Support NeoGAF

[Gouty]

I banged someone who'd hit #30 at 23, and her specific situation was that she'd had four relationships of roughly two years each, with about a guy every couple weeks in between. No cheating. But hey, keep assuming.

So she started fucking when she was 15, had 4 boyfriends spread across 8 years and then a whole bunch of dick in between?

And you guys aren't married? What gives?

 

[royalan]

How someone behaves when they're single really isn't enough to make a judgement call on what they're like in a relationship when it comes to sex. Personally, I take relationships very seriously. I wouldn't cheat on a partner, and I'd expect the same. But that doesn't mean I don't sow my wild oats when I'm single.

OPs friend sounds like an insecure idiot. If he's been with this girl for months and its been good, why does it matter how many partners she's been with before him? Why the need to sum up your partner (who's been perfectly acceptable up to this point) with a number?

I can't with all these draconian views on sex and sexuality.

 

[TAJ]

So she started fucking when she was 15, had 4 boyfriends spread across 8 years and then a whole bunch of dick in between?

And you guys aren't married? What gives?

You're not being serious, but here's my serious answer.
I wasn't up for consideration because I had closer ties to one of her exes than she was comfortable with, which was fine. Liked her a lot, though.

 

[Samk]

If you meet a girl and everything's going great do you guys do a hard stop and ask her about her history.

Like "oh I'm sorry your number's too high, goodbye"

 

[Derwind]

24? And she's fucked 30 plus? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Get the fuck out of here gaf. I swear to god you guys over think this shit. Not only would I not enter a relationship with her I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.

There will be a #33 and a #34 while you're still currently #32.

And before PC gaf gets all up in my ass, it works both ways. Any dudes with that kind of a tally before having their insurance rates drop off is not to be fucked with.

I bet she even has sharp knees. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!.

 

[Snowman]

How someone behaves when they're single really isn't enough to make a judgement call on what they're like in a relationship when it comes to sex. Personally, I take relationships very seriously. I wouldn't cheat on a partner, and I'd expect the same. But that doesn't mean I don't sow my wild oats when I'm single.

OPs friend sounds like an insecure idiot. If he's been with this girl for months and its been good, why does it matter how many partners she's been with before him? Why the need to sum up your partner (who's been perfectly acceptable up to this point) by a number?

I can't with all these draconian views on sex and sexuality.

Why does being insecure make him an idiot?

 

[royalan]

Why does being insecure make him an idiot?

Because he's potentially going to ruin a good thing by getting hung up on shit that really doesn't matter anymore.

 

[Like the hat?]

However many she thinks is too many.

 

[Devolution]

Because without the context of commitment, there is no long term thinking and no considerations of responsibility towards the partner beyond "I won't give you an infection or get you pregnant so I don't necessarily have to see you again" involved.

I'm still not getting a real answer why someone who has sex out of the confines of a relationship is devaluing it unless you seriously think sex should only be happening between people in relationships and not often.

 

[Angelus Errare]

Yeaah 30 partners by age 24 seems a little too much for anyone, male or female. It seems irresponsible for one. To each their own though. I wouldn't break up over it, but I wouldn't want to dwell on it either.


Also - 7 pages??

No irresponsible would be someone who's had 30 partners by 24 and is STD ridden and/or pregnant/has multiple children. Responsible would be someone who's had 30 partners and not pregnant or has any STDs

 

[Gouty]

Because he's potentially going to ruin a good thing by getting hung up on shit that really doesn't matter anymore.

To you.

 

[Snowman]

Because he's potentially going to ruin a good thing by getting hung up on shit that really doesn't matter anymore.

Im sure if he could just stop being bothered by that stuff at will he would but that's not how insecurities work a lot of the time.

 

[Sai-kun]

To you.

You're right. The only person it should matter to is her.

 

[R3TRODYCE]

That's quite a bit of dudes but it would depend on more than that for me.

 

[way more]

Infidelity, I don't know, but higher divorce rates do correlate with high promiscuity.

