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[Mordeccai]

this is a friend turned f buddy right? and u wanna remain friends?

ya youre fucked, shes obviously taking it to heart and is real into you

Really not what I wanted to hear man haha. Yeah she's a friend. Its just weird because this girl has used countless dudes in the past and has never really had an emotional investment with any of them, and its honestly one of the biggest reasons why I got with her.

Ugh. Do you guys have any tips on how to let someone down gently then?

 

[soultron]

I've been dating my GF for 4 months now and I'm freaked out by how much I like her thus far. I've dated a shit-tonne of girls and this is the first one I haven't gotten sick of this far in. I'm not going to build her up, but damn, it's nice to land a girl who's awesome, laid back, and not secretly crazy. I'm still a rational dude who knows that it could end at any time (and that I'd be fine, given some time to get over it) but it's tough not to let infatuation get the better of me.

 

[low-G]

Really not what I wanted to hear man haha. Yeah she's a friend. Its just weird because this girl has used countless dudes in the past and has never really had an emotional investment with any of them, and its honestly one of the biggest reasons why I got with her.

Ugh. Do you guys have any tips on how to let someone down gently then?

Don't worry, she's actually just using you too. (seriously, that's my opinion)

 

[Minamu]

A short date on purpose may be "pua shit" but it also serves a higher purpose which is to avoid "buyer's remorse". Sure, a long nice date may mean you guys end up in bed that same evening. But usually, like it or not, that can lead to the woman feeling slutty etc and the "pua asshole" might not ever see or hear from her again. And thus might lose out on a serious relationship. So lowering that risk by not being needy, how is that a bad idea? You guys reaaaally need to see things from more than one perspective and especially not judge the books by their cover.

 

[Hylian7]

A short date on purpose may be "pua shit" but it also serves a higher purpose which is to avoid "buyer's remorse". Sure, a long nice date may mean you guys end up in bed that same evening. But usually, like it or not, that can lead to the woman feeling slutty etc and the "pua asshole" might not ever see or hear from her again. And thus might lose out on a serious relationship. So lowering that risk by not being needy, how is that a bad idea? You guys reaaaally need to see things from more than one perspective and especially not judge the books by their cover.

I understand that, I was just kind of annoyed by the implication that a 2.5 hour date means I somehow automatically fucked this up.

 

[Tobe]

so i posted about this girl i havent seen in 4 years and how we where supposed to go out. well, i called her that day and she didnt pick up so we didnt see. then we postponed it to yesterday and well she didnt pick up either.

i thought well fuck im not gonna show any interest, but she called and said she didnt saw that i had called her, and she still was very interested in going out and said to call her in the night to try and set something. i called her and she didnt pick up again.

Today she called, for like half a second telling me she was in class and what not, she said that she had to go for a couple of minutes and shed call back, nd no she didnt.

im not mad or anything im just having a tough time trying to guess what she is up to here. well she could be really busy, but never are first day of college real busy.

 

[soultron]

so i posted about this girl i havent seen in 4 years and how we where supposed to go out. well, i called her that day and she didnt pick up so we didnt see. then we postponed it to yesterday and well she didnt pick up either.

i thought well fuck im not gonna show any interest, but she called and said she didnt saw that i had called her, and she still was very interested in going out and said to call her in the night to try and set something. i called her and she didnt pick up again.

Today she called, for like half a second telling me she was in class and what not, she said that she had to go for a couple of minutes and shed call back, nd no she didnt.

im not mad or anything im just having a tough time trying to guess what she is up to here. well she could be really busy, but never are first day of college real busy.

Stop calling. If she's actually interested and/or has any social grace at all, she'll call you back.

 

[Minamu]

I understand that, I was just kind of annoyed by the implication that a 2.5 hour date means I somehow automatically fucked this up.

That, I can understand The risk that she thinks BADLY of you, as in you must have nothing better to do or shit like that, is probably pretty darn low But the risk do exist, and it can be minimized. But hey, I wouldn't mind a 2,5 hour date either, risk or not. My post wasn't really directed at you, more at those who seem to hate for the sake of hating

 

[Ezalc]

Pretty much every girl I approach outside of online dating is taken, regardless of whether or not I'm interested in dating them. Does anyone else run into this as well?

All the damn time, except it's only with the ones I'm interested in.

EDIT: Just so this post isn't pointless, I don't know how to start up a conversation with the girl I was talking about on facebook. I feel like saying hi what's up would be too casual and stupid...

 

[NIGHT-]

Man I hate being sensitive sometimes. Why does breaking up with someone have to be so hard? I know in all it's best for us, but I just feel so sorry for her and hate for her to be hurt...

 

[soultron]

Man I hate being sensitive sometimes. Why does breaking up with someone have to be so hard? I know in all it's best for us, but I just feel so sorry for her and hate for her to be hurt...

