Huh. You know, funny enough, I hadn't actually thought about it that way.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Well, what do you feel passionate about?
Try to make it a group thing, something people your age might like.
Eco-volunteering, like wetlands remediation stuff
Volunteering with disabled kids
Volunteering with elementary schools
Doing one-off events with large charities
Local fundraising
Join a team to raise money, like a team of people doing a run for cancer or something
Organize music events
Teach a free class (if you know anything worth teaching)
etc, etc
Atramental
Banned
Think of a time in which you were confident and try to replicate it. What did you do with your breathing, what was your posture like, what were the thoughts going through your head? Ask yourself these kind of questions in order to get yourself into a confident state.
Also, with anything we do in life, the more we do something the better we will become at it. You will become more comfortable with talking to guys the more you do it.
You're already setting yourself up for failure by thinking that this guy isn't attracted to you. You won't know until you talk with him and ask him out.
PXG, I'm in the same exact situation. I swear it's like women have a god damn radar for that shit. As soon as I'm in a relationship they just come out of nowhere when I no longer want to deal with them. When I'm single they don't give a fuck. I usually just ignore them or try to let them realize that I'm not interested as easy as I can.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Kind of got jumbled...
It means you both may have loved each other deeply at one point, but it doesn't stay like that for long unless that person is "the one." One will fall out of love before the other and it doesn't mean that he/she was faking the love the whole time, it just means it wasn't right.
And just a word to the ones that don't know how their ex's moved on without as much emotion as you. They did, and probably still have those emotions. They don't know what you are thinking either. To them you have moved on easily and without emotion. Or so I would like to think...
Etrian Oddity
Member
It's not just coincidence. Look up "social proof."
hawkshockey11
Banned
Guys, I know it has been stated before but YOU have to be happy with yourself (almost to the point that you think "Wow I am so happy, I don't need a woman to complete my life") before you should even consider dating.
This doesn't mean to go do stuff just so you can be ready to date, but to do stuff for yourself an only yourself. The most interesting people in the world didn't do the things they did because they thought "man, this would be a great hobby to impress a girl with." Don't think about woman, just go have fun, get in shape, yada, yada. You will find that things come a little more naturally after you are 100% happy.
This doesn't mean to go do stuff just so you can be ready to date, but to do stuff for yourself an only yourself. The most interesting people in the world didn't do the things they did because they thought "man, this would be a great hobby to impress a girl with." Don't think about woman, just go have fun, get in shape, yada, yada. You will find that things come a little more naturally after you are 100% happy.
What. The. Fuck.
Put away the cake images, I'll save you the trouble: It didn't happen.
I need some serious advice though. I'll briefly sum up the backstory for those that haven't been following along. I've been seeing a girl lately, we had 2 dates before today, they both went pretty well. We hadn't kissed yet though. We had a third tonight, but it was her idea to have it watching movies at one of our places. I volunteered my place, we went and got movies from Redbox, watched them.
Well the first sign of trouble was where she sat. My dorm has a 2-person couch and a 1-person chair in front of the TV. Before I even sat down, she immediately fucking sits down in the chair. "God dammit!" my brain was thinking when that happened. She did say before she was going to finish some homework first, so I thought maybe after that she might move. Nope, she puts the books down, and curls up in the chair in the corner. Fuck everything. I tried noticing her body language, and it seemed like there was nothing of a "Go ahead and try putting your arm around me." sign at all. Hell, I even tried and put my arm over on the armrest on her chair. I even straight up asked her if she wanted to come over and sit on the couch because she had been sitting by herself the whole night. She just said "Nah, I'm comfortable here." I can't tell if she's just shy, I'm doing it wrong, or she just sucks at body language or what. She still wants to have another date though, in fact she may be coming with me to bowling with the coworkers tomorrow night.
I feel like I'm on a train to the friendzone and any attempt to stop it is like putting a grasshopper on the track. Fuck everything.
Edit: I forgot this part, I walked her back to her place (not very far from mine). We hugged when she went in, pretty much no window there to try to kiss her. FUCK.
Put away the cake images, I'll save you the trouble: It didn't happen.
I need some serious advice though. I'll briefly sum up the backstory for those that haven't been following along. I've been seeing a girl lately, we had 2 dates before today, they both went pretty well. We hadn't kissed yet though. We had a third tonight, but it was her idea to have it watching movies at one of our places. I volunteered my place, we went and got movies from Redbox, watched them.
Well the first sign of trouble was where she sat. My dorm has a 2-person couch and a 1-person chair in front of the TV. Before I even sat down, she immediately fucking sits down in the chair. "God dammit!" my brain was thinking when that happened. She did say before she was going to finish some homework first, so I thought maybe after that she might move. Nope, she puts the books down, and curls up in the chair in the corner. Fuck everything. I tried noticing her body language, and it seemed like there was nothing of a "Go ahead and try putting your arm around me." sign at all. Hell, I even tried and put my arm over on the armrest on her chair. I even straight up asked her if she wanted to come over and sit on the couch because she had been sitting by herself the whole night. She just said "Nah, I'm comfortable here." I can't tell if she's just shy, I'm doing it wrong, or she just sucks at body language or what. She still wants to have another date though, in fact she may be coming with me to bowling with the coworkers tomorrow night.