A University of Iowa study found that women who make their sexual debut as young teens are more likely to divorce, especially if "the first time" was unwanted, or if she had mixed feelings about it.

A first sexual experience that was unwanted or not completely wanted was strongly associated with divorce. If the young woman chose to lose her virginity as a teen, the results were more nuanced.

ABORT!

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Promiscuity doesn't correlate to infidelity, but I could see how someone might correlate it with getting bored of relationships easily, and how that person might prefer someone who has been in a string of long-term, monogamous relationships (which would result in a lower number of sexual partners).

Infidelity shouldn't enter into the equation.

I can understand this, but this assumes the numbers and assumptions exist in a vacuum. In a good relationship or a good potential one, you'd discuss these things first and trust the person, so past details still don't matter.

It seems a lot of the judgments passed on promiscuous women here are pretty much coming from dudes' insecurity and the ways it manifests itself into destructive communication habits.

 

[Devolution]

I can understand this, but this assumes the numbers and assumptions exist in a vacuum. In a good relationship or a good potential one, you'd discuss these things first and trust the person, so past details still don't matter.

It seems a lot of the judgments passed on promiscuous women here are pretty much coming from dudes' insecurity and the ways it manifests itself into destructive communication problems.

Excuse me I only date based on percentages. If she doesn't measure up she gone.

 

[xelios]

ABORT!

Haha holy shit, I'm not touching that one either.

 

[statham]

I girl in 4 long term relationships got banged alot more then a girl with 30 different partners. Just saying. I personally don't ask, and they shouldn't ask about mine. But I'm happily married.

 

[PhoenixDark]

I bet if we added up all the women that posters in this 10 page thread have slept with it wouldn't surpass 13. You can't get on a high horse if you've never ridden a horse before.

I'd be more concerned about, you know, important shit. Like is she nice, is she responsible, does she have a job, is she kind...shit that has actual relevance to the question of whether someone is alright or not. The same questions a woman would ask of me, or any dude.

 

[MarzipaNMOS]

It's not like our mouths get bigger the more sandwiches we eat.

wait real -- i need to go to the doctor right now

 

[Devolution]

ABORT!

Haha holy shit, I'm not touching that one either.

I'll take that one on as someone who knows a person like that. In her own words: Fucks with your feelings of intimacy for a long time. You trusted someone and they violated it in the worst ways imaginable.

 

[TAJ]

Haha holy shit, I'm not touching that one either.

I will.
It's really a study on the effect of sexual abuse on divorce rates, but the "researchers" are too dumb and/or biased to see that.

 

[Sub_Level]

72.3 is the exact number. Crunched some numbers, ran some formulas in excel.

 

[Samk]

I bet if we added up all the women that posters in this 10 page thread have slept with it wouldn't surpass 13. You can't get on a high horse if you've never ridden a horse before.

I'd be more concerned about, you know, important shit. Like is she nice, is she responsible, does she have a job, is she kind...shit that has actual relevance to the question of whether someone is alright or not. The same questions a woman would ask of me, or any dude.

No man. We have to calculate the exact perfect women so no one can meet our expectations.

 

[The Adder]

And you base this on what exactly?

I imagine it'd be the idea that any more than that means that S/He is

A. Breaking up and finding someone new more than once a month.

B. Cheating on the person they're with

or

C. Really only into casual hook ups.

None of which makes for particularly great long term relationship material.

However options:

D. Is into swinging/open committed relationships

and

E. Is into threesomes/moresomes/orgies

Are perfectly fine if you're also into those things.

 

[Samk]

Flow charts, anyone?

 

[Devolution]

I imagine it'd be the idea that any more than that means that S/He is

A. Breaking up and finding someone new more than once a month.

B. Cheating on the person they're with

or

C. Really only into casual hook ups.

None of which makes for particularly great long term relationship material.

But what if C is done with casual hook ups. What makes them unfit for a relationship?

