Support NeoGAF

[shintoki]

Do this OP.

1. Agree
2. Go rob a sperm bank
3. While during sex, pretend the stolen sperm is yours
4. When the baby pops out that has the wrong eyes, hair, skin... say they take after your distant uncle.
5. When she decides she can't handle it, having a harder time finding a father, she needs more money to help raise the child, etc and comes after you. Reveal it was never yours to begin with.

Aka, you agreeing to it is just as stupid as what I said above.

 

[Seijuro]

That's a relly bad idea OP. Don't do it. Except if you want to move in together and both be parents to that kid. Else, don't do it.

 

[31GhostsIV]

Don't do it.

Ultimately, once the child is born your brain will rewire, and you'll want to be an active parent to your offspring. It's far more complicated than banging your friend and going your separate ways. If you're ready for kids, at least aim for starting a family with someone you want to be with for the long haul.

Unless there's more to this relationship than you're letting on? Why not try dating and some protected sex to see if you like each other more than just 'homies'.

One more thing - her biological clock is not something you should feel guilty about.

 

[Nocebo]

I dunno, a friend of mine did this with one of his oldest friends with the understanding that he did not want to be involved in raising the kid. Worked out great for everyone involved, honestly.

Don't you mean "it worked out great for everyone involved so far". You have no way of knowing what might happen in the future.

 

[Social]

Are you out of your freaking mind? Don't do this.

 

[Jumeira]

No. You will get attached, you will want more, your values will change and you will be blocked because it was not something you wanted in the first place. You will ruin your life.

Have a kid, but with someone you love and intend to be with, it's unfair on the kid.

 

[31GhostsIV]

Don't you mean "it worked out great for everyone involved so far". You have no way of knowing what might happen in the future.

I doubt it worked out 'great for everyone', from the child his/herself wondering who his/her father is to grandma and grandpa never meeting their grandchild. Personally, as someone with a child of my own, I don't understand how anyone can walk away from their own child, regardless of the 'business deal' surrounding them.

 

[norinrad]

In my heart, I really want to give money to charity, but I often wonder where that money would go, like the CEO making more than the average lady who goes door to door during the cold winter and rainy season who gets peanuts for what she puts in. Go ahead do it for her. She's 32 and can spend the next two years dating and meeting other people for a potential partner. You are just a passenger who's is going to end up paying for a premium subscription.

 

[protomouse]

Your heart is in the right place, but this is a bad idea for yourself (being responsible for a kid born to no family). Just politely direct her to the nearest sperm bank.

If you against all advice decide to do it, at least arrange so that you're not legally responsible for the kid (child support etc.).

 

[Rad-]

It sounds like she doesn't even have the time to raise a kid.

 

[MegaMelon]

Nope. Please don't do this for everyones sake.

 

[Condom]

It's not my life and I'll be here to read the follow up threads so go for it mate.

 

[sappyday]

OP you should fuck but wear a condom. Just ask her to have sex. I think afterwards you'll both see things more clearly.

 

[dbztrk]

If you choose to go through with it please make sure that you seek legal counsel first so that things are bounded by contract. Things that she agreed to verbally she can rescind later on. If she said that you don't have to pay child support, she can change her mind later too and you can be held liable.

Also keep in mind that this could potentially cause a rift in your friendship later on especially if you view this child as your own and want to make decisions regarding this child or if she wants you involved in the rearing of the child but you have decided at you don't want to be involved.

Please make sure that you think of all of the possible scenarios first so as to protect yourself (financially, legally, mentally and emotionally).

Personally, I would say no and tell her to go to a sperm bank as this has a great potential to get very ugly.

 

[LoveCake]

I never thought I would ever start a thread here much less about this subject but here it goes.

I'm 34 and she's 32. She dropped this bombshell on me like a few weeks ago and I rejected her at first but over time, I felt like what if she missed the opportunity in having a kid, because of me? So then I changed my mind weeks later and told her I would consider doing it. Anyway we're both college educated professionals, she's getting her masters so it's not like we're kids. I don't have any children and neither does she. She rarely dates because of how busy she is with school and work. I've also known her close to a decade now, since we both went to the same university.

