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[Ultratech]

This is not really a story of me simply being "clueless." More like "horrible at existing as a human being in every meaningful way."
...

We now talk all the time and are very interested in re-connecting in person once work settles down for a while. There may even be a happy ending to this story. But thinking about it almost cripples me when I think back on how blind and stupid I was.

Damn.

DAMN.

The feels...

May you have the best of luck.

 

[shadowsdarknes]

OMG. This thread just brought back another memory. I love this thread, I'm very much enjoying digging up these old memories of mine.

During a homecoming dance this chick Christie and I started to dance. You the know the dance, two bodies mashed together both bumping ugly's to the beat of some manufactured hip hop song. I was digging her and she me. We spent half the night together laughing and dancing it was going so well. So she invites me to check out her car, and I'm like great, she has a thing for cars, I love cars too! You can already smell the stupid in this story.

She takes me out to the school parking lot where her car is parked. It was a brand new Honda Accord with real nice interior. She opens the door to the backseat and hops in, waving me to follow her. At this point I am completely clueless as to what is happening I keep rambling on about cars unintentionally.

At some point we were giving each other weird looks I remember while speaking some weird cryptic language that I now describe as the aptitude test. This test gauges a guys intelligence, situational awareness, and most importantly, level of interest. Very shortly after that little test we left the car. The grading system I found out ironically is backwards. Halfway back into the school I realized that I received an A for Asshole. The entire experience rushed back to me in a sudden burst of laughter. She asked me why I'm laughing to which I actually responded with, "I'm such a dumbass." She even laughed and agreed.

Jeez, I was a friggin' dweeb in High School. I remember ruining my chance at hooking up with the girl I lost my virginity to ever again because I spilled the beans before first period even ended lol.

 

[Lizardus]

OMG. This thread just brought back another memory. I love this thread, I'm very much enjoying digging up these old memories of mine.

During a homecoming dance this chick Christie and I started to dance. You the know the dance, two bodies mashed together both bumping ugly's to the beat of some manufactured hip hop song. I was digging her and she me. We spent half the night together laughing and dancing it was going so well. So she invites me to check out her car, and I'm like great, she has a thing for cars, I love cars too! You can already smell the stupid in this story.

She takes me out to the school parking lot where her car is parked. It was a brand new Honda Accord with real nice interior. She opens the door to the backseat and hops in, waving me to follow her. At this point I am completely clueless as to what is happening I keep rambling on about cars unintentionally.

At some point we were giving each other weird looks I remember while speaking some weird cryptic language that I now describe as the aptitude test. This test gauges a guys intelligence, situational awareness, and most importantly, level of interest. Very shortly after that little test we left the car. The grading system I found out ironically is backwards. Halfway back into the school I realized that I received an A for Asshole. The entire experience rushed back to me in a sudden burst of laughter. She asked me why I'm laughing to which I actually responded with, "I'm such a dumbass." She even laughed and agreed.

Jeez, I was a friggin' dweeb in High School. I remember ruining my chance at hooking up with the girl I lost my virginity to ever again because I spilled the beans before first period even ended lol.

I swear Ive seen this post before.

 

[Funky Papa]

Oooooooh, I have another one, from high school no less.

I was friends with this incredibly adorable, incredibly hot petite blonde with looooong curly hair (think young Vanessa Paradis minus the crazy teeth gap). She had a reputation for being a bit loose, but I didn't mind; she was really fun and seemingly responsible, even if she liked to playfully poke fun at me for being a bit of a book worm.

Anyways, one day we were having a 20 minute break between classes when she told me that she could use a back massage. I obliged. Now, that day there was a student's strike and we had the classroom all for ourselves once the other two students who had come to class decided to skip the rest of the day. After five minutes or so of back rubbing below her shirt she turned her head to me (we were both sitting on our chairs, myself right behind her) and very slowly, very calmly told me that her bra was getting in the way and that I should remove it. At that point it hit me that some teacher could step in and get THE WRONG IDEA, so I told her that we should pack our bags and move for the next class. So she did, without saying as much as a peep.

Sounds stupid, right? Well, I can make it look even worse. The last class we had before that particular moment was SEX ED, so she was very obviously horny as fuck and aching for some heavy petting, if not something else.

God, I feel like I could write a book about romantic incompetence.