I feel like I'm on a train to the friendzone and any attempt to stop it is like putting a grasshopper on the track. Fuck everything.
Edit: I forgot this part, I walked her back to her place (not very far from mine). We hugged when she went in, pretty much no window there to try to kiss her. FUCK.
I think organizing music events (which I already do) and eco-volunteering are the most feasible options for me. I'd also try volunteering with disabled kids, but I'm disabled myself so I might not be of much help.
The thing is, I am interested.
This one girl....she's DTF. Like REAL bad. Never been in a pickle like this.
And why are we ALWAYS in the same situations at the same time. Damnit Jambi!
....
FFFFFF
She keeps on texting me. But I can't help it. I love the attention. Plus, she's...well...yeah.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
That was incredibly painful to read.
I know. I'm quite bad at this. Now I need advice. I'm listening *pulls up chair*.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Yeah dude you are in the bullet high-speed train to the friendzone. I would say no to the bowling with co-workers thing, and instead have another one-on-one where you can get physical. Don't hold back, go for the hand, triceps, back, and especially touch the waist as much as you can. Grab that shit like it's yours (without coming off as a creep of course).
When she tries to pull the hug bullshit, after she's done, keep a hold of her with one arm, grab her chin with your other hand gently, and go for the kiss.
After all this, if she pulls away at any move, you'll know where you stand. You need to step up the romance ASAP.
Thanks. I kind of already invited her to the bowling thing, so I don't know how I can get out of that one without it being incredibly awkward, but I'll probably get to do something else one-on-one with her this weekend.
If you're not enjoying yourself, why do it? If this woman is particularly guarded about any base form of physical intimacy, it's her responsibility to come at you, not yours to chase her. Cease contact. If she is actually interested, she should be the one to get in touch with you.
Move on for now and don't hold your breath.
I wouldn't be upset, but I'd be confused too if some girl wanted to have a movie night and was that awkward. Mixed signals for sure.
I'd get physical quickly, and use fairly suggestive language too. Push a bit more aggressively, because you've got to try to make back this lost ground and re-establish yourself as a sexual man and not a male friend. Do this with confidence, because you have nothing to lose and you're worth dating, right?
If she pulls back slightly then keep on going, and if she really isn't into it then I'd just stop talking to her, tell her you were more interested in dating than being just friends and go your separate ways.
Yeah, I was quite confused the whole time really. I don't know if she's "guarded" about it or just wants me to do all the initiation myself. Maybe I'll give it one more chance, I'm not sure quite what to do.
Well if she's not comfortable with intimacy in general then it's your job to make all the moves, because she won't out of fear (and frankly gender roles generally have the guy making moves; girls just expect to be there and be available); that being said, if she's really cold then moving on is a good call
The chair and the "Nah, I'm comfortable over here" would just be too much for me.
Because we are twinsssssssss. You should make a decision soon though or else it will drive you insane. This girl I'm with now makes me too happy to even think about fucking someone else.
I kind of wonder if the guy was up front about his desire to have this be a romantic relationship though
She might've seen it as a break from studying and not a date, yeah.
Highlights the importance of making every date clearly a date though, eh?
A lot of guys who don't date a lot will treat a date kind of like two friends going out, and are to some degree hoping that the opportunity for intimacy will either be blindingly obvious (ie she makes it obvious), or she'll just straight up make the move.
Making the move on the third date is foolish; by that point you're friendzoned. If you like the girl, then make it obvious you're on a date from the first one. When you're walking somewhere, put your arm on her waist. Grab her hand to pull her to see something. Brush her shoulder to remove some imaginary 'dirt'. Tell her she looks great, and if the dates open up the option use more suggestive conversation topics. Kiss her ASAP. Intitate!
That's the weirdest thing about it though! It seems like I did, but yet she said she would want to go on another date, USING THAT WORD! Mixed fucking signals, fuck.
Edit: To clarify, I met this girl from OKCupid.......While that doesn't guarantee the intent, I think it's still pretty fucking obvious.
I had it for a little bit a while ago, but replaced. Decided to bring it back. Perhaps for good this time.
Oh and thanks.
Always clarify, never assume. Afterall, OKC does have a "looking for friends" option, right? If you think it's a definite date, why not remind them? You've got nothing to lose.
Here's another reason why being upfront about your intent is great: you'll waste less of your and her time. She balks and says, "I don't really think of you that way," then you turn her into a friend if you feel like it. She says, "Awesome," then gives you mixed signals? You cut and run as soon as you've exhausted your options and figure her out. She says, "I'm so excited," and actually turns out to be a great time? Then you've "won."
Waste less of your time, avoid being confused, and so forth. You've already approached her by this point: you're awesome. Why not continue being awesome, take the lead, and let her know what the plan is. If you're ambiguous in your intent, she might assume too much and redirect or she might even fleece you for the wrong type of attention. And you know what? You're to blame if this happens, in my opinion.
Take charge and continue to express that you're a confident man.
