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Have you ever had your significant other pull the no sex...

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EviLore

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
Tdog987 said:
(I'm 26, she is 23)

[...]

She has 3 kids out of wedlock (1 has been adopted 16 when she had him and she pays child support for, the other lives with his dad most of the time, she has a 3 year old he lives with her)

Bc of child support, her paycheck are half the size of mine, so I pay for pretty much everything when we go out, and I recently paid for her glasses and contacts

I stay at her place like 5-6 nights a week, to help with her kid. On my days off I watch him too (it's difficult...he wears her completely out

[...]

so she drops that bomb saying she feels guilty everytime we have sex (even when it's her idea), she says she wants to be a better person and that she loves God (she mentioned that she believed in God a few times, but since we were having sex, I figured she was one of those who doesn't follow the no sex before marriage, since it's so common), and that she sinned a lot in her younger days (did pills bad mostly weed), partied a lot (drank, blacked out, etc...), and she just doesn't want the world to end one day soon and go to hell for all the things she does...she does a lot of good things (helps out her family a ton, is nice to just about everyone, gives money to the homeless on the streets, etc...)

I see myself marrying her one day, so I begrudgingly accepted it, right now we do everything except intercourse and oral (as I just found out last night). She said she feels bad bc sex she felt was the only thing she had to offer me and counter everything I do for her (I also let her use my car, pay her cell phone bill, gas sometimes)


My question to Gaf is
Click to expand...

The answer is BAILING OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Right now. Today. You're 26. You have your entire life ahead of you, but ONLY if you leave this woman and begin living for yourself and not as a slave to this girl's baggage, a lifetime of mistakes that she has willfully made and then dumped in your lap to solve. Be kind and generous to someone who deserves your affection.
 
ReadingRambo

ReadingRambo

Member
She's had 3 kids outside of marriage, multiple baby daddies, child support....dude any of this baggage by itself would strain a relationship. She's got all of it and now wants to stop having sex with you. Get the hell out of there.
 
B

B.O.O.M

Member
damn I have become such a cynic about these things that I actually think painraze might be right

The excuses, the getting home more tired than usual nonsense etc. to me looks like red flags.

all that aside OP, sex is important to you. You are NOT gonna enjoy your relationship going forward like this. It will feel worse and worse as it goes. Walk away before it ends up hurting you more. I wish you the best
 
oxrock

oxrock

Gravity is a myth, the Earth SUCKS!
Tdog987 said:
...right in the middle of the relationship? And also she pulls it after you 2 have had sex a bunch

Context...So me and my gf have been together 7 months now (I'm 26, she is 23)...we had sex after 5th date and have been having sex pretty regularly (avg is about 3-4 times per week)

According to her, I am the best bf and best lover by far she has ever had.

She has 3 kids out of wedlock (1 has been adopted 16 when she had him and she pays child support for, the other lives with his dad most of the time, she has a 3 year old he lives with her)

Bc of child support, her paycheck are half the size of mine, so I pay for pretty much everything when we go out, and I recently paid for her glasses and contacts

I stay at her place like 5-6 nights a week, to help with her kid. On my days off I watch him too (it's difficult...he wears her completely out

So about a week and a half ago I notice she is coming home more tired and I don't think anything of it, bc she works a lot too. So I let her nap and just watch tv. I help around the house and clean a bit, so she doesn't have to. This goes on for about 4 days. On the 4th day I tell her I want her and I to shower together, she is fine with it and says yes...then about an hour after we get back to her place, she just takes a shower on her own...when she comes out she says "sorry I just really felt gross, but don't worry, I'm still gonna take a shower with you", so an hour later, I say I'm ready and she says "i don't feel like taking another shower, I'm sorry"

Day 5 rolls around, I tell her I want some lovin tonight after work, she says yes, then when the time comes, she says I need to talk to you about something and you will probably hate me for it...so she drops that bomb saying she feels guilty everytime we have sex (even when it's her idea), she says she wants to be a better person and that she loves God (she mentioned that she believed in God a few times, but since we were having sex, I figured she was one of those who doesn't follow the no sex before marriage, since it's so common), and that she sinned a lot in her younger days (did pills bad mostly weed), partied a lot (drank, blacked out, etc...), and she just doesn't want the world to end one day soon and go to hell for all the things she does...she does a lot of good things (helps out her family a ton, is nice to just about everyone, gives money to the homeless on the streets, etc...)