 

[Mr_Appleby]

the classic one i'll always remember is meeting this girl in a club about 5am, very cute, few years younger. Very dressy, as in high heels, nice dress, not the kind of girl i usually go for or goes for me, but in any case we were getting along fine and basically it was at the point where her and her friends where about to bundle me into a taxi with her and then all of a sudden i'm walking out of the club with my friend and heading home. got into the taxi, drove round the corner, and then kind of went "oh.... wait..." It was my first real "hang on, what am i doing, how did i get here, wasn't i leaving with that girl?" moment.

similar one in barcelona with an absolutely stunning russian model who i'd known for a week or two, we'd been partying for a few days, she wanted to be a singer so I'd directed a few recording sessions with her. at some point we're in this bar a mutual friend owned on this stinking hot summer night, seriously it was so hot inside sweat was sheeting off people. i tried going near the dancefloor and couldn't even make it half-way, was like a furnace. Anyway she tells me a bit about some 40 year old russian business-man boyfriend that she "hates" of course, asks if i have a gf back home, anyway we ramble on a bit then she says "It's so hot in here, too hot even to kiss. Do you want to come for a walk?"

For whatever ungodly reason I said no, then went for a walk with the same bloody friend from above to buy cigarettes. Half an hour later the club closed, we all jumped in different cars and went seperate ways. I don't actually think i ever saw her again.

Probably a good thing though as I had (unbeknownst to me at the time) an ear infection that two flights that weekend had aggravated, leaving the ear blocked for days, had been awake for about 3 days over two countries, been to at minimum 3 separate parties of which I played at two, and ingested the contents of a spanish pharmacy along the way. The upshot of all this was when I did get home, I was sitting around drinking cheap wine when a bucketful of blood sluiced down my sinuses into my mouth and had to be spat out immediately. thankfully it was accompanied by the orgasmic unblocking of my ear, but all i can say is i'm glad that it didn't happen during sex.

 

[shadowsdarknes]

I swear Ive seen this post before.

From me or somebody else in this thread? Its late I might've posted it twice?

 

[rpmurphy]

I'm so incredibly oblivious that even today I could not possibly identify such events in the past unless someone smacks me in the head a couple of times.

Since college, I've only thus far been hit on by single mothers... I have such amazing luck.

 

[FreeMufasa]

Real talk? Penshot

Back wen Manz was a young buck at 14. I looked good den but I had confidence issues n never had poom step to me. It was always me going for da girl. S no experience there.

I went to da local all boys school. But our after school clubs were mixed wit da local all girls school. Shiiiiiiie, this place was pussy heaven with about 5 guys to 30 girls. There was this one chick me n my bro were feenin for. We both stepped to her countless times n joked n be friends. We both new da Manz dat got her was dat. Penshot.

A lil dis a lil dat n I think she likes me more. One Friday after watchin me she steps to me n says her parents are gone I should come to her house. My response? "I'm sorry, brute force releases then". Real talk. Some lame ass Xbox 1 game. She looks at me so confused cah she don't no wat that is.

Manz clocked later wat happened but she already moved on my boy. No hate. #jeslousy
Wat did I do? I went to GAME. Picked up my pre order and played it. The sad thing was da whole time I was playing it I was sayin shit like "wow, this is so good RIGHT?" N my lil bro next to me was like "G, this is kinda bad". Got pissed n kicked him out hahahaha.

Monday at school n my bro is tellin every kid how he mashed good poompoom. Still goes on about it too. Fuck it. 1.

 

[Funky Papa]

I have to confess that I'm a big fan of FreeMufasa's posts.

 

[Dark Stalkers]

where you from mufasa?

 

[televator]

Too many times have I misinterpreted flirting/open opportunities as teasing/pity/mocking, GAF. TOO. MANY. TIMES.

Oh, the insanely cynically twisted perspective of a fucked up socially awkward teen. Negative reinforcement upbringings...what a damn life experience robbery that is.

 

[Clockwork]

I have to confess that I'm a big fan of FreeMufasa's posts.

I would be happier if they were in English.

 

[TheOMan]

Wow - this thread is painful, but I can definitely relate. Just thinking about the situations I've been oblivious in...smh.

 

[FLAguy954]

This thread is a combination of

and

Just fucking unbelievable!

 

[oxrock]

One of the first things I do with any girl I'm interested in is joke about how completely and utterly clueless I am when it comes to reading signals and such. Luckily this leads to women being more blunt with the whole sex situation and a much happier oxrock.

As I've been reading this thread I can't help but notice how many simple acts men interpret as sexual invitations after the fact. Even if a woman is interested in possibly getting to know you better and maybe having a drink sometime, it doesn't mean she's going to let you into her panties at the drop of a hat.

