jimmypython
Member
leave her alone. I wouldn't assume what she might have been doing.
but
you can "be busy" yourself... i think it's a fair game.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love
- Thread starter Advocatus Diaboli
- Start date
leave her alone. I wouldn't assume what she might have been doing.
but
you can "be busy" yourself... i think it's a fair game.
seems like a stalker app
Alright, which Gaffer was this?
http://metro.co.uk/2017/09/12/piano...iend-after-being-punched-in-the-head-6920857/
Write me a crown of sonnets if old.
http://metro.co.uk/2017/09/12/piano...iend-after-being-punched-in-the-head-6920857/
Write me a crown of sonnets if old.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I was really hoping this wasn't the case lmao, that's trash
I had to express myself somehow.
Hey guys, I've been away for a while :lol Thanks for the quick mention in the OP.
This time, I could use some advice of my own. I can't really explain why I dropped out of all this stuff, but part of it is having a girlfriend of 3,5 years by now (last time I was active in these parts, I was about to get into coaching studies in the field of positive psychology).
It has come to my attention that I may have some worrisome troubles downstairs. Is there anyone here who has experience with this? Embarassing to talk about, believe me, I know :/
For starters, I'll just come out and ask it, what's viagra like?
Sorry for being vague but it's taken a long time to even consider going public. I wouldn't need it for the most obvious of reasons though. Our relationship may be on the verge.
This time, I could use some advice of my own. I can't really explain why I dropped out of all this stuff, but part of it is having a girlfriend of 3,5 years by now (last time I was active in these parts, I was about to get into coaching studies in the field of positive psychology).
It has come to my attention that I may have some worrisome troubles downstairs. Is there anyone here who has experience with this? Embarassing to talk about, believe me, I know :/
For starters, I'll just come out and ask it, what's viagra like?
Sorry for being vague but it's taken a long time to even consider going public. I wouldn't need it for the most obvious of reasons though. Our relationship may be on the verge.I've been to several different hospital departments but results are inconclusive so far and it takes foreeeever to get any sort of feedback.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Viagra is alright. Ill pop one if I know I'm going to have whiskey dick. I prefer Cialis though. I tried some of that Kamagra jelly and that shit was pretty good.
Testosterone levels can drop getting into your 30's so getting your T levels checked isnt a bad idea. If they are low enough and you can get on some kind of TRT then you'll be banging like youre 18 again.
Testosterone levels can drop getting into your 30's so getting your T levels checked isnt a bad idea. If they are low enough and you can get on some kind of TRT then you'll be banging like youre 18 again.
You response makes it sound like the GF is cheating on him and he should do the same, neither of which are exactly great.
It's pretty obvious she's too busy to have a boyfriend, though.
I did check my T levels, they're barely existent actually, no idea why. The doctor gave me liquid T to rub on my skin and it got the levels back to normal for someone at 31 years old. Got hair in new places :lol Didn't do squat downstairs though. I'm not taking it anymore, another department stopped me and we're currently investigating my endocrine levels and any potential brain damage :O
My issue isn't getting ready per se, it's staying ready to keep going, not sure if viagra can help with that. Everything goes "cold" and numb and you can guess what the pleasure center thinks of that.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Hmm. I think I get what youre saying. For me, I get stimulated visually. My shit just goes numb too. Having sex with the lights off aint happenin. I have to really like what Im seeing to get off.
I cant get on any TRT because the docs say my T levels are on the high end of normal for my age (32). Not sure if its a lifelone addiction to porn or being promiscuous for a good while but I have problems staying hard. Its gota be hot and heavy and we both got to be into it or I just go soft after a while. Lots of foreplay is required these days.
With viagra, I am basically just a walking boner. Shit will get hard and stay hard even if Im not in the mood anymore. Which isnt so bad. You can fuck all night.
With Cialis. It just makes me really damn horny and I'm crazy in the mood for like 2 days. Viagra will give you a better boner though.
I've done anabolic steroids. Being on an overload of testosterone was by far the best drug I've ever done and I've done them all. Not that I am advocating you go do that. Just for me it was the best. I could fuck 20 times a day for months on that.
protomouse
Member
Sigh. At what point did a simple "no thank you, I'm not feeling it" become obsolete? It's absolutely crushing to run into these dead silences all the time. You feel like you must've been or done something horrible/scary to cause the other person to recoil like this. You also start having a bad conscience about the other person potentially having a bad conscience for ignoring you, even though it's most likely just you projecting how you would feel ignoring someone. How do you not become jaded?
