Get her to go on the pill. Wear a condom if you really have to, and the chances are so low to be improbable.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Get her to go on the pill. Wear a condom if you really have to, and the chances are so low to be improbable.
Devolution
Member
Well a lot of that shit died down when bronzewolf got banned but if you're not comfortable with a relationship right now who says you have to force it? Also I don't know what's up with this idea that being yourself is mutually exclusive from being confident. Lacking confidence isn't a personality trait, it's an issue you need to overcome and the whole point is that if you want to attract anyone to you being a mopey dullard rarely does it.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
Condom + pull out seems like overkill.
I just pull out.
If you're really concerned condoms alone won't be enough, ask your partner how she feels about birth control. Sex is just sex though, if you're over thinking things and worrying too much it kind of defeats the purpose. Stick with oral if you need to.
maquiladora
Member
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm just not sure its something that I can deal with/fix. I think its now become part of who I am. I honestly don't see myself ever being in a relationship again in the future. Just have to adapt to a life alone and try not to feel bitter whenever I see stuff about people who aren't.
Thanks for the replies. Time to leave this thread!
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
1) How well do you know this friend? Are you sure things are the way they appear here or could it be possible something else is going on?
2) Big rule of thumb that you should be wary of: if at all possible, try and stay out of friend's relationship drama.
Just saw your edit. Well, #2 still stands.
Obviously there are exceptions to everything. But if Neil Strauss is to be believed, he and the other guys in his crew used those tricks to sleep with hundreds of women. I don't see any reason not to believe him. In his book, Strauss writes of instances where PUA tricks didn't work. Certain people aren't swayed by them. But others are.
I wish those tricks didn't work with anyone. This is one aspect about the world that I really despise, because it shows how grounded many humans still are in our evolutionary roots. I would like to see a world where men were not attracted to women on the basis of physical beauty, and women were not attracted to men on the basis of how well they project social dominance. Ideally, attraction, for both genders, would be based 100% on personality, mutual interests, life achievements, etc.
Note: I'm not saying that all human beings are shallow. I'm just saying that some of them are. Nor is this meant to be misogynistic. I have just as much disdain for a man who is swayed by a large pair of breasts as I do for a woman who is swayed by the shit-talking bad boy with the motorcycle. More so in fact, since at least the motorcycle proves that the guy is adventurous, which should be an objectively good quality.
With that said, I consider PUA tricks to be the male equivalent of a woman wearing a push-up bra. If there are people who are swayed by bullshit tricks, why not use them?
I understand where you're coming from. If we can learn anything from PUAs, it's the confidence. I don't agree with a lot of their shit, but the confidence definitely goes a long way.
Fury Sense
Member
I know I need to end it. I just need to know how I can do it... I don't love her but I still care about her. She's such a nice girl, isn't there a path of least harm??
Devolution
Member
Not really, not after you made things harder on yourself by lying about you felt about her. You need to come clean and soon unless you really want to hurt her.
1. Good friend.
2. Wasn't getting involved and would only jokingly mention being whipped or something if I did, just curious about my own thoughts on the situation and for my limited relationship experience.
End it in person, and if you can't do that (if it's long distance or something), do it via phone/Skype/something like that. Just don't do what my ex did and do it via text message.
Propose.
Fury Sense
Member
Fuck you LOL
I've never broken up with anyone before... What if I just gradually made her dislike me. Or I just avoid her for a week then do it so she isn't as shocked... Hell she's gonna cry no matter what...
Don't drag it out, that makes it worse.
First for everything. If you never learn to do it, then this is going to happen in all of your future relationships.
Okay, someone tell me if this would be creepy, or creative. I want to message this girl on OKC, and I have an idea for a message, it would start out with this:
"I hope this message pisses you off, because you look really cute with that frown on your face."
*Follow up with rest of message*
She looks mad in her main pic, but it looks really cute. However, I see opening with something like that going one of two ways.
1. It sounds creepy. She sees that in the message preview, and instantly hits delete.
2. It's different, and she just wants to read it out of curiousity, and actually likes the creative compliment.
Is my idea stupid or not?