As for my own story: when I was 18 I had my own apartment and was working at a grocery store. My apartment was always a complete fucking mess and somehow this would always come up in conversation with my female coworkers. I must of had a dozen women offer to come over and help clean my apartment. It wasn't until I finally accepted the help and happened to have sex with the woman that I finally understood what all those other women were doing.

BONUS STORY!!! Also when I was 18ish I was standing in line at the same grocery store for checkout and this old lady reaches behind her, grabs my dick, looks me in the eyes smiles and winks. Was I oblivious? Fuck no, probably the only time in my whole life that there was a woman that I KNEW wanted to have sex with me and I totally passed it by, lol. It was also the most forward by far that any stranger has ever been with me, I was quite shocked.

 

[Atruvius]

I had a girl say to me "I love you" in elementary school. I just said "okay" and walked away totally oblivious and proceeded to forget the whole thing.

 

[Fusion Pizza]

A year or two back I was visiting a buddy and he'd been dropping heavy hints that a particular lady had recently taken an interest in me. Party night comes, and i totally and completely blow it.

She came up to me and was talking, then I don't exactly remember what I said, but she just turned away and left, I'm pretty sure my anxiety got the best of me and I said something that gave her the impression that I was uninterested.

FUCK MY ANXIETY!

I've come to realize that I do in-fact have an anxiety issue, I need to go see someone about it.

I basically cock-blocked myself from a sure-thing.

 

[Unhandled Exception]

I had a friend move in with me on a very temporary basis, she was trying to move into town but didn't have a job lined up to rent out a place. She was going to move out as soon as she found a job. Anyway, first day she's staying with me I showed her the space in the closet in my room that she could use for her clothes and quickly sat down at my desk because I was staring a hole in the download screen on Steam all day. This was the day the demo of Left 4 Dead came out. 10 or 15 seconds later she walks up to me and says she's never had a guy ignore her while she was changing in front of him before and just started laughing. In my defense the closet in question was behind the way I was facing but it was still a wake up call. I learned pretty quickly though and that was the first and last time something like that happened to me. As far as I'm aware anyway, I doubt most guys have the luxury of being told when they're being a dumb ass in such situations.

 

[SCULLIBUNDO]

When I was thirteen I felt up my girlfriend at the time. I was so delighted with my grasp of her budding pikelets that I told her I think I loved her. She laughed.

 

[Dark Stalkers]

When I was thirteen I felt up my girlfriend at the time. I was so delighted with my grasp of her budding pikelets that I told her I think I loved her. She laughed.

Sounds like she was the clueless one here.

 

[Angry Grimace]

I would be happier if they were in English.

I read them all in my mind in a Jamaican accent.

When I was thirteen I felt up my girlfriend at the time. I was so delighted with my grasp of her budding pikelets that I told her I think I loved her. She laughed.

I'm inept enough to be married to the first girl that would have sex with me, but we both kind of laugh at the kind of dumb shit we used to say like 10 years ago.

 

[Turok_TTZ]

I hate this thread... I hate all of you!
I've never been hit on. I don't have a memory to share to lol at. having shameful tales of missed opportunities is always superior than having none to speak of. yet despite this I'm with my loved one. I still don't know how I got her but by god I won't mess my current relationship up!

 

[Funky Papa]

Oh dear, I should have probably not posted in this thread. Here's another one from high school.

By the end of my final year at high school I was the most miserable human being in the universe. I basically hated every single day and I couldn't wait to get done with it and clean the slate. There were a small bunch of nice people that made the experience a bit more passable, though. One of them was this four years older chick attending vocational school that somehow connected with me almost instantly. We began to talk during breaks and then hung around after class. She was tall, stern looking (boy, do I like hieratical women) and very upfront, which is something I value, so we connected pretty quickly.

Anyway, one day she had to go to the doc in order to get some routine tests done. It was during the last hour of school and my lazy ass biology teacher was out doing God knows what imaginary external assignment he had conjured in order to skip his own class, so I figured that a bit of truancy wouldn't be a problem. I walked her to the clinic and then went to the park. It was winter (although the day was far from cold), so the night fell quickly upon us and we found ourselves sitting on a bench, talking shit about our schoolmates and just having a good time under a dimly lit lamppost. At some point she brought the issue of girls and how come I wasn't dating anyone, to which I replied that most of the girls of my age were every bit as puerile and insufferable as the boys. She laughed heartily and straight up asked me if I wouldn't be interested in sampling a more mature and experienced one.

