Is the enjoyment of sex the morally irresponsible thing or the fact that its not actively done with a single person in the confines of mutually agreed upon terms of intimacy?
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How many sexual partners for girls is too many?
- Thread starter TheContact
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Is the enjoyment of sex the morally irresponsible thing or the fact that its not actively done with a single person in the confines of mutually agreed upon terms of intimacy?
im gonna print this shit out, frame it, and put it on my fucking wall
way more
Member
That sounds like some mind-blowing sex. "Wife, are you ready to demonstrate the strength of our Godly Covenenent by engaging in penis-in-vagina?
"Sure am, Bill!"
"Remember wife, last time you began enjoying our moment in a physical nature. This is strictly within the context of responsibility, so I don't want to see your pussy glistening with juices."
"Ok Bill, but can you take off your underwear this time instead of just sticking it though the flap?"
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
You have got to be trolling. It includes unwanted sex, too. That, with the age cutoff, means that one study group includes basically every person who was ever molested.
Devolution
Member
Because if you want to play stats mode, don't date any raped women. See how far that gets you or how fair it is.
The idea that the sex I'm having right now in a relationship is so much more serious, committed and responsible than a casual one that's merely "for fun" amuses me. We're just going in circles over and over. You're just trying to rationalize sex as some noble thing when done in a specific set of circumstances. And the opposite when not.
readLeader
Banned
The latter.
Depends on the length of time they'd been having casual hook ups then, wouldn't it? If some 30 year old guy's been having only casual hook ups for the past ten years and has a batting average of more than 1 partner a month for 10 years straight, I'd write him off as relationship material, personally. Because it would seem to me that they're really just not that interested in having a real relationship. Same goes for a woman with the same a woman with the same qualifications.
I'm just addressing the question of why someone would think more than one partner a month is since the start of sexual activity probably indicates a problem. I'm not addressing whether the idea is correct or incorrect.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
Let me break it down for you. I've seen/heard of hundreds or thousands of people get married, maybe half of them get divorced. Even if 90 percent of relationships don't last, that's still 10 percent that get married. I've seen/heard of 0 open relationships lasting even close to a lifetime. That's zero percent. So, are you serious? How can you even make a comparison?
Seriously. The way he describes sex makes me want to take a nap.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
There are also statistically way less open relationships than closed ones, so any anecdotal observations you've made aren't strong enough.
Regardless, almost every single relationship ever fails. Many of us are lucky to have even 1 successful one in our life.
Devolution
Member
Why? You don't know the guy. Who honestly, in real life, says to themselves and a person, "well you're a great person but I can't possibly date you because of these statistics I see here."
Who.
Oh, yeah, certainly. As someone personally familiar with PTSD I was more saying that his citing a study which primarily refers to victims as evidence of his position was a bit unsettling.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
You've watched too much Sex in The City, methinks. A lot of people I know get married to their second or third girlfriend. I haven't been alive long enough to see how long they last, but a lot of their parents were the same way, and guess what, a lot of parents are still married. So I get what you're saying, but like I said, the comparison you're making is ridiculous. If you would have said "a majority of relationships don't last" you'd be correct, but it still wouldn't help the point you're trying to make. And the very fact that there aren't many open relationships, does that not say something to you?
readLeader
Banned
I'm not "playing", I'm serious here. I'm not sure what you're suggesting. Are you suggesting that statistics shouldn't be brought into a discussion about sexuality? That consenting promiscuity is on the same moral level as rape or that in both cases, the people having sex/being raped are the ones responsible for the action? Because that is what a direct analogy would require, responsibility lying with the corresponding parties, which is clearly not the case.
And you're not giving a single argument as to why anyone would subscribe to your amusement, apart from "sex is fun".
I may have phrased that poorly; what I meant to say was that the group of girls having unwanted sex is not identical with the groups of girls having been molested. You can consent to sex you don't really want without being molested.
Fair enough. But I think I'll have to disagree, I don't think responsibility is met simply because I have sex with someone that I'm in a committed relationship with, I could be severely irresponsible(See abuse/rape in relationships, not having any contingencies in place for unplanned pregnancies) and people who enter into casual sex can still discriminate between who their partners are & what safety measures they use...ect...
I think its unfair to label anyone outside a committed relationship as irresponsible when it comes to sex.
Thats my opinion tho.
Ah, my apologies.
Devolution
Member
I'm suggesting citing a study where the participants were sexual abused is great discourse to make a point about fidelity in relationships. It creates a wonderful picture of how you operate.
The onus isn't on me to define sex, the onus is on you to stop beating around the bush and just admit that you view sex inside the confines of a relationship as morally superior just based on that context and nothing else.
readLeader
Banned
Probably no one. What those statistics show is that the reason people say "no" to promiscuous potential partners are justified.
Perspicacity
Banned
A lot of people in open relationships don't tell their friends because their friends will respond to that news with stupid shit like "I have never, ever seen an open relationship last. That probably shows that sexual exclusivity means something."
