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[Cromat]

This could only end well.

 

[ronito]

confession: does anyone else not read the non anonymous confessions posted in here? I feel like if you can post it with your name attached to it, its either made up, or not that bad.

there's more reason for the anonymity than just to let people open up. Without it some people will just turn it into a one up show off session. People still try but Anonymity plus a host/moderator helps lessen that.

 

[Stet]

I think your sister should raise the child as if it belongs to another man, because at least you can pretend you love it like a nephew or niece when really you love it like a son or daughter.

Unless it's a hideous inbred monster.

 

[Sorian]

there's more reason for the anonymity than just to let people open up. Without it some people will just turn it into a one up show off session. People still try but Anonymity plus a host/moderator helps lessen that.

Oh yeah, well I impregnated two of my sisters.

Spoiler

I don't have any sisters

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I think your sister should raise the child as if it belongs to another man, because at least you can pretend you love it like a nephew or niece when really you love it like a son or daughter.

Unless it's a hideous inbred monster.

This is teh reason she shouldn't raise the child to begin with, sibling incest does not vibe well with a healthy genetic profile.

 

[ShockingAlberto]

Oh yeah, well I impregnated two of my sisters.

Spoiler

I don't have any sisters

Anymore.

 

[Steamlord]

Oh yeah, well I impregnated two of my sisters.

Spoiler

I don't have any sisters

Impregnating your mom might solve that.

 

[ronito]

i feel, if they get turned on by lots of people seeing them, you should be allowed to post their pics.
.

Yeah I get it but there are sites made for specifically for that and gaf isn't one of them. However that doesn't mean you can't keep sending them to me

 

[Madrin]

While I read once that kids having their first experiences with their brother or sister is not that uncommon getting your sister pregnant is definitely something else.

Uh... it's not? Please tell me there isn't research to back this up.

 

[Sorian]

Anymore.

Ah, GAF always finds a way to see right through me.

Impregnating your mom might solve that.

True, may have to look into that.

On a more serious note:

Uh... it's not? Please tell me there isn't research to back this up.

I don't have any research or anything but it makes sense from a logical stand point. If you have a sibling going through puberty at the same time and you both aren't too familiar with the opposite gender, it would make sense that curiousity would lead to something. Not saying sex or kissing or anything even physical is the norm but I'm sure spying or straight up showing each other parts isn't too uncommon. Idk, I have no life experience on this one, I could just see how it would make sense.

 

[Night Hunter]

Uh... it's not? Please tell me there isn't research to back this up.

Like I said, I read something about it once, I don't know which University published the article.

 

[Professor Beef]

I love that on the last page a guy admitted to impregnating his sister and most of the posts are "so professor beef, if you want to learn to ride a bike first you have to..."

Never change, gaf

i love you gaf

 

[Hot Coldman]

I love that on the last page a guy admitted to impregnating his sister and most of the posts are "so professor beef, if you want to learn to ride a bike first you have to..."

Never change, gaf

I've amazed this thread has mostly avoided endless .gif replies, to be honest. That ain't GAF at all.

 

[Aylinato]

I love that on the last page a guy admitted to impregnating his sister and most of the posts are "so professor beef, if you want to learn to ride a bike first you have to..."

Never change, gaf

haha..well, riding your bike is an important thing to be able to do, and I stand by my advice.

 

[Mike M]

I've amazed this thread has mostly avoided endless .gif replies, to be honest. That ain't GAF at all.

I had a gif that I thought perfectly encapsulated this entire thread, but apparently I was alone in that : (

 

[Subtle]

sent one with my actual e-mail. in what way can they get back to you?

 

[ronito]

I sold pictures and cam sessions of myself on boards like 4chan for like two years, while I was underage. I also enjoy propositioning strangers online to meet up and fuck, even if I'm already in a committed relationship.

Why would 4chaners pay for anything? Oh underaged...
So wait, was this confession a proposition? Cause if it was, hey baby, how you doin?

 

[Aylinato]

sent one with my actual e-mail. in what way can they get back to you?

only if you include real name of your sister's husband, and how old you were when you impregnated your sister. stuff like that

 

[BuddyJoeHooker]

sent one with my actual e-mail. in what way can they get back to you?

If you didn't follow the rules in the OP.