WINK WINK WINK

Now, she was a fairly good looking lady and she had the undeniable allure of being an older girl (I was 17, she was edging 22 -that was a big fucking difference for any high school kid, and I knew quite a few lusted after her) but at the time I was so deeply, secretly enamored of this precious little train wreck that my mind couldn't understand the fact that she was throwing herself at me. I thought it was a serious question, so I replied that it was something that never occurred to me and changed the conversation without even thinking about it. She had another of her hearty, frank laughs and we continued talking for a while before we parted.

We remained good friends for a while, but it took me years to realise that she was making a gigantic pass on me. Unlike some other cases of numbskullery, though, I cherish that moment as a charming and cute one. Still, my dick weeps whenever I think about it.

 

[Snake]

To the folks rooting for a happy ending after my last post: You should know that I was kind of downplaying just how good things are going right now, due to me wanting to highlight my considerable mistakes rather than essentially brag about the current situation. But people deserve hope so why not.

In truth, things have never been better. We are not only best friends now but are mere weeks away from taking the next step (moving in together and having an actual relationship, not something long distance). While I am a cautious person by nature I totally recognize I've been given a second chance with the closest thing to a soulmate I might have in this world and I have not taken that for granted. It's too late here to write another ten paragraphs detailing things, but suffice it to say that there is a distinct possibility that I'll be married to this amazing girl by this time next year. And, if that is the case, I can assure you there will be a GAF thread (you gotta have priorities after all!!).

 

[Im_So_Pringles]

Back in highschool; A bunch of fellow band members and I were on the bus ride home. Sitting in the seat next to me was the most gorgeous chick in band, sitting with one of her less attractive friends. The gorgeous one and I had talked/playfully flirted back in forth for basically all of our school years.

Gorgeous Chick: Ugh. I'm so mad that nobody has asked me to homecoming yet. We're only a week away, and I have no date!
Less Attractive Chick: Maybe you should just ask somebody that you really want to go with.
Gorgeous Chick: Hey, *My name* do you have a date yet? You're really, really, cute you know.
Less Attractive chick: Yeah, you are.
Me: Nope! No date yet!
Gorgeous chick: Well, how about you just go with me?
Me: I was actually kinda looking forward to going alone.
Gorgeous Chick: Oh, okay.

I wanted to fucking kill myself the next morning when I thought about the conversation, and my stupid fucking mistake.

 

[nhlducks35]

Back in highschool; A bunch of fellow band members and I were on the bus ride home. Sitting in the seat next to me was the most gorgeous chick in band, sitting with one of her less attractive friends. The gorgeous one and I had talked/playfully flirted back in forth for basically all of our school years.

Gorgeous Chick: Ugh. I'm so mad that nobody has asked me to homecoming yet. We're only a week away, and I have no date!
Less Attractive Chick: Maybe you should just ask somebody that you really want to go with.
Gorgeous Chick: Hey, *My name* do you have a date yet? You're really, really, cute you know.
Less Attractive chick: Yeah, you are.
Me: Nope! No date yet!
Gorgeous chick: Well, how about you just go with me?
Me: I was actually kinda looking forward to going alone.
Gorgeous Chick: Oh, okay.

I wanted to fucking kill myself the next morning when I thought about the conversation, and my stupid fucking mistake.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Not if he can salvage the relationship. He still has a chance.

This is true.

Snake, the moment you see her, muster up every romantic film you have ever seen, grab her, and you kiss the hell out of that woman. We'll send a GAFer with doves to release them at the right moment.

Seriously.

 

[Canuck76]

Real talk? Penshot

Back wen Manz was a young buck at 14. I looked good den but I had confidence issues n never had poom step to me. It was always me going for da girl. S no experience there.

I went to da local all boys school. But our after school clubs were mixed wit da local all girls school. Shiiiiiiie, this place was pussy heaven with about 5 guys to 30 girls. There was this one chick me n my bro were feenin for. We both stepped to her countless times n joked n be friends. We both new da Manz dat got her was dat. Penshot.

A lil dis a lil dat n I think she likes me more. One Friday after watchin me she steps to me n says her parents are gone I should come to her house. My response? "I'm sorry, brute force releases then". Real talk. Some lame ass Xbox 1 game. She looks at me so confused cah she don't no wat that is.

Manz clocked later wat happened but she already moved on my boy. No hate. #jeslousy
Wat did I do? I went to GAME. Picked up my pre order and played it. The sad thing was da whole time I was playing it I was sayin shit like "wow, this is so good RIGHT?" N my lil bro next to me was like "G, this is kinda bad". Got pissed n kicked him out hahahaha.