This happens to girls too. I had many female friends in high school, and some in university, who asked me to hang out. I figured, "Yeah, sure, sounds awesome!" Then they would tell me later, when either of us were taken, that they had huge crushes on me. If they could've simply nutted up
lol) and asked me out, I would've explored the possibility of framing the experience that way. But I was clueless. I was attracted to some of them but figured it was an entirely platonic thing when we hung out.Always clarify, never assume. Afterall, OKC does have a "looking for friends" option, right? If you think it's a definite date, why not remind them? You've got nothing to lose.
Here's another reason why being upfront about your intent is great: you'll waste less of your and her time. She balks and says, "I don't really think of you that way," then you turn her into a friend if you feel like it. She says, "Awesome," then gives you mixed signals? You cut and run as soon as you've exhausted your options and figure her out. She says, "I'm so excited," and actually turns out to be a great time? Then you've "won."
Waste less of your time, avoid being confused, and so forth. You've already approached her by this point: you're awesome. Why not continue being awesome, take the lead, and let her know what the plan is. If you're ambiguous in your intent, she might assume too much and redirect or she might even fleece you for the wrong type of attention. And you know what? You're to blame if this happens, in my opinion.
Take charge and continue to express that you're a confident man.
This happens to girls too. I had many female friends in high school, and some in university, who asked me to hang out. I figured, "Yeah, sure, sounds awesome!" Then they would tell me later, when either of us were taken, that they had huge crushes on me. If they could've simply nutted up
Fuck, I'm going to be the death of me in this, but I already knew that. I'll try this stuff tomorrow I guess. I don't really think there's a way to get out of her going to the bowling thing, but my coworkers usually bring guests themselves. We'll see what happens I suppose.
If you give up and she's the last woman you ever try to date, that'd be squandering your potential. You used to be self-pitying and now you've changed. Keep doing this. Keep striving to become better. This is a learning process that never stops.
If nothing more comes out of this attempt, apply what you've learned to the next woman in your life. You've got this.
At the worst, you gain a friend from this, if you so choose. There's always a silver lining if you sew one.
I'm not giving up, but this is still really frustrating. Thanks though.
Understandable. Going through an experience like this is often enough to make sure you don't make the same mistakes again, if you can help it.
Almond
Member
I really don't know when I'm being confident. I can psyche myself up and all that, but then it all falls apart when I reach the situation.
Well, I think there's a good chance any of the guys I would like would not be attracted to me, looks-wise. I'm trying to be realistic, but I don't want to settle. It's frustrating and confusing trying to figure out what I should do. Thanks for the help though.
I certainly think faking it is tough. I think that if your "house" (personal accomplishments, fitness, career, etc.) is in order, it shines through.
soultron Anecdote Time:
I remember one day I absolutely killed a really difficult exam and I was just super mega positive that day. It came across when I was talking to people at the bar that night because I was just joking around non-stop, smiling, everything. I can't really fake that because my subconscious did the work for me that day, nothing was distracting me.
This is why I will always emphasize personal development now. How're you treating your "house," in that regard?
blackwatchplad
Neo Member
I feel like I'm in a bit of a situation and I'm not sure what to do.
I recently had a long term relationship end on me.
...In the amidst of some other pretty terrible problems that I've been going through... just out of the blue I was left a message that she had felt like she lost her love for me.. then they completely erased me from their life. It hit me pretty cold, and also odd to be so sudden. But less than a week later she contacts me, tries to make amends. She said she was wrong about losing her love. I was still a bit of a mess, so I happily agreed to getting back and all. I was very forgiving.... and then less than 12 hours later, the same old thing.. a message and completely wiped from their life. She saw how much she hurt me and couldn't stand it ...so back to the way things were days before.
Since then (several weeks) it's been off and on contact... if they're not trying to clear me out of their life.
They'll talk to me for a while, and then nothing but cold shoulder.
It confuses me because she keeps telling me how she still has feelings, but hates seeing me hurt. So, she'll leave again.. talk about being kicked when down.
Since then I've heard a few things and seen a few things that's really made me question her faithfulness.. but I feel.. or hope it's something blown out of proportion.
I really don't know what's going on anymore.. I feel like I'm being tossed around.
It bothers me how you can go from being together, as wonderful as ever, and then literally hours later.. they decide they don't love you anymore.
I'm starting to hate really long term relationships, because I always seem to turn the significant other into even more than a lover, and I can get attached and somewhat dependent .. mostly as a person to do things with, talk and listen to, shoulder to cry on etc.
But I feel like I've done all I can on my end to fix things.. it's all up to her now...
However, I'm not sure if I should keep chasing that dream, or just give up while I'm ahead.
It even worth it? Wait things out and be patient and accepting? Or just tough it out and go without her?
Because this slump is killing me right now.
I recently had a long term relationship end on me.
...In the amidst of some other pretty terrible problems that I've been going through... just out of the blue I was left a message that she had felt like she lost her love for me.. then they completely erased me from their life. It hit me pretty cold, and also odd to be so sudden. But less than a week later she contacts me, tries to make amends. She said she was wrong about losing her love. I was still a bit of a mess, so I happily agreed to getting back and all. I was very forgiving.... and then less than 12 hours later, the same old thing.. a message and completely wiped from their life. She saw how much she hurt me and couldn't stand it ...so back to the way things were days before.
