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[Megalosaro]

This is an ideological battle I've been having with my former friend for some time.

He hates "nice" people. He views it as a weakness. That only weak people are nice, because they're scared or some stupid shit. He thinks that being nice doesn't accomplish anything. And because of that he attacks me.

I don't view it as a bad thing. I'm "nice" not because I expect anything in return, but because I think that being kind is the right way to be. I try to treat everyone with respect until they do something that makes it so they don't deserve that respect.

I guess that's where we diverge, is in niceness as a tactic for resource acquisition. I do think there is a difference between niceness and being a pushover. But I just don't want to live in a world being respectful is a bad thing. I've managed to accomplish whatever goal I set out for, and do so without compromising my integrity or treating others like shit.

Meanwhile, he's hewed a very successful career by riding roughshod. Go on a drunken rant against a female boss at an after hours dinner? Get a promotion! Threaten to leave the company without bumping up your pay 40%? Get a 45% raise! I can't deny that he's done pretty well for himself, except in one area: relationships. All of his friends think he is the most toxic asshole on the planet. They still hang out with him though. He's also single and wants a relationship so bad. He can't get passed a 3rd date, usually because they realize what a fucking sociopath he is. He does manage to hook up with different random girl each week though, usually by mass spamming "Hey, are you up for casual sex" on dating apps. Apparently it's "brave and they like how direct he is".

The reason I make this thread? My other roommates is basically dieing from asthma, essentially. I've been trying to tell him for months to get health insurance. he didn't do so. Asshole told him he was going to kick him out of the apartment if he didn't get insurance. The next day asthma kid has insurance. I'm sick and tired of Asshole getting what he wants while treating everyone like shit. Is it bad that I want someone to knock him down a peg or two?

He actually used this as a way too insult me. Called me out into the living room and then started making fun of how "soft and gentle" i am.

 

[Ryaaan14]

Being nice is good, but don't be a pushover

 

[Fat4all]

gurls like it when ur mean

 

[Megalosaro]

For what it's worth, he's been treating me like utter shit for the last two months because he wants me to get a better job.

The shitty thing is: It's actually motivated me to job hunt. I fucking hate that too.

 

[sphagnum]

He's an idiot.

 

[Da-Kid]

Being nice is not weakness. People can prey on it but people can prey on being mean too. Your friend just sounds like a jerk for no good reason.

Some people think forgiveness is weakness. It's not.

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Nice is fine.

But cheery people? Ugh.

 

[teh_pwn]

Your friend is insecure, which absolutely is a weakness. He apparently is taking it out on people that have their shit together.

 

[Jzero]

Being TOO nice is a bad thing. Very easy for people to take advantage of you.

 

[zigg]

Your former friend is an asshole.

Putting him in the "former" category is a good and strong thing for you to do.

 

[Chaos2Frozen]

Anime taught me that Nice guys always get the girls.

Always.

 

[Deleted member 17706]

That guy sounds like a real piece of shit. If everyone behaved like him, we wouldn't have a society in which people like him could take advantage of people in the first place. We would constantly be fighting and killing each other (even more so than we are now)!

 

[Sophia]

Being nice is the key to unlocking a lot of the better things in life. Relationships (of all kinds) in life are give and take, and being nice, kind, and respectful of others goes a long ways to getting that back.

That being said, don't mistake being nice for being a pushover. They're two different things.

 

[TwEE-N-Toast]

You all might be wispy farts that blow away in a strong wind. Or a bunch of kids who don't know who they are. You'll have new existential crisis next week so don't dwell too much on this one.

 

[platakul]

Can't you cut this guy out of your life completely?

 

[Nepenthe]

Aggressive sociopaths people get by in the business world because capitalism inherently rewards sociopathy and aggressiveness. However, it doesn't work so much in the dating world. Shit on him for not being able to have a steady relationship as much as you can, preferably after you get a long-term relationship yourself (if you don't have one already.)

 

[Blues1990]

It’s not exactly a bad thing to be a little extra caring than most people. But you need to remind yourself to never let others take advantage of that compassion.

 

[Snagret]

Your friend is insecure, which absolutely is a weakness. He apparently is taking it out on people that have their shit together.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Being an asshole isn't a sign of strength, and it's a sure sign of deep insecurity or discomfort with your place in the world around you (even moreso if it's some sort of affection for the sake of machismo).

I mean, of course tons of people with strong passion, motivation, and mental ability are also assholes. But they aren't inseparable qualities.

 

[capitalCORN]

Speak softly, but carry a big stick.

 

[rtcn63]

I knew a guy who openly threatened to kill the men and drug the women. Did almost zero work.

He was treated like a god.

A GOD.