Recognize ghosting for what it is - you're paying for the sins of other men...men who are jackasses, who don't take rejection well, who just generally irritate women. Once you've seen some of the shit women go through, you become a lot more understanding of why they ghost.
Piggy-backing on this, I'm trying to come up with a good "I'm not feeling it" note to send to at least 5 women. I'm sure some of them aren't "feeling it" either, but I feel that they deserve more than silence, and at the very least a note.
So I came up with a simple note that would be good for a text. This is early, and please, let me know what I should change - I don't want it to be "nice", but I don't want it to come off condescending - I want it to be direct and reasonable.
"Hi [name], I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say that I enjoyed hanging out with you, but I think you'd agree that there really isn't anything there between us to peruse a relationship. Just thought you deserved something more than silence. Take care."
What do you think? Maybe that sentence before "take care" could change, or just be deleted?
Little wordy.
"Hi [name], I enjoyed hanging out with you, but I just don't feel that connection i'm looking for. Good luck!"
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Did you read the OP?
Silence is your answer. You don't need to know why someone's not feeling it. If they're not actively agreeing to see you again, it doesn't matter, because -- for whatever reason -- they're not feeling it.
You don't become jaded because you realize it has nothing to do with you. You are not owed anything. Get over it. You've just got to learn how to read the tea leaves here, and if you're able to do that, things are pretty self-explanatory.
This too. Or, quite honestly, haven't we all been in dates where neither party was feeling it? What on earth is the point in reaching out to say the obvious?
I mean, each situation is different. Frankly, if you've only gone out with someone once or twice and you're not asking them out again and both parties are not especially signaling interest, what's the point in saying that? You're both socially aware enough to "get" it.
Also, even if you go that route, your sentence is wishy-washy as fuck. "I think you'd agree there's nothing"? Seriously? Just say: "I enjoyed meeting and hanging out with you, but I don't think I'm interested in another date." (And then, honestly, I'd only reply with that if they bring up going out again!)
My wife and I conferred and we agree that this is just the plot to the Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton song "A Christmas to Remember."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D0fis0qSxOs
Yeah, think I'll hold back until they ask something, and be less wishy-washy about it. I just like to be prepared for eventualities.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I presume you went down on her long enough to satisfy her, probably twice, then promised the D later on, yes?
If she can't accept that, she's not worth investing in. If you didn't step up your tongue game, you're not (yet) worth investing in.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Well now I have found a new favorite song at least.
Not enough cocaine tho.
It happens to the best of us. *empathetic bro fist*
SoldierOfLight
Member
Alright GAF I'm back. I need advice.
So there is this girl @ work, (it's a building with multiple floors and departments so a lot of girls) and I've met her at work but didn't start talking to her until early last month when we went to a happy hour we both found ourselves talking to each other. She ends up asking for my social media and starts to DM me there little by little. Anyway now it's to the point where we text each other morning,noon and evening. So I figured she must be interested in me and I'd like to get to know her better than with just the small texts.
I asked her out today for this Friday and she said yes.
Now I've dated several times in the past but I'm really struggling with what to do here. I know to pick her up and take her out to dinner but what should I do from there?
GAF help.
I don't want it to be an akward date. When I reflect on my past dates they were kind of a bit not normal. Last gf I had held my hand pretty much the first night we hung out and held it which I had no problem with but it threw me off. Ex before that I don't even remember how that came about.
So a dinner and then what?
So there is this girl @ work, (it's a building with multiple floors and departments so a lot of girls) and I've met her at work but didn't start talking to her until early last month when we went to a happy hour we both found ourselves talking to each other. She ends up asking for my social media and starts to DM me there little by little. Anyway now it's to the point where we text each other morning,noon and evening. So I figured she must be interested in me and I'd like to get to know her better than with just the small texts.
I asked her out today for this Friday and she said yes.
Now I've dated several times in the past but I'm really struggling with what to do here. I know to pick her up and take her out to dinner but what should I do from there?
GAF help.