Monday at school n my bro is tellin every kid how he mashed good poompoom. Still goes on about it too. Fuck it. 1.

If this is real this is so amazing hahahahaha

 

[Freezasaurus]

Every weekend I get drunk texts from a woman I work with saying that her boyfriend doesn't like her texting me and that I'm really cute.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!?!

 

[oxrock]

Real talk? Penshot

Back wen Manz was a young buck at 14. I looked good den but I had confidence issues n never had poom step to me. It was always me going for da girl. S no experience there.

I went to da local all boys school. But our after school clubs were mixed wit da local all girls school. Shiiiiiiie, this place was pussy heaven with about 5 guys to 30 girls. There was this one chick me n my bro were feenin for. We both stepped to her countless times n joked n be friends. We both new da Manz dat got her was dat. Penshot.

A lil dis a lil dat n I think she likes me more. One Friday after watchin me she steps to me n says her parents are gone I should come to her house. My response? "I'm sorry, brute force releases then". Real talk. Some lame ass Xbox 1 game. She looks at me so confused cah she don't no wat that is.

Manz clocked later wat happened but she already moved on my boy. No hate. #jeslousy
Wat did I do? I went to GAME. Picked up my pre order and played it. The sad thing was da whole time I was playing it I was sayin shit like "wow, this is so good RIGHT?" N my lil bro next to me was like "G, this is kinda bad". Got pissed n kicked him out hahahaha.

Monday at school n my bro is tellin every kid how he mashed good poompoom. Still goes on about it too. Fuck it. 1.

I don't even know what the fuck you're saying more often than not. People keep saying this is a good post and I feel like I'm missing out. Can someone translate this into more proper English?

 

[Danj]

Why does this stuff always seem to happen to other people? I never had anything like any of this stuff happen to me.

 

[Funky Papa]

Why does this stuff always seem to happen to other people? I never had anything like any of this stuff happen to me.

Monocles over specs are not a sexy combination.

Also, a good number of my screw ups took YEARS to become evident to me. I'm not kidding. In most of those cases I had already lost contact with the girl in question.

 

[Danj]

Monocles over specs are not a sexy combination.

You know that the monocle's shopped, right? I don't really wear a monocle and top hat in real life.

EDIT: also, in the unlikely event anything like this has happened to me, I still haven't realised it.

 

[Funky Papa]

You know that the monocle's shopped, right? I don't really wear a monocle and top hat in real life.

This post is so precious Evilore should frame it.

 

[Sadsic]

once i was walking home from school and two girls driving picked me up and drove me to their house. i just left and went to my house

 

[Mesoian]

Aww man...I think about this one a lot. It haunts me.

So I like fighting games a lot, and I do pretty well. Probably...5 years ago at some anime convention I was at, I had spent the day cleaning up on Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 3 and was sort of on a runners high. The game room was emptying out and I was still looking for challengers. Out of no where, a very cute cosplayer girl sits next to me, bats her eyes and very cutely asks if she can play. I say sure, give her the quick run down on how to play, we do a play match, it's all very light and airy. Then we play another match and I proceed to BEAT HER ASS IN TO THE GROUND. She gets upset, tosses the controller onto the table, gives me a flippant "thanks...", then storms off. I didn't think anything of it until 2 hours passed by, where I belted out a, "OH GOD WHAT DID I DO?!?" at some random event.

I am TERRIBLE when it comes to identifying when women are interested in me. I don't need a wingman, I need an entire fucking squadron of spitfighters.

once i was walking home from school and two girls driving picked me up and drove me to their house. i just left and went to my house

I did that once too, only it was walking from the bus back to campus. Turns out I was better off for not getting in the car, but I still wonder what may have happened.

 

[Monumental]

I don't even know what the fuck you're saying more often than not. People keep saying this is a good post and I feel like I'm missing out. Can someone translate this into more proper English?

oh whatever dude, he typed like that to inject some humour into the writing style. Don't pretend as if you can't read it.

 

[kinoki]

There was this one time and I found out years later.

In school, I must have been like 14 or 15, a girl was in love with me. We were in seperate classes but shared gymnastics. So, it's valentine's day and we have skating on the gymnastics lesson. She'd bought chocolate and planned on surprising me that day telling me that she loved me. Thing was, she wasn't very good at skates and I used to be a hockey player. She never caught up to me.

Years later at a party with her, then, best-friend I was informed of it. All of a sudden I felt like an idiot and reflecting on it I kind of noticed alot of other things she had done for me but never worked up the courage to tell me.

 

[ConradCervantes]

Two instances come to mind.