 

[PKrockin]

I love that on the last page a guy admitted to impregnating his sister and most of the posts are "so professor beef, if you want to learn to ride a bike first you have to..."

Never change, gaf

Well he is the president.

Uh... it's not? Please tell me there isn't research to back this up.

I wouldn't be surprised, if my own experience is anything to go by...

Spoiler

No no no, we just showed each other. I love her but dude no I can't even imagine, she's my sister. It was just kids' curiosity.

 

[User 100115]

I've amazed this thread has mostly avoided endless .gif replies, to be honest. That ain't GAF at all.

Hey now.

I've busted out some of my best gifs in this thread.

 

[ronito]

Proactive TL;DR: Confessor self fellates for about half of the confession about how great everyone things he is. Is actually a wreck. Can binge eat to keep up with Carnie Wilson. No relationship. Virgin. Is transsexual and has serious trouble fitting in

(NOTE:There's some pretty specific details in here, and detective GAF can go crazy if they want to. I don't care. I'm pretty sure I don't actually know anyone here anyways. Also, I probably need an editor because this is a loooong confession.)

I'm not really sure where the best place is to start, but I'll do my best. Everyone around me seems to think I'm this really amazing person, and to my frustration, I absolutely am not. The qualities that they see in me are certainly authentic enough, but don't really paint a complete picture of who I am.

I have a long history of being told how great I am, and thinking back on it, it seems to go beyond the whole "everyone is special" thing that is so bemoaned today. When I was very young, entries for drawing contests that I had entered were being disqualified because the judges thought I had forged the work, simply due to my age and the quality of the drawing. I had a substitute teacher that knew me for all of 2 days tell me to "remember her when I'm famous".

Going through school, everyone seemed to know who I was, even though I didn't know many people at all. My family insists that I was tested at a genius level at some point growing up - I don't remember this or even honestly know what this would entail. My actual performance in school was, er, erratic to say the least. If I was particularly inspired for a semester, or if I found a teacher I really liked, then 'A's came easily. Normally though, I was struggling not to be held back. During my freshman year of high school, I had both my Math and German teachers hold me after class on separate occasions only to break down in tears, as they couldn't figure out why I wasn't excelling in their respective classes. I'd sleep through lectures, never study, finish tests before the rest of the class, and still get an 'A'.

The truth is, even the subjects that I tell people I'm "bad" in come to me pretty easily. I've always been a 'C' student at best with regards to sciences, but when my biology professor gave our class a problem that two lecture halls worth of students before us couldn't solve in half an hour, I knew how to solve the problem instantly, had a solution within ten minutes, then was up in front of our class explaining the problem to everyone after showing my solution to the professor. I got a 'C' in that class and was pretty satisfied.

The next semester, I simply didn't go to the first two weeks worth of world lit classes I had. The professor was furious when I showed up and told me that there was no way I'm getting an 'A' in her class and that if I missed another day, she'd fail me. Well, I ended up taking the class pretty seriously by my own standards from that point onwards, but I missed a few more classes. Still, she was so impressed by my work that not only did I get an 'A', but she made sure I knew that I could use her as a reference in the future.

When I started taking art classes in college after a 7-8 year hiatus, I received a lot of attention from professors wanting to see the rest of my work. They'd soon find out that the only work I had was school projects and quickly lose interest. By the end of the semester in most of my art classes, I felt like a rock star given the attention I'd receive from other students. I'd break blatantly stated rules on projects all the time, and the professor would still give me an 'A' because my submission worked well.

Everyone seems to love me. My cousin told me that she's never known a person with a greater capacity for good than I. I have a shitty job, but I love it, because I get to go in and manage a bunch of people that respect me, and I don't have to try to get them to do their jobs, because they don't want to fail me. My high school crush, who I haven't seen in well over a decade, still messages me on Facebook from time to time just to tell me what an amazing and inspirational person she sees me as. We'll chat a bit and go our separate ways, until a couple of months later when she decides to message me again.

I went to a Halloween party a couple of weeks back, and I see my coworker's girlfriend there, and she's completely smashed. The first thing she tells me is that because of everything her boyfriend has told her about me, she has wanted to hang out with me for a long time, and is glad that we're friends. This is a person that I hardly know, but was drunk texting me before we ever even met. The party's host introduces me to his roommate, and as I offer her my hand to shake, she stares at me as if starstruck:

"You're <anon>? From everything <host> has told me, you're basically the most awesome person ever."