"I hope this message pisses you off, because you look really cute with that frown on your face."
*Follow up with rest of message*
She looks mad in her main pic, but it looks really cute. However, I see opening with something like that going one of two ways.
1. It sounds creepy. She sees that in the message preview, and instantly hits delete.
2. It's different, and she just wants to read it out of curiousity, and actually likes the creative compliment.
Is my idea stupid or not?
This is not good.
Some girl I've been talkin to since quite some time deduced ( I don't know how, she never asked me, she just told me " You should get a girlfriend") that I didn't have a girlfriend.
I don't know why but when the girls know somehow that you are single, they stay away from you.
How can ladies instantly spot a guy with no fiancee?
Some girl I've been talkin to since quite some time deduced ( I don't know how, she never asked me, she just told me " You should get a girlfriend") that I didn't have a girlfriend.
I don't know why but when the girls know somehow that you are single, they stay away from you.
How can ladies instantly spot a guy with no fiancee?
This story is going to need a little more context to make sense....
I wouldn't do it. By immediately complimenting her, you're just like the other guys.
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Are there any ladies that can check my OKC profile, thinking of a upheaval and retry at this site again!
It's not creepy at all. People use that word way too much.
However, I'm not sure that it's a good approach. Honestly, I haven't done any OK Cupid shit at all, so I don't know.
electricshake
Member
I'll take a look although I dunno if I'm the best person for the job!
Uhhh what?
It would appear you are reading into that wrong.
"You should get a girlfriend" usually means "You should date someone who's not me". Pretty certain from my experience girls don't get turned off when they find out the guy they're into is single. Works the other way around. Sorry bro bro.
SpectreFire
Member
If you need to learn that confidence is a good thing from a buch of cavemen... well then I don't know what to say. There is nothing redeeming about PUA that you can't get from more respectable sources in life.
So yeah we went to a bar to watch the game. It was pretty fun, nothing awkward and the game was exciting. Everytime something exciting happened she would lean towards me. She was also all dressed up.
I actually invited a friend to join us after the game to emphasize the fact that this is not a date and we switched the bar. We have an awesome chemistry humour-wise with my friend and we put on our best show and it was basically constant laughter for all of us. She was bursting in laughter at some points and the night was really great.
She also did a status update afterwards on FB saying how how much fun she had at that night with bunch of smilies and all. I'd say the night was a success and I played it right inviting my friend to come along.
Still don't know what her intentions were. Not gonna bother myself too much since I had a great time and it is nice to get to know new people better.
That's a really great attitude to have in this situation.
I will say be careful if this becomes a regular thing. Although I would hope by getting to know her better you would find out whether she has a boyfriend or not. It would probably be good for you know either way considering you seem to really dig her. Easy way to save some broken hearts and not lose what may be a new friendship for you.
Well not actually that much into her at this point. I don't mind hangin out with her but I'm not pursuing anything. Got other things going on too.
But yeah the situation is a bit odd since she didn't mention her bf at all and she has one according to FB.
Found out from a mutual female friend that the girl didn't initially think it was going to be a date (lol), and that she isn't interested in me. Good to know, and I'm glad that I asked her out anyway.
Got a response on okcupid from a girl that seems very awesome, and way more my type than any of the other prospects I've had since my last relationship -- mature, but also fun; atheist; artistically expressive; nerdy; very intelligent. (Beautiful, too.) We've chatted a couple times now and have moved the chatting to Facebook (her idea). I've asked to meet up for drinks -- she said possibly, but that she is just getting out of a relationship and doesn't want to jump into meeting up with people too fast. Hopefully she'll soon feel like I'm too awesome to not meet up with.
She says on her About Me that she's looking for friends foremost, but her profile does list dating as well. Obviously, I'm aiming for the latter, but I'm trying to guard myself so I won't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. At the very least, hopefully I'll have gained a cool new friend, and anyway, it's just fun to talk to her.Eh, you never know. First time you're hanging out. People don't always immediately mention the person they're dating. Normal enough.