 

[readLeader]

I'm still not getting a real answer why someone who has sex out of the confines of a relationship is devaluing it unless you seriously think sex should only be happening between people in relationships and not often.

You did get a real answer: many people expect their partner to not be casual about sex because they consider it a serious matter, and it is, from an emotional, healthcare, and life planning point of view.

No irresponsible would be someone who's had 30 partners by 24 and is STD ridden and/or pregnant/has multiple children. Responsible would be someone who's had 30 partners and not pregnant or has any STDs

That's an ex post facto thinking about responsibility. That nothing long-term unwanted happened doesn't make an action responsible.

 

[TAJ]

F. Prefers committed relationships, but will settle for casual hookups in the absence of a suitable partner.

 

[Devolution]

You did get a real answer: many people expect their partner to not be casual about sex because they consider it a serious matter, and it is, from an emotional, healthcare, and life planning point of view..

Except that's not an answer, that's just justification and rhetoric for once again being judgmental of another's actions. How is sex any less serious for the person doing it outside the confines of a relationship? Because they're not doing it one, that's all it comes down to.

 

[Vermillion]

Meh. I don't think it matters what a person prefers or doesn't prefer. To people in open relationships, the idea of monogamy could seem absolutely ridiculous. And a lot of the reasons against it are the same - selfishness, jealousy, STD's, etc. But so long as the person's being safe about it, why is sexual exclusivity a big deal within a relationship?

Ultimately, we're all on a bunch of arbitrary shit, one way or the other, so why does it matter if some guy or girl prefers a certain amount of partners? I dunno. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[readLeader]

I'll take that one on as someone who knows a person like that. In her own words: Fucks with your feelings of intimacy for a long time. You trusted someone and they violated it in the worst ways imaginable.

How is your anecdote relevant to statistical findings?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

F. Prefers committed relationships, but will settle for casual hookups in the absence of a suitable partner.

Ding ding. If you can't be emotionally fulfilled at the moment, there's no reason to not at least get physically filled.

It reminds me of GAF threads on poor people, where it's like "what the hell, just sit at home miserable. You can't buy minor luxuries to keep yourself mildly entertained while you're a poor person. Only what you need."

 

[TheOohChild]

sometimes i like to bang homeless people

 

[Devolution]

How is your anecdote relevant to statistical findings?

How are your statistics about sexual abuse and how it affects future relationships any more relevant to a person who casually fucks people? Oh right. Stats are so much more important to a discussion than actual people, whom you might want to enter into a relationship. So much for socializing.

 

[Derwind]

I imagine it'd be the idea that any more than that means that S/He is

A. Breaking up and finding someone new more than once a month.

B. Cheating on the person they're with

or

C. Really only into casual hook ups.

None of which makes for particularly great long term relationship material.

However options:

D. Is into swinging/open committed relationships

and

E. Is into threesomes/moresomes/orgies

Are perfectly fine if you're also into those things.

So whens the perfect number to stop being sexually active before you meet the right one? If you fall outside the number, will you ever meet the right one or are you more predisposed to become an unfaithful trainwreck?

This seems like the dousing stick of relationship finding. Its all so vague and entirely up to chance.

 

[readLeader]

Except that's not an answer, that's just justification and rhetoric for once again being judgmental of another's actions. How is sex any less serious for the person doing it outside the confines of a relationship? Because they're not doing it one, that's all it comes down to.

I don't see how that's rhetoric. How is the expectation that sex strictly within the context of commitment and long term responsibility is more serious than casual sex for fun judgmental?

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

Meh. I don't think it matters what a person prefers or doesn't prefer. To people in open relationships, the idea of monogamy could seem absolutely ridiculous. And a lot of the reasons against it are the same - selfishness, jealousy, STD's, etc. But so long as the person's being safe about it, why is sexual exclusivity a big deal within a relationship?

Ultimately, we're all on a bunch of arbitrary shit, one way or the other, so why does it matter if some guy or girl prefers a certain amount of partners? I dunno. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I have never, ever seen an open relationship last. That probably shows that sexual exclusivity means something. To many, it means a lot.