On that note, just a few days later I get a wall post on Facebook from a friend's mom saying that "...you are one of the greatest people I have ever met...".

Are you still with me? Good. I promise that I'm getting somewhere. This is the good and now I want to tell you the bad. I'm honestly proud of and/or flattered by the things written above, but at the same time, I'm haunted by all of it.

I'm actually a living train wreck of a person, at least on the inside. I'm lucky that I'm somehow dedicated enough to my shitty job to make it to work on time everyday, because otherwise I wouldn't have a roof over my head. I'm constantly bordering on depressed and will just stay in bed all day when I can. I'm a hermit that will often go out of my way to not interact with people that I actually really like.

Eventually, just a handful of hours from graduation, I simply stopped going to class and flunked out. I can't return to school without paying that year's tuition.

When I get really depressed, I binge eat. At my worst, I can down a large pizza, a 2 liter soft drink, a large bag of chips(with bean dip), and a whole package of oreos in a single night. I'll soon be sick as can be, puking in my restroom for the rest of the night, pledging to never do this again, but I fall again eventually. The only reasons that I'm merely overweight and not morbidly obese are because A)I'm vegan, and actually eat pretty healthily when I'm not binging and B)because I do stay moderately active(see below).

I don't drive. I don't own a car, or know how to ride a bike. I walk everywhere, including several miles each way to work. During the summer, I do this in 100+ degree heat regularly. I actually enjoy it and the time it gives me to sort out my thoughts, but I can't *get* anywhere when I need to. Even something as simple as grocery shopping is an endeavor.

I've never been in a relationship. I've never dated. I've never had sex. I've never made out with or passionately kissed another human being, unless you want to count that one dare during the ninth grade. In fact, as far as friendship goes, I'm a great acquaintance, but I can't seem to form strong, close friendships. I have two relatives that I'd count as close. I'm friendly but distant towards both of my parents. Hell, I'm that way towards mostly everyone. Polite, humorous, and kind, but distant. I have one best friend, and I couldn't tell him a lot of things about me, including what I'm writing here. I'm a transsexual lesbian and assume that everyone is straight and uninterested in dating a trans person, because those seem to be majority viewpoints.

People might like me, but I'm not very relatable. I tell people that I sleep on the floor every night by choice and get strange looks. People don't understand why I'm vegan or maybe even think I'm crazy because of it.

I finally thought I had found a place where I belonged. A group of amazing, funny, smart, kind people that I had grown to love and seemed to love me in return. Well, I started to fear losing them and got, well, clingy. When this happened, I started trying too hard and ended up being at the center of repeated embarrassing episodes as I basically broke down out of desire to be loved and belong somewhere. I noticed them starting to distance themselves from me a bit, and in return, I distanced myself completely out of guilt. I have seen a few of them passingly once or twice recently, and we're in touch online, but for the most part, I haven't seen or spoken to anyone in the group(in person) for around four months, even though I live within a mile of just about everyone.

I'm starting to feel absolutely crushed by all of this. I am obviously cared for by many, but just can't seem to get my own life together. What is most frustrating is that I can't even tell if others see my pain. I want help, anything, but don't know where to go and how to express just how hurt I am and damaged I feel as a human being. I've been in therapy a couple of times over the years and think it has helped, but I'm not in a financial position right now to return.

You know one thing I keep on seeing is how many people need therapy, know they need therapy, and want therapy but don't go because they can't afford it. My advice is to try and stop being something you're not. I know you will get a lot of rejection at first, but the people that stay are way better than anyone who would've rejected you. Hang in there.

 

[Llyranor]

Alright, this isn't nearly as raunchy or persona destroying enough to be posted anonymously, but I still have an issue that needs resolved.

So let's start with the beginning, my best friends brother befriended me after my best friend left for college. we were pretty good friends, but he had some other friends in jersey that he would talk about. I ended up going to a party filled with these friends, and later found my current gf at this party. Well about a month or so later, that friend was put into the hospital for a life threatening disease. During this time, me and my gf's relationship turned great, and i became friends with the ones from New Jersey.

