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[TitusGroan]

See, if you are okay with dating people of multiple ethnicities, why would you limit yourself to a single one on a dating site?
I don't think it is a terrible thing to have racial preferences (read: being attractive to individuals of a particular ethnicity, not actively seeking out individuals of certain races because of other reasons), since yeah - people don't control who they are attracted to.

But it is kinda unfortunate for these people to have such a limited potential dating pool.

Spoiler

It's not a Hitler level of bad, more of a David Cameron level of bad.

Dating sites are meat markets. You are going there to view potential partners in the same way farmers view cattle at auction. Women do the same with men. If you have the option to filter the meat market down to exactly what you find ideal, why would you not?

I have no problem with dating anyone of any ethnicity, but if I'm on a dating site tailoring a search to my specific tastes, why is it so bad for me to put in my preferred ethnicity? I am not naive enough to think women on those sites aren't doing the same, and therby possibly excluding me. If I can say that I prefer women who are tall, or who have brunette hair, why can I not specify a preferred ethnicity?

 

[gutter_trash]

The whole "fob" thing is pretty cringeworthy and discriminatory. More often than not the people who evoke it come across as insecure.

anyone who has dating various new immigrants that have not immersed fully local culture can attest that the term ''fob'' is fairly applicable on the dating scene and can really affect interaction and connectivity in terms of trying to relate

I have dated Chinses, Indonesian, Brazilian, Venezuelan, Rawandan new immigrants who have not fully had time to immerse themselves into local culture yet or lingo.

Having done that, now as an older adult I rather date girls (regardless of origin) who have been here longer and more immersed into North-American way of life and established.

Yeah it was fun to date girls of different cultures who were new here but now I rather date girls of different culture who have been here longer or born here

 

[BocoDragon]

Well at least now you've admitted it. Time for recovery

What is the treatment, I wonder? I suppose I'll have to be Clockwork Orange-style forced to watch an equal amount of romantic films from all the world's non-Asian countries. That'll fix me. Then I'll have a perfectly equal preference for all the world's 3 billion females.

See, if you are okay with dating people of multiple ethnicities, why would you limit yourself to a single one on a dating site?
I don't think it is a terrible thing to have racial preferences (read: being attractive to individuals of a particular ethnicity, not actively seeking out individuals of certain races because of other reasons), since yeah - people don't control who they are attracted to.

But it is kinda unfortunate for these people to have such a limited potential dating pool.

Spoiler

It's not a Hitler level of bad, more of a David Cameron level of bad.

I don't see any limits to my dating pool just because I know what I like and I seek it out. It's the same as an interest in any arena, really.

 

[ICKE]

Most Asian women I've met during my travels have been raised in a more conservative fashion. Same dynamic applies to Russian women who really revel in their femininity though they tend to not appear as submissive. It's not exactly surprising that these characteristics appeal to many men, I don't think it makes you a creep but perhaps someone who enjoys a more conservative relationship dynamic.

And apart from that stereotype there is always the "grass is greener on the other side" -- factor at play. Westerners tend to also notice this when they travel to Asian countries, the demand is high and I bet most travelers don't really mind the objectification if that is what you choose to call it.

 

[cubicle47b]

If you ever use the ethnicity filter on OKCupid, you're a bad person, guys. Also, when you use the body type filter you're probably fat shaming.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

If you ever use the ethnicity filter on OKCupid, you're a bad person, guys. Also, when you use the body type filter you're probably fat shaming.

Well, body type filter is different, since different body types generally correlate to different life styles. If you're the type who train often, and as a result have a fit body, what's wrong with trying to find a like-minded partner that also has a fit body from training?
That way you're getting into a relationship with someone who understand the time and effort you have to put down on training.

And y'know, you can always change your body type, you can't change your ethnicity.

 

[gutter_trash]

If you ever use the ethnicity filter on OKCupid, you're a bad person, guys. Also, when you use the body type filter you're probably fat shaming.

I have dated fat chicks on occasion and guess what? My dick did not respond at all, it died.

Body weight filter are ok

 

[cubicle47b]

Well, body type filter is different, since different body types generally correlate to different life styles. If you're the type who train often, and as a result have a fit body, what's wrong with trying to find a like-minded partner that also has a fit body from training?
That way you're getting into a relationship with someone who understand the time and effort you have to put down on training.