I don't want it to be an akward date. When I reflect on my past dates they were kind of a bit not normal. Last gf I had held my hand pretty much the first night we hung out and held it which I had no problem with but it threw me off. Ex before that I don't even remember how that came about.
So a dinner and then what?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You take her out to dinner and, if you enjoy her company, you figure out where to go afterwards. Or, you call it a night and plan to do that other something another time.
You're already significantly overinvested, by the way. At least you've already met her and vibed with her over the work HH, but slow your roll.
Also, hand-holding (and sometimes more! omg!) on a first date is literally super normal, so I'm not sure why you think that's an outlier.
SoldierOfLight
Member
You make a great point there. So my question is what should I do in this case? How should I go about slowing my role?
Should I not have asked her out at this point? If anything I think it was a good time to ask but do you mean take it slow on the dating portion and not expect anything?
LookAtMeGo
Member
Maybe I'm weird but hand holding on a first date is crazy business. There would have to be some crazy sparks and long eye stares going on. Cant say I've ever held hands on a first date. I'd be afraid of getting pepper sprayed if I tried that.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I legit can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
LookAtMeGo
Member
PancakeBurglar
Member
I'm one of those people who sees hand holding as really intimate, honestly initiating sex is sometimes easier than hand holding with a new girl. Yeah I'm weird.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Im with you there pancake
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Hmm now that I think about it I do kinda agree.
Jzero
Member
I would honestly do it all the time on the first date if I could but I wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable if i'm reading the energy wrong. Holding hands is just so nice.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yeah I would always let them go for it first. A rejected hand hold would be met with the most awkward of awkwards. But I agree that its nice. I miss it so much. Its been a long time since I held anyones hand.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You guys who think handholding is more intimate than sex baffle me.
If I'm not placing my hand on someone's arm, then knee, then fingers by midway through a first date, it's weird. Usually we're making out partway through. It just happens, you know?
Hell, with the Brazilian, she was reaching out and touching me, and I was only reticent because my friend and his girlfriend were there. But I got over it, and once we started touching (publicly), it didn't stop. Held hands through the street. Why not?
Maybe I'm the weird one.
If I'm not placing my hand on someone's arm, then knee, then fingers by midway through a first date, it's weird. Usually we're making out partway through. It just happens, you know?
Hell, with the Brazilian, she was reaching out and touching me, and I was only reticent because my friend and his girlfriend were there. But I got over it, and once we started touching (publicly), it didn't stop. Held hands through the street. Why not?
Maybe I'm the weird one.
Agreed. And oops, that was an auto-correct.
And I've held hands early in relationships plenty of times - even on first dates [*gasp*].
It's always the woman who takes my hand though. NBD.
LookAtMeGo
Member
It probably depends on the person with the hand holding. Girls usually only want to hook up with me. Very rarely are they looking for any kind of intimate connection beyond fucking and bouncing. Im sure its a lifestyle thing too.
Thank you very much for your replies, guys. I didn't had anybody to talk about this so it's great to have this community in GAF to express this stuff. I finally talked to her for a bit and just what I was thinking: She is going through some serious family issues at the moment wich is the reason she has been acting like this. She has been feeling so down because of that she practically isolated herself to talk with nobody, wich now I understand why she stopped posting and liking stuff on facebook since she is usually pretty active there. She apologized several times for "dissapear" this way saying it on the most honest and kind way... We end up reinforcing our relationship. I offered all my genuine support towards her wich she kindly accepted. We both felt a lot better after this small talk. I was honestly getting ready for the worst. Now it's time to support her to the max so she can pull through this difficult times with her family. Thanks again, guys!
The_Joker1721
Member
Just finished a date with the girl I've been going out with recently. I spoke to her (terribly) about how I've been struggling to kind of read her. We spoke a bit and then at the end of the night we ended up making out. So unless she hits me with something out of nowhere Fuck it I'd consider tonight a success laughing and enjoying the movie. She mentioned how she's always been reserved and she kept teasing me about maybe having butterflies in my stomach. Eh.
Lemon Crest
Member
I met a girl at my sisters b-day a couple weeks ago. We hit it off pretty well, but I was distracted by wrangling my drunk sister and then taking over as host so I never got her number.
Fast forward to today, my sister says the girl now has a crush on me and offers to give me her info.
Long story short: We got a date setup this Saturday.
I'm in there fam.