Either way you seem pretty level headed. Sounds like you should be fine in this situation. I wouldn't worry about it.
hipgnosis: a case study in Doing It Right.
Great attitude to have. She has a boyfriend (doesn't matter if she didn't state so; her FB publicly declares it in the absence of her explicitly mentioning it.) so until that changes, I wouldn't really change your expectations. One of the awesome things that can come of this is that she sees you're an awesome guy and talks you up to her friends.
Just wanted to say how awesome it is, once more, that you're keeping it hella real. c:
Great attitude to have. She has a boyfriend (doesn't matter if she didn't state so; her FB publicly declares it in the absence of her explicitly mentioning it.) so until that changes, I wouldn't really change your expectations. One of the awesome things that can come of this is that she sees you're an awesome guy and talks you up to her friends.
Just wanted to say how awesome it is, once more, that you're keeping it hella real. c:
KEEPIN' IT FUCKING REAL DAWG! HELLS YEAH. HIGH FIVE!
No but really, here's to genuinely nice people *raises nonexistent beer*
hipgnosis: a case study in Doing It Right.
Great attitude to have. She has a boyfriend (doesn't matter if she didn't state so; her FB publicly declares it in the absence of her explicitly mentioning it.) so until that changes, I wouldn't really change your expectations. One of the awesome things that can come of this is that she sees you're an awesome guy and talks you up to her friends.
Just wanted to say how awesome it is, once more, that you're keeping it hella real. c:
Ha, thanks man! Not feeling the need to rush into anything after my long relationship so at this point I'm just having a good time and getting to know new people!
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I think i am cursed under the dry spell... forever. I deserve it. I'm too easy, too eager, to honest. It just gives me a giant flashing "DESPERATE" sign.
Anyone know a monestary I can join? Perhaps one in the mountains. preferably one with kung fu. I guess it's fair. I'll just let you guys have the womenz. I can just carry rocks from the creek up the ten thousand steps... foreveralone fu!
Anyone know a monestary I can join? Perhaps one in the mountains. preferably one with kung fu. I guess it's fair. I'll just let you guys have the womenz. I can just carry rocks from the creek up the ten thousand steps... foreveralone fu!
Sharing time!
Well I'll try to keep this brief but I have to get a story of my chest.
Its about a friend from childhood. I have know her since I was 4 years old. We didn't really become close friends until middle school. We "dated" for all of a month witch basically meant holding hands on walks in the park .So innocent.
Eventually I decide that we are just friends. She would often try to overcome the friend zone herself. But at the time it just wasn't for me. She was too much a "good girl" for me.Not that I was a bad boy but she just didn't appeal.Her deep spirituality scared me.
We go our separate ways after high school. We keep in reasonably close contact, both mutually happy with the friendship.Fast forward thru collage years and we end up in the same part of the country. North east US. I even hook her up with a teaching job at my cousins grade school.
This time its my turn. She has grown up. She is a women and she is damn sexy.Her spirituality is now a defining factor to my attraction. I fall in love, already doomed to the friend zone before I even get a chance.She even calls me on it.
"You're in love with me aren't you"
"Yup"
"But don't you think its better as friends?"
Damn.
That was three years ago.She is functionally a member of my family. My parents treat her as their daughter. Cutting her completely out of my life would be like cutting of an arm.
I am currently half enthusiastically chasing a different girl.The new girl is cultured,intellectual and musical.Right up my alley.But when I lay awake in bed at night I can only think of my childhood friend. : (
I need an E hug Gaf! Any one else ever go thru something similar? I know that I should just move on but I have no clue on where to start.
Well I'll try to keep this brief but I have to get a story of my chest.
Its about a friend from childhood. I have know her since I was 4 years old. We didn't really become close friends until middle school. We "dated" for all of a month witch basically meant holding hands on walks in the park .So innocent.
Eventually I decide that we are just friends. She would often try to overcome the friend zone herself. But at the time it just wasn't for me. She was too much a "good girl" for me.Not that I was a bad boy but she just didn't appeal.Her deep spirituality scared me.