Since then (several weeks) it's been off and on contact... if they're not trying to clear me out of their life.
They'll talk to me for a while, and then nothing but cold shoulder.
It confuses me because she keeps telling me how she still has feelings, but hates seeing me hurt. So, she'll leave again.. talk about being kicked when down.
Since then I've heard a few things and seen a few things that's really made me question her faithfulness.. but I feel.. or hope it's something blown out of proportion.
I really don't know what's going on anymore.. I feel like I'm being tossed around.
It bothers me how you can go from being together, as wonderful as ever, and then literally hours later.. they decide they don't love you anymore.
I'm starting to hate really long term relationships, because I always seem to turn the significant other into even more than a lover, and I can get attached and somewhat dependent .. mostly as a person to do things with, talk and listen to, shoulder to cry on etc.
But I feel like I've done all I can on my end to fix things.. it's all up to her now...
However, I'm not sure if I should keep chasing that dream, or just give up while I'm ahead.
It even worth it? Wait things out and be patient and accepting? Or just tough it out and go without her?
Because this slump is killing me right now.
MutantCyborg
Member
I want some more advice on this if you guys don't mind. I read your comment jasonng, (can't quote it on my phone) and I will definitely tread lightly when we talk.
To update on the other girl in this quote, i'm done doing all the work, if she is interested she'll talk to me.
HarryHengst
Member
Yeah, if you go in thinking 'he wont like me', guess what: he wont like you. People notice if you hate yourself.
And im sorry to say (although this isnt strictly meant for you, but more generally speaking), but as long as you are this negative about yourself, you are not ready to date anyone. You got to be able to at the very least accept yourself for who you are and how you look before you can allow someone else in your life. If you arent able to proudly say 'this is who i am, this is i what i stand for' and can't take it if an attractive dude/girl says no to you, you are not ready to have another person in your life. How can you expect someone else to love you if you cant even love yourself?
Get therapy, go to the gym to get a kickass body, get a new hobby, fake it till you make it , go shout at the mirror how awesome you are while listening to 80s montage songs (protip: you can do this while working out!), i dont care. Do things that makes you feel good about yourself. Once you feel good about yourself, people will notice. And once you are comfortable with yourself and someone says no to you, you can just think 'fuck them, they're not worth me'.
Almond
Member
I don't quite understand what you're saying. Are you asking what my accomplishments, career, and fitness are like?
You said this:
So I was trying to suggest that perhaps you, like myself, have difficulty "faking it." Faking confidence and such.
Are you confident in who you are, what you do, where you're going? This will show if you are. You'll probably be a happy person who people want to be around, know what I mean?
Almond
Member
Well, I don't hate myself. I like myself and don't want to change for others, and I won't. What I have a hard time believing is that some one would like me, for me. It's just when it comes to men, I feel they'll be more judgmental about looks.
I've already done the therapy thing and I'm working on fitness. There are hobbies I would like to do but don't think I'm ready for yet.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I can't fake it. It becomes very apparent when I'm uncomfortable. I become a bumbling mess around some people. I do my best to be polite and friendly around people when I have to. Even when I've been having a good day I've had people ask if something's wrong because I look "upset" or "mad" about something. Maybe there's something wrong with my neutral face?
I plan on trying not to avoid people so much. I have some little things I'm working on.
search reddit for something along the lines of 'okcupid url manipulation'
theres a list of how you can use the paid search filter that filters by attractiveness and search for only hot people.
so, search for the hottest guys in your area, or on the whole site, whatever, pick one similar to you, and emulate his profile
HarryHengst
Member
I didnt feel like going to the gym this morning, but i went anyway. What is your excuse not to start a new hobby you want to do? 'Not ready' is a really lame excuse, unless you need to learn to fly an airplane or something like that.
Also, about guys and looks, yes and no. Yes, of course guys care about looks, everyone cares about how the person they are dating/marrying/sleeping with looks. On the other hand, different guys find different things attractive. You cant decide that a guy you like wont like how you look. Thats actually really arrogant even though you probably dont even realize it is (the same goes for guys thinking a girl is out of their league or whatever). And whats more, what one guy finds ugly another guy wont care about or, even better, finds really attractive.
You know, when i look at the girl im dating now i could point out flaws in her face and body which media and 'science' tells us people don't find attractive (and i can most certainly do the same with my own face and body). Do i care? No, to me she is really pretty, even though im sure there are guys out there who don't like how she looks at all. So don't decide for the guy that you aren't up to his standards. You don't know what he likes, and who knows, perhaps you are just the girl he was waiting for. But you will never know if you keep deciding for him you arent good enough.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Gaf help. I met this awesome girl tonight and im stuck in her room and I cant sleep. My dorm room is one floor below her but I cant go back and sleep cause my buddy and one of the other girls are in my bed. all I can think about is going to pound town but shes asleep and theres no two people can sleep on a full sizs bed. Shes really cute tho and def likes me.
Etrian Oddity
Member
So that Porn/Dysfunction thread kinda got me thinking, and I'm gonna take that 30-day "contest" challenge. I wonder how it'll affect me...I figure that this is the last month of the semester, so it wouldn't hurt to try one last experiment before summer break.