So like I said before, I originally rejected her but I changed my mind. I told her to give me until the summer, so we can think this over, to see where our lives are at that point of next year. That she needs to work on her stress from working and getting her masters, getting her career straightened out and to see how we feel about this in eight months or so. Then if we're still up for it, we can take a long vacation somewhere and do this. She also told me that I can be however much I want in the child's life.

I need your help, GAF. I feel like in my heart I want to do this for her and I really would love to be in the baby's life somehow but we don't even live in the same city either. I feel like I'm blind about the situation and would appreciate anything that opens my eyes to some things that I'm not getting right now. Thanks.

If you both really get on then try dating and see where it goes and take it from there, if all goes well then get married and have children.

Don't just get her pregnant just because she want's to have children, you don't owe here anything, I get that you may also want children but this isn't the way to go about it, likewise for her, having a child is a huge commitment, life changing! unless as I said above, see how a relationship goes with you both.

 

[entremet]

Don't do it.

 

[Kayhan]

18 years.

That is how long you will be paying.

 

[redcrayon]

When you say 'take a long vacation together', you're looking at it in terms of loads of sex and the accompanying emotional rollercoaster, which is entirely the wrong way to go about it if this is a business arrangement. Why does she specifically want your sperm? If she wants a kid, there's other ways to achieve that without making you legally responsible for it.

You are not responsible for her missing a chance to be a mother, and considering that you sound like a nice person that feels the distress of others, think clearly about how you would react to knowing a child of yours existed while you walked away.

Frankly I'm concerned that you're considering making someone pregnant a long distance away, thinking that that'll be the end of it and she'll then be happy. What about the child? What about you? Stuck somewhere else, and financially responsible for this child yet with only the vague reliance on her word that you can be involved as much or as little as you like? When the childcare costs start rolling in, you won't have the option to walk away.

This is a terrible idea. If you want a no-strings-attached sexy holiday with her, say so. But don't agree to be a parent without looking into your legal responsibilities and severely examining your own moral responsibilities to your offspring. Both of you will have your feelings regarding this arrangement change when the reality of single parenthood kicks in and she is looking at huge childcare bills so she can work or sacrificing her career so she can be at home.

If, considering all that, you both agree that it has to be your sperm because she trusts you or whatever, then do it properly and get lawyers involved, don't just get pregnant and then think your long-distance friendship can handle it. The odds are it can't, the emotional and financial pressure on you both will be massive.

 

[Fluvian]

Don't do it! she might seem like your best friend now but when she starts to struggle financially with the kid the first thing she's gonna do is drag you into court and make you pay child support.

 

[oneils]

You can do it but do some research first. Since you are not married, your rights as a father will take a backseat to hers. You will also be responsible for child support. The mother can't sign them away as they are the child's right, not hers.

If you want to be a parent, create some sort of parenting agreement with her through a lawyer.


Edit: looks like you made a decision. I think it's the right choice. If it matters, some seem to think that your child would grow up hating you if they couldn't know you. I never really knew my mother and I don't hate her, I just don't really think about her much. there is a difference.

 

[redcrayon]

Also, you say you want a relationship down the line. You're relatively young. Have a think about how any potential lover will feel about this arrangement and the strength of this connection you feel with a woman you say is your friend if you go through with it. It will have repercussions throughout your life, and so it should, that's parenthood.

 

[John Kowalski]

I think the child will just love being the son or daughter of loveless sex.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Horrible idea. Every kid deserves 2 loving parents.

 

[Saladinoo]

Talk to a lawyer.

100% this. Seriously man, I know your heart's in it but who knows about the legal ramifications of this, I doubt you can get away from being the dad when it comes to the law.

 

[Unbounded]

OP wants to smash really badly, as I can see.

Do it OP, knock her the fuck up.

 

[TheContact]

Don't do it! Only have a kid with the woman you want to spend your life with. Having a kid isn't just something you do willy-nilly. They're a full time job: requires a LOT of your time, money, love. You don't want to just have a kid and abandon him. It's just a bad idea OP unless you plan on marrying this lady.

 

[takriel]

Don't do it.

Ultimately, once the child is born your brain will rewire, and you'll want to be an active parent to your offspring. It's far more complicated than banging your friend and going your separate ways. If you're ready for kids, at least aim for starting a family with someone you want to be with for the long haul.

Unless there's more to this relationship than you're letting on? Why not try dating and some protected sex to see if you like each other more than just 'homies'.