We eventually start roleplaying groups were we play tabletop games and generally have fun. The group has its problems, but whatever, it's fun enough. The problem starts when my friend gets out of the hospital. Now this guy had some serious mental health issues, but add in some PTSD and turn up all of the other problems up to 11 and we have his current state.

So there's a few huge problems that have come up due to this happening. #1 this guys loves to be the center of attention and loves to be the group "leader." My GF had always been the "leader" and I think that caused my GF some issues, but the problem was was that everyone in the group were his cronies. The group was filled with a bunch of nerds who liked to follow i guess, and he's completely turned them into monsters too. There's always a designated person that they constantly ridicule (my girlfriend). Not only that, but he thinks he's gods gift to giving advice, and while on certain topics he might be right, he never approaches giving advice correctly, he acts incredibly condescending and treats them like they are less then human, and that causes tons of drama and unnecessary strife. This is a problem because he gets the rest of his cronies to do the same thing, and he has caused around4 people now to leave the RP group, just by being a douche

The other problem is that he's the most stubborn person on earth, and will make up things in his head at later dates to prove himself right. Now, Im also stubborn to a certain extent, but this guy takes the cake of being stubborn. He's also the type of person to supplement his bad opinions afterword to saying, LOL I WAS JUST TROLLING, WHY ARE SO MAD. Now this normally wouldn't be a problem, but he takes this shit to the umpteenth degree, and once again causes an immense amount of drama. People just then take it from him because they don't want to argue with him, and it inflates his ego even more because he looks at himself as some argumentative genius or some shit.

So to make matters simple, me and my gf decided to just stop communicating with the group. My gf though has been super depressed about it. That group was her High School friends, and she didn't really give up the group as much as they completely just pushed her out. Ive wanted to confront this guy and call him an idiot and tell him what deserves to be said, but I already know it won't fix anything and it'll just cause more drama.

I just feel bad about my girlfriend for losing out on that. We've been trying to form other RP groups, but I have a hard time making friends with nerds around where i live (for some reason i get a long with bros a lot better) and she's been really shy and has been going through some really bad depression over a few personal things. So my question is what do, Ive been trying to find my gf a new group of companions to hang out with, but it's hard, and the old group still exists but she still feels very connected to them in an immense way. Also, my friend has been talking shit about her behind her back and says that she has "changed" me and corrupted me and made me worse and all that shit, so the other friends have been being dicks to me and my GF too.

The worst part is that I know this kid has gone through shit, and not everything is his fault. A lot of these issues are from underlying problems that he's trying to get help for. I kind of feel bad about that shit, but I don't know if I should. What should I do about this situation. I ask you Gaf in your infinite wisdom

also sorry if this reads poorly, I forgot to take my ADHD meds this morning so im a little hyper

I'll field this one since it wasn't anonymous so people probably just ignored it

Those people are not 'friends'. Sure, you might have had a history together, and shared good memories, but friends don't treat friends like crap. Sure, the psych guy might have mental issues, but it doesn't give him a free pass for treating other people badly. And it certainly doesn't mean other people have to put up with it. Either call him out on it (then move on if need be; but if he's willing to work on it - good!), or just move on. There has to be other people in your area interested in roleplaying that aren't going to go out of their way to treat you like crap.

 

[ronito]

Was what I said, illegal?
I don't want to give away any proof, it'd be easy to find who I am. But, I had a awkward moment of realization that perhaps it was a mistake. I kinda want it out to the world.

This seems as good a time as any to remind you guys that I really don't remember like 90% of the confessions that come in and even less of the people who sent them. So if you send me something saying "What did you think of my confession/dick pic?" honestly I probably don't unless it was really something.

It's actually sorta embarrassing cause I'll meet some GAFers in real life and they'll be like
"Psst, I'm the guy with the confession about the midget."
And I'm like "Who?"
It takes a lot more than little people to even raise an eyebrow. So please don't send these to me. Chances are I've already forgotten who you were and what your confession was about.

 

[Sorian]

This seems as good a time as any to remind you guys that I really don't remember like 90% of the confessions that come in and even less of the people who sent them. So if you send me something saying "What did you think of my confession/dick pic?" honestly I probably don't unless it was really something.

It's actually sorta embarrassing cause I'll meet some GAFers in real life and they'll be like
"Psst, I'm the guy with the confession about the midget."
And I'm like "Who?"
It takes a lot more than little people to even raise an eyebrow. So please don't send these to me. Chances are I've already forgotten who you were and what your confession was about.

