Etrian Oddity
Member
Haha she texted me today asking me out with a new date idea, so she gets a pass.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
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TheSchwab_7
Member
I just went on a date with a whale who only talked about her ex.
Atramental
Banned
Was it my ex? ZING!
Actually, it probably wasn't, and I have a story about that. Apparently she is engaged. For those that don't know, she dumped me 2 months ago from a 5 year relationship via a text message. I'm going to laugh if it turns out this was a "shotgun wedding".
On a more positive note, had a date with a girl on Tuesday, and trying to set up something else with her this week. Tried for tomorrow, but she is busy then, but will try for another day, she seemed interested.
He's right. It doesn't sound like a man wrote that. You'll only regret it. If you truly have many new women in your life, act like it, imho. Your feelings are very understandable and quite natural of course, but they will rarely do you any good, as they mostly affect you negatively, right?
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Last Friday I went on a date with a girl, seemed good. she acted like she had fun. following day lots of texting and things were going well. spoke on the phone a few days later and she kept hanging up? i rang back after the first time and she said it must have been signal or something. happened again and she didn't answer. I hasten to add she seemed 100% fine on the phone, laughing and joking. well, I've not heard from her, via text or phone for like a week.
Why the FUCK do I keep meeting these insane mentalists? Jesus, honestly I'm so tired of this... tired of putting in effort with lazy, self absorbed women who have been brought up to think its fine to act this way.
I mean should I have paid for everything on this date? is that where I screwed up?... but no surely not because then that would make me the 'nice guy'. should I have not bothered replying to her directly following the date, which obviously showed I was interested in meeting again? what a school boy error!
Of course, im sure this is simply a case of the ever predictable scenario of her finding someone 'better'. Great stuff.
21st century dating, what a wonderful experience! id rather bathe in goat shit instead of being continuously subjected to this bullshit. lol
Why the FUCK do I keep meeting these insane mentalists? Jesus, honestly I'm so tired of this... tired of putting in effort with lazy, self absorbed women who have been brought up to think its fine to act this way.
I mean should I have paid for everything on this date? is that where I screwed up?... but no surely not because then that would make me the 'nice guy'. should I have not bothered replying to her directly following the date, which obviously showed I was interested in meeting again? what a school boy error!
Of course, im sure this is simply a case of the ever predictable scenario of her finding someone 'better'. Great stuff.
21st century dating, what a wonderful experience! id rather bathe in goat shit instead of being continuously subjected to this bullshit. lol
OrangeGrayBlue
Member
I'll talk to a girl in person, things go great, interest is expressed in seeing each other again, I'll get her number, begin texting her, and after about 1-6 texts she stops responding. I don't feel like I'm saying anything weird, off putting, or even out of the norm. I don't. fucking. get it.
Atramental
Banned
How much time passed between you meeting the girl in person and you texting her?
Less time texting and more time talking to her in the the meatspace.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
I like watching those Brent Smith videos. At times he can be very insightful. One useful tidbit of info is how much you should communicate. Try to keep texts and phone calls to just being related about when and where to meet. Everything you wanna text her or talk about with her can be said in person. The few times in my life I've gotten first or second dates, it has been with this approach. You can throw in a little bit of banter of course, have a few back and forths, but don't have intricate conversations.
As for paying on the date, I think you're overthinking it. Unleashed she paid for more than half, its really not all that important. And don't look down upon yourself or the rest of the female gender just cuz you've been subjected to some insecure girls who can't be arsed to even acknowledge you
hawkshockey11
Banned
Which is why I wrote it here before I actually sent it so you guys could e-punch me in the face. I don't know why I think about her so much. It was my first love, and it really turned my world upside down. I guess she just became a giant part of who I am and is responsible for a toooonnnnn of my "firsts."
Also I royally fucked up the relationship and on top of it, the nail in the coffin was a stupid argument that I caused, was a complete and insensitive jerk in, and then continued to act like it was her fault the first time I apologized and continued to be a huge asshole. I don't want her last impression of me to be a huge asshole, because I am not.
I guess I just don't understand why she is still doing no contact 2 months later. And I don't understand why this shit is still holding me back.
Quick question.
This girl got in touch with my over POF about 3 weeks ago. We sent a few messages back and forth and then she sent me her number.
We were supposed to meet up but I had to make a trip back home and she had to make one to Vancouver, so we missed each other for about a week and a half. We kept in touch through text over our trips (she asked for pics of my trip and sent her own) and, when I came back, I asked her out for a meal. She didn't respond and I figured that she wasn't interested and moved on with other dates.
Now, a week later, I got this text:
She seemed really cool and interesting when we talked. Do I ask her again? How? Advice?