(a god)

 

[Mohasus]

I can't deny that he's done pretty well for himself, except in one area: relationships.

Here is your answer.

 

[ShooterMcGavin]

Being nice is good, but don't be a pushover

Yep, this sums it up pretty nicely.

 

[manfestival]

Your friend is right. It took me forever to actually draw this conclusion despite always taking your stance but there is definitely a thing as too nice and it is real bad. Being a pushover is the worst. Now of course being nice but not a pushover is borderline bad.

 

[Sai-kun]

your friend sounds dumb as fuck honestly lmao

 

[Megalosaro]

Aggressive sociopaths people get by in the business world because capitalism inherently rewards sociopathy and aggressiveness. However, it doesn't work so much in the dating world. Shit on him for not being able to have a steady relationship as much as you can, preferably after you get a long-term relationship yourself (if you don't have one already.)

I do, and he hates it. He can't stand that I make almost 100k less than him, yet have a girlfriend.

He rationalizes it by saying she's "of lower value" because she's "so ugly [he] can't even stand to look at her" and older than me by a few years.

True story.

 

[LinkSlayer64]

For what it's worth, he's been treating me like utter shit for the last two months because he wants me to get a better job.

The shitty thing is: It's actually motivated me to job hunt. I fucking hate that too.

He sounds like an asshole, but he obviously also cares, or maybe he just hates people who can't get motivated.

But he is still an asshole.

EDIT WOW FUCK HIM LMAO NEVERMIND

 

[Monocle]

Your friend is a fucking asshole who will probably find some degree of success in life because empathy can get in the way of personal achievement at the expense of others.

A life of kindness and conscience is more emotionally rewarding than a life of wealth and superficial human connection, unless you were born a jerk and you enjoy the company of dicks who don't care about you and only want to leech your money and status.

I do, and he hates it. He can't stand that I make almost 100k less than him, yet have a girlfriend.

He rationalizes it by saying she's "of lower value" because she's "so ugly [he] can't even stand to look at her" and older than me by a few years.

True story.

He's pathetic and he'll probably never find joy in life, no matter how much financial success he achieves. Sometimes the consequences of having an antisocial personality look a lot like justice.

 

[Belker]

I heard somebody described as 'A nice guy, with boundaries'. Seemed like a compliment and a decent way to be.

 

[TheMan]

he's a fucking narcissist. Why do you have any contact with him at all?

 

[Da-Kid]

I'm sure Trump thinks the same thing. And look how many people like him, and how many people like him. Racist, bigot, asinine assholes.

 

[teh_pwn]

I do, and he hates it. He can't stand that I make almost 100k less than him, yet have a girlfriend.

He rationalizes it by saying she's "of lower value" because she's "so ugly [he] can't even stand to look at her" and older than me by a few years.

True story.

Haha wat. This guy is not rational.

 

[RageWaffles]

Your friend has it backwards: People act like assholes because they're scared.

Truly confident people tend to be nice. (Nice is not at all the same as being a pushover.)

 

[jb1234]

I'm baffled as to why this guy is still in your life at all, especially since you've made countless threads about him and everyone says the exact same thing: CUT. HIM. OUT.

 

[rtcn63]

I do, and he hates it. He can't stand that I make almost 100k less than him, yet have a girlfriend.

He rationalizes it by saying she's "of lower value" because she's "so ugly [he] can't even stand to look at her" and older than me by a few years.

True story.

If he makes bank why doesn't he just pay for it, I doubt personality factors into his relationship needs

 

[Megalosaro]

he's a fucking narcissist. Why do you have any contact with him at all?

I used to adore him. I thought he was one of the greatest people I've ever met and misunderstood.

I was wrong.

Sadly, I live with him.

I'm baffled as to why this guy is still in your life at all, especially since you've made countless threads about him and everyone says the exact same thing: CUT. HIM. OUT.

I'm working on it. I'm working on it so hard, it hurts.

 

[TheContact]

Yes be nice but don't take shit from people and stand up for yourself. Your friend has some issues

 

[brianjones]

think you posted about this guy before.. sounds like all he does is be negative and toxic and treat like you shit to make himself feel better?

not really seeing what you get out of this relationship

why is he still living with roommates if he makes 100K more than you?

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Your former friend sounds absolutely insane! Why have you wasted so much of your time on him? Were you being nice? In that case he might actually be right, broken clocks are right twice a day after all.

There is a problem if you are identifying as nice, not the actions but saying your better than someone else becuse of it BUT said in a nice way. You'll only be taken advantage or or taken for granted by a lot of people. That's going to set you up for dissapointment.

 

[jb1234]

I'm working on it. I'm working on it so hard, it hurts.