There are plenty of happy healthy people in open/poly/monogamish/swing relationships, but they don't need close minded assholes finding out about it. And yeah... you would hear about the ones that fail and one or both partners say the open element broke them up (because duh), but smart money says those relationships would not have lasted either way.
RealisticPillow
Banned
I don't think you can put a number on it. If she doesn't behave/think like a slut it's cool.
Plenty of people, though not in so many words. I'm not saying it's a sound and rational decision, but who the hell says to themselves "let me sit down and properly analyze my gut reaction in regards to starting this relationship.
Who.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
Is this a stealth small penis thread?
I always thought that 10% of men are fucking 90% of women but meh. I personally have always told my friends that slut shaming is stupid and i have called out girls who do so. That said as much as women may complain about slut shaming. How many would date, or at the very least not judge a man who fucked prostitutes? I am sure people like Devolution would not think highly of any partner who frequented sex workers...
Devolution
Member
Except they're not. The stats don't tell you about who that individual is. I mean go ahead and just use statistics to generalize people but that's a fucked up way to go about life.
Silly goose, thats what the second phones is for. No ones going to find out...
Now why didn't I think of a second phone to call those escort agencies. I should also stop giving my real name too.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
37 bjs
killer rin
Member
The same as the number of sexual partners it is okay for a man to have. There is no need to be sexist.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
You really need to go back a post or two. My first point was defending the fact that people cherish sexual exclusivity, not attacking those that are able to have an open relationship. I said I've never seen/heard of one last, cause guess what, I haven't. And why is nobody open about open relationships? Seems to defeat the purpose if they are making a statement about or believe in free love...free love yet no communication about it with the outside world?
See this is what I was initially responding to. You can't respect people's yearning for a life partner with whom you privately share physical and emotional things? I just can't argue with you there, that's pretty whack.
Vermillion
Banned
Just because it means a lot to people doesn't mean it makes any more sense. The sexual purity of women was - and maybe still is - seen the same way... it means a lot to people. But such ideas are dying out, thankfully.
Vermillion
Banned
While true, they are from a different generation. Sadly a lot of realtionships of today just fail, marriages end up over, and people get bitter. Purely based on my own observations and my own personal experiences in life.
Statistics don't seem very relevant here because if you know someone well enough to be asking them about their sexual history you probably know enough about them that there's very little additional useful information embedded in statistics about groups that they happen to belong to. At least for these sorts of purposes. The causal linkages behind statistical correlations are basically always going to operate through observable characteristics - if someone isn't committed to a relationship that's usually going to be easily discernible.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
I get that, but what you're missing (or pretending to miss) is that molestations are part of the study. And, since they fall under the first study group by definition, and since so few people choose to have sex that young, (only 16% according to that) even accounting for unwanted-but-not-forced it's still almost a straight comparison between molested and not molested.
AuthenticM
Member
There's no limit. As long as she doesn't cheat on her boyfriends. If she fucked around when she was single, more power to her.
Tell your friend he's a prude.
Tell your friend he's a prude.
i think it's weird to obsess about your partners past. for the record, 30 aint sex addict crazy. but say she was more than average in terms of sexual activity at a time in her life- what's the big deal? why are you thinking about other dudes she hooked up with? do you obsess about her previous bfs too or is it just the number? maybe she's bored of hook ups. maybe she started having sex at 17, which makes that 4-5 people/year... guess i am not seeing the point in all this esp bc std checks are super cheap. please explain.
outunderthestars
Banned
Hang on. How many of you:
A. Ask their partners how many people they have been with
B: actually know how many you have been with
I'm 36, and honestly couldn't give you an accurate number. That said, I cannot imagine ever asking someone how many people they have bee with.
A. Ask their partners how many people they have been with
B: actually know how many you have been with
I'm 36, and honestly couldn't give you an accurate number. That said, I cannot imagine ever asking someone how many people they have bee with.
The world would be so much better if open relationships were more common, if attitudes toward sex for the purpose of pleasure were more relaxed. Greed and insecurity and pride will prevent it from ever becoming more than a niche lifestyle, however. It's a shame.
If you're wanting a monogamous relationship, it doesn't matter how much sex anyone has had before agreeing to monogamy, only who they have it with after that. If it's a concern,it's a concern because of your own faults, not the other person's, and I would think they'd be better off without you anyway.
If you're wanting a monogamous relationship, it doesn't matter how much sex anyone has had before agreeing to monogamy, only who they have it with after that. If it's a concern,it's a concern because of your own faults, not the other person's, and I would think they'd be better off without you anyway.
goldenpp72
Member
While I admit that i'd prefer a girl to have a lower sex count than not, as long as she is sexually satisfied with me as a partner and devoted to the relationship it's not really a concern until STDs come into the pile. I suppose i'd wonder if a girl has any sort of standard if she has managed to fuck 50 guys in her life, which might not say a lot for me as her 51st.
It's really just a matter of feeling like you were more the one he/she was waiting for, but the concept of men sleeping with 30 girls only to shame the girls they then fucked is actually really funny. Personally for me, people who like to reserve their sex drives for people they deem special are charming as long as it's not for religious purposes, but that's pretty rare these days.