This girl got in touch with my over POF about 3 weeks ago. We sent a few messages back and forth and then she sent me her number.
We were supposed to meet up but I had to make a trip back home and she had to make one to Vancouver, so we missed each other for about a week and a half. We kept in touch through text over our trips (she asked for pics of my trip and sent her own) and, when I came back, I asked her out for a meal. She didn't respond and I figured that she wasn't interested and moved on with other dates.
Now, a week later, I got this text:
I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner, just grandma is coming into town in couple days, so been hectic in the house. And I text you from an app so I haven't had time to check it. Sorry
She seemed really cool and interesting when we talked. Do I ask her again? How? Advice?
I wouldn't play any games, really. Just send her a reply, say it's good hearing back from her and you're going out to dinner at X day, Y time, would she like to come.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Sounds exciting.
It was embarrassing to be with her in public. Right when I pulled up to her apartment and saw her walk out I was like "noooooooo". Thankfully we only went out to eat since I couldn't handle any more of her. She kept on talking about what she and her ex would do and the whole time I was trying to :| I dropped her off and she said she'd talk to me later, but I have no intentions of talking to her ever again.
Then I chilled with some bros and had some bud light platinum, which was surprisingly tasty.
Well that was another nice date. Felt so natural. Lots of fun, cuddling, good night kiss. Had her over at my place. I could have steered the whole thing to sex but I didn't really feel like it. Feeling her thighs against mine, her hand. Satisfying.
Girl looked real good tonight too, better than she looked last date. That and I'm getting that thing where a person looks better the more you know them.
It's all good.
Give her a break, it sounds like she's probably chopped up in a bucket somewhere. Seriously, breaking up phone then completely gone? I'd be legitimately worried.
Maybe her phone died?
How many times did you text her in what period of time, how many did she respond to, what did you say? I could see this a ton of different ways and she might have 'felt' something that put her off. How long has it been since you last got a text from her? People get busy doing things. I ignored both super hot and other makeout girl recently. Got back to super hot but nothing from her. Haven't even replied to makeout girl because I was with another girl.
I'd step back that game playing one step further and just ask her if she wants to go out to dinner at X day, Y time, unless you really plan on eating out alone...
Again, people get busy and even if she's dating another guy who gives a shit.
Girl looked real good tonight too, better than she looked last date. That and I'm getting that thing where a person looks better the more you know them.
It's all good.
Give her a break, it sounds like she's probably chopped up in a bucket somewhere. Seriously, breaking up phone then completely gone? I'd be legitimately worried.
Maybe her phone died?
How many times did you text her in what period of time, how many did she respond to, what did you say? I could see this a ton of different ways and she might have 'felt' something that put her off. How long has it been since you last got a text from her? People get busy doing things. I ignored both super hot and other makeout girl recently. Got back to super hot but nothing from her. Haven't even replied to makeout girl because I was with another girl.
I'd step back that game playing one step further and just ask her if she wants to go out to dinner at X day, Y time, unless you really plan on eating out alone...
Again, people get busy and even if she's dating another guy who gives a shit.
The Hermit
Member
Fuck me, I can talk to cute girls in pub/discos but converting that to scores its nearly impossible for me ( and I can't get drunk enough to ease the way, once I even drank half a whisky bottle and I still wasn't drunk) ... and after every time I go out I feel bad and eat at Burger King to feel better.
That where I am right now, half-drunk and feeling okish after eating a triple stacker... fuck me
That where I am right now, half-drunk and feeling okish after eating a triple stacker... fuck me
Fuck me, I can talk to cute girls in pub/discos but converting that to scores its nearly impossible for me ( and I can't get drunk enough to ease the way, once I even drank half a whisky bottle and I still wasn't drunk) ... and after every time I go out I feel bad and eat at Burger King to feel better.
That where I am right now, half-drunk and feeling okish after eating a triple stacker... fuck me
My take:
1. Don't self medicate with food (unhealthy, unfulfilling)
2. Don't rely on alcohol to improve your 'game' (crutch, work on self-esteem)
3. Don't even think about 'converting to scores' (to girls that want to be 'scores' it's desperate and to girls that don't it's offputting)
HarryHengst
Member
Did this too once, except she had two subjects she talked about: her ex and her cats. After an hour i just walked away because fuck that shit. :lol
The Hermit
Member
I've never drunk much at all myself. Self-confidence you build by improving yourself, work out, learn new things, get a new hobby, do something different. These things make you feel better about yourself and I think will make you more relaxed in general.
