-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Have you ever had your significant other pull the no sex...
- Thread starter Tdog987
- Start date
- Status
giancarlo123x
Banned
Usually I'm the one to say give it time, give it a chance, etc but this reminds me of my last relationship but plus two extra kids. You WILL get hurt if you continue down this path. Honestly you need to bail, it's only going to get harder as time passes on and you get more attached to the kids.
Chittagong
Gold Member
Or apply for a job where Vince works
If the state's Division of Family Services/Department of Social Services got involved (which under this circumstance, would really be the only way for a custody dispute to arise), you can't just keep a child "because they got too attached" and start going after the parent for child custody. What most likely happened is that the family court made a determination that, at least when she first had the child, that the aunt/uncle would be infinitely more stable providers than a 16 year old (and this is while giving the girlfriend the benefit of the doubt by assuming that she did make active efforts to be involved in the child's life at that time).
Of course, the big problem is why the OP's girlfriend never tried to modify custody and support obligations as she got older in lieu of continuing to let family members take care of the child (which at this point, a family court judge would be much less inclined to alter child support/custody on this first child). Hell, things could swing the other way and due to the girlfriend's change in circumstances, a judge could surmise that she is fully able to pay higher amounts based on the circumstances or new job. If this kid was really adopted, then the girlfriend would be off the hook because her parental rights would have been terminated (and you just don't "miss" or "forget" that this happens; it's a drawn-out process because of the fact that a constitutional right would be terminated).
Now the real "fun" for the girlfriend is going to start when the father of child #2 wants to pursue child support options too.
Nealand Liquor
Member
She sounds like a complete mess dude and there are far too many red flags to count.
1a) Did you know that once you begin staying at her place and act as a provider (in the US) you can be on the hook for child support payments and alimony even though you are NOT A)the biological father B) Married.
How do you feel supporting this person and her kids you have just started dating till your mid forties even if she drops you?
Tread lightly dude.
b) She doesn't have her finances together. At 23 that isn't such a big deal, but since your income is "twice hers" you need to consider people's motivations for their actions. This is your future, only you are responsible for your actions.
2) Sounds to me she is using sex as a motivator to get you to marry her. This is pure manipulation. If she is doing this now when you can walk with ease, think of what she might pull when she has you legally locked down.
3) If not manipulation she is at the very least confused. You should step away so she can at least fifure out what she really wants. She sounds like she is unstable (if she isn't trying to scheme you), nothing wrong with remaining friends until she is mentally and financially stable... Besides without sex you are just basically friends anyway; However in your case you are a friend that pays her way.
4) Value yourself and protect your future. This is not a question or something to think about. Do it.
1a) Did you know that once you begin staying at her place and act as a provider (in the US) you can be on the hook for child support payments and alimony even though you are NOT A)the biological father B) Married.
How do you feel supporting this person and her kids you have just started dating till your mid forties even if she drops you?
Tread lightly dude.
b) She doesn't have her finances together. At 23 that isn't such a big deal, but since your income is "twice hers" you need to consider people's motivations for their actions. This is your future, only you are responsible for your actions.
2) Sounds to me she is using sex as a motivator to get you to marry her. This is pure manipulation. If she is doing this now when you can walk with ease, think of what she might pull when she has you legally locked down.
3) If not manipulation she is at the very least confused. You should step away so she can at least fifure out what she really wants. She sounds like she is unstable (if she isn't trying to scheme you), nothing wrong with remaining friends until she is mentally and financially stable... Besides without sex you are just basically friends anyway; However in your case you are a friend that pays her way.
4) Value yourself and protect your future. This is not a question or something to think about. Do it.
I was worried about this myself. I was afraid that this was possible. When it comes to finances and property it seems like once a precedent is started, you're on the hook.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Gaf advice can be awful sometimes. But 3 pages of the right answer must tell you your doing something wrong.
It's sometimes hard to admit when a relationship isn't working, I hope you'll soon see you need to get out.
It's sometimes hard to admit when a relationship isn't working, I hope you'll soon see you need to get out.
Its hard to hear OP but man this will not go to a place you want. You may have strong feeling for this woman and things may be great, Think tho use your head. This is a whole spider web of problems that will blossom into her killing you like a Black widow (not literally). Trust your instincts, things may wax and wane for you over the next little while but know this, this is the begging of many things that you may not like your choice from here on out.
Most of these things you talk about as a good thing or a plus are things you regularly find in a relationship.
I don't think you need any more advice, you have made your decision already weather you think you have or not.
If these were your children then yes stay, THEY ARE NOT SO WTF ARE YOU DOING?
At the risk of sounding shallow, run for your life man.
hey_it's_that_dog
benevolent sexism
When the costs and benefits of a relationship are not equally distributed between partners, it's doomed. Or at least the people in that relationship are doomed to be miserable if they stay together.
Unfortunately, we're really good at gradually rationalizing our way into tolerating worse and worse situations for ourselves. You need to ask yourself if this sort of life is something you want for yourself, maybe forever.
She might turn the sex tap back on if you marry her, but some other fucked up thing will arise to take its place.
Unfortunately, we're really good at gradually rationalizing our way into tolerating worse and worse situations for ourselves. You need to ask yourself if this sort of life is something you want for yourself, maybe forever.
She might turn the sex tap back on if you marry her, but some other fucked up thing will arise to take its place.
Lord Fagan
Junior Member
OP, you're defending being a cuckold. If you were getting paid, or she was putting out regularly, that might make sense...but she's not.
I'll come back in another three or four pages after you've typed up some more inane rationale that seems altruistic to you, but to all of us is really just an unfortunate episode of a poor man wasting his twenties when he could be getting his dick wet with half of this effort on Tinder or Wednesday night at the nearest bar.
I'll come back in another three or four pages after you've typed up some more inane rationale that seems altruistic to you, but to all of us is really just an unfortunate episode of a poor man wasting his twenties when he could be getting his dick wet with half of this effort on Tinder or Wednesday night at the nearest bar.
But you see absolutely nothing wrong about how you "tell her you want some lovin tonight after work"?
highrider
Banned
Yeah I have to agree. I'm 47 and I could understand if she was older, but 23. Yikes.
I'm sorry OP. I understand why you want to stay. You love this girl and feel like it's your duty to support her because "who else will?".
But you need to realize that you should not be having these issues seven months into a relationship. You shouldn't be under this much stress and shouldn't be doing this much for her at this stage. You should still be i the honeymoon stage.
If this is how it is now, I can guarantee that it will only get worse the longer it goes on and the closer you get to her (marriage). Staying with her is a terrible decision. You can break up and still try to be friends and offer her emotional support. But you're 26, she has three kids (one of which you are paying for), and it now seems like she's either going to become extremely religious or is trying to get you to propose so you have to support her.
But you need to realize that you should not be having these issues seven months into a relationship. You shouldn't be under this much stress and shouldn't be doing this much for her at this stage. You should still be i the honeymoon stage.
If this is how it is now, I can guarantee that it will only get worse the