Also, I really wish I could go jogging tomorrow, but a) I'm still recovering from a virus I caught over Easter; and b) I have to visit family in the hospital back home.
Anyway...I'm proud that I didn't let today get to me. There are gonna be plenty of other girls.
Also, I really wish I could go jogging tomorrow, but a) I'm still recovering from a virus I caught over Easter; and b) I have to visit family in the hospital back home.
Anyway...I'm proud that I didn't let today get to me. There are gonna be plenty of other girls.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Almond, why are you so sure you won't be succesful?
Hylian, try calling her and outright tell her that, rather than some break from study, you want to take her on a romantic date. You judge depending on what she says.
Hylian, try calling her and outright tell her that, rather than some break from study, you want to take her on a romantic date. You judge depending on what she says.
If she's a heavy sleeper, don't even try. If you think she would like... Wake her up "accidentally" and explain you can't sleep... See where it goes.
YoYo Switch
Banned
ugh, I kinda wrote a lot :/ but trust me! I'm worth it! I'm a wonderful boy with a good heart
Alrighty GAF, here goes:
Met this girl back in October. She was a friend of a friend, and her and I immediately became fast friends. We hit it off extremely well, and I wasn't even trying. We were just two people that just seemed to click together--we worked.
So fast forward that following week, a bunch of my guy friends start hounding me "you and [name withheld, obviously], huh?"
And I brush it all off, "nah, she isn't my type" "too young" etc etc.
I honestly wasn't even thinking about it, in fact, it was the last thing on my mind. I had just gotten out of something pretty horrid. And not in a "she was a bitch" sort of way, more in a "I was a huge wimp who doesn't shelter my feelings" sort of way.
I was awful GAF, this girl was my life, and that October, it all came to an end, and I was heartbroken. I don't need you guys lecturing me on that though, fuck her, who needs her, and I'm so fucking glad all that happened.
Anyway, throughout October and November of this year, I talked to her every now and again, mostly through text, occasional phone call (she insisted I take her number the day we met). All the while, I was in school, taking classes, meeting other girls etc.
Had one girl ask me out actually. That one was pretty strange..
There was this one girl who I spent most of my time with, we get along really well, I got vibes from her, so I made a move and got rejected.
Yea I was bummed out, but we're still friends and all (I still get the feeling she's trying to lead me on, not too long ago I got a text that read, "hey, I have a boyfriend now", which I promptly ignored)
So while all this is going on, I'm still talking to this kick ass girl I met back in October.
It's the beginning of December now. I get a phone call from the friend that introduced me to the kick ass girl (who I guess I'll refer to as KAG from now on...)
She calls me to whine about girl problems or whatever, I'm honestly just there to listen, call her out on her bullshit, or ignore her problems and just make her laugh. She doesn't hide the fact that she used to be "in love" with me, and I never hid the fact that I was 100% not interested. We laugh it off now, and we're good friends. (closer than ever actually, due to what happened to me back in October)
Anyway, during this call, she says "I think KAG likes you"
And so I say
"uhhh interesting"
"she said, I want to go on a date with him....but not date him...like I want to date him, but be friends, you know?"
"..."
She went on to say that she pressed the question multiple times: "do you like YoYoSwitch?"
To which KAG said "hmmm...No" followed by her turning her head slightly and smiling"
So a bunch of things are going through my head, mainly, the obvious things she has said to me the past few months i.e.:
"you're important to me.."
"all my guy friends are annoying. I'd never date them. You're better than all them though!"
etc etc
So we get along really well, I ask her out the next week, she gives me a yes and I'm pretty excited.
First date goes well, second date happens the week after, although she ended up canceling the third one on me. She's a theatre geek, conflicted with her rehearsal and school schedule. She didn't cancel because she didn't want to date me, when I told her what my plans were for the third date, she was really excited and really wanted to go.
Anyway, the week after that, we're both at a party: and I felt pretty shitty. Looking back, I felt like I was too on top of her, around too often and generally off my game. A lot of the time I felt like she was annoyed that I was around. I totally get that and I take all the fall for that.
The very next day, I get a letter from my school informing me that I was being suspended. Failed three classes. You see, school work kinda fell apart for me after the whole "I was a huge wimp who doesn't shelter his feelings" thing.
I ended up moving in with my dad, and cut off communication with a lot of people, too ashamed to even socialize. Yea, even KAG. In my really mild depressive state, I noted that "hey she isn't calling or texting me, I probably really turned her off at that party. So that's fucked too"
So a month and a half of feeling bad about myself. That was some shit.
Anyway, fast forward to the end of January. I'm finding work. Got a few jobs from a friend, he directed every show I was in in high school, he's got his own theatre company (still working with them actually)
One day during work, he asks me what I ever did with that girl I was with a month ago (second date, we saw a production at his theatre company, she was also in shows he directed) I gave him the skinny on my whole situation and about how I haven't talked to her in a month.
"get your phone out right now"
He's always pushing me. That and a little motivation from GAF pushed me to finally text her "hey, I miss hearing from you"
We text back and forth for a few days and she asks me to come see her show. Once there and once the show was over, I talked to a couple friends who were also there. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice her come out from backstage. I don't approach her, however, remembering how I made a fool of myself at that party.
