Atramental
Banned
This.
Also, when you give yourself a higher sense of self-worth people will take notice.
And I can not repeat this enough:
Our thoughts shape our demeanors which in turn shape other people's perceptions of ourselves.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Also, when you give yourself a higher sense of self-worth people will take notice.
And I can not repeat this enough:
Our thoughts shape our demeanors which in turn shape other people's perceptions of ourselves.
Chinner: It's a cool look no matter how you spin itEven if most of your posts are trolling
no trolling. i actually gave myself a goatee just to humour myself, but it still needs to grow out. usually i just stick to clean shaven. thats just how i roll bro.
Well, it's frustrating when someone does that and it doesn't seem to change anything.
Just gave it a try and I must say I too have noticed a subtle improvement.
I think I'll keep at this daily, also the music is pretty cool/trippy too.
Atramental
Banned
Tell me what your self-elevating thoughts are so I can evaluate them and, if necessary, make changes to them.
Also, thinking positively of oneself is simply a foundation. Once you've attained (for the most part) a constant stream of high regard for yourself you need to take some sort of action. e.g. asking a girl out or simply initiating a conversation with someone.
And one last thing. Thinking thoughts that increase your self-worth need to be done on a habitual basis. This can't be something you just try for a couple of weeks and then give up on. You have to make it a lifestyle.
Sew a thought, reap an action. Sew an action, reap a habit. Sew a habit, reap a character. Sew a character and you'll reap your destiny.
It's kind of like a puzzle. You think you have the right pieces like having a good personality, being really fit, pretty smart, friendly, but then you still can't solve the puzzle, you tend to think that there's a piece missing or something.
MutantCyborg
Member
I don't even know where to start with this so sorry in advance if it sounds incoherent.
About three months ago my ex broke up with me. Now, she wasn't exactly clear on her reasoning but I think I know what went wrong. I was pretty nervous around girls I liked at that time and even with her. I often would not suggest many dates because I was literally afraid of rejection. Another reason, I was lacking confidence in myself. Often not speaking my mind or just not having much to talk about. I really liked this girl and as a result I was miserable when we broke up.
After about a month I felt much better about the break up, so I started showing interest in different girls. I went on to lightly date a few girls (nothing serious) and it was great I felt like I redeemed myself for acting the way I did with my ex. Something during this period completely changed my attitude toward dating, relationships and most importantly myself. I am now way more confident than I was with her, can talk to anyone including girls I find attractive with absolutely no problem what-so-ever.
About mid-March I began to think of my ex again. I tried everything you guys suggested to get over her again, but nothing worked. I even started going the gym more often to clear my mind and if anything it has made it worse. Every interaction I have reminds me more and more of her.
What prompts me to write this is today I noticed a change in her, and more so her friends toward me. During our extremely limited contact, that I try my best to keep extremely limited, she has gone from straight face - "I don't want anything to do with you" look to a way more friendly smile and beginning to look towards me more often when she would, what seemed like, avoid before. The more noticeable change would have been with her close friends; before they would not even acknowledge me at some points, now they seem to be doing the same things she has.
I'm not sure if I just needed to get this off my chest, or if I want advice on it. Do what you are willing.
About three months ago my ex broke up with me. Now, she wasn't exactly clear on her reasoning but I think I know what went wrong. I was pretty nervous around girls I liked at that time and even with her. I often would not suggest many dates because I was literally afraid of rejection. Another reason, I was lacking confidence in myself. Often not speaking my mind or just not having much to talk about. I really liked this girl and as a result I was miserable when we broke up.
After about a month I felt much better about the break up, so I started showing interest in different girls. I went on to lightly date a few girls (nothing serious) and it was great I felt like I redeemed myself for acting the way I did with my ex. Something during this period completely changed my attitude toward dating, relationships and most importantly myself. I am now way more confident than I was with her, can talk to anyone including girls I find attractive with absolutely no problem what-so-ever.
About mid-March I began to think of my ex again. I tried everything you guys suggested to get over her again, but nothing worked. I even started going the gym more often to clear my mind and if anything it has made it worse. Every interaction I have reminds me more and more of her.
What prompts me to write this is today I noticed a change in her, and more so her friends toward me. During our extremely limited contact, that I try my best to keep extremely limited, she has gone from straight face - "I don't want anything to do with you" look to a way more friendly smile and beginning to look towards me more often when she would, what seemed like, avoid before. The more noticeable change would have been with her close friends; before they would not even acknowledge me at some points, now they seem to be doing the same things she has.
I'm not sure if I just needed to get this off my chest, or if I want advice on it. Do what you are willing.
DualShadow
Member
They've noticed your new confidence and are taking more notice of you. Plus you might be in better shape than before since you've been hitting the gym more?