We go our separate ways after high school. We keep in reasonably close contact, both mutually happy with the friendship.Fast forward thru collage years and we end up in the same part of the country. North east US. I even hook her up with a teaching job at my cousins grade school.
This time its my turn. She has grown up. She is a women and she is damn sexy.Her spirituality is now a defining factor to my attraction. I fall in love, already doomed to the friend zone before I even get a chance.She even calls me on it.
"You're in love with me aren't you"
"Yup"
"But don't you think its better as friends?"
Damn.
That was three years ago.She is functionally a member of my family. My parents treat her as their daughter. Cutting her completely out of my life would be like cutting of an arm.
I am currently half enthusiastically chasing a different girl.The new girl is cultured,intellectual and musical.Right up my alley.But when I lay awake in bed at night I can only think of my childhood friend. : (
I need an E hug Gaf! Any one else ever go thru something similar? I know that I should just move on but I have no clue on where to start.
Dry spells happen to almost all of us. It will pass.
*e hug maximus*
Reframe things, "Yeah, I haven't really had time to date right now because I'm focusing on my martial arts training. I'm going to be the next Bruce Lee! wu-PAHHHHHH!!!"
What I'm saying is focus on self-improvement of some sort. You'll be doing something fulfilling, will have something to talk about with everyone (not limiting this to women), and will be too busy to worry about your little streak of quiet times on the dating front.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Don't you guys have trouble "reframing"?
because I have this self critical voice in my head that calls me a manipulating piece of scumbag every time I try to justify my failures.
I have no idea were these extremely high expectations came from. I never was good at dating.
I don't know what about being positive is scummy. Being negative and self-persecuting isn't what works for me.
I wasn't saying to lie about doing kung fu. I was saying to actually take it up so that you're busy and have that as a reason to reference when you think about why you're single for x amount of time.
If you're turning this negative feedback loop into something motivating, keep being hard on yourself. But if it's causing you to freeze up and want to quit, then you'd probably do well to try and change how you think about parts of yourself.
TurboLibre
Member
While I agree confidence isn't a personality trait, confidence without initiative will get you nowhere. And initiative is very much a personality trait.
A confident person has the initiative to make a move, regardless of the outcome.
TurboLibre
Member
Maybe for some people. The very idea doesn't work with me though. Looking at someone and thinking "I want them in my life", and then somehow believing they're interested in you...I just don't get it.
And your edit:
I am very self confident, but (for me) that doesn't amount to much when I'm dealing with other people. While I am very confident in my own abilities, that goes right out the window when I'm at the mercy of other peoples unpredictable emotions.
TBH I rolled my eyes at the "keep the power" statement because that is some straight up Frank T.J. Mackey shit. BUT, I think there is truth in some of what you say. It's not about power, it's about keeping someone interested and being a bit mysterious. If you just lay it all out there it can send a bad signal.
lawlohwhat
Banned
I don't mean to sound condescending, but this sounds less like confidence and more arrogant than anything. Why wouldn't this sense of leadership translate proportionally to your interactions with other people? If you're as confident in your abilities as you claim to be, then won't others be inspired by the way you behave? That should become obvious to other people very quickly in conversation with you, so what are you afraid of?
Update on the girl I asked out last week: We've hung out twice now, had a good time and got intimate pretty quickly, but I don't know if we have much in common. It's hard to relate to someone six years younger than you when they don't really show any sense of directionality or drive with their life. That probably sounds more critical than I want it to, but I think that aspect of someone's personality has become something very important to me over the last couple of years. In any case, she's nice enough, but I think I'm definitely not in a rush to reach out to her. Besides, finals are quickly approaching!
TurboLibre
Member
Don't worry you're not being condescending. It's an abstract idea in my head and hard to flesh out correctly. It does inspire the people around me, that just doesn't translate to attraction/interest. While I can approach a job with confidence knowing I have the abilities to get it done, I can't approach a woman and confidently believe they're interested in me. One relies on myself and the tools at my disposal, the other relies on someone else and their emotions. Two factors that have failed me time and time again.
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