To be honest from what I read you seem a little bit too intense on first contact. Yes getting to know the person you date is what a date is all about but there's a way of going about it that doesn't make it sound like you wanna know every single little detail of someone's life on a first date.
I don't ask for last name until several dates and I'd be slightly weirded out if someone asked mine (although depends on the context) because that'd sound like they're gonna spend their free time stalking me.
Also on the subject of letting people know you're attracted to them, it's great and you should do that but you should do it subtly. I've been on the receiving end of someone who was too eager and that is not attractive at all.
Your first and second paragraphs are correct in that, it isn't nice to be too intense or pushy, but no, that's really not how it happens when I date, I know how to behave. I am fine saying my last name but others don't and I don't mind, but there are friendly ways to tell that it is too early to ask for that, specially if you are otherwise interested in the person who made the question. instead of saying " what the fuck kind of question is that??!! do you actually need that information to like me?, no, right? then why the hell ask?" you can say " hey, Let us talk about that later, I know some don't mind telling their names but it makes me feel uncomfortable, I hope this doesn't upset you cause I'd really like to know you better". you can't tell me you don't feel the difference there.
Regarding being too fast or too slow, the basic and fundamental law of dating is to be as honest and real as you can, which doesn't mean jumping on the guy the first opportunity you have but it does entail taking steps and there is no right timing for that.
Related to the other persons sensibility, those steps are going to be either fast or slow or weird or the right ones, but the truth is there is no wrong step, there is just "I do(n't) feel the same" and/or "(not a) match" .
if you felt annoyed by some guy being too eager to be with you is simply because you didn't like him as much, I have been at that receving end too and it has nothing to do with a permanent law in my mind of not sleeping or cuddling with someone until some time has gone by, it has to do with the fact that I don't feel like it and I didn't like him to the necessary capacity, period, not him making a bad move or being eager, I would have rejected him later on anyway.
in that sense, no point in delaying the unavoidable: be yourself, be real, even if that is asking for cuddling, hugs and maybe sex at ANY point in time and wait for the outcome.
That being said, accept other people's stances and move accordingly, don't push or annoy, just make it clear how you feel and be respectful.
and last, don't fake intentions, don't pretend you are in love and interested just to get sex and don't say " I'd like to know you better as a person" when you know it's only a move that could get you sex faster, say things as they are.