I used to think I was shit, and maybe in some ways I really was, but I've really improved myself a ton and now more people like me. It's a weird thing to say 'people weren't happy with who I was so I changed' but I like the new me better too. Just don't change in a way you don't want to. Don't even take my advice if you don't want to.
The Hermit
Member
To be honest today I am feeling WAY better than I used to... I am much skinnier, do exercises every day, have clear professional objectives and I am working on them.
Its just that I still don't have enough self-stem to get many "no"s and feel nothing. I feel like steaming shit every time I go out of a club after trying a lot and exiting empty handed. One day I might harden enough, but until them...
The fact that you need to specify what kind of "I miss you" you mean tells me that you shouldn't send the message. It comes off as very awkward.
I don't know what you're looking to get from this person, if you need companionship, find a new girl or talk to a friend.
Zoramon089
Banned
I don't understand women! A friend of mine told me this in a conversation we were having
her: like so yeah we're compatible in whatever ways allows us to be so close as friends
her: and i find you objectively attractive in personality and looks
her: but i'm simply not attracted to you
her: i know that sounds weird but...it's fact
her: i dunno...do you know anyone that you find attractive in personality and looks but aren't actually interested in dating?
Seems like she was just trying to be nice about not having any interest in me beyond being friends, which I think I would have preferred to all that
her: like so yeah we're compatible in whatever ways allows us to be so close as friends
her: and i find you objectively attractive in personality and looks
her: but i'm simply not attracted to you
her: i know that sounds weird but...it's fact
her: i dunno...do you know anyone that you find attractive in personality and looks but aren't actually interested in dating?
Seems like she was just trying to be nice about not having any interest in me beyond being friends, which I think I would have preferred to all that
Vermillion
Banned
Well, I've been working on conversation - I'm sure I've been getting better at it, so that's a good thing.
Also been better at taking life's hits - also a good thing.
Still a coward, but it's much easier to talk to girls when it's one-on-one. Figured out ways to start off (short) conversations. If I go too far in talking about other things, I feel like they'd get the message of any sort of attraction and... yeah.
Also been better at taking life's hits - also a good thing.
Still a coward, but it's much easier to talk to girls when it's one-on-one. Figured out ways to start off (short) conversations. If I go too far in talking about other things, I feel like they'd get the message of any sort of attraction and... yeah.
Some good tips in that article.
It all depends on the situation. I've been with some girls who needed >30 minutes of foreplay to get ready, and others who, a minute into making out, would say "god, just fuck me already!" Most fell somewhere in between. Obviously a drunken party hookup will be different from a honeymoon in Bora Bora, so I think the important thing is being versatile and being able to tell what the girl wants without her directly telling you what to do. A HUGE part of this is paying attention to her breathing and the way she moves.
Good foreplay is an art. Being a good kisser is step one. After that it's knowing how and where to touch. There is a certain rhythm to most things we do, and if you pay attention, you generally know what to do. Try things out and see what she likes. The neck is a pretty good place to start. Some girls like a bit of soft biting, and others don't; when in doubt, try a soft nibble and see if she likes it. Obviously the nipples are good. You can circle them with your fingers and feel them get perky. Lick them a bit, and trace the areola with your finger. The ears are often quite popular, but some girls are too sensitive there. Anyway, the thing to remember with all of this is not to be clumsy and not to grope. Depending on the mood you can be delicate, or you can be forceful, but you should always be dexterous. You should learn to unclasp a bra with one hand while you're making out with a girl; it's a great way to show her that you're a dude with skills.
The inner thighs and ass are a good place to go once the foreplay is moving below the waist. You can run your hands along her inner thighs until you get right up to her crotch, but don't touch her there just yet. At the same time, you can keep returning to the nipples, neck, etc. See the thing about this is that you're awakening the entire body. You have two hands and a mouth, so you can be doing three things at once. Anything is possible.
At a certain point, you get to the crotch. If she's wearing jeans, you unbutton them (you should definitely learn how to do this deftly), and if she's wearing a dress or skirt, you reach the panties. Either way, you're going under those panties, although rubbing along the outside can be a very good thing to do. Once you're under the panties, hopefully at this point she's quite wet already. If not, it's your job to get her there. Sometimes she is already wet, but you won't feel it at first because the wetness hasn't reached her outer labia. In that case, you can get a finger inside and then use her own lubrication on the clitoris and labia. If she isn't wet enough for finger penetration, you can generally get her there by tracing your fingers around the outer lips while kissing her and doing whatever else with your other hand. As you work your way closer to the opening, you'll generally find that she's quite moist, and at that point you can rub the clitoris and finger her.