You've probably already forgotten Doozy. Also, on an unrelated note, I'm probably the most memorable dick pic

Spoiler

that you've never gotten

 

[Chainsawkitten]

Proactive TL;DR: Confessor self fellates

Glad you reminded me.

To those who haven't tried autofellatio: unless you can find a much better technique than me (in which case: PM and lay on the details) or have a much longer penis, I would advice against it. It was a nice enough experience in itself, and thinking back on it makes me want to suck a cock, but oh my god did my back hurt. It must have hurt for like a week afterwards, to the point where I was wondering if I somehow caused some permanent damage. But of course I couldn't tell anyone about it. "So, I was sucking myself off and now my back really, really hurts". Fortunately it started to gradually subside before I was convinced I needed to inform someone.

 

[Roubjon]

You know one thing I keep on seeing is how many people need therapy, know they need therapy, and want therapy but don't go because they can't afford it. My advice is to try and stop being something you're not. I know you will get a lot of rejection at first, but the people that stay are way better than anyone who would've rejected you. Hang in there.

I can relate to some of the things the confessor was saying there and as simple as this advice is, it really is worth listening to.

 

[RyougaSaotome]

The lack of reactions to the incest tale is hilarious.

But holy shit is that a fucked up confession.

 

[iirate]

The lack of reactions to the incest tale is hilarious.

But holy shit is that a fucked up confession.

I don't know if people really know what to say to that one. Beginning to end, my jaw was on the floor.

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

The lack of reactions to the incest tale is hilarious.

But holy shit is that a fucked up confession.

Being on GAf for so long now has helped numb my shock gland.

 

[ronito]

r most of my life I've been a narcissist. I'm a hollow shell of a person that is able to act like a social chameleon so I can feel any sort of admiration and connection with the group I'm with.

I lead a sad life of where I have little motivation beyond the belief that, "I'm special," and everyone should feel bad for me. The feeling to constantly seek attention and sympathy has been uncontrollable until recently. I'd lie about the simplest things and the stupidest things. Telling the truth has always been difficult.

I don't have a connection with anyone. I go from person to person acting as well as I can to be their friend based on movies I've seen and studying my friends' conversations. My friendships don't last long. The ones that do are friends that I see once every three months that rarely go beyond small talk. It's difficult creating lasting friendships with people when there's a constant fixation with image.

Narcissism is not a disease, but it is generational. My mother has always been worried about the family's image. We were told to lie all of the time as kids so that no one else would know how shitty our house was, how terrible she was, or how embarrassing we were. It was difficult growing up in a household like that, but we all adapted and became narcissists ourselves.

It came to my attention that I was one a few weeks ago. As I’ve reflected on all of the conversations and relationships I’ve had with people in my life, it’s been difficult for me to find one single instance that I did not do or say something that was not to manipulate people into thinking that I’m perfect.

I’ve felt lost for a long time, but knowing that I’ve yet to have a single genuine conversation in my life makes me feel like a newborn.

I just want to make a true human connection with someone at this point. I don’t want to live a perfect life, but living under the roof of a narcissist makes that very difficult. I feel like I’m constantly at odds with five different lives and none of them are my own. Having said that, I’ve been doing my best to tell myself that my issues are no more important than anyone else’s and that I’m not special. I should not be seeking sympathy, which is somewhat ironic since this will (hopefully) be posted on a message board.

I know these are supposed to be confessional's and I’ve certainly made a confession, but in regards to me feeling lost, I feel it’s appropriate to ask for advice.

How do I make myself feel whole? How do I make a true connection with another person?

Same thing I told the prior confessor. Just stop being something you're not and stop making pretense. There are a lot of people in the world and some of them will accept you as you are. Yes, it will mean a lot of rejection. But when you find someone who will accept you that will lead to others and those kind of friends are 10x worth every rejection.

 

[ronito]

About a decade ago, I used engage in sexual activities with my sister. Whenever our parents went out for a couple of hours, usually shopping, we used to role play. She would play the role of 3 women with varying flirtation levels and exposing different body parts and I would choose my favorite, like it was some perverted game of the TV show Blind Date.