She rushes up to me and she's REALLY letting me now how surprised she was to see me, how happy she was, how I motivated her to perform extra well etc. it was all very nice.
Probably should have asked her out then, huh.
Well. I didn't. There were many times where I said to myself "I probably should have asked her out again"
You see, this girl is really confusing. She acts a certain way towards me: flirty, cute and silly. But when other girls ask her about me (mainly, my friend who originally told me about her liking me) she says stuff like "no we're just friends"
When I asked her out back in December, she told my friend "how do I make it seem not like a date"
When my the confusing girl from college got drunk and called her to say how much I cared about her and how great of a guy I was, she called my friend and freaked out about the whole situation, except she told my drunk friend that she liked me, and the very next day when I called her we had a great, fun conversation about random
nonsense, and she even said "I wish you came to [place redacted] I would have had a lot more fun if you were there..."
I've got a girl denying that she's interested, while the whole time, she's saying really precious things to me. I'd be happy if I weren't so confused. If she doesn't like me, why did she agree to go out with me twice? Why did she say the sometimes gooey cute things she says to me? Is she leading me on?
I think that's what it is. She gets lots of attention from guys. I don't know, it's something about her. She complains all the time about it. A few times to me, only to compare me to them, and say in better of course.
A couple days ago, she invited me to come to central park for her birthday.
It was a large group of people. Around 7 of us or so. Only ones I knew were KAG, and the girl who I met her through. The rest were her brother, a gay guy, a gay guys brother and three other guys who were all over her.. Yea.
So I had made the decision to stop going after her. She had become too confusing for me to deal with these past few months.
I was supposed to be done as of her birthday. I was going to give her her gift and just disappear. Her friends were obnoxious to say the least. They were all over her, and she let it happen. She played with their hats, put her arm around them, locked arms, leans on shoulders etc.
I however, made the decision to not give her the time of day. I was there for her birthday and nothing more.
Throughout the day, she noticed me every now and again and tried to get something out of me, I guess. She was acting how she always acted around me: cuts, funny, silly. I was feeling a bit bitter after everything I had seen that day. I flirted with her a bit, but kept everything short. She tried locking arms with me, I didn't go for it and just walked ahead.
Had some fun that day, and I felt good in thinking that I was done with this girl. She's confusing in her affection towards me and after what I saw that day, she was probably like that with every guy.
She says she hates it when every guy she meets ends up liking her, she calls her guy friends annoying for liking her, but she let's it happen. She flirts right back, even if she isn't interested. She likes the attention. So whatever, I'm done with her.
And it's a shame really, other than that, we get along extremely well, and everything about her just screams "perfect potential girlfriend" to me.
Of course, it occurred to me that I never made an actual move.
The night after her birthday, she texted me telling me she loved my gift and card and that it as all perfect. About an hour later I called her, and she went on and on about how I knew her so well, and that the card I made was hilarious etc etc. I felt she was genuine about all this. Actually I know she was. Again, besides her whole "flirts with everything and it's mom" we know each other very very well. And I do care for her in a round about way. She just, kicks a lot of ass.
And I know she has to be interested at least a bit right? A few days ago someone asked if she was into me, she said "No, he's just my friend...I've thought about it though." Conflicting emotions and statements are the norm for her when it comes to me, apparently.
So after around 8 minutes on the phone, I told her that I had a good time that day, and said I was sorry that we didn't get to talk much. I said her friends were 'unique' and, before i was about to straight up ask her out, she went on about how those were her "close friends out of her annoying ones" or something like that.
I wasn't paying attention. I cut her explanation off short and just said "yea, uh huh. But I think you and I should go out and do something. After rehearsals and everything are out of the way."
She said "yea! Ok!" in a similar sounding voice she had when I first asked her out back in December.
"I'm going to go to bed now, good bye, see ya soon"
And then I hung up. Haven't said a word to her since, her show is next week and, unless she mentions it to me, I might not go. (she invited me on Facebook but that means piss all to me if I'm honest)
I'm not even sure what this girl wants from me GAF, to be friends, or something more. But I'm going to find out. I'll make my intentions very clear once this all starts up again. But until then, what should I do? I mean. Do I continue the "aloof" routine? I'm interested, but should I text her all that often? Should I wait a few days? I don't know. I don't want to be friends with this girl. She won't let me, and I never really wanted to be. I wanted something more, obviously, and still do. I've got a yes from her, but that's not for at least two weeks from now. I'm afraid to be too on top of her, but I also don't want her to think I'm not interested. A little guidance would help. How do I deal with this type of girl?
Thanks so much GAF. You guys have no idea how much I read these boards. Much appreciated.
TL;DR
girl I knew since October has liked me. I ask her out, we date twice, plan for a third. I get kicked out if school, don't talk to anyone, even her. Month and a half later, we talk again, she's saying all the same obvious things to me, I never ask her out again though. Whenever friends grill her about me, it's always vague, contradictory answers. I know she likes flirting, but won't admit it. I asked her out finally, she agrees. Don't know how much I often I should talk to her until our "next" date. Also how i should deal with her. Also I <3 GAF
Alrighty GAF, here goes:
Met this girl back in October. She was a friend of a friend, and her and I immediately became fast friends. We hit it off extremely well, and I wasn't even trying. We were just two people that just seemed to click together--we worked.