Right before senior year of high school a girl invited me over to hang out at her house one day and took a shower after her mom left for work. I stayed in the den and played with her cats. She comes running in wearing a belly shirt and sweat shorts and pounces onto the couch, leaping over me and landing partially in my lap, her bare, tanned legs resting on my thighs. While we both pet the cat that ran up and jumped onto her flat stomach--me making sure not to touch her--she asks me what we should do to entertain ourselves, a query I respond to by suggesting a movie, Aladdin if I remember correctly. We watched it, I went home, then two weeks later she started dating a friend of mine.

The second came shortly thereafter. In drama class I became friends over time with a sophomore girl, a cute blonde who listened to MCR and shared a penchant with me for the melodramatic. Over the course of the school year we casually flirt and develop an in-joke that if the apocalypse ever happened, we should hide together and conceive the perfect child, a John Conner-type hero of the remnants of humanity. One day after school when rehearsal wrapped up for the day, we grab a bite to eat. It starts storming out and I make a joke, "LOL the apocalypse is starting, better get busy!" She says "Good thing my parents aren't home tonight, we definitely could if you wanted to come over!" I just chuckle and finish my meal, then I drive her home and head on my way.

After graduation I stayed in town and ran into her every now and then at the mall or bowling alley. She found me on Facebook a couple years back and invited me to her 21st birthday party at a mutual friend's house. I come over and she's already in the bag, and near the end of the night she finally gets me alone and says "Y'know...I had a huge crush on you back in school. I think I even invited you over to my house one night, but you shook it off!" The dots connected immediately and I realized what a dumbshit I was by not seeing the signs.

 

[Funky Papa]

then two weeks later she started dating a friend of mine.

Like a God damned papercut to the bone.

 

[JohnDoe]

Real talk? Penshot

Back wen Manz was a young buck at 14. I looked good den but I had confidence issues n never had poom step to me. It was always me going for da girl. S no experience there.

I went to da local all boys school. But our after school clubs were mixed wit da local all girls school. Shiiiiiiie, this place was pussy heaven with about 5 guys to 30 girls. There was this one chick me n my bro were feenin for. We both stepped to her countless times n joked n be friends. We both new da Manz dat got her was dat. Penshot.

A lil dis a lil dat n I think she likes me more. One Friday after watchin me she steps to me n says her parents are gone I should come to her house. My response? "I'm sorry, brute force releases then". Real talk. Some lame ass Xbox 1 game. She looks at me so confused cah she don't no wat that is.

Manz clocked later wat happened but she already moved on my boy. No hate. #jeslousy
Wat did I do? I went to GAME. Picked up my pre order and played it. The sad thing was da whole time I was playing it I was sayin shit like "wow, this is so good RIGHT?" N my lil bro next to me was like "G, this is kinda bad". Got pissed n kicked him out hahahaha.

Monday at school n my bro is tellin every kid how he mashed good poompoom. Still goes on about it too. Fuck it. 1.

LMAO "G, this is kinda bad"
hahaahaha, great story

I don't even know what the fuck you're saying more often than not. People keep saying this is a good post and I feel like I'm missing out. Can someone translate this into more proper English?

Come on dude, I'm European and I understand this!

 

[oxrock]

I'm an old white guy who refuses to adapt. I also generally don't bother reading anything written like crap because I see it as a reflection of the author's intellect. I understand it's intentional in this case for flare or whatever but that doesn't change my inability to handle things outside of my realm of normal.

 

[Cameron122]

I don't think a girl has ever been attracted to me lol

 

[JohnDoe]

I'm an old white guy who refuses to adapt. I also generally don't bother reading anything written like crap because I see it as a reflection of the author's intellect. I understand it's intentional in this case for flare or whatever but that doesn't change my inability to handle things outside of my realm of normal.

*sigh*
When he was 14, he went to an all boys school. At that time, he wasn't bad looking, but his confidence was shit. The after school clubs were mixed and him and his friend met some hot chick they really wanted to bang. They started hitting on her and made a competition out of who'd bang her first.
One day the girl asked him to come to her house because her parents were out. He was like "I'm sorry, Brute Force releases then". When he realized what he had done, she had moved on to the friend already.
To make things worse, that game Brute Force sucked, but he kept pretending it was good to ease the pain. His brother told him it sucks and he got mad at him and kicked him out of his room.
His friend still brags about banging that girl, which is kinda sad if you ask me, because that shit happened years ago.

 

[Freshmaker]

LMAO "G, this is kinda bad"
hahaahaha, great story

Especially given Brute Force's critical reception.