You gotta remember that you're not her be all and end all, even moreso if you don't want to be with her any longer. She'll be okay without you.

If you love and/or respect them, you'll let them go sooner rather than later because later is both selfish and cowardly on your part.

 

[mcrae]

All the damn time, except it's only with the ones I'm interested in.

EDIT: Just so this post isn't pointless, I don't know how to start up a conversation with the girl I was talking about on facebook. I feel like saying hi what's up would be too casual and stupid...

i feel like hi whats up is always too casual and stupid. go in with purpose.

 

[Hylian7]

Wow, that was short lived. Friendzoned already. Well, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

 

[AdventureRacing]

Wow, that was short lived. Friendzoned already. Well, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

That's probably the best attitude to take. Everything is a learning experience and you're meeting new people. Also it's nice that she was actually honest about her intentions (which i would have appreciated from my last GF).

 

[Pilgor]

Wow, that was short lived. Friendzoned already. Well, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

The escaped dog excuse kind of gave that away, but either way, sorry to hear man.

 

[E-phonk]

Well, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

Best way man. Better then being emotionally invested in her.

 

[Sarye]

A short date on purpose may be "pua shit" but it also serves a higher purpose which is to avoid "buyer's remorse". Sure, a long nice date may mean you guys end up in bed that same evening. But usually, like it or not, that can lead to the woman feeling slutty etc and the "pua asshole" might not ever see or hear from her again. And thus might lose out on a serious relationship. So lowering that risk by not being needy, how is that a bad idea? You guys reaaaally need to see things from more than one perspective and especially not judge the books by their cover.

I definitely agree with your sentiment. Shorter dates in that instance leaves little chance of "buyer's remorse" as you say... but it would depend on the situation. If she is someone from OKCupid, I'd imagine she have a lot of possible dates lined up. She could very easily thinking very little of the short date with you.

On the other side, If it happens naturally where you lose track of time, I don't see anything wrong with that. Just don't intentionally try and drag out the conversation. You can kinda gauge her interest just by how she responds to you.

But I think it's important to clarify that you're only talking about the first date right Minamu?

 

[Minamu]

I definitely agree with your sentiment. Shorter dates in that instance leaves little chance of "buyer's remorse" as you say... but it would depend on the situation. If she is someone from OKCupid, I'd imagine she have a lot of possible dates lined up. She could very easily thinking very little of the short date with you.

On the other side, If it happens naturally where you lose track of time, I don't see anything wrong with that. Just don't intentionally try and drag out the conversation. You can kinda gauge her interest just by how she responds to you.

But I think it's important to clarify that you're only talking about the first date right Minamu?

Definitely Artificially being "the man" by playing hard to get, "having things to do" and all that stuff, which I agree is silly, only works for so long. If a date, or further dates, turn out to be a good time, spend all the time in the world, if both people enjoy themselves. That said, I'm no date expert by a long shot. I've actually only been on one, in the traditional sense, in my entire life (a cup of coffee at a café).

 

[low-G]

Wow, that was short lived. Friendzoned already. Well, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

And you've come out with more experience, and you've gone out there and met a girl again. Every time you will learn a little something and you will improve, even if you aren't aware of it.

 

[Qwerty710710]

It's been awhile but I really want to beef up my okcupid profile I rarely get any messages, then again I don't go on that much either. It's still a bit depressing though I've been doing better in the outside world with women much better than a few years ago. I'm still falling short I want to have multiple options because I always get burnt if I only focus on 1 girl.

 

[SpectreFire]

No it is the norm and generally how long a first date should be.

So you keep interests level higher and go for a pretty long 2nd date, like bowling/food/amusement park/ 3+ hour event etc.



No I'm not being dumb.

2 and 1/2 hours talking on a first date? The fuck dude? I hope it worked out for him, I'm just saying in general for future dates for people in here. The getting to know the person better can come at later dates and people will be way more relaxed for 2nd ones.

1st date is a crazy check and a "quick" get to know the person sit down.

I'm not saying that it can't work but yeah.. Keep it short and simple the first time.

Using formulas on people.

Dumbest shit you can ever do.

 

[hipgnosis]

So a girl from school asked me to go watch hockey with her tomorrow. We don't even know each other that well. And according to FB she's in a relationship.

What is this.

 

[electricshake]

So a girl from school asked me to go watch hockey with her tomorrow. We don't even know each other that well. And according to FB she's in a relationship.

What is this.

Girls are mental.

 

[hipgnosis]

Girls are mental.

Yeah. So after I said to her that my money situation is not that good and probably can't afford the tickets she insisted we hang out and go watch the game to a bar or see a movie or something. Just switched numbers and locked the deal.

Have no idea if this is a date or what.