And y'know, you can always change your body type, you can't change your ethnicity.

I think you should read this: http://thisisthinprivilege.tumblr.com/

 

[Ikael]

Guys liking asian girls are inmoral fetisizhers and ought to like all races equally

Girls liking bad guys are inmoral deviants and ought to like nice guys as well

Why do people like certain things in other persons, it is sooooo unfair that I can't control what other people likes or dislikes

Yeah, know that lovely type of reasoning. Meh.

That being said, the whole "I only date [insert race here]" is indeed idiotic and possibly racist. But having a preference for a certain type of girls, boys or whatsoever doesn't make you a better or worse person, just a human being. We all "discriminate" based on unfair, illogical, yet totally personal criteria, specially when it comes to choosing partner.

 

[Bleepey]

Yes I know someone who has Yellow Fever this guy.



don't believe his lies that he has grown out of it.

Tell me, how is life in Korea?

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I think you should read this: http://thisisthinprivilege.tumblr.com/

Nothing wrong with thin people having privileges, all individuals (barring severe disorders) can become thin and receive those very same privileges.

A bit OT though.

 

[Bucket Mouse]

anyone who has dating various new immigrants that have not immersed fully local culture can attest that the term ''fob'' is fairly applicable on the dating scene and can really affect intersection in terms of trying to relate

I have dated Chinses, Indonesian, Brazilian, Venezuelan, Rawandan new immigrants who have not fully had time to immerse themselves into local culture yet or lingo.

Having done that, now as an older adult I rather date girls (regardless of origin) who have been here longer and more immersed into North-American way of life and established.

Yeah it was fun to date girls of different cultures who were new here but now I rather date girls of different culture who have been here longer or born here

Yeah, so they are first generation Asian immigrants. My father is one, so I'm well aware of the differences between his Chinese cultural heritage and my own UK upbringing. Just because their circumstances happen to inconvenience Western suitors or make assimilated second generation immigrants roll their eyes doesn't justify casually discriminatory language like "fresh off the boat".

Look, I prefer to date people who are culturally similar to myself too, but that term seems to be used quite prevalently by second generation Asian immigrants, which always strikes me as being a projection of their own insecurities about what it is to be ethnically Asian in Western society. It awkwardly toes the line between lighthearted self-deprecation and insidious superiority complex.

 

[cubicle47b]

Nothing wrong with thin people having privileges, all individuals (barring severe disorders) can become thin and receive those very same privileges.

A bit OT though.

Fat people can become thin? Maybe you should spend more time reading the site.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Fat people can become thin? Maybe you should spend more time reading the site.

Calories in, calories out.
The vast majority can lose weight just through a dietary change, only a minority need medication to help along the weight loss.

 

[cubicle47b]

Calories in, calories out.
The vast majority can lose weight just through a dietary change, only a minority need medication to help along the weight loss.

Maybe David Wong can explain this better: http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/

 

[Two Words]

I know that feel. My dream is to speak most of the languages before my demise. And when I was talking about that with friends of mine, I happen to say Japanese and Mandarin with other languages. They jumped saying "you want to learn this to pick up Asians". Got mad at that. My dream is serious business, not something to be used as a fucking tool for getting women.
Anyway, ¿Cómo van esas clases de español? ¿problemas con las tildes?.

No tomo ninguna clases de español. Yo he estado aprendiendo con materiales que encuentro en el Internet. Algunas cosas son fácil, pero otras cosas son muy difícil. Especialamente "the subjunctive mood". A mí no me gusta "the subjunctive" para nada."

The whole "fob" thing is pretty cringeworthy and discriminatory. More often than not the people who evoke it come across as insecure.

Yeah, it's a term I really don't like. I apparently have the physical appearance of a fob. So anytime I do anything, say anything or wear anything that is not considered typically American among people I don't know, I'm often considered a fob by those people.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Yeah, I think little inside jokes and other stuff are lost in translation, so to speak.

I mean, hell, some jokes are even lost by Americans that don't have the same cultural wealth as each other.

...relationships are weird.

I don't even know how to dirty talk in Chinese. Now that I think about it, I probably do come off bland and boring in Chinese because I'm not as expressive.