I see myself marrying her one day, so I begrudgingly accepted it, right now we do everything except intercourse and oral (as I just found out last night). She said she feels bad bc sex she felt was the only thing she had to offer me and counter everything I do for her (I also let her use my car, pay her cell phone bill, gas sometimes)


My question to Gaf is, has your significant other ever pulled this on you after you 2 have already had sex a bunch? And what did you?
Click to expand...
I was going to bold all the parts of your post I thought were relevant to my saying this but then I ended up bolding everything so it was pointless.

She refuses to have sex with you either because she doesn't want to because she's found jesus or possibly fucking another man, you're forced to play nanny for a kids that aren't even your's because she can't deal with them, you pay for her personal things because she can't afford everything (because she has to pay for her illegitimate children?) and yet you see yourself wedding this woman some day. Separate yourself from the situation for a moment and ask yourself if you saw this taking place if you'd think the guy in this wasn't the biggest loser/simp you've ever seen in your life.

What are you even getting out of this? She comes home so tired that all she can do is sleep according to you, and your free time goes from enjoying life to letting her suck all the life out of you. I just don't see the appeal. People do dumb things for sex, so I could see that being the draw but she doesn't even want to anymore. I just don't get why you'd stay.
 
G

GameGuru59

Banned
EviLore said:
The answer is BAILING OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Right now. Today. You're 26. You have your entire life ahead of you, but ONLY if you leave this woman and begin living for yourself and not as a slave to this girl's baggage, a lifetime of mistakes that she has willfully made and then dumped in your lap to solve. Be kind and generous to someone who deserves your affection.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I didn't even read the "using my car" and "paying her bills" part. OP, get out of this arrangement, now. She's using you. You can still be friends.
 
R

ronito

Member
Xvc6nHl.gif
 
davepoobond

davepoobond

you can't put a price on sparks
She has 3 kids, she is looking for someone to be her slave not her boyfriend apparently since she is basically saying she doesn't want to have sex with you.

She's obviously getting the better end of the deal in this relationship.

How are any of her children your responsibility when it comes down to it? Why are you putting yourself in this situation
 
P

Painraze

Unconfirmed Member
zoukka said:
No to me it sounds like she's going through moral issues and soul searching. Of course you can just ignore everything she is saying and jump to conclusions if you want.
Click to expand...

Sure brah. She's "finding herself" sexually while using her current boyfriend as a bank and a nanny. Moral issues indeed.
 
S

Sho_Nuff82

Member
3 kids at 23 would have been all of the red flag I ever needed. You're being punished for her past that you've already embraced/overlooked. Bail out.
 
S

Souless_PJ

Banned
Bail dude. That's way too much baggage before the sex thing.

You are getting nothing out of this relationship except negativity
 
A

AlexMogil

Member
zoukka said:
People just crave threads like this so they can type "bail" and "she found new dik". It's fucking childish.
Click to expand...

I agree.

HUR SHE FOUNDED NEW DONGERS

Ignore the fools who call you a simp, that's childish as well. Dat NeoGaf street cred, you a ruffryda no lie.

But, uhm... in this case? I think y'all need some talkin' to. She might have had a mature epiphany suddenly, true. And considering she's 23 and had three kids (I think I read that right) she might have had that sudden thought that sex doesn't completely define the relationship, so she goes WAY in the opposite direction and turns it off.

If you both want to further the relationship, counseling might be your next best bet so you can talk about these things in a safe environment.
 
L

Loomba

Member
You're being taking for a ride here man. If you're salty over this now imagine what it'll be like in 10 years. Get your shit and get out.
 
A

Aurongel

Member
You know it's a relationship trouble thread on GAF when it's polluted with "bail out" posts that lack any sort of constructive thought whatsoever. It sounds to me like OP's girlfriend is very confused and has mixed feelings/guilt about her life right now. It's not exactly uncommon that these soul searching thoughts lead to a sharp drop in libido for her. I know it's very fashionable on GAF to not give religious folks a chance when it comes to relationships but I honestly think you should give her a little bit of time to sort through her feelings on her own and sit her down to talk through some of this. Normally I'd tell you to be more cautious but it honestly just sounds like she's overloaded on physical/mental stressors and you don't make it sound like you two had significant problems with eachother prior to this.