 

[Hylian7]

Damn, calculus girl skipped class today, I was going to go for it today too.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Yeah. So after I said to her that my money situation is not that good and probably can't afford the tickets she insisted we hang out and go watch the game to a bar or see a movie or something. Just switched numbers and locked the deal.

Have no idea if this is a date or what.

I've been in a weird situation like this too. Just roll with it. And technically my 'situation' isn't resolved into anything yet.

 

[Hylian7]

So a girl from school asked me to go watch hockey with her tomorrow. We don't even know each other that well. And according to FB she's in a relationship.

What is this.

Does her FB actually say she's in a relationship with a person or just "In a relationship"? It's entirely possible that that could be fake for whatever reason. I had a friend that got a boyfriend that had the same job as her. She put her Facebook to say she was in a relationship, but with someone else that wasn't her boyfriend. She did this for two reasons: 1. To distract any suspicion of her and her boyfriend being together, because it was forbidden on that job. 2. The guy she made the fake relationship's parents thought he was gay, and he was trying to prove that he wasn't to them.

 

[Desperado]

With a smile on your face. From this point forward pretend she's just a girl you're not attracted to. Don't bring it up and don't mention anything about dating with her again unless she brings it up. The ball is now in her court and it may stay there forever. That is just my opinion.

Yeah, I hadn't decided whether to suggest we go out again when she brought it up herself. Supposedly we're going to do something after Spring Break.

I've been finding some cool girls on okcupid, but not getting any responses on messages yet. How many does it generally take you guys to get a response?

 

[Vermillion]

This is just for Devo:

http://xkcd.com/1027/

 

[kid ness]

I sent out a message to a girl on OKC, got a response earlier, it was a nice exchange. Assuming everything goes well, how many message exchanges do you guys typically wait before asking a girl out?

Yeah, I hadn't decided whether to suggest we go out again when she brought it up herself. Supposedly we're going to do something after Spring Break.

I've been finding some cool girls on okcupid, but not getting any responses on messages yet. How many does it generally take you guys to get a response?

I just signed up recently, sent out about 7 messages, and got 1 response so far. It's definitely a number's game. It's a bummer when you send a message to girl who seems fun, and then she checks your profile, essentially decides "no" and never responds to your message. But hey, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[Vermillion]

Yeah. So after I said to her that my money situation is not that good and probably can't afford the tickets she insisted we hang out and go watch the game to a bar or see a movie or something. Just switched numbers and locked the deal.

Have no idea if this is a date or what.

Are you interested in her?

 

[Hylian7]

I sent out a message to a girl on OKC, got a response earlier, it was a nice exchange. Assuming everything goes well, how many message exchanges do you guys typically wait before asking a girl out?


I just signed up recently, sent out about 7 messages, and got 1 response so far. It's definitely a number's game. It's a bummer when you send a message to girl who seems fun, and then she checks your profile, essentially decides "no" and never responds to your message. But hey, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Normally, I just ask her out on the first one. It's a fucking dating site, they know exactly what you're on there for, so why the fuck not immediately go for it?

Correct me if my logic is flawed on this though. I've only actually gotten one response from a message I've sent out on OKC, and you all know how that ended up sadly.

 

[Devolution]

This is just for Devo:

http://xkcd.com/1027/

Got dam. Love it.

 

[Hylian7]

This is just for Devo:

http://xkcd.com/1027/

...That, nails it perfectly actually. Just needs more "All women are always like this, even though you can name cases where they aren't, this is a hard and fast rule!"

 

[kid ness]

Normally, I just ask her out on the first one. It's a fucking dating site, they know exactly what you're on there for, so why the fuck not immediately go for it?

Correct me if my logic is flawed on this though. I've only actually gotten one response from a message I've sent out on OKC, and you all know how that ended up sadly.

I don't know how I feel about that -- I feel like girls would get creeped out that way. Most guys come on to girls in the first message, I think it's a better approach to get to know her a bit, show her that you're interesting and can carry a conversation, then ask her out. Of course, I'm new to online dating, but this is just my gut feeling.

 

[Hylian7]

I don't know how I feel about that -- I feel like girls would get creeped out that way. Most guys come on to girls in the first message, I think it's a better approach to get to know her a bit, show her that you're interesting and can carry a conversation, then ask her out. Of course, I'm new to online dating, but this is just my gut feeling.

Here's my thinking behind it: The best way to get to know them is see them in person. There is so much you can't tell about someone by messaging them through a computer. This goes double if they are doing this from their cell phone, where they are keeping messages short because typing long things takes a while. This is why I try to just meet up as soon as possible. I use dating sites to meet people I wouldn't normally get a chance to meet in real life.

Now if they're a million miles away or something, that's a completely different situation. I'm only really going for local girls, trying to keep it less than 50 miles away from me. I live in a tiny college town, and there's a big city about 40 miles away.