 

[Devolution]

I don't see how that's rhetoric. How is the expectation that sex strictly within the context of commitment and long term responsibility is more serious than casual sex for fun judgmental?

You just answered your own question.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I have never, ever seen an open relationship last. That probably shows that sexual exclusivity means something. To many, it means a lot.

I have another statistic for you: almost every relationship, ever, of any sort, doesn't last.

 

[royalan]

Except that's not an answer, that's just justification and rhetoric for once again being judgmental of another's actions. How is sex any less serious for the person doing it outside the confines of a relationship? Because they're not doing it one, that's all it comes down to.

Right, and I fail to see how sexuality = responsibility like some people are making it out in this thread.

A person could sleep with over 30 partners and use protection each time and get tested regularly, and they would be more responsible than the dummy who's only had sex a handful of times but pays zero attention to their sexual health because sex is supposed to be "special."

 

[Devolution]

Right, and I fail to see how sexuality = responsibility like some people are making it out in this thread.

A person could sleep with over 30 partners and use protection each time and get tested regularly, and they would be more responsible than the dummy who's only had sex and handful of times but pays zero attention to their sexual health because sex is supposed to be "special."

I'm just laughing at the idea that sex is only fun if it's casual. It's responsible and committed otherwise. Erm ok.

 

[AllIsOneIsNone]

I have another statistic for you: almost every relationship, ever, of any sort, doesn't last.

Last I heard the divorce rate was about 50 percent in the U.S. It used to be a lot lower. And a lot of people get married. My brother has had 2 girlfriends and he's marrying his second one. If you're talking about everyone dying, well, okay.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Last I heard the divorce rate was about 50 percent in the U.S. It used to be a lot lower. And a lot of people get married. My brother has had 2 girlfriends and he's marrying his second one. If you're talking about everyone dying, well, okay.

How many failed relationships do you think these people were in before they got married?

(Are you serious?)

 

[TAJ]

Ding ding. If you can't be emotionally fulfilled at the moment, there's no reason to not at least get physically filled.

It reminds me of GAF threads on poor people, where it's like "what the hell, just sit at home miserable. You can't buy minor luxuries to keep yourself mildly entertained while you're a poor person. Only what you need."

Ha, perfectly worded.
I got into it with some people about the second one in a PS4 thread. Assuming that next gen drags on as long as this one did, and that console prices will fall as slowly, a launch PS4 is actually a pretty great entertainment investment for a poor (by US standards) person, especially if they use PS+ to get games.

 

[sleeping_dragon]

Considering her history, I think it is more likely that the girl will dump your friend first before he even dump her.

 

[readLeader]

How are your statistics about sexual abuse and how it affects future relationships any more relevant to a person who casually fucks people? Oh right. Stats are so much more important to a discussion than actual people, whom you might want to enter into a relationship. So much for socializing.

On what basis are you dismissing the results of that study, exactly? That summary clearly states that "When the first intercourse took place early in adolescence –- before the age of 16 –- the women were more likely to divorce, even if that first sexual experience was wanted." and that "But, while the sex itself did not increase the likelihood of a marital split, other factors related to sexuality -– such as a higher number of sexual partners, pregnancy, or out-of-wedlock birth -– increased the risk for some respondents." I don't see how that is irrelevant here or how it is about sexual abuse; it does of course state that the sex for a stated percentage of girls/women was unwanted, but nowhere does it imply that that was related to sexual abuse.

You just answered your own question.

Please spell it out for me.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

It's really not in my place to care.

 

[shira]

I wouldn't be surprised if frequent sex actually made a woman's vagina tighter because thats what happens to muscles when they get their fitness on.

No, it's about muscle control not firmness. ie the ping long ball trick

And on the subjects of STI, I think since condom usage has gone up for penetration, oral sex is still way down on protection. Higher rates of transmission and oral cancers