you when she knows she can just keep reschedule anytime she wants?
When you accept a fate, you'll never reach beyond it. I'm changing, I'll burn my life to the fucking ground if I have too and claw out of the embers. I'm 23. Most people here are around that. Why give up so early on? THAT shows who the losers are.
im a loser and theres no changing that. my best chance of love is probably settling for a wheelchair-bound girl.
D
Deleted member 81567
Unconfirmed Member
Chinner you're a loser because you don't jelq.
You're just going to sit down and take it? Are you sure you can't wheel anyone better? I think you need to put the brakes on this negative behaviour.
Then you are a loser. Because only the individual can decide that. Not a girl, not society. Only you. If you're rock bottom, you have NOTHING to lose. Literally, nothing. So go for it. Think of it, a situation with no negative outcomes and you'll either walk away even or on top. Life doesn't have those opportunities much.
Atramental
Banned
brucewaynegretzky
Member
There is so much wrong with this post it isn't even funny. First the self-fulfilling prophecy, but I think more importantly is the approach to how you need to find someone and that "losers" get "crappier" mates. You don't get a "good" or "bad" person to be with, or someone with "low standards." You meet people that you're compatible with. When you start thinking about it as just trying to meet people and get to know them it seems much easier. There's nothing wrong with being single and it doesn't say anything about a person if they are. They may just not know anyone that is compatible with them in a romantic relationship. To suggest that there is NO ONE who would be compatible is stupid. People who think of things in terms of "settling" are the people who never really liked their relationships enough to begin with, but stuck with it because they felt pressure to be with someone.
~only in death are we truly free~
Don't fear death, fear never having lived.
Nobody liked my bad puns? Really?
/kicks dirt
i thoroughly enjoyed them.
22, sadly not in school anymore, and I don't really have any options.
I was stuck in a rut in my final year of college, and I'm far worse now than I was then.
I barely ever went out during my college years, even though I always wanted to. But now I don't stand a chance of ever really enjoying life like I wanted to during college.
There's a hole inside me that'll never be filled.
The girl I'm seeing is busy hell and cancels all the time
...As to why I now have three backups on the side We're not official yet...not sure if we will if this keeps up
We're not official yet...not sure if we will if this keeps upI'm always afraid I'm gonna text the wrong girl by accident and fuck things up royally. That's why I try not to drunk text too much, especially when multiple wimenz are in the pipeline.
Dude, you're 22. Your life has BARELY started. Online dating, gym, live gigs, go meet people. How the hell do you think people who move to a new state or country are like?
Fuck, you people are depressing. I used to think like all of you. I hated it. I fucking HATED IT. And so do you or you wouldn't be here. Change you life. Find the easier spot to start, and improve it, then when that's good, start on another. I started by losing weight and I'm going great! I'll be the first one now to throw my self in the deep end. So suck it up and go fix yourself. "oh but the past blah blah im ugly blah blah", Too bad! People fuck things up, you will NEVER change it but you can change the future.
HarryHengst
Member
Because a wheelchair-bound girl cant do better than someone who describes himself as a loser?
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I'm kind of where you were when you were still in school. I mean sure I wanna go out there and do all these great things but if no one invites me to do something then it's not like I can force them. I think you shouldn't internalize it so much, sometimes it's the way it is and you have to accept it.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
People in here need to learn how much other people like it when you talk to them. Seriously just talk to people. I know it can seem weird, but you get used to it. It makes life more interesting. I am not a very social person and typically prefer to be by myself. But when I want to do something and be social I just do it. What will likely eventually happen is you'll go out with some people to do something random one night and eventually you'll develop friendships the evolve into doing more stuff. This is how life works.
This place really is scary. I remember coming in a bit right after my breakup a few months ago. Feeling way better now. I'm not really seeing anyone, but it's rather irrelevant. The amount of doom and gloom around here about women is scary. I'm plenty miserable, but I will say it's not because I don't think I'll never find someone to be with. Mostly because I don't care about that. I'm stressed by school, my job search, and I'm still down that I don't have my ex to talk to sometimes, but the ridiculously low levels of self-confidence around here just because you're not going on "dates" is ridiculous.
Now I get why the thread has "being confident" in the title. I think the more important thing is getting the idea that you get "paired" out of so many people's heads. Relationships are about mutual attraction. It's compatibility. Not ranking. You can see that a ton of people don't get this just from the word choices used around here.
April Fools? Still terrifying D:
Not sure what kind of place you're both living (city // near your homes/apartments), but a nice walk is a good opportunity to do arm linking, hand holding, or waist holding leading directly into going into her apartment or yours. Maybe more of a 2nd date conversion...
Interestingly getting girls to laugh was entirely tied to my own confidence and relaxation, and then it becomes self-propagating. It's the stuff I say that I don't even think about that gets them.
I didn't think I was funny at all until recently. Maybe I'm still not and simply have powers.