Yeah, if you're stuck living with him, that's definitely an untenable toxic situation. I hope that you're able to get out of there soon. You'll feel better.

 

[Wandering Robot]

I'm surprised your "friend" can even recognize what nice is. He sounds like a complete asshole.
Kindness for kindness's sake is absolutely good and not a weakness, OP—like others have said, it's being a pushover that's problematic. You sound like you're perfectly fine.

EDIT: Yeah, this guy is no friend. Do you think he'd listen if you told him to stop talking to you?

 

[Megalosaro]

think you posted about this guy before.. sounds like all he does is be negative and toxic and treat like you shit to make himself feel better?

not really seeing what you get out of this relationship

I have. And yes, it's the same guy. The moment i find a place I can afford (with some roommates, I guess), he's out of my life for the most part. I still have to be around him from time to time because he's in my social circle.

think you posted about this guy before.. sounds like all he does is be negative and toxic and treat like you shit to make himself feel better?

not really seeing what you get out of this relationship

why is he still living with roommates if he makes 100K more than you?

Because he was lonely and hated living by himself.

How old is ur friend btw cos this shit will usually turn and bite u in the ass after a while

He's 30.

 

[badboy78660]

Just don't let people take your kindness for weakness.

 

[Ryaaan14]

How old is ur friend btw cos this shit will usually turn and bite u in the ass after a while

 

[nded]

On the other hand, being a rampaging shithead like your acquaintance isn't exactly a good thing unless your only goal in life is to die with a bunch of money in your bank account.

 

[Monocle]

BTW I know someone just like that. Like, literally just how you described. They take enormous pride in their high paying job and shame others who don't share their values. They love to throw around their money to manipulate people and feign generosity. Even their own family finds them insufferable and, surprise, their relationships never work out.

It's almost as though being a giant douche is an obstacle to being liked and appreciated.

 

[Soldiussnaku]

Ah, sounds like asshole is already knocked down a peg or two by his dates. That amount of rejection probably fucks with his psyche.

I've got a similar asshole at work,
who has less success, and constantly challenging him about his bullshit in a humerous way made his cut the shit a few months in. Assohles seem to hate ridicule and challenge. I always find it hilarious when he visibly hides into his shell when I sit near him at work, good stuff. Would have let him be the dick if he didn't talk shit about people of different sexualities and women.

Also, I fucking bet asshole is deeply sad about his girl trouble, all that so called power and success he can't get what he wants the most.

As for niceness, no if I was a cold hearted dyed in the wool motherfucker like your friend I'd never meet and marry my fantastic wife and the woman of my dreams. Manners, respectfulness, decency and empathy cost nothing. Using them when required and keeping a check on when not to use them can.be considered, but outright rejecting them like your friend does leads to a life of bitterness and sadness.

Get a new friend, and cut them out of your life. Im sorry but the shot he pulled with the asthma kid is terrible and cruel.


People like him are truly the weak ones, say it their faces in a not so serious, but serious way will get them shook.

 

[Littlefang]

Being nice is good, but don't be a pushover

This is accurate. Especially since being a pushover can have a negative impact on those around you. I've seen things like people giving money away to family or friends in need and then not being able to pay their portion of the rent.

 

[Megalosaro]

Ah, sounds like asshole is already knocked down a peg or two by his dates. That amount of rejection probably fucks with his psyche.

I've got a similar asshole at work,
who has less success, and constantly challenging him about his bullshit in a humerous way made his cut the shit a few months in. Assohles seem to hate ridicule and challenge. I always find it hilarious when he visibly hides into his shell when I sit near him at work, good stuff. Would have let him be the dick if he didn't talk shit about people of different sexualities and women.

Also, I fucking bet asshole is deeply sad about his girl trouble, all that so called power and success he can't get what he wants the most.

As for niceness, no if I was a cold hearted dyed in the wool motherfucker like your friend I'd never meet and marry my fantastic wife and the woman of my dreams. Manners, respectfulness, decency and empathy cost nothing. Using them when required and keeping a check on when not to use them can.be considered, but outright rejecting them like your friend does leads to a life of bitterness and sadness.

Get a new friend, and cut them out of your life. Im sorry but the shot he pulled with the asthma kid is terrible and cruel.


People like him are truly the weak ones.

He calls it "tough love", which is bullshit.

God I hope he never reproduces.

 

[Conciliator]

yeah i probably wouldn't hang around that person myself, he sounds miserable

 

[Rokal]

Serious question: how many threads are you going to make about this guy before you actually listen to GAF advice and cut ties with him? I've seen these threads from you about this guy for multiple years at this point, always inexcusable behavior, always the same advice.