Atramental
Banned
There is no missing piece because there is no puzzle. The puzzle is simply an illusion (or rather, an excuse) your mind has made for itself/yourself in order to avoid the pain of continuously taking risks and making mistakes.
Remember, we all had to fall hundreds if not thousands of times before we could walk. And through your failures and rejections you shall learn how to succeed and be accepted.
Also, the pain of rejection and failure will be dulled if you've made a habit out of thinking highly of yourself.
MutantCyborg
Member
The confidence may be true. I don't look much different but I feel much better. I definitely not a bad looking guy. I would say I'm pretty average looking or maybe a bit above average looking (at least on campus).
I'm currently working on a girl right now, but I honestly lost all motivation today with her. She always seems enthusiastic over texts, but in person she just has one of the most monotone voices and cant keep eye contact for more than a few seconds.
Something else I noticed, I went back to finding most girls unattractive except my ex. I'm probably going to do something stupid in the next week...
I don't know how that's an excuse though. It's basically just simple math, to me. If you have these positive things going, and you don't see the result you want, then there must be some major negative that you didn't consider.
José Mourinho
cocknose
I remember I always used to get back with my ex. I ended up in an on off relationship with a girl I didn't get on with 50% of the time and now regret having wasted 4+ years. So yeah, by all means get back with her if you're 100% sure that's what you want. If not, be careful.
Atramental
Banned
How many girls have you asked out this year?
If I'm being honest? None, why?
Atramental
Banned
Welp. Looks like we've found your major negative. Give yourself a pat on the back.
And here you are wondering why you don't have success... jeezus...
NEXT WEEK I want you to go up to a girl you're interested in and ask her out. No excuses.
luckyboyceo
Member
Well, I'm single again.
Not only did she tell me she's leaving me for this other guy, but that they're already official. After 3 weeks.
She claims it's nothing I did, but because, "we just click like nobody I've ever met before" and that, "I've never had these strong of feelings so fast," which was a little hard to hear, cause that's exactly how I felt about her.
I guess it's good that I have closure, but it still hurts. I was really excited about this one. Truthfully, I think this is going to mess me up for awhile. I'm a wreck.
Not only did she tell me she's leaving me for this other guy, but that they're already official. After 3 weeks.
She claims it's nothing I did, but because, "we just click like nobody I've ever met before" and that, "I've never had these strong of feelings so fast," which was a little hard to hear, cause that's exactly how I felt about her.
I guess it's good that I have closure, but it still hurts. I was really excited about this one. Truthfully, I think this is going to mess me up for awhile. I'm a wreck.
Atramental
Banned
lawlohwhat
Banned
Absolutely true, but it doesn't mean you can't celebrate the feeling. Just recognize that any excitement that you might feel from someone else being into you is simply a reflection of your own attitude.
I'm just saying, I believe in the old "If it tastes like chicken, smells like chicken, and looks like chicken, then it's probably chicken" adage.
Atramental
Banned
Basically, it means that if something looks, smells, tastes the way it should, then it probably is what it is.
Atramental
Banned
...okay, help me out here...
So you're saying that you're already expecting failure even before asking a girl out?
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I'm not gonna lie and gonna be kinda blunt: At least from your story, she seems like kinda a bitch. I know that's harsh, but seriously, what was going through her head when she said that to you? It's like she's taunting you.
You just gotta push on. She obviously wasn't worth it.
That's basically what the whole tastes like, smells like, looks like thing means.
Etrian Oddity
Member
A little jittery, this girl hasn't been able to replace her faulty phone (legit, she let me check it out so I didn't think she was BSing me), so I'm hoping I'll be able to get through tomorrow so to confirm with her. Was gonna confirm today after our class, but circumstances beyond our control forced us to jet . Been looking forward to this for a while so it'll suck if misfortune strikes, but it's not like I don't have a shit-ton of term papers to take it off my mind.
. Been looking forward to this for a while so it'll suck if misfortune strikes, but it's not like I don't have a shit-ton of term papers to take it off my mind.No shit. You can't go like that and not flirt or approach girls. Don't be scared, child'ns, go out there and talk to girls!!
*avatar quote*
Atramental
Banned
Okay! Now that we're on the same page.... THAT'S A SHITTY BELIEF TO HAVE! And if you're basing this belief on past experiences remember and always remember THAT THE PAST DOES NOT EQUAL THE FUTURE!
If you expect failure you will more than likely get failure!
And don't just hope for success. Hope is too passive of a state of mind. EXPECT SUCCESS!
If you, me, and the rest of the world expected to fail at all of our endeavors none of us would ever leave the house or get out of bed. Hell, humanity probably would've died out a long time ago if our core belief was that all of our actions would lead to failure.