All ducks are winners. That long neck... dangerous in bed.
Serious note: I literally did think of myself as the lowest of the low loser. Ultra losers. Nerd so nerdy other nerds would point at and say 'what a nerd'. If I can do it any of you can.
Ding ding ding ding. I have come to believe that hope and belief are the most important things in a human being.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Your attitude is definitely the right one. So many guys on here would benefit from just being more positive and setting goals. But at the same time it's not always about that. I've done all the things you talk about except online dating and my life has changed incrementally at best. Some things can actually end up setting you backwards a bit if you're not ready for it. Every guy here should try everything that has been said and for a lot of them it should work but at the same time don't expect miracles or 180 degree turns.
I talk to people all the time, I've had people who were around me comment on how sociable or witty I was when it came to talking to strangers but just because you have a conversation with someone doesn't necessarily mean they want anything more than that. I've talked to people all the time that I didn't want or need to hang out with like if they were older/younger or from a very different walk of life and I'm sure people I've talked to have felt the same way about me.
Thanks, man. It has. I mean sure I'm still not a champion conversationalist or Louis CK of comedy and I'm sure not a stunner in the looks department but too bad. I'm improving my looks through exercise and I'll get better through putting my self out there. I literally can't do anymore so why stress? I'm meeting a complete stranger in a city I barely know at a bar I've never been too. But she's hot so who cares about the rest? I try and fail or I try and succeed. It's better than never trying and being forever uncertain.
I got to the point where I didn't like a single thing about my life and realized I had made so many mistakes in life that it was like being buried under a ton of rocks. So I picked one thing and I gave my self a time to achieve it. 9 months. So far I've lost 16kg/32lbs and still have 4 months left. If I couldn't do it by then...well, extreme consequences would have occurred that I had set. After seeing the change my whole brain changed. This dark cloud in my mind lifted. I had pride, confidence, and respect for my self. I realized I'm the key to everything in my life. Not a girl, not a job. Everything is about me. I am God of my life. For the first time in 23 years I see a future.
Then work on looks. That's it. Forget dating for now, forget humour and confidence. Start improving your looks. Now don't bullshit me and say you can't. You can. Get some sun, hit a gym, lose some weight, if you're skinny then bulk up, work to get a six pack even. Uh but I dunno what to do! Personal trainer. A lot of gyms give you one for free when you first join. After a few months you'll see a difference and you'll gain confidence from that which in turn will make talking to girls easier which in turn will help you GET the girl easier which in turn will motivate you to do more things to improve your life.
yeah pretty much. not like she can step up the social ladder.
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
brucewaynegretzky
Member
So what? You got a conversation out of it and met someone new. And who cares if they want more? The idea is to expand your horizons and learn more about people. If you're looking at everyone as a potential "bff" or romantic relationship it will just ruin it. Be yourself and try and learn about other people. You may even be underwhelmed more often than not, but the point is it is worth it when you meet new people.
Yeah, for sure. Again, do not be outcome-dependent. (That's my new favourite term, I swear.)
Just do it for the sake of genuine curiosity.
Vermillion
Banned
Meh, I imagine that being attractive is more important than you guys seem to think... I know it's not impossible, just that odds are stacked against. Especially with more attractive girls.
C'mon man! Look at the positive things about yourself. You hosted a GAF meet up which must have taken a ton of guts to do. You had fun and met a ton of people who post alongside you in the said meet up. You know a good amount about 3D animation (I've seen and read your posts in the Arts and Farts thread). There's a ton of great things about you so don't discredit yourself man. Never feel sorry for yourself; you are different from the next chav as you Brits call them and that's what makes you you.
It's all about taking action instead of sitting around and whining about it like several members have. You want to enjoy life? Start by going out by yourself and appreciating things. For example, passed by a tourist trap that you never paid much attention to? Go check it out and see why tourists appreciate it. Do things that you like to do. Go to more GAF meet ups, keep modeling stuff in 3D, start appreciating the man that stares back at you in front of the mirror.
I'll give you a personal anecdote of the confidence issues that I'm currently going through. Yesterday, at the GAF meet up, smokeymicpot initiated conversation for me with a chick. I proceeded to ask about 4 questions before the woman turned back to her group. Yes, I indirectly got rejected; it hurt for a few seconds, but then everything was fine. It didn't hurt.
Start believing that you are handsome like smokeymicpot was telling me yesterday, be yourself, and watch the magic happen. You shouldn't hesitate on doing something that feels uncomfortable because it's only going to make it worse. I hope this helps.
Devolution
Member
Being attractive is lower on the scale then humor and confidence I assure you.
Vermillion
Banned
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Haha No.
I'm cynical smart-ass in fairly non funny way. Even my brand of "humor" can be off putting outside of my friends. So I tend to keep my "jokes" to myself and all that's left is my pessimistic cynic.
Devolution
Member
If your humor is too mean then tone it down. Still doesn't negate my point.
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