She would rub my dick and I would suck on her nipples. We never involved the vagina because I guess we thought without it it was just harmless fun and not incest. I was 13 at the time and she was 17, which presents her in a bad light because it's borderline pedophilia. But we were very lonely and thought nothing of it.

This lasted for a few months. She's now 28, married with a child, and we've never spoken of it since. I guess we've kept distant since the awkward memories are still there lingering at the back of our mind and we'd rather forget. Heaven help us if our parents ever knew.

Welcome to neogaf, it's a sister fucker parade!

 

[ronito]

Might be a weird one, but here goes.



I have a foot fetish. I absolutely love feet. I'd say it's one of my favorite sexual interests. My confession is that for a long time I've been enjoying multiple friends feet whenever I stay round for the night, or they stay round mine. When they sleep I can't help but sneak over to their sleeping feet and have some fun, whether it's licking them, sucking their toes, rubbing them, sniffing them... anything.



Sometimes I even get my phone out and film their sleeping feet, whether it's just their feet resting or me doing things with them. Sometimes pictures are taken as well. I use these videos and pictures to wank to, usually into a pair of their socks that I took as they slept. One friend is such a deep sleeper that I'm able to wank over his feet then cum on them before licking it off.



I am aware that it's odd to some people, but I get so much pleasure out of it that I can't stop doing it. I've even considered anonymously asking online friends for pictures of their feet, even if it means I have to pay a small amount of money to do so.

LOL, "Might be"

 

[RyougaSaotome]

One friend is such a deep sleeper that I'm able to wank over his feet then cum on them before licking it off.

So that's a thing I read this morning before doing groceries.

I think I'm gonna go do those groceries now.

 

[Cromat]

LOL, "Might be"

Bullshit. Licking feet will wake up a dead person.

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

OK. Shock gland activated once more.

LOL

 

[Aylinato]

LOL, "Might be"

he ejaculated on a sleeping person's feet...why

 

[NaughtyCalibur]

One friend is such a deep sleeper that I'm able to wank over his feet then cum on them before licking it off.

TAKE ALL OF MY WHYS

 

[Reuenthal]

Some of these, people are making up stories so ronito can post them

Spoiler

I hope

 

[Erehtih]

LOL, "Might be"

I laughed so damn much at the confession and your reaction.

 

[Sats]

Yeah I get it but there are sites made for specifically for that and gaf isn't one of them. However that doesn't mean you can't keep sending them to me

Aww...

 

[Mariolee]

Why do so many people fuck their sisters holy crap

 

[Fireblend]

One friend is such a deep sleeper that I'm able to wank over his feet then cum on them before licking it off.

Can't believe you're willing to take it that far. What'd happen if your friend wakes up?

 

[JetBlackPanda]

One time my friend ejaculated on my feet and started to lick it off. He thought I was asleep but I wasn't. I stepped In dog shit that night and the thought of him licking that off my feet helped me sleep like a baby.

This thread is so fucked up but I'm subbed anyways

 

[ronito]

I've spent 28 years of my life in a school environment. I just graduated this year and I found a job that pays pretty well and requires me to do very little. My days consist of waking up, going to work, waiting for lunch, waiting to knock off, waiting for dinner, waiting to sleep, and then the cycle resets itself. It is soul crushingly boring. I have very few friends, and I've only managed to ever have a relationship with 1 woman ever. One day, about 5 years ago, she told me that she didn't love me and I could be replaced with any other man. It broke my heart and we drifted apart after that.

None of my ex-classmates went to graduate school and almost all of them have a family of their own now, some have children, they have their own apartments, own cars etc. Whenever I think of my classmates, I think, "How the hell do these asshats have everything in life figured out?" But I know I'm the one who's fucked up. All I know is that I know nothing.

Just like my brother, who's 8 years younger than me, he grew up being jealous of my excellent grades at school. He just graduated with a bachelor's degree this year, but he's already been rolling in the big bucks for the past 2 years selling property. He's already engaged, and they've bought their own apartment. I can only afford to stay with my parents. He's got many friends, plenty of money making business ideas. Every time I look at him I feel like a failure. All I do in my free time is play video games and watch porn.

A PhD degree is pretty much useless for anything. Jobs are impossibly scarce, and what there's a very high chance that what you've learnt has no real world application. I did it to test my own limits, but even with a doctorate I'm still the same fucked up lazy asshole that I always was. I know that the world doesn't owe me a living, but I'm having a very hard time trying to find some meaning in my life, and suicide has crossed my mind way too many times this month. I know this confession sounds exactly like a 1st world problem compared to some of the other stuff in the thread. Thanks for reading in any case.