Fast forward to today, my sister says the girl now has a crush on me and offers to give me her info.
Long story short: We got a date setup this Saturday.
I'm in there fam.
Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
That's been happening to me too. I have to go into the app to see if I have any matches or messages.
manfestival
Member
Anyone have any advice for dating ladies in South America? I joined a couple dating programs and I am getting an incredible amount of attention here in Peru. Even accidentally ran into one of my matches in one of the dating sites and the girl won't stop messaging me but customs keep me holding back
LookAtMeGo
Member
What do you mean by customs holding you back?
Ended things with kinda-racist girl. I'm fairly certain most of her statements were born out of ignorance and shelteredness as opposed to malice. I might just be naive, but I felt she could be redeemed. There were too many other marks against though (religion, intellectual-elitism, terribad sex, cat allergy).
Something I need to work on - at times I can be too focused on being tactful that I either never make a point or the point gets lost. For example: I ended up paying for the first couple of dates; she never attempted to pick up a check. Not so much as a "Let me get this" "No, I got it". I never ask someone out without being prepared to pay for it, but I appreciate them picking up a check every so often. I should have told her as such.
(I did ask her to pick up tickets for an event - which she did - but she never volunteered to pay either before or after that)
Something I need to work on - at times I can be too focused on being tactful that I either never make a point or the point gets lost. For example: I ended up paying for the first couple of dates; she never attempted to pick up a check. Not so much as a "Let me get this" "No, I got it". I never ask someone out without being prepared to pay for it, but I appreciate them picking up a check every so often. I should have told her as such.
(I did ask her to pick up tickets for an event - which she did - but she never volunteered to pay either before or after that)
Spoiled Milk
Banned
He refuses to eat the worm with the tequila
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yup, it's pretty annoying. Are you also on latest ios with iphone 7?
I don't know what TRT stands for, sorry. But we seem quite similar otherwise. I think porn might be part of my equation as well, the sex in our relationship is nothing like porn. I'd like the lights on too, I'll try to make that happen :lol Watching porn gets me going faster than anything, not sure if that should worry me xD Then it's like I have the opposite problem if you catch my drift haha.
I'm pretty sure there's something off physically as well though, my masturbation technique is apparently very unique from I've been told, any other standard way doesn't do me any good, and I'm very insensitive to touch or heat (teeth or hot water), to the point of "are there even any nerves there at all?" Doctors say things aren't too tight but I'm not so sure :/
I never noticed any of this until I got into my first long-term relationship, didn't come up during my own promiscuous period.
I wonder how you'd find legal Cialis and such in Sweden. The doctors asked me if I wanted it but I turned it down because I'm not really looking for a bandaid, you know? But I guess it might be of help for the brain ghosts so to speak. All of this quickly turns into a negative downward spiral of course :/
mingoguaya
Member
I need a bit of advice. I've been talking to this girl for about 1 month now. Things seem nice, it looks like we are into each other, etc. Last Sunday night we were talking via a messaging app and conversation was flowing amazingly well. Well, on Monday she gave me the silent treatment all day long (which is not normal because we talk all the time) but I thought nothing of it, maybe she was busy or whatever. Then yesterday morning she said hi but in a very flat way so I knew something was up and I asked her as much. Apparently during that whole conversation on Sunday she asked me something that I didn't answer, so I naturally asked her to tell me what it was so I could answer her. She said that she it wasn't important and for me to have a good day. I asked her again, and she said (again) to not worry about it. I could tell by the way she was answering me that she was mad. And that was the last thing I heard about her.
Now my question is, shall I wait for her to get back to me or shall I call her and ask her what's going on? I went back to the conversation and didn't find anything about a question missing an answer anywhere. For me it's kind of a childish attitude to take, and it could be resolved in less than 10 seconds if she would just ask me again what she wanted me to answer, but it seems that with women they want you to figure out what's on their mind like you are some kind of mind-reader or something.
Now my question is, shall I wait for her to get back to me or shall I call her and ask her what's going on? I went back to the conversation and didn't find anything about a question missing an answer anywhere. For me it's kind of a childish attitude to take, and it could be resolved in less than 10 seconds if she would just ask me again what she wanted me to answer, but it seems that with women they want you to figure out what's on their mind like you are some kind of mind-reader or something.
Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
Latest ios, but it's a 6. 6s I think.