That said trying to put a strict number on it is foolish, looking at the core of why it bothers you at all is the important part.
This is also kind of too broad a statement to make in my mind. The core reason people want exclusive rights to their husband/wife to be is not just the sex but the rest of the things they can contribute to improving your daily life. Money, kids, cooking, humor, whatever it is couples aspire to share, most would agree there is just not enough time in the world to do all we'd like to do in one day, especially if you have a family. The idea of jeopardizing the family unit so you can get your nut off in a different hole is hardly something i'd consider 'better for everyone', unfortunately I do understand the instinct of being attracted to many people as well.
If you can say you don't ever want to be married, have kids, and have thought through your life from now until the day you (hopefully) die of old age and still think yes, open relationships are a perfect solution, that's pretty nifty, but I can't imagine many people can balance a healthy family life, raise kids and balance all life has to offer while deciding to fuck around with many people. For people who desire the 'American dream' I consider open relationships very destructive to that goal, but if you have a different goal in life and can make it work, that's cool too, but most people don't have self control. I would actually be really interested to read what a person who is within open relationships plans for their long term life vs the typical ambitions of most people as I'm sure it would be interesting, possibly enlightening, but I have yet to run into a swinger in their 60s either
It's really just a matter of feeling like you were more the one he/she was waiting for, but the concept of men sleeping with 30 girls only to shame the girls they then fucked is actually really funny. Personally for me, people who like to reserve their sex drives for people they deem special are charming as long as it's not for religious purposes, but that's pretty rare these days.
That said trying to put a strict number on it is foolish, looking at the core of why it bothers you at all is the important part.
This is also kind of too broad a statement to make in my mind. The core reason people want exclusive rights to their husband/wife to be is not just the sex but the rest of the things they can contribute to improving your daily life. Money, kids, cooking, humor, whatever it is couples aspire to share, most would agree there is just not enough time in the world to do all we'd like to do in one day, especially if you have a family. The idea of jeopardizing the family unit so you can get your nut off in a different hole is hardly something i'd consider 'better for everyone', unfortunately I do understand the instinct of being attracted to many people as well.
If you can say you don't ever want to be married, have kids, and have thought through your life from now until the day you (hopefully) die of old age and still think yes, open relationships are a perfect solution, that's pretty nifty, but I can't imagine many people can balance a healthy family life, raise kids and balance all life has to offer while deciding to fuck around with many people. For people who desire the 'American dream' I consider open relationships very destructive to that goal, but if you have a different goal in life and can make it work, that's cool too, but most people don't have self control. I would actually be really interested to read what a person who is within open relationships plans for their long term life vs the typical ambitions of most people as I'm sure it would be interesting, possibly enlightening, but I have yet to run into a swinger in their 60s either
ZombieSupaStar
Member
I think it does, but in a relationship do what you want, hell break out the cuffs and riding crops, fun for all!
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
I'm not sure how sincere you're being here, but the reason to stay relatively quiet about it is that it could affect their careers when people, not entirely unlike yourself, decide to hold it against them.
readLeader
Banned
The study makes no remarks about sexual abuse. What the women were asked was "'whether they 'really wanted,' 'had mixed feelings about,' or 'really didn’t want' their first vaginal intercourse to happen at the time." The study also notes that "had mixed feelings" was ambiguous and that the answer to that question "it is based on a single retrospective measure, so recall bias is an issue." It also cites other studies that correlate wanted sex outside a committed framework with higher divorce rates. Playing the blame game with me for citing academic research is pretty dishonest.
The study makes no remarks about molestation cases or their percentage, but it stands to reason that such cases are included, yes. I don't know how that should be controlled for. The study also explicitly states that "[t]his research does show that women who experienced wanted sexual debut in later adolescence have an increased risk of marital dissolution, but this is the result of engaging in premarital sexual behaviors associated with divorce."
I think statistics can provide good tools for forming or at least validating formed assumptions and beliefs. That they don't give you theorems to apply with mathematical precision doesn't mean they're useless, as you apparently suggest.
AllIsOneIsNone
Banned
It can be a concern, maybe it shouldn't be a deal breaker, but how do you judge if someone is right for you besides looking into the past? Sure, the point at which they came into your life should be where you primarily look...but to use an extreme; if you knew your partner killed her last husband should you not be concerned? Now take that, to a much lesser extent, and you'll realize that knowing someone who has had hundreds of partners can at least contribute towards deciding if that person is right for you.
Okay, well point taken, like I said I was originally using it as a counterpoint to help illustrate that some people want monogamy for good reason. With that said, if people can do it and want to do it privately then fine. But damn dude, be careful with the attacks, it kind of dislodges the validity of the point you're trying to make when you're being so hostile.
readLeader
Banned
If that were the case, then avoiding cheaters would be very easy, which - given the apparently high proportion of people in committed relationships who cheat - is not the case.
Does not compute. If someone "really doesn't want" vaginal intercourse to happen but it does anyway, what is that?
Vermillion
Banned
Oh, I should comment on this - chances are, they're usually not sleeping with the person they're slut shaming. So they slut shame the women who are getting other men laid.
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