There is no equivalent exchange. Asshats will get all the money while you work your ass of to get a fraction of what they have. It's just the way of it. Keep thinking though that most likely your classmates that are married and have jobs are thinking "Why can't I be like Anon? No responsibilities."

Take up an instrument or try to learn something new to get you out and meeting people.

 

[Newline]

r most of my life I've been a narcissist. I'm a hollow shell of a person that is able to act like a social chameleon so I can feel any sort of admiration and connection with the group I'm with.

I lead a sad life of where I have little motivation beyond the belief that, "I'm special," and everyone should feel bad for me. The feeling to constantly seek attention and sympathy has been uncontrollable until recently. I'd lie about the simplest things and the stupidest things. Telling the truth has always been difficult.

I don't have a connection with anyone. I go from person to person acting as well as I can to be their friend based on movies I've seen and studying my friends' conversations. My friendships don't last long. The ones that do are friends that I see once every three months that rarely go beyond small talk. It's difficult creating lasting friendships with people when there's a constant fixation with image.

Narcissism is not a disease, but it is generational. My mother has always been worried about the family's image. We were told to lie all of the time as kids so that no one else would know how shitty our house was, how terrible she was, or how embarrassing we were. It was difficult growing up in a household like that, but we all adapted and became narcissists ourselves.

It came to my attention that I was one a few weeks ago. As I’ve reflected on all of the conversations and relationships I’ve had with people in my life, it’s been difficult for me to find one single instance that I did not do or say something that was not to manipulate people into thinking that I’m perfect.

I’ve felt lost for a long time, but knowing that I’ve yet to have a single genuine conversation in my life makes me feel like a newborn.

I just want to make a true human connection with someone at this point. I don’t want to live a perfect life, but living under the roof of a narcissist makes that very difficult. I feel like I’m constantly at odds with five different lives and none of them are my own. Having said that, I’ve been doing my best to tell myself that my issues are no more important than anyone else’s and that I’m not special. I should not be seeking sympathy, which is somewhat ironic since this will (hopefully) be posted on a message board.

I know these are supposed to be confessional's and I’ve certainly made a confession, but in regards to me feeling lost, I feel it’s appropriate to ask for advice.

How do I make myself feel whole? How do I make a true connection with another person?

Your issues are no more or less important than anyone elses, your issues are only important to you. No one that you have lied to or twisted the truth to will be in any way affected by your contortion of the truth, only you. You need to start being honest with people, pull a true and honest memory from your mind and share it with someone, see how that feels and focus on that feeling. People don't need to be constantly impressed with you to understand and appreciate your character.

"No man... can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one may be true."

 

[ronito]

I wish I was black or Asian. I always have. I know it's wrong to want to change who I am, but I just despise being white, not for my whiteness, but because most of my immediate family is racist and I feel that I will always be tied to them.

You're tied to your family? Is it your sister?

 

[ronito]

When I was in my very early 20's, I went to my out-of-state cousin's high school graduation with some other family. We got hotel rooms near her house.

At one point during the visit, it ended up being just me and my cousin in a hotel room. This was during the day. I got it in my head to try and hit on her. She was 18, fairly attractive, and we hadn't grown up together and only saw each other very rarely, like once every few years. It was still a dumb idea though.

What made it worse (and, in hindsight, comical) was that I was very awkward around women at the time and was not smooth at all. The way I tried to hit on her was to get her to watch porn with me.

Somehow she agreed to this, and we ended up watching porn on somebody's laptop (probably mine, but I don't remember) for like 10 minutes. The whole thing was super awkward, and I had no idea where to go from there so it just sort of ended, and then we carried on with our day.

Nowadays she is both married and no longer attractive (and still lives very far away), and the incident has never come up again in conversation. I am only mildly ashamed of the whole thing. Seems like it's a good story for the thread though, so here you go.

So you got her alone, watched porn together and you STILL couldn't finish the deed?

 

[Sai-kun]

If someone ever fucking jacked off into a pair of my socks I would be fucking FURIOUS

 

[lordfroakie]

why thank you

0_o