"If you're bored, go outside. If you're still bored when you get back, then rent Brute Force"
-Miguel Lopez GameNOW

 

[Funky Papa]

For what is worth, I liked Brute Force quite a bit.

Then again, I also enjoyed Tao Feng.

 

[GraveHorizon]

July 2007, I was 18 and helping a woman and her daughter move into a new place, and was allowed to stay the night while it was going on (I was between homes). They enlisted the additional help of some girl who was a friend of the daughter. There was some flirting while we were working, and some heavier flirting when the woman and daughter were gone. At one point she put her hand on my jeans right against

Spoiler

my raging erection

, and at another she said something like my balls weren't the only thing that would be blue (playfully threatening). One night she stayed at the house, and we watched The Terminal starring Tom Hanks. I thought it was alright, she didn't think much of it. When it was time for bed, I took the couch and she got her own bed in the next room. After a bit she invited me to sleep in her room, which I did on the floor next to the bed.

A day or two later, almost everything is at the new place, and we're still helping get everything set up. We stay the night there, and watch a DVD of Avatar: The Last Airbender, season 2. She lays on a pillow on my lap, and eventually falls asleep. I'm at attention all night, and when we have to get up in the morning, I go to the bathroom still holding the pillow in front of me. Later on we're alone in the house, and she goes into a bedroom. I follow, and try to kiss her, but it's super awkward and I end up falling off the other side of the bed. I go into the bathroom until she leaves.

Somehow I get invited to stay the night at her house, and her mom's guy friend gives us a short talk about "protection". As they leave, we're sitting on the couch as I play Avatar: The Last Airbender on Gamecube. After a bit, we watch some Smallville, then she takes out some brandy which I mix with 2 cups of orange Kool-Aid. Now drunk, I show her little brother some tricks with fire. I don't remember a part in between, but I end up on the couch with her watching The Fly 2, and apologizing while still buzzed for being weird or angry or something, which she doesn't acknowledge. When it's over, I stay on the couch and she goes upstairs to her room. Several minutes later, she invites me to sleep in her room. I accept her invitation, and she allows me to sleep crossways at the foot of her bed. After a while, she lets me lie right next to her. A bit later, I go downstairs to retrieve my glasses I left down there. Much later, I fall asleep.

The next day her mom questions who drank all the brandy, and I avoid saying much at all. I leave. When I come back the next day, I can't stay because her father's there so I go back to the woman's house to wait for a call. A couple hours later I get a call from the woman saying she doesn't want to hang out anymore.

Also, the girl was 15 at the time.

Spoiler

When I went downstairs in the night to get my glasses, her mom was on her knees in the dark facing her guy friend.

 

[MIMIC]

My exact reaction. lol

 

[ShipTheCheese]

This is not really a story of me simply being "clueless." More like "horrible at existing as a human being in every meaningful way."

Throughout high school there was a girl who was always very quick to take the same classes as me, get assigned to the same groups, etc. Outside of class she would often come to me to offer to study together, and I couldn't say no to her. But there was a "problem": she was an extremely kind, interesting, and attractive girl. So I thought Yeah right, like someone this wonderful could be interested in me! I actually had the biggest crush on her, but surely that was just a crazy fantasy on my part. I had low self-esteem, a bad situation at home, and was thoroughly screwed up when it came to interpersonal relationships.

So what strange confabulation did I construct in my teenage brain to explain why she was always trying to spend time with me? Surely she couldn't just want to be friends, and most certainly not anything more than that. Therefore she must simply be using me to do her work for her!!! Was I actually doing her homework for her? No. Writing essays for her? No. Helping her cheat on tests? No. In fact, she was very smart herself. But somehow I convinced myself that she was just interested in taking advantage of my intellect. Yes, I am the villain in my own story.

Not only did I fail to realize that she liked me [as would later be confirmed], but I was often testy with her, and sometimes made up excuses to avoid her.

And it gets worse.

I can remember numerous times when we talked, like really talked in a way I've never done with anyone else. She asked me questions about myself, the life I led, my hopes and dreams. On a few occasions I actually opened up and told her things I had never really told anyone else, like stuff about my physically abusive father. She responded with genuine compassion and I didn't even appreciate it at the time. As it turned out, her parents were neglectful and abusive as well, and she told me how her aunt and uncle took custody of her when she was in middle school, relating how much better things can get. I didn't completely blow her off or anything, but I was unable to appreciate just how open she was with me. And of course I rarely asked her about herself.