Probably an unpopular opinion considering that the consensus so far in this thread is that she MUST be a no good cheater or will be soon because she comes home from work more tired and stressed than usual.

There literally can't be any other options.
 
R

royalan

Member
EviLore said:
The answer is BAILING OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Right now. Today. You're 26. You have your entire life ahead of you, but ONLY if you leave this woman and begin living for yourself and not as a slave to this girl's baggage, a lifetime of mistakes that she has willfully made and then dumped in your lap to solve. Be kind and generous to someone who deserves your affection.
Click to expand...

GAF has spoken.

OP, this girl has a lot of baggage. And I know from experience that initially it's exhilarating to feel like you're someone's savior (even if you would never actually say that). And it may even stroke your sense of manly pride to be with a woman who quite literally needs you.

But you're young, and this baggage you've taken on is a lot, and it doesn't seem like she's doing much in the way of helping herself here. You will come to resent this. In fact, it seems like that's already beginning to happen.
 
D

Draper

Member
What in the ever-loving-fuck?! I love how you dump that baggage on us and then nonchalantly inquire about our experiences.

GET THE FUCK OUT.
 
H

Horseticuffs

Full werewolf off the buckle
Quite honestly I'd run and let God pay her bills since she's putting so much stock in him all the sudden.
Edit:

I want to expand on this so I don't sound like a monster.

Relationships aren't only about sex, of course. That said, personally I'd be offended as hell that all of the sudden when she meets a nice guy that secures her life a bit she decides it's a good time to change who she is.

Op, you fell in love with her. With her new outlook on life she isn't "her" anymore. If you'd been married ten years and had kids together I'd urge counseling.

7 months and all that other bullshit? I'd slip out the back, jack.
 
C

Currygan

at last, for christ's sake
as most people already said,

iUEAJ6KHOrFwe.gif


there really isn't anything to add. it's a tragicomic situation you need to get the hell out asap
 
Risible

Risible

Member
AlexMogil said:
Ignore the fools who call you a simp, that's childish as well. Dat NeoGaf street cred, you a ruffryda no lie.
Click to expand...

That's naive in the extreme. Maybe you are bristling at the term simp, but being a doormat is unhealthy and only leads to trouble - the guy will feel resentful and the girl will come to lose respect for him, leading to a death spiral where the two feelings get stronger and stronger creating a negative feedback loop.

Not sure where you get the idea that not being taken advantage of is some sort of gangsta life thing, but OK.....
 
M

Manmademan

Member
EviLore said:
The answer is BAILING OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Right now. Today. You're 26. You have your entire life ahead of you, but ONLY if you leave this woman and begin living for yourself and not as a slave to this girl's baggage, a lifetime of mistakes that she has willfully made and then dumped in your lap to solve. Be kind and generous to someone who deserves your affection.
Click to expand...

This is the correct answer. This relationship is a time bomb.
 
EviLore

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
AlexMogil said:
I agree.

HUR SHE FOUNDED NEW DONGERS

Ignore the fools who call you a simp, that's childish as well. Dat NeoGaf street cred, you a ruffryda no lie.

But, uhm... in this case? I think y'all need some talkin' to. She might have had a mature epiphany suddenly, true. And considering she's 23 and had three kids (I think I read that right) she might have had that sudden thought that sex doesn't completely define the relationship, so she goes WAY in the opposite direction and turns it off.

If you both want to further the relationship, counseling might be your next best bet so you can talk about these things in a safe environment.
Click to expand...

Counseling. For a 7 month relationship with a 23 year old woman with 3 kids from different fathers, who uses the OP as a bank and a babysitter and who has suddenly found god and reverted to celibacy to save her immortal soul from all of the partying and drugs and bareback fucking she did right before she met the OP. COUNSELING.
 
R

ReturnOfTheRAT

Member
You picked an incredible woman. This is potentially a character building exercise that only comes around once in a lifetime. The decision to except such a challenge is something many of us wouldn't do. But you did! If you're really that committed to her, at least ask her what is going on. The worst thing to do after 7 months would be to bail out so easily.
 
davepoobond

davepoobond

you can't put a price on sparks
EviLore said:
Counseling. For a 7 month relationship with a 23 year old woman with 3 kids from different fathers, who uses the OP as a bank and a babysitter and who has suddenly found god and reverted to celibacy to save her immortal soul from all of the partying and drugs and bareback fucking she did right before she met the OP. COUNSELING.
Click to expand...