Edit: Think about it like this. You don't try to carry on a conversation on GAF the same way you do in real life, or via an instant message chat with someone, right? The same concept could be applied here, you're really better off trying to carry a conversation by other means. I guess if you don't want to immediately ask them out, then you could get some other way to talk to them that's quicker, be it via phone, Facebook, or whatever IM client of your choice.

 

[Hylian7]

Why the fuck is OKC mostly showing me people over 100 miles away now? Did I already weed out all the people close to me?

 

[ZeroRay]

Why the fuck is OKC mostly showing me people over 100 miles away now? Did I already weed out all the people close to me?

Adjust the match filters. (i do believe we'll need an online dating OT)

In other news, think I might just get two dates by the end of the week.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

 

[Hylian7]

Adjust the match filters. (i do believe we'll need an online dating OT)

In other news, think I might just get two dates by the end of the week.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

I've been trying that in different combinations. Is there any way to make it where if you specify something on a certain filter, it still shows the results that put nothing?

For instance, if I put "Religion: Atheism, Agnosticism", it shows people with ONLY one of those two, not the people that put nothing under religion. Is there any workaround for this?

 

[ZeroRay]

I've been trying that in different combinations. Is there any way to make it where if you specify something on a certain filter, it still shows the results that put nothing?

For instance, if I put "Religion: Atheism, Agnosticism", it shows people with ONLY one of those two, not the people that put nothing under religion. Is there any workaround for this?

I don't know how intricate you can get manipulating the URL bar. I never had trouble finding new people with the same criteria set for a month. I guess that has to do with my location.

 

[Hylian7]

I don't know how intricate you can get manipulating the URL bar. I never had trouble finding new people with the same criteria set for a month. I guess that has to do with my location.

Yeah, I put it to "within 50 miles" and got about 8 women, and eliminated them all for various reasons. Fuck everything.

 

[hipgnosis]

Does her FB actually say she's in a relationship with a person or just "In a relationship"?

It says she's with a person.

Are you interested in her?

Well she's pretty attractive and smart but I haven't thought of her that way. Not that interested at the moment to be honest. I hardly know her.

Gonna approach this purely from friend-basis and not doing any moves on her. Got nothing to lose since I like to get to know new people and it's refreshing to grab a drink with a person you don't know that well. Got other things going on too so I don't feel the need to make moves on this one.

Don't know what her intentions are though.

 

[Door2Dawn]

This is just for Devo:

http://xkcd.com/1027/

I'm sad now.

 

[FortunateSon]

So a girl from school asked me to go watch hockey with her tomorrow. We don't even know each other that well. And according to FB she's in a relationship.

What is this.

Lmao, devolution to come and safe the day. What the fuck is she doing asking you out to a hockey game 1-on-1?

She has a bf.

Girls are mental sometimes.

Edit: Speaking of the devil, I just got a text and I'm in that situation. ?!?!? What?

 

[hipgnosis]

Lmao, devolution to come and safe the day. What the fuck is she doing asking you out to a hockey game 1-on-1?

She has a bf.

Girls are mental sometimes.

Edit: Speaking of the devil, I just got a text and I'm in that situation. ?!?!? What?

Yeah that's what I don't get too. The situation would be different if we knew each other well or other people would be invited too, but this is just weird

Gonna check this out just out of curiosity.

 

[amrihua]

This is just for Devo:

http://xkcd.com/1027/

She read me like a book :'(

 

[FortunateSon]

Yeah that's what I don't get too. The situation would be different if we knew each other well or other people would be invited too, but this is just weird

Gonna check this out just out of curiosity.

Except that I got called out to a coffee. Lmao at this. Even if I knew her and she had a bf and asked me to go out 1-on-1 with her, it'd still be weird.

But have fun and best of luck to you. Just see where it goes, just make sure to not fall for her though.

 

[Johnlenham]

Yeah that's what I don't get too. The situation would be different if we knew each other well or other people would be invited too, but this is just weird

Gonna check this out just out of curiosity.

Some people can just be totally oblivous to this kind of thing but you arnt in any wrong for going along so yeah why the hell not I suppose!

 

[Omegasquash]

Yeah that's what I don't get too. The situation would be different if we knew each other well or other people would be invited too, but this is just weird

Gonna check this out just out of curiosity.

Not to butt in, but she could also just be friend-zoning you. I'd also be wary of the fact that if her BF finds out, you'll have an enemy (even if the gal says he doesn't care).

The flip side is that she's ending it with her BF and just wants something to roll into immediately. In which case expect...I'm not sure what to expect.

 

[hipgnosis]

Not to butt in, but she could also just be friend-zoning you.

This doesn't make sense. She initiated all this just friend-zone me? I barely even know her. Doesn't bother me at all though since I'm not pursuing anything with her. If she tries anything I'm the one who's friend-zoning her, I'm not interested in some third wheel drama.