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Dastardly Anal Smell

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C

cryptic

Member
commedieu said:
shave.

edit;

and go get checked out for diseases before sexual activity. Sounds like thrush on your tongue too?
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think that's what they suspected it was, I've had all types of recurring health issues lately after a sort of overdose on aspirin may have damaged my intestines some months ago. I've been to several ER, doctor,and osteopath visits but the issues only seem to be getting worse and my depression is getting real bad concurrently. This thread helped me laugh again, thanks.

I'll check for diseases,though I think I'm fine,but I would never want to hurt anyone in anyway, especially that one.
 
M

MagicWithEarvin

Member
cheststrongwell said:
Get one of these:

e1mrYEp.jpg


Dial it to turbo and squat over it. I turbo my asshole every morning.
Click to expand...

lol
 
ShadowkillXNA

ShadowkillXNA

Member
cryptic said:
Quite recently I've developed a reoccurring issue that I'm afraid is beginning to pervade my everyday life.
A smell has developed from the recesses of my back side. It's an enveloping smell, and I'm not quite certain how to do anything but contain it; water does diminish it but later it replenishes itself.
If I need to describe it for diagnostic purposes, I'd have to say it's reminiscent of ass sweat, but decidedly more fierce and exotic, as if a chem. engineer student happened to curse me as I walked by in my sweats.
I've attempted to yoga myself for analysis and constructed a chamber of mirrors but haven't really been able to get an eye through the forest so I'm not sure if there's a rash.
If anyone with a similar conundrum has ever received treatment of any smell in that stretch of the unknown I'd appreciate any insight.
Thanks.
Click to expand...

Sounds like anoscopy is in order.
You will need this:
http://www.amazon.com/Cooper-Surgical-Disposable-Anoscope-Box/dp/B0054PUMN6/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1388447716&sr=1-1&keywords=anoscope
Watch the tutorial video: NSFW!
http://www.dnatube.com/video/9553/Jackknife-Position-Anoscopy
Also you will either need a good friend, or be very flexible if you dont have friends. Or money to hire a stranger.
Also lube.
Good luck in your search!
 
C

commedieu

Banned
C

cryptic

Member
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
 
M

MarzipaNMOS

Member
Alchemy said:
Actually, you are. Humans got along just fine before soap existed, as long as you wash frequently the only difference you will notice from not using soap is healthier skin and a lack of perfume smell.
Click to expand...

so this is pretty true for your body, but you should be washing your hands and face with soap regularly because of all the bacteria they come into contact with on a daily basis. but yes, the majority of your body doesn't need to be doused in soap to be cleaned usually
 
J

Jimmyfenix

Member
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...

I love Neogaf.
 
K

Kerub

Banned
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...

Don't you have somebody nearby that can help you with the recording? Ask a neighbour?
 
M

Mammoth Jones

Member
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...

171.jpg


Dude, it's not rocket science. Scrub your shit-hole. Soap, warm water. Use a washcloth and scrub that bitch. I mean take a good ten minutes to just clean it. Rinse off. Use new lather. I really gotta teach an adult how to wash their ass over the internet?
 
D

Desmond

Member
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...
Where's the bump, in the crack/cleft? Cyst/Sinus.
 
Vigilant Walrus

Vigilant Walrus

Member
cryptic said:
Quite recently I've developed a reoccurring issue that I'm afraid is beginning to pervade my everyday life.
A smell has developed from the recesses of my back side. It's an enveloping smell, and I'm not quite certain how to do anything but contain it; water does diminish it but later it replenishes itself.
If I need to describe it for diagnostic purposes, I'd have to say it's reminiscent of ass sweat, but decidedly more fierce and exotic, as if a chem. engineer student happened to curse me as I walked by in my sweats.
I've attempted to yoga myself for analysis and constructed a chamber of mirrors but haven't really been able to get an eye through the forest so I'm not sure if there's a rash.
If anyone with a similar conundrum has ever received treatment of any smell in that stretch of the unknown I'd appreciate any insight.
Thanks.
Click to expand...

OP I feel really bad for you. this would be terrible to have this.:(
 
C

cryptic

Member
Naw, the recording came out fine, and I wash fine; soap isn't enough.

The bump is a sort of thick, hard line like a pushed up vein on the lower left almost directly adjacent the hole.
 
M

Mammoth Jones

Member
cryptic said:
Naw, the recording came out fine, and I wash fine; soap isn't enough.

The bump is a sort of thick, hard line like a pushed up vein on the lower left almost directly adjacent the hole.
Click to expand...

Do you just rub the soap on real quick and rinse or do you let the lather marinade on your ass for a while?

Gotta let it marinade, son...
 
C

cryptic

Member
Mammoth Jones said:
Do you just rub the soap on real quick and rinse or do you let the lather marinade on your ass for a while?

Gotta let it marinade, son...
Click to expand...

Naw man I imagine it's more like the oreo bowl at DQ and underneath there's that sauce that you scrape at but just won't get picked up. My stomach has also been experiencing sharp pains for the last few weeks and a lot of digestive difficulty occurs when I'm attempting to sleep; fuck I had to let it get to this.
 
F

fraktur

Member
ViewtifulJC said:
that'll go over well

"Yeah, I need you to record a video of my stank ass. Its for NeoGAF."
Click to expand...
lmao

cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...
sounds horrible. so, when is the upload done?
 
W

wwm0nkey

Member
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...
If the bump is above a bit its a cyst and you will have to get your ass shaved and the cyst drained.
 
C

cryptic

Member
wwm0nkey said:
If the bump is above a bit its a cyst and you will have to get your ass shaved and the cyst drained.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I'll set that up right away, but I wonder if I could just poke it with a heated needle for free to drain it like a pimple. I'll get my brother.
joking

aFIGurANT said:
If you don't get that shit lanced or w/e, your ass is going to have a horn just like in your avatar. Don't hesitate, medicate that shit with the help of an MD.
Click to expand...
I will; I wonder if this is all from diet or just something that randomly befalls humans.
 
BFIB

BFIB

Member
cryptic said:
Update

So I cleaned up and went to capture a video of the area while perched on my bathroom sink. I wanna say something like," What do you see when you record footage of your ass?" because it seemed very foreign and remote and overall very surreal.
When I played back the footage with bated breath I nearly died when my face showed up within the last few frames and it all came full circle like.

I couldn't find anything but I'm noticing now there's a not-sore bump I can feel. I haven't been struggling to poop but could this be hemorrhoids?
Click to expand...

ThisIs403.jpg
 
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