If you don't get rid of this limiting belief you will never succeed.
Also, remember this: F.E.A.R. is False Evidence that Appears Real. Your fears are clouding your perception and judgement. Don't let the trap of fear stop you from taking action.
hawkshockey11
Banned
If there is on thing I have learned these past few months is that no one will feel the same way you feel about each other for very long.
You have come a verrrrrry long way Altramental. You are awesome and probably the best Dating Gaf success story.
MutantCyborg
Member
I'm pretty sure that's what I what I want to do, but I can't speak for her. Honestly, I don't even know how to get back with an ex to be honest. On top of that, she is the one who broke it off not me.
I can't think straight right now, hopefully some of you can do that for me.
It's just difficult, because I'm pretty sure failure is going to be the result. If I go to the gym, I know what I can do, and I know I can strive to improve myself and push myself physically every day. I know all the progress I've made, and what I'm currently doing. Same thing with school or meeting friends. I never was great until college, because I decided to actually try, and I knew I could get whatever grades if I applied myself. With friends, I was always a popular kid. I was always funny in school, but I never had to be obnoxious. I could get the whole class to laugh, and even get the teacher to crack a smile. So unlike some here, social settings has never, ever been a problem for me in the slightest. (P.S. This goes for the same for both guys and girls. I was friends with nearly everyone.)
With relationships though, or attempting relationships, it's almost as if you are completely blind and in the dark, you have no idea of what or who may even have any interest, or even what is too far or not enough. It just feels completely alien. It feels like you're trying to watch and see what works, and understand why it's not as easy for you and why nothing clicks, so to speak. It's just confusing.
So all I'm saying is, if you're a funny, popular, friendly person, that's nice (not even too nice though, like friendzone junk; nothing like that) then wouldn't you at least expect some people of the opposite sex to make a move at you? It's not just a one way street. From that you can conclude that there's obviously something wrong with you then. Maybe it's your personality, or you're overweight, or maybe you're ugly. Something doesn't fit.
VGChampion
Member
It honestly sounds like you want someone to present such a strong argument about that you feel better. Help change yourself. Whatever your problem is now, you're exaggerating it in your mind 100 fold.
I mean come on. Think of all the girls you never made a move on. Now put yourself in their shoes. Why would a guy who is funny, popular, friendly and nice not come up to you?
A lot of people have met somebody 10x better after getting dumped.......even if it doesnt happen, you get to work on yourself and enjoy being single....win-win
Almond
Member
Do things work essentially the same way for girls? Is it worth talking to someone you don't think you have a chance with?
I mean...I never blatantly came out and asked them out, or made a move, but there were definitely subtle inklings or even flirting sometimes there. Enough that they would have been noticed, I would think.
What if they have been, but you were completely oblivious?
Because of his belief I think he is probably right, too
What if they have been, but you were completely oblivious?
Because of his belief I think he is probably right, too
Then I would be amazed. I would be beyond amazed.
I'm not stupid, I can tell when a women is flirting with a guy, or vice-versa. They use a different tone, there's friction in the air, they're more touchy-feely, there is just some spark that they give off.
Atramental
Banned
Thank you.
I have for the most part won the "battle of the mind" but I still need to win the "battle of the body". Once I've reached the level of fitness that I want to be at I'm going to go on an "asking out" spree. Hahaha.
But I will say this, my focus to become the best version of myself that I can possibly be has never been sharper. My will power has increased dramatically over the past few months thanks to all the self help programs that I've been implementing into my daily life.
Asking girls out on dates is exactly like building muscle.
The more you do it the better you will get at it. And sure there will be pain along the way but remember NO PAIN! NO GAIN!
Why not try in the context of asking girls out? Are you really that scared? Girls are just flesh and blood like you and I. They are not goddesses that will fry your eyes out their sockets if you gaze upon them. And I can guarantee you that you will not burst into flames if you get rejected.
I got rejected twice by a girl I had a huge crush on during my senior year of high school and I'm still hear to tell the tale! Plus, I asked her out when my hair on the top of my head was nothing but a little fuzzy patch. Going bald during my last year of high school was the worst but I do not regret asking that girl out because I learned so much from that experience.
You can't make a fire if you don't strike a match. The first match might not light BUT GUESS WHAT? You've got yourself a limitless supply of matches. Apply this metaphor to your darkness metaphor or rather CHANGE THIS SHITTY BELIEF INTO AN EMPOWERING ONE!
OR maybe JUST maybe your mind is riddled with limiting beliefs.
When you finally realize this it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks.
Don't turn into a Combine, Izick. I will not tolerate another Combine.