Now we get to the sexually clueless part. I can remember multiple occasions when she invited me to her house when "her aunt and uncle were out of town," and as usual it didn't even occur to me that she was interested in anything more than a study buddy, so I always made excuses and turned her down. She hugged me all the time, and I took it as a sign of pity rather than affection. She would blush at the drop of a pin when we were together, and I took it to mean she was laughing at me on the inside (yes I want to smack myself too). Now, to understand this in hindsight, part of the problem here was that she was still fairly hesitant to open up to anyone due to her own experience with abuse, so she was never very forceful in her signals and never said anything like "i like you". But that didn't remotely excuse the extent of my insensitivity. The last time I saw her was at graduation, where we parted on terms that seemed normal at the time, but in retrospect she seemed almost sad and defeated.

Fast forward to my senior year of college, where I meet someone from our high school, and according to what this person had heard, she is "doing great, got married." I was really happy for her, and at this point I had already started to re-assess things and realize how much I ignored and rebuffed her friendship. So I wanted to get in touch with her and express how thankful I am for her being a good friend all those years.

And man it gets even worse.

I contacted her a while later. She was happy to hear from me, but something was clearly wrong with her tone. It turns out she got married quickly out of a fear of being alone. The guy she married turned out to be a monster and was beating her (I've never been able to talk about this with other people in real life because it makes me feel so sad and guilty). Oh yeah, and she had given up starting her career in order to move across the country for his job. So when she left him, she basically had nothing, no one to turn to, and had to start over on her own.

We talked extensively, and this is the point where I learned that she liked me throughout high school, "maybe even loved [me]", but was afraid to say it outright due to fear of intimacy. We talked forever and everything was so much different since I was no longer a bitter socially-retarded teenager. I can pretty much guarantee you've never met such a sweet, sensitive, and emotionally honest person as her, but also someone who keeps getting hurt by everyone in her life (including me in my own way back then, it pains me to realize). We now talk all the time and are very interested in re-connecting in person once work settles down for a while. There may even be a happy ending to this story. But thinking about it almost cripples me when I think back on how blind and stupid I was.

*Furiously shakes laptop*

FUCKING GO GET HER, DUDE!

Edit: didn't see your update before. WOOHOO! Looking forward to your OT, we will need all details, pics, EVERYTHING!

... Okay, maybe not so much that last bit. But still, godspeed my son. Go get her and be the man she deserves!

 

[Mr_Appleby]

Well, I gave it my best shot...

An actual discussion apropos the topic at hand? Penshot.

A long time ago when I was a strapping young lad of ten-and-four years, I was a good-looking chap but had self-confidence issues and the ladies would avoid me. It was, alas, always I who did the wooing of the young lady, so I found myself wanting in experience with the fairer sex. It was my fortune to attend a local all-boys school, but our after-school clubs were mixed with the local all-girls school. Merde, this place was fallopia utopia with five gentlemen to a full one-score and ten gentlewomen. There was a lady there, of whom both myself and my friend had developed feelings. We both circumspectly approached her innumerable times, using a mastery of wit to forge a friendship. However, we both knew the man that succesfully wooed her was that. Penshot.

After a small amount of one thing and an equally small amount of another, it occurs to me that mayhap she has chanced upon a feeling for myself. On the day before sabbath, after observing me some time, she approaches and informs me that her parents are away from the place of principal residence, and if I like I could accompany her for the evening. I replied: "I'm sorry, but Brute Force releases then". I actually turned her down for a substandard, non-AAA Original Xbox game. She evinced a look of pure confusion, it being clear that she has not been informed of this monumental event.

By the time I became aware of my mistake, she had already decided to approach my friend. I do not harbour a grudge, but I was envious. And in this situation, what act did I take it upon myself to perform? I went to the place of videogame merchantry, availed myself of said product, and proceeded home to enjoy this sampling of multimedia art. But alack, during my assisted relaxation, I attempted to convince myself of it's worth with such phrases as "Golly, this is a right proper piece of entertainment, is it not?" - all the while my lesser sibling (who was at this stage by my side observing) proffers the advice that "My brother, my homeboy, my original gangster: Is it not clear to thee that this particular entertainment is of the most sodden and uninspired nature, not unlike the spoor of some ill-fed mongrel?" I admit, in my wrath I banished the worm from my lair of electronic delights, something that still makes me chuckle to this day.

The following monday, my friend regales the school with his tales of debauchery, and how he macerated a particularly nice example of the female sexual organ. To this day he may still be found in the public houses of this town, trading this tale for another round of ales. Have intercourse with it. One.

still no idea on penshot.