My friend Dan survives on nothing but pizza. It's said that variety is the spice of life, but for Dan, a 38-year-old woodworker based in Maryland, oregano is the only spice involved, because it’s the only thing that he will put on top of his pizza. The next time people tell you to eat your vegetables, you can tell them to fuck off and enlighten them with the story of this guy.
Everyone who knows Dan wonders how he’s still alive. Beyond the fact that his diet is completely horrifying, he also has diabetes and frequently gets low blood sugar. When his blood sugar dips into the danger zone, it sometimes results in his blacking out on the kitchen floor in his underwear with frozen food scattered around him. There was that one time he bought a new car and then blacked out on the drive home. He swerved off the road and totaled the vehicle, but besides from that isolated incident, his pizza diet seems to be working out for him. I recently spoke to Dan to hear more about how he came to subsist on gluten, tomato sauce, and cheese alone.
VICE: It's been said that you're the king of pizza. How did you get that reputation?
Dan Janssen: I've been eating pizza exclusively every day of my life for the past 25 years, and I'm not just talking about a slice of pizza every day. I usually eat an entire 14" pizza, and I only eat cheese pizza. I never get sick of it. If I go to one pizza shop or another brand, it's like eating a completely different meal.
What's your go-to pizza?
My absolute favorite pizza is from Pontillo's in Upstate New York. [Author's note: It’s a chain based in Rochester with 20 locations in that area.] I haven't had it in over ten years, so I can't speak to whether it's still good, but the last time I had it, it was far above any pizza I'd ever had.
Why don’t you eat other food?
I used to eat “regular food” like every normal American, but when I was 15 or 16, I made the decision to become a vegetarian based on ethical reasoning. I still loved the taste of meat, and I still love it to this day, but due to my beliefs, I gave it up. That was about 23 years ago. I also hate vegetables.
Does your current diet affect your diabetes?
When I first got diabetes, my endocrinologist said, "You should go to a nutritionist. You eat horribly." So I went to a nutritionist, and it was a waste of time. They just basically give you a list of things to try, saying, "Oh, you're a vegetarian; you should try this, this, and this." And of course I'm not going to try any of those. I like pizza. I've never gotten a negative reaction except from my first endocrinologist. But all the other doctors have said, "Your cholesterol is fine. You seem healthy. Keep doing what you're doing." I haven't had anyone truly concerned about it, except for my fiancée, and she's not overly concerned. With her advice and support, I've been seeing a therapist about my food aversion, and we've been exploring why I have such a limited diet. I must say, even though I sound like a horribly unhealthy and fat person, I'm not. I'm thin. I have tons of energy, and I feel great every day, so there might be something to the exclusive pizza diet.