So fast forward that following week, a bunch of my guy friends start hounding me "you and [name withheld, obviously], huh?"
And I brush it all off, "nah, she isn't my type" "too young" etc etc.
I honestly wasn't even thinking about it, in fact, it was the last thing on my mind. I had just gotten out of something pretty horrid. And not in a "she was a bitch" sort of way, more in a "I was a huge wimp who doesn't shelter my feelings" sort of way.
I was awful GAF, this girl was my life, and that October, it all came to an end, and I was heartbroken. I don't need you guys lecturing me on that though, fuck her, who needs her, and I'm so fucking glad all that happened.
Anyway, throughout October and November of this year, I talked to her every now and again, mostly through text, occasional phone call (she insisted I take her number the day we met). All the while, I was in school, taking classes, meeting other girls etc.
Had one girl ask me out actually. That one was pretty strange..
There was this one girl who I spent most of my time with, we get along really well, I got vibes from her, so I made a move and got rejected.
Yea I was bummed out, but we're still friends and all (I still get the feeling she's trying to lead me on, not too long ago I got a text that read, "hey, I have a boyfriend now", which I promptly ignored)
So while all this is going on, I'm still talking to this kick ass girl I met back in October.
It's the beginning of December now. I get a phone call from the friend that introduced me to the kick ass girl (who I guess I'll refer to as KAG from now on...)
She calls me to whine about girl problems or whatever, I'm honestly just there to listen, call her out on her bullshit, or ignore her problems and just make her laugh. She doesn't hide the fact that she used to be "in love" with me, and I never hid the fact that I was 100% not interested. We laugh it off now, and we're good friends. (closer than ever actually, due to what happened to me back in October)
Anyway, during this call, she says "I think KAG likes you"
And so I say
"uhhh interesting"
"she said, I want to go on a date with him....but not date him...like I want to date him, but be friends, you know?"
"..."
She went on to say that she pressed the question multiple times: "do you like YoYoSwitch?"
To which KAG said "hmmm...No" followed by her turning her head slightly and smiling"
So a bunch of things are going through my head, mainly, the obvious things she has said to me the past few months i.e.:
"you're important to me.."
"all my guy friends are annoying. I'd never date them. You're better than all them though!"
etc etc
So we get along really well, I ask her out the next week, she gives me a yes and I'm pretty excited.
First date goes well, second date happens the week after, although she ended up canceling the third one on me. She's a theatre geek, conflicted with her rehearsal and school schedule. She didn't cancel because she didn't want to date me, when I told her what my plans were for the third date, she was really excited and really wanted to go.
Anyway, the week after that, we're both at a party: and I felt pretty shitty. Looking back, I felt like I was too on top of her, around too often and generally off my game. A lot of the time I felt like she was annoyed that I was around. I totally get that and I take all the fall for that.
The very next day, I get a letter from my school informing me that I was being suspended. Failed three classes. You see, school work kinda fell apart for me after the whole "I was a huge wimp who doesn't shelter his feelings" thing.
I ended up moving in with my dad, and cut off communication with a lot of people, too ashamed to even socialize. Yea, even KAG. In my really mild depressive state, I noted that "hey she isn't calling or texting me, I probably really turned her off at that party. So that's fucked too"
So a month and a half of feeling bad about myself. That was some shit.
Anyway, fast forward to the end of January. I'm finding work. Got a few jobs from a friend, he directed every show I was in in high school, he's got his own theatre company (still working with them actually)
One day during work, he asks me what I ever did with that girl I was with a month ago (second date, we saw a production at his theatre company, she was also in shows he directed) I gave him the skinny on my whole situation and about how I haven't talked to her in a month.
"get your phone out right now"
He's always pushing me. That and a little motivation from GAF pushed me to finally text her "hey, I miss hearing from you"
We text back and forth for a few days and she asks me to come see her show. Once there and once the show was over, I talked to a couple friends who were also there. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice her come out from backstage. I don't approach her, however, remembering how I made a fool of myself at that party.
She rushes up to me and she's REALLY letting me now how surprised she was to see me, how happy she was, how I motivated her to perform extra well etc. it was all very nice.
Probably should have asked her out then, huh.
Well. I didn't. There were many times where I said to myself "I probably should have asked her out again"
You see, this girl is really confusing. She acts a certain way towards me: flirty, cute and silly. But when other girls ask her about me (mainly, my friend who originally told me about her liking me) she says stuff like "no we're just friends"
When I asked her out back in December, she told my friend "how do I make it seem not like a date"
When my the confusing girl from college got drunk and called her to say how much I cared about her and how great of a guy I was, she called my friend and freaked out about the whole situation, except she told my drunk friend that she liked me, and the very next day when I called her we had a great, fun conversation about random
nonsense, and she even said "I wish you came to [place redacted] I would have had a lot more fun if you were there..."