Some girls like it rough, but many don't. I think the way to go if you don't know how much pressure a girl likes is to start off a bit softer than you think she'll want and then dial it up from there according to her needs. You definitely don't want to be too rough with the clitoris, as you can cause her quite a bit of pain.
When it comes to actual sex, the big distinction to make is between girls who can orgasm from penetration alone and those who can't. If you're with the first type, and your, um, point allocation is pretty decent, then you're set as long as you don't bust too early. If you're with the second type, there are a few options. A lot of girls will rub themselves to climax while you're thrusting, but others are shy about that, so you'll have to do it yourself. I've found that tongue + two fingers is pretty popular. Pay attention to her breathing and vocal cues. A lot of the time you can rub her to orgasm with one hand while you're thrusting. The easiest position for this is when you're lying on your sides with you behind her, and you can usually do it from the doggie position pretty easily as well. It's a bit trickier in missionary since you are then left with only one hand to hold yourself up, but it can definitely be done.
Different girls like different positions. Some will tell you, while others will actually get into the position they want and wait for you to enter. Many will just default to missionary. It depends. If you're with a shy type, you may have to encourage her to try different positions. If you're hooking up with the same girl for awhile, you definitely want to branch out to keep things interesting.
Vermillion
Banned
^Learning all up in dis bitch.
(That's a thanks)
(That's a thanks)
I had a one night stand with a girl; but something weird happened that got me wondering: we had sex, but she wouldn't let me see her boobs. I didn't really care since we did everything but, but it did get me wondering why? she was in a bra only. Isn't that strange? she had small natural perky breasts, I don't know why she would want to cover them (she went bra-less only if the lights were off, so I KNOW she didn't have any freakish boobs).
Any thoughts on the matter?
Any thoughts on the matter?
She's just uncomfortable in her own skin?
Probably had the long National Geographic nipples.
She's okay showing every other part of her body but her boobs? She is also very fit with a round ass and a tiny waist. She showed me facebook images of herself in underwear and she is fit and nice.
Strange.
This, sounds like something I wrote a while ago lol
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Don't worry, I've had awful cringeworthy crap like that in the past too. In February I was told by someone that we weren't compatible because we had TOO MUCH in common. I have never heard such a cop out in all my life, lol. Yeah, stuff in common, how terrible, its much better to argue over everything and have no shared interests. Haha, incredible.
I'm not sure what's worse really, terrible lame ass excuses or when they pretend you don't exist!
Had another date on friday with the incredibly good looking and educated girl I told before. She invited me to her place and she prepared dinner. The food was great, nice conversations and lots of cuddling afterwards. She asked me if I could stay the night and you can guess where that went. It was an awesome night I can tell you that much.
Yesterday had a couple drinks with a girl I dated a while ago. The thing kinda faded without a reason back then and now she wanted see again. Had a good time, but at this point I consider her a friend only.
Yesterday had a couple drinks with a girl I dated a while ago. The thing kinda faded without a reason back then and now she wanted see again. Had a good time, but at this point I consider her a friend only.
TheVampire
Banned
Im really thinking of breaking up with my GF.
Its only been a few months but lately its allways me to has to call and txt never the other way around.
We havnt seen each other in 2 weeks and I call her before (4 days but yeah not like shes gonna call) and talk about random stuff then make plans for after work tomorrow to get dinner and when I bring up the topic of going back to her place after (no sex intended) shes all like "ohhh well we'll see. Got work in the morning" I mean wtf its not like im going to be leaving there at 11pm.
Just little things like this are annoying me in this new relationship.
Its only been a few months but lately its allways me to has to call and txt never the other way around.
We havnt seen each other in 2 weeks and I call her before (4 days but yeah not like shes gonna call) and talk about random stuff then make plans for after work tomorrow to get dinner and when I bring up the topic of going back to her place after (no sex intended) shes all like "ohhh well we'll see. Got work in the morning" I mean wtf its not like im going to be leaving there at 11pm.
Just little things like this are annoying me in this new relationship.
Fuck, I hate when people don't reply to texts. Sent one last night. No reply. Got one today saying she was out, said some other stuff too, I replied, no reply to that text either. Like what the fuck? Is this girl interested or not? One monent she's like "Can't wait you see go out with you next weekend!" next thing she's not replying to my messages.
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship. Don't text or call her from now on. See if she does it. And not wanting you to go back home with her place even after several months? Maybe be more direct and ask for a reason.
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship. Don't text or call her from now on. See if she does it. And not wanting you to go back home with her place even after several months? Maybe be more direct and ask for a reason.
Vermillion
Banned
Oh, did I ever mention how annoying it is when your friends get lucky as shit with girls and never have to do any of the shit you do?
Boozeroony
Member
Looks like she is bored already. Move on...