One more thing - her biological clock is not something you should feel guilty about.

Source? Don't state things like these without convincing evidence.

 

[Keri]

She doesn't have time to date, but she has time to properly raise a child? You might want to be a friend and talk her out of this...

When she says she doesn't have time to date, I'm sure what she means is: "I don't have time to date right now, so I don't have time to meet someone and have children, before it's too late." It doesn't necessarily mean she won't have time to care for a child. But as someone else said, 32 isn't all that old. She's likely got a few years left, to look for someone.

 

[Sorcerer]

100% this. Seriously man, I know your heart's in it but who knows about the legal ramifications of this, I doubt you can get away from being the dad when it comes to the law.

I doubt any contract signed is going to hold up in court, I would assume any agreement is going to be null and void if its the child's welfare at stake.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

You can't sign away your parentage. You are financially responsible for that kid. Don't do it unless you don't mind that.

This person is correct. Child support is the right of the CHILD so a parent can't sign it away.

 

[skyfinch]

Have sex with her.
Pull out.
Buy her a baby goat afterwards.

He will have to pay goat support.

Anyway, my advice is just nut on her ass then pretend you don't speak english.

 

[AlucardGV]

yeah, let's make a kid, why not?

dude what the fuck, you can't be serious. you're not gonna impregnate her and then go on with your life like nothing happened, you know?

edit: okay i see you did a 180. nevermind

 

[Razorback]

Why is this thread still going? OP already said he wouldn't do it like 4 pages ago.

 

[Baldwin_the_First]

If she doesn't have time to go out on dates, she sure as shit doesn't have enough time to take care of a child.

bingo.

 

[Spinluck]

what could go wrong!

 

[flozuki]

Wtf no. Have kids with people you love...her clock ticks.

This. If she really want children there are other ways.

 

[Replicant]

As someone who had a father who wasn't ready to be one, I beg of you OP, don't do this.

That child deserves a mother or a father who really wanted him not because of a whim or biological clock but because those people are ready to take responsibility for a life that will need a lot of your time and financial support. Neither of you are ready.

Be a father when you are ready and with someone you truly love.

 

[Vaenyr]

Haven't read past page 2, sorry if it's been mentioned, but what hair and eye colour does she have OP? These are important facts to consider

Spoiler

kidding of course

As some have suggested, if she doesn't have the time for dates, she won't have the time for a kid. She has to get her life sorted first, huge amount of stress won't be good for the pregnancy or the child. I understand that the clock's ticking, but we are talking about a life here, it's a huge responsibility and even if you decide to do it, it seems you'd like to be a part of the kid's life, living in different cities will complicate the situation.

 

[highrider]

College educated professionals make bad decisions all the time.

 

[PaleFolklore]

If she's too busy to date she's way too busy to help raise a child. This whole idea is batshit crazy anyway.

 

[Demoskinos]

I wouldn't do it. While it sucks that she might not get to have her dream of having kids that is not your problem. And considering you would still be legally liable for the child. unless your super okay with the complications that could potentially arise in the future I wouldn't do it.

 

[Fatalah]

Soon, OP will be making his very own "My life is a mess" thread.

 

[Keasar]

Don't.

 

[Luschient]

Do this OP.
1. Agree
2. Go rob a sperm bank
3. While during sex, pretend the stolen sperm is yours
4. When the baby pops out that has the wrong eyes, hair, skin... say they take after your distant uncle.
5. When she decides she can't handle it, having a harder time finding a father, she needs more money to help raise the child, etc and comes after you. Reveal it was never yours to begin with.

 

[Cmerrill]

Are you insane, op?

 

[Mobius 1]

This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen in a while.

- Why won't she go to a spent bank? Why does it have to be you?
- How is she going to raise a child by herself if she can't already manage her career and studies?
- Are you ready to pay child support?
- How are you going to explain this to a future significant other?

Why are you even considering this, really? Do you love this woman and never openly expressed it?

 

[Revan]

Dood - don't. The implications with this......just don't.

PM me if you want to talk about it.

 

[Mega Caprison]

you're a virgin aren't you, op?
then do it for the sex


then make her take birth control

 

[xandaca]

This woman sounds hopelessly irresponsible. Enjoy those two decades of child support payments.

 

[drexplora]

sus as fuck