I've got a girl denying that she's interested, while the whole time, she's saying really precious things to me. I'd be happy if I weren't so confused. If she doesn't like me, why did she agree to go out with me twice? Why did she say the sometimes gooey cute things she says to me? Is she leading me on?
I think that's what it is. She gets lots of attention from guys. I don't know, it's something about her. She complains all the time about it. A few times to me, only to compare me to them, and say in better of course.
A couple days ago, she invited me to come to central park for her birthday.
It was a large group of people. Around 7 of us or so. Only ones I knew were KAG, and the girl who I met her through. The rest were her brother, a gay guy, a gay guys brother and three other guys who were all over her.. Yea.
So I had made the decision to stop going after her. She had become too confusing for me to deal with these past few months.
I was supposed to be done as of her birthday. I was going to give her her gift and just disappear. Her friends were obnoxious to say the least. They were all over her, and she let it happen. She played with their hats, put her arm around them, locked arms, leans on shoulders etc.
I however, made the decision to not give her the time of day. I was there for her birthday and nothing more.
Throughout the day, she noticed me every now and again and tried to get something out of me, I guess. She was acting how she always acted around me: cuts, funny, silly. I was feeling a bit bitter after everything I had seen that day. I flirted with her a bit, but kept everything short. She tried locking arms with me, I didn't go for it and just walked ahead.
Had some fun that day, and I felt good in thinking that I was done with this girl. She's confusing in her affection towards me and after what I saw that day, she was probably like that with every guy.
She says she hates it when every guy she meets ends up liking her, she calls her guy friends annoying for liking her, but she let's it happen. She flirts right back, even if she isn't interested. She likes the attention. So whatever, I'm done with her.
And it's a shame really, other than that, we get along extremely well, and everything about her just screams "perfect potential girlfriend" to me.
Of course, it occurred to me that I never made an actual move.
The night after her birthday, she texted me telling me she loved my gift and card and that it as all perfect. About an hour later I called her, and she went on and on about how I knew her so well, and that the card I made was hilarious etc etc. I felt she was genuine about all this. Actually I know she was. Again, besides her whole "flirts with everything and it's mom" we know each other very very well. And I do care for her in a round about way. She just, kicks a lot of ass.
And I know she has to be interested at least a bit right? A few days ago someone asked if she was into me, she said "No, he's just my friend...I've thought about it though." Conflicting emotions and statements are the norm for her when it comes to me, apparently.
So after around 8 minutes on the phone, I told her that I had a good time that day, and said I was sorry that we didn't get to talk much. I said her friends were 'unique' and, before i was about to straight up ask her out, she went on about how those were her "close friends out of her annoying ones" or something like that.
I wasn't paying attention. I cut her explanation off short and just said "yea, uh huh. But I think you and I should go out and do something. After rehearsals and everything are out of the way."
She said "yea! Ok!" in a similar sounding voice she had when I first asked her out back in December.
"I'm going to go to bed now, good bye, see ya soon"
And then I hung up. Haven't said a word to her since, her show is next week and, unless she mentions it to me, I might not go. (she invited me on Facebook but that means piss all to me if I'm honest)
I'm not even sure what this girl wants from me GAF, to be friends, or something more. But I'm going to find out. I'll make my intentions very clear once this all starts up again. But until then, what should I do? I mean. Do I continue the "aloof" routine? I'm interested, but should I text her all that often? Should I wait a few days? I don't know. I don't want to be friends with this girl. She won't let me, and I never really wanted to be. I wanted something more, obviously, and still do. I've got a yes from her, but that's not for at least two weeks from now. I'm afraid to be too on top of her, but I also don't want her to think I'm not interested. A little guidance would help. How do I deal with this type of girl?
Thanks so much GAF. You guys have no idea how much I read these boards. Much appreciated.
TL;DR
girl I knew since October has liked me. I ask her out, we date twice, plan for a third. I get kicked out if school, don't talk to anyone, even her. Month and a half later, we talk again, she's saying all the same obvious things to me, I never ask her out again though. Whenever friends grill her about me, it's always vague, contradictory answers. I know she likes flirting, but won't admit it. I asked her out finally, she agrees. Don't know how much I often I should talk to her until our "next" date. Also how i should deal with her. Also I <3 GAF
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
Good lord man. I think the fact that you wrote all that out shows that you're thinking about this way too much. Whatever you do, just don't come off as desperate...don't think about her too much but if you really can't help it, at least SEEM like you got other options/things going on in your life
It pains me to say this but she's playing you the same as she's playing everyone else. She complains to you how all her guy friends like her and how annoying that is? I'm willing to bet that she has said the same thing to her other, "close guy friends".
She is a girl that really likes the attention. It should be obvious that you are just like those other guys when you hear things like, "how do I make it seem not like a date", or the fact that she says specifically to her friends that you are just a friend and that she is not interested in you in that way.
You bring up that you are confused because she flirts with you and sends mix emotions... well guess what she's doing with the other guys.
My advice is to find someone else. You think you have a lot in common with her and that you and her get each other but I think part of that is that she is super charming. I think if you were to look at it objectively you'll see that in actuality, she is just saying things you want to hear.
If you continue to pursue her, I have a feeling you'll be in the same boat in a few months from now. Let her have her guys. Don't get suckered in.
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