But you don't understand, he's going to marry her and then he'll really deserve to be miserable in a sexless marriage and wish he had done counseling at the 7 month point since that is the obvious path to take
 
C

Chucker

Member
You're a good dude for everything you've done. I wouldn't expect sex from her, but at the same time cutting off after saying she's found God is a bit strange.

Talk to her about it, be civil (NO SPREADSHEETS!), don't mention this thread (Shouldn't need to be said, but here we are).

Honestly you both have your whole lives ahead of you, I'd bail.

At least she's keeping you from getting that other dude spunk on your piece by holding out on you.
 
S

Stet

Banned
EviLore said:
Counseling. For a 7 month relationship with a 23 year old woman with 3 kids from different fathers, who uses the OP as a bank and a babysitter and who has suddenly found god and reverted to celibacy to save her immortal soul from all of the partying and drugs and bareback fucking she did right before she met the OP. COUNSELING.
Click to expand...

"If you both want to further the relationship..."

The caveat is right there in the post. I know it's important to be the strong alpha male in every situation, but alpha males can still read.
 
W

Winterfang

Banned
OP if you love this woman, you may seek out couples therapy or had her seeing a therapist herself. Her pass is hunting her and it overwhelms her, she seems to be a nice person, if you are not looking for something to last then bail out. If like you say, you see yourself marrying her someday, then help her.
 
T

The Adder

Banned
Aurongel said:
You know it's a relationship trouble thread on GAF when it's polluted with "bail out" posts that lack any sort of constructive thought whatsoever. It sounds to me like OP's girlfriend is very confused and has mixed feelings/guilt about her life right now. It's not exactly uncommon that these soul searching thoughts lead to a sharp drop in libido for her. I know it's very fashionable on GAF to not give religious folks a chance when it comes to relationships but I honestly think you should give her a little bit of time to sort through her feelings on her own and sit her down to talk through some of this. Normally I'd tell you to be more cautious but it honestly just sounds like she's overloaded on physical/mental stressors and you don't make it sound like you two had significant problems with eachother prior to this.

Probably an unpopular opinion considering that the consensus so far in this thread is that she MUST be a no good cheater or will be soon because she comes home from work more tired and stressed than usual.

There literally can't be any other options.
Click to expand...

Grow the fuck up. There are people in this very topic with experience in this same kind of situation saying bail. And the vast majority of bail posts don't even mention cheating as a possibility.

Stop thinking like a 15 year old lovesick poet and start thinking like a god damned rational adult.
 
R

royalan

Member
Yeah, save the "counseling" for the 10+ year marriages with children and joint bank accounts going through middle-aged slumps.

This relationship is only 7 months old, and at 23 you are in the time of your life where it is A-OK to bail when you see these kinds of red flags. I mean, it's what you should do, actually.
 
J

John Dunbar

correct about everything
is it common that someone has to pay child support for a kid that has been adopted? i thought the whole point of giving a child up for adoption is not to be responsible for them anymore.
 
S

shacklesmcgee

Member
AlexMogil said:
If you both want to further the relationship, counseling might be your next best bet so you can talk about these things in a safe environment.
Click to expand...

No no no no, why should 26 year old pay for counseling in 7 month relationship? This already isn't a good life at 26, now let's add shit that even married 40 year olds hate
 
M

MrToughPants

Brian Burke punched my mom
AlexMogil said:
I agree.

HUR SHE FOUNDED NEW DONGERS

Ignore the fools who call you a simp, that's childish as well. Dat NeoGaf street cred, you a ruffryda no lie.

But, uhm... in this case? I think y'all need some talkin' to. She might have had a mature epiphany suddenly, true. And considering she's 23 and had three kids (I think I read that right) she might have had that sudden thought that sex doesn't completely define the relationship, so she goes WAY in the opposite direction and turns it off.

If you both want to further the relationship, counseling might be your next best bet so you can talk about these things in a safe environment.
Click to expand...

Counseling for a 7 month relationship with a 23 year old who has 3 children?

Is OP also going to pay for the counseling while he pays to help support kids that aren't his?
 
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