TheSchwab_7
Member
bah screw girls for now. I'm gonna focus on school. the first grade minions in my practicum make me happier anyway lolz
I understand what you're saying Atramental, but don't you think your mind gets to that point for a reason though after a while? It doesn't just jump straight to that conclusion. After you start to understand body language and how people act around others (that they like romantically) then you start to understand that something doesn't quite add up, and something obviously wrong.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Sorry to hear, dude. But you'll meet someone else (hopefully soon) that makes you feel the same way again, one who won't... be so flighty.
My gf and I are officially over. Never thought it would hurt this much.
Fuck love
Sucks
My gf and I are officially over. Never thought it would hurt this much.
Fuck love
You will come stronger out of this
luckyboyceo
Member
Yeah, I'm trying to tell myself that as well, but it's hard. Especially since this whole situation seemed so out of character for her. I told her, she literally seemed like a different person, which I guess makes this whole situation harder to stomach because I feel like she's not making a level-headed decision.
She'll realize the mistake she's making in time, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Do you mean during a relationship? Or are you referring to post break-up?
Thanks, Brent. I've been trying to tell myself that and have set aside a number of personal goals/hobbies that I'd like to achieve/get back into. Also, I got a really big promotion at work yesterday so that has been a nice plus in my life.
I know that feel bro, I got broken up with today too. My thoughts are with you. May we get over this smoothly and swiftly. I will drink with you in mind tonight.My gf and I are officially over. Never thought it would hurt this much.
Fuck love
Thanks man. I know you're right it's just a difficult thing to stomach right now, especially considering the circumstances around it. I mean, just 2.5 weeks ago we took a day-trip to a local island, now she's facebook official with someone else? Doesn't seem right and way too abrupt. I'm trying to stay strong but it's hard. Regardless, thanks for your thoughts. Greatly appreciated.
You will come stronger out of this
Without a doubt.
Bro hug. Def will drink to that!
The best thing I could hope for, is that it goes smoothly. I'm already blocking her everywhere, and gathering everything that reminds me of her. I won't be dwelling on her, as much as I may miss her.
Edit- I did cry for her, I won't lie. She didn't seem too hurt over it, which kinda took me by surprise. But whatever, single life is all the rage I hear.
Atramental
Banned
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
God, Jesus, and Mary! Why are so hung up on body language? Sure it helps from time to time but it is not the end all be all in order to know if a girl is interested in you or not.
I've seen guys hook up with girls who didn't even know the guy existed until the bloke went up and made himself know to her.
FUCK BODY LANGUAGE.
It's obviously tripping you up and it has tripped me up in the past as well. You can't obsess over little minuscule details like whether or not the girl you like is giving you little glances or touches.
I've got girls giving me little glances and slight touches all the time (even one of my professors who is 40 years old flirts with me...) but I really don't give a fuck if they like me or not. If I am interested in them I will make that fact known to them and then I'll let them decide whether or not they want to go on a date or whatever.
It's just that if you're talking to a girl you like, and then you see the way that they talk and act, right? Then, when somebody else comes up, you see their whole attitude change and become warmer, and they obviously like them, almost to the point where it's blatantly obvious, and then you realize that you're fucked.
Thank you.
I have for the most part won the "battle of the mind" but I still need to win the "battle of the body". Once I've reached the level of fitness that I want to be at I'm going to go on an "asking out" spree. Hahaha.
But I will say this, my focus to become the best version of myself that I can possibly be has never been sharper. My will power has increased dramatically over the past few months thanks to all the self help programs that I've been implementing into my daily life.
Asking girls out on dates is exactly like building muscle.
The more you do it the better you will get at it. And sure there will be pain along the way but remember NO PAIN! NO GAIN!
Why not try in the context of asking girls out? Are you really that scared? Girls are just flesh and blood like you and I. They are not goddesses that will fry your eyes out their sockets if you gaze upon them. And I can guarantee you that you will not burst into flames if you get rejected.
I got rejected twice by a girl I had a huge crush on during my senior year of high school and I'm still hear to tell the tale! Plus, I asked her out when my hair on the top of my head was nothing but a little fuzzy patch. Going bald during my last year of high school was the worst but I do not regret asking that girl out because I learned so much from that experience.
You can't make a fire if you don't strike a match. The first match might not light BUT GUESS WHAT? You've got yourself a limitless supply of matches. Apply this metaphor to your darkness metaphor or rather CHANGE THIS SHITTY BELIEF INTO AN EMPOWERING ONE!
OR maybe JUST maybe your mind is riddled with limiting beliefs.
When you finally realize this it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks.
Don't turn into a Combine, Izick. I will not tolerate another Combine.
One last thing, is it absolutely necessary that you A) be in shape and B) have a good deal of money in your pocket in order to have a successful relationship with an attractive woman?
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