HarryHengst
Member
Sorry to tell you dude, but thats not a relationship.
silentcapybara
Banned
Date tonight. Going to an intimate coffee place/hangout joint that has good live music. Any ideas on what to follow up with after coffee? It will be this evening, so what are good activities to do/places to go? Or should coffee just be enough?
Go for a walk. Additionally, bring a camera if you have one, then take turns taking pictures of each other and whatever you see. (Dr. Who's awesome idea, not mine.) This is if she's a laid back woman -- she sounds like she'd appreciate something like this if you're taking her to a coffee place.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Annoying is an understatement haha I know EXACTLY what you mean. Life can be a really bad joke at times.
Why not try and take a closer look at what they're doing, saying, and look for cues like body language. Sometimes subtle stuff like having good posture and speaking slightly louder than anyone in a room can make you the most attractive dude in the lot.
You have these friends. Ask them for help.
I find it more annoying when I was the architect and mastermind behind setting my friend up with an incredible hot girl who was way into becoming sex buddies. And then I realized, why the fuck can't I do that with myself? Well, this date coming up, I'm pulling all the punches of success. I'm all in this time and I have nothing to lose! Except my dignity but I lost that years ago.
Its not that. I don't know. 5 years just seems like such a long time to throw away. I'm just so confused as to why she just all of a sudden changed on me. I can't stop thinking about her even a week and 3 days after it happened. Thinking about her with other guys, how she sees me, does she miss me like i miss her? Ugh. It just sucks SO MUCH out of me emotionally. I'm like a damn zombie now. Nothing I do seems to help anything.
It sucks because I found the girl that all of my friends/family love and actually like. She was intertwined into how things are in my life now, she was family it felt like. I never dreamed in a million years this would ever happen and thought we were much stronger. Now I hate everything lol.
I can't even play a game or anything without getting distracted about her. Fucking hell. I need to let this go. Waking up and going to bed are the worst.
Trick is to think about it this way:
Are those girls in shape, do they do exercises every day, do they have clear professional objectives and are they working on them?
The attitude you need to have isn't 'am I good enough for them', but 'are they good enough for me'.
This will very much change how to act towards and approach women. You'll be coming from a position of strength and confidence instead of trying to 'measure up'. You already do measure up, and if they don't get that that's their loss.
Just man up, have fun, know that you're a really worthwhile guy and if you talk to women then have fun and let them know what you want.
TurboLibre
Member
I have a couple of friends like that. Love the hell out of them but I may as well be invisible whenever they're around. It's even more frustrating when these girls know the guys are seeing someone/in a relationship, but would still rather flirt with them all night than talk to any of the single guys. It's like finding a job I guess. Nobody wants to hire you if you're unemployed.
The trick is these guys are pretty as hell. I've watched them, they literally won't do anything. Just last night I had a party at my place and one of these guys joined us. A bunch of us were having a great time drinking and having lively conversations, but he was a DD and quietly sat in the corner watching TV. He must have been tired because he was even more quiet than usual. Didn't stop the girls from flocking over to him though.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
But be realistic. A lot of guys have completely unrealistic expectations to that question.
Good looks aren't everything. I've been told by loads of girls that I'm good looking, but you know what? I didn't get anywhere back when I lacked confidence. Nights when I'm feeling low-key? I don't get attention because I don't put in the effort. (This is also where not being outcome-dependent comes in handy!)
You can't coast on good looks if you're socially awkward or low-energy. Stop using this as an excuse.
You're also ignoring their behaviours. Instead of chalking it up to their looks, why not examine their behaviours? Compare your behaviours to theirs. IIRC, you've even said you're a confident, good looking guy. Maybe you're falling flat somewhere?
If you'd like one of my cliche analogies, think of these guys as a video game company like Epic. Sure, they make pretty games, but the real things that Epic money are smart design choices, they license out their tech, and, amongst many other things, they have a great marketing budget. If you're supposed to be business analyst and you dismiss Epic's success in part to making pretty games, I'd never believe anything you say. Why? Because you clearly don't know what makes them successful; you've not analysed anything past a superficial level. The same is true here.
Maybe it's the way these guys dress. Maybe it's the way they talk. Maybe it's because they focus on having fun. Maybe it's because they know how to address any given audience. Maybe it's because they make girls feel welcome instead of uncomfortable. Maybe it's because they're making lots of eye contact.
You won't know if it's any of these things until you start analysing their success on a deeper level. Dismissing them just because of their good looks makes you seem like a sore loser. I'd tell the same thing to any of my friends if they said the same thing. I'd be all, "Dude, smarten up. You're better than this. What can you learn from them?"
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