my story....oh it pains me to even recall the horror.
I'm driving from Seattle to Tacoma, me and my girlfriend in the car, my parents in a car behind me (long road trip, they flew out to Seattle to drive down to SanFran with me).
We're driving along, it's about 11am, and we're heading to Stadium High School because my girlfriend loves 10 Things I Hate About You. Easy to find via google maps, so yeah.
About an hour before hand we had been eating some breakfast at a Seattle McDonalds. 2 Sausage Biscuits and a hashbrown later, breakfast had ended. Or so I thought.
The standard 'oh, i might need to shit' feeling comes up as we're driving, but we're heading into a city, so I'm not too worried. if push comes to shove i'm sure there will be many gas stations or cafe's or fast food places or someting.
I miss my exit and end up driving along some coastal highway thing beneath the stadium bowl, and that's when things get bad. I'd just driven from Anchorage to Seattle over the past couple of days, I was exhausted, and now, not later, I had to shit. It was coming, and there was nothing but 2 lanes of highway and a cliff for the next like 8 miles. I speed up, pull an illegal u-turn in the 'cop-median-break' thing, and speed back down the road, trying desperately to get off this highway and into town.
The shit was about to break free from its colon prison into a car I would be driving in for the next week across the country, and that would be unacceptable.
I get off the highway, into town. OK, gas station, something. Alas, I end up in some fucking downtown esque/residential area. fuck my life. Things are desperate. My parents are calling me, wondering wtf i was doing and where i'd gone and why i was driving erratically, but all i could do was give the phone to my girlfriend, i had to stay 100% focused on finding a place to shit.
I hit a red light. I see a place to eat. It does not open til like 11:30. too early. I start sweating, the horrible, horrible shit sweats. I beg my girlfriend to ask the GPS where a gas station is, something. I have to fart really bad too, but I know if I do, that will be the end of my pants, my car seat, and possibly my relationship.
I speed up and down Tacoma streets, tears in my eyes as the shit pains get to that unbearable point of 'you will shit immediately. this is your last chance. find a pot or you will lose the game'.
At about the time I was ready to give up, shit about to literally force itself out despite any control I might have, I see a park. A city park, in Tacoma. And on the other side of this park, what looks like a public bathroom. Jumping the curb, I park half off the road, half in the park, and, not saying a word to my now-scared and very worried girlfriend, start running. I am told later that my parents pulled up as I was running, and all they saw was the fastest man on earth sprinting across the park.
Only it wasn't a normal run. it was a 'hold your asscheeks together' run. still the fastest i've ever run in my life, even with that condition.
As i approached the bathroom building, horror strikes. There is an iron bared gate across the doorways. One of those 'we dont want public sex in the public bathrooms, so we'll just leave them closed' gates. A gate of doom. Still though, the shit is coming. whether that gate is locked or not, i will be shitting at their public restroom.
I arrive, and the gods smiled upon me. it isn't locked. i find a pot, and an explosion that rivaled mt. st. helen's erupted. an 'oh shit flee for your lives' explosion. a couple minutes later, it was done. I cleaned up, even used the sink and paper towels. walking back, the 'wtf' expressions on my parents and girlfriends faces was nothing compared to the relief i felt.