I have dated Chinses, Indonesian, Brazilian, Venezuelan, Rawandan new immigrants who have not fully had time to immerse themselves into local culture yet or lingo.

How was the experience? I remember taking a girl (just as regular friends) to a movie and she totally didn't get it despite knowing some English.

 

[Ikael]

I think you should read this: http://thisisthinprivilege.tumblr.com/

Well, it seems like we are just one step closer to dennouncing "heightism" as well. This is ridiculous, and the very precise reason why calling someone out of their alleged " privilege" has lost all its meaning nowadays.

Every single human on Earth has personal preferences, phobias and subjective criteria and, consequently, every human is bound to both judge unfairily and be unfairily judged at some point of his or her life. Everyone is bound to be liked and disliked for petty reasons.

That is not racism or systematic discrimination. It is called "to be a human being". And it seems that some people can't deal with that complex condition.

 

[clav]

A Caucasian college classmate made fun of me for not able to have a relationship with someone of my own race. He's now married to a Taiwanese lady that he met while studying abroad in Japan.

 

[cubicle47b]

Well, it seems like we are just one step closer to dennouncing "heightism" as well.

Good point. If you use the height filter you're probably a bad person too.

 

[PhantomHound]

A love pillow doesn't count!

Pillows have rights too!

 

[Two Words]

I think you should read this: http://thisisthinprivilege.tumblr.com/

Why do other people have to accept other people's lifestyle choices? We have no problem calling people who are mentally lazy and have no desire to learn anything or do anything lazy. The same can be true for people who choose to be physically lazy. I'd rather they recieve more helpful criticism and not insults, but I don't see why others have to essentially lie to them so they feel better about the lifestyle choices they made. And I definitely don't see a problem with people choosing not to date people who are unappealing to them due to weight problems.


Would you say people who choose not to date people who are intentionally intellectually lazy are bad people too?

 

[Angelus Errare]

If you're not a creeper who uses racist pick-up lines and aren't fetishizing anyone, then why get so defensive. Clearly it's not about you then.

This.

 

[Ikael]

Good point. If you use the height filter you're probably a bad person too.

A this point I just don't know if people are being ironic or are talking seriously :S

 

[gutter_trash]

I don't even know how to dirty talk in Chinese. Now that I think about it, I probably do come off bland and boring in Chinese because I'm not as expressive.



How was the experience? I remember taking a girl (just as regular friends) to a movie and she totally didn't get it despite knowing some English.

culture shock #1: I brought up Bugs Bunny, this girl did not know who Bugs Bunny was. Deal Breaker

culture shock #2: I was putting away rinced dirty dishes into the dishwasher, she asked me ''why are you putting dirty dishes inside the shelf?... I told her ''this is a dishwasher''..... she replies ''what's a dishwasher?'''

mind blown... the minimum I ask is the acknowledgement of the existence of Bugs Bunny

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Why do other people have to accept other people's lifestyle choices? We have no problem calling people who are mentally lazy and have no desire to learn anything or do anything lazy. The same can be true for people who choose to be physically lazy. I'd rather they recieve more helpful criticism and not insults, but I don't see why others have to essentially lie to them so they feel better about the lifestyle choices they made. And I definitely don't see a problem with people choosing not to date people who are unappealing to them due to weight problems.


Would you say people who choose not to date people who are intentionally intellectually lazy are bad people too?

Weight gain isn't exclusively through laziness. A friend of mine was a passenger in a car wreck and has an ankle now made out of metal parts. She'll never be able to run or exercise for more than a few minutes ever again. People ask her how long she's been pregnant or call her fat, and she'll never be able to change herself to stop these comments.

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

Speaking as a black man myself I don't particularly enjoyed being seen as a fetish by anyone. It really sucks when you're attempting to seek a relationship with someone but they can't see pass your blackness, treating you as some type of junk food in their sexual diet. Like you're only good enough for them to say they had sex with a black guy to all their friends but you're not good enough to be in an actual relationship with because you're just a fetish or to reuse my analogy you're junk food to them, comforting and sweet but ultimately lacking in nutrition and not good for you. That's what it feels like to be a fetish in spite of seeking a relationship.

You know how much I would pay for someone to treat me as a piece of junk food and throw me away at their leisure?

Props to those who know the movie I semi quoted this from.

 

[Two Words]

Weight gain isn't exclusively through laziness. A friend of mine was a passenger in a car wreck and has an ankle now made out of metal parts. She'll never be able to run or exercise for more than a few minutes ever again. People ask her how long she's been pregnant or call her fat, and she'll never be able to change herself to stop these comments.

Is she obese? You don't need to exercise to not be obese. The biggest part of losing weight is controlling your diet.

 

[Infinite]

Why do other people have to accept other people's lifestyle choices? We have no problem calling people who are mentally lazy and have no desire to learn anything or do anything lazy. The same can be true for people who choose to be physically lazy. I'd rather they recieve more helpful criticism and not insults, but I don't see why others have to essentially lie to them so they feel better about the lifestyle choices they made. And I definitely don't see a problem with people choosing not to date people who are unappealing to them due to weight problems.


Would you say people who choose not to date people who are intentionally intellectually lazy are bad people too?

What's so hard about not being a dick to people?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Is she obese? You don't need to exercise to not be obese. The biggest part of losing weight is controlling your diet.

That's the most empathy you can muster up for that story? "Does she eat well?" I don't monitor people's food intake, but I've never seen her eat more than me. She's not obese.

 

[ishibear]

It offends me because, as a white guy dating an Asian women, I will be subject to the scorn of people who presume my motives.

Even on GAF, anyone who presumes to have a preference for a certain Asian look (or a love of other cultures) are deconstructed, and made to feel like the mere puppets of racist, Orientalist history... Despite a myriad of other possibilities for why they may feel as they do... Maybe it's their unique personal history that led to liking what they do, and not some pitiable, history-based objectification?

It offends me because I recently messaged a woman on a dating site, and without mentioning a single thing about ethnicity or culture (not a thing... I messaged her about Hannibal! Lol)... She ranted against me as a white guy daring to message an Asian. It was clear in her verbage that she had internalized "anti-yellow fever" as "fuck off white men who want an Asian girl". She was an atypical individual... But it made me feel sudden disgust that I could actually be racially judged like that (I know I know... Welcome to the club, white people). Straight up, my intentions towards her were presumed because I was white (when in actuality I just wanted to talk about Hannibal!) Sometimes corrections against racism end up becoming the new racism. I was racially profiled that moment... I was objectified, put into the label of some yellow fever fuck.

This yellow fever meme is harmful. I know it's a correction against the racist nonsense of other western men. But it's already being twisted into scorn for the intention of white-Asian pairings of any type. It removes all presumption that they might be innocent pairings, based upon normal interests.


Still sounds harmless to me. There's nothing wrong with seeking a relationship with someone of a particular look or culture.

We have particular tastes in all arenas of life... But when it comes to mates, maybe the biggest choice of your life... It's wrong? I wouldn't screen out or prejudge anyone based on ethnicity... But it seems to me that certain looks "working on you" more than others is biology 101.

I'm sympatico with the idea that men shouldn't be coming to the interaction thinking a bunch of stereotypes, though. But that's less to do with "yellow fever" or dating... And more to do with just straight up prejudice and racism.

You know, this reminds me of a lot of the defensiveness that lurks about racism topics. If you're not one of the bad apples, you have no reason to be offended by this. Only people who feel they are wrong but don't want to face facts get defensive about this.

There's a difference between people who date people of other races and people who target them solely for their race.

Plenty of people date outside their race. But if you're fetishizing races, it's wrong. It's dehumanizing. It's degrading.

And there's a difference between people who see Japan as an anime fantasy world and people who are genuinely fascinated by its culture and the land.

Did you ever think the girl was so upset because she's received creepy messages from white guys in the past? This is exactly what this anti-yellow fever movement is about. Women are tired of creeps trying to be disgusting. This isn't about you and your frustration shouldn't be aimed at people shaming creeps, it should be at those douchebags who are making dating difficult for you.

You should be encouraging this. Not crying and whining because your feelings are hurt. Asian women feel like they are being preyed on. If you want to show you're different, prove it. Stop crying. You're not a victim.

 

[Infinite]

I agree with you that people are definitely dicks about being overweight. I also agree it needs to stop.

However, instead of it ending at "stop being a dick to me," we somehow came up with this RIDICULOUS "health at every size" notion, which is medically false.

1. Everywhere should be allowed to have whatever body size they want.
2. These people need to realize that it may not be healthy, and that there is a definition of health, that if you do not meet it, you are not it. You can not move the goalposts.
3. These people need to realize that they are not entitled to be desired, only to be accepted.
4. Everyone should be not teased or bullied about their weight or lifestyle choices.

You can definitely be healthy and appear to be overweight.

 

[gutter_trash]

a non-overweight man has the right to not date an overweight woman.

If a man is not attracted, then his dick won't get hard, if his dick doesn't get hard then sex will be bad.

leave us men alone who are not attracted to overweight women.

I have been there, it was a disaster, being in bed with a heavy woman then finding out that my dick did not want to get hard. I am not attracted the overweight women, period, my dick does not work with them!

 

[TheKaeptain]

No OP I like good looking women of all ethnic backgrounds.

 

[Two Words]

That's the most empathy you can muster up for that story? "Does she eat well?" I don't monitor people's food intake, but I've never seen her eat more than me. She's not obese.

That's why I first asked if she was obese. If she is simply overweight but still in a healthy range of weight, then whatever. Weight is different because it is often a health issue, and I would rather it be treated like one. I didn't ask you if she ate well. I just asked you if she was obese, because poor eating is the main cause of obesity.

What's so hard about not being a dick to people?

How have I encouraged people to be dicks to anyone?

 

[Infinite]

How have I encouraged people to be dicks to anyone?

Not explicitly but. . .

Why do other people have to accept other people's lifestyle choices? We have no problem calling people who are mentally lazy and have no desire to learn anything or do anything lazy. The same can be true for people who choose to be physically lazy. I'd rather they receive more helpful criticism and not insults, but I don't see why others have to essentially lie to them so they feel better about the lifestyle choices they made. And I definitely don't see a problem with people choosing not to date people who are unappealing to them due to weight problems.

There's several things I take issue with here but a lot of them reach beyond the scope of this thread but allow to address saying "you're too fat/skinny hit the gym gain/loose weight" is really rude and is being a dick imo. It really just isn't your place to do that. You're not entitled to offer you criticism on anyone's physique and you really shouldn't be surprised when they call you an asshole for doing so.

There's several reasons why people can be overweight so reducing it too "you're fat because you waste your time sitting at home eating Cheetos and watching TV" ie you made poor lifestyle choices is a rather ignorant thing to assume. Many environmental and socioeconomic factors play into a person physical well being so to use a word Gaf hates, it's a privilege view point to assume that the only reason a person can be fat is because of personal laziness.

Also just because someone is appears to be overweight or underweight doesn't mean they're unhealthy and live a lethargic lifestyle.

 

[Two Words]

Not explicitly but. . .



There's several things I take issue with here but a lot of them reach beyond the scope of this thread but allow to address saying "you're too fat/skinny hit the gym gain/loose weight" is really rude and is being a dick imo. It really just isn't your place to do that. You're not entitled to offer you criticism on anyone's physique and you really shouldn't be surprised when they call you an asshole for doing so.

There's several reasons why people can be overweight so reducing it too "you're fat because you waste your time sitting at home eating Cheetos and watching TV" ie you made poor lifestyle choices is a rather ignorant thing to assume. Many environmental and socioeconomic factors play into a person physical well being so to use a word Gaf hates, it's a privilege view point to assume that the only reason a person can be fat is because of personal laziness.

Also just because someone is appears to be overweight or underweight doesn't mean they're unhealthy and live a lethargic lifestyle.

I was not telling anybody to tell others they are too fat or too skinny. All I was arguing was that it isn't wrong to not want to date somebody who is overweight in your eyes, and I don't think people should feel bad or shallow about it.

 

[Infinite]

I was not telling anybody to tell others they are too fat or too skinny. All I was arguing was that it isn't wrong to not want to date somebody who is overweight in your eyes, and I don't think people should feel bad or shallow about it.

I personally thinks it makes you shallow because someone's weight is a shallow criteria in league with hair color or whatever have you. Your weight isn't necessarily an indication to your lifestyle, you could possibly meet someone who is overweight that is worthwhile being in a relationship with

Edit: let me correct myself I don't think it means you are shallow but that in itself is shallow of you

 

[besada]

Given that people are arguing past each other, and we've meandered off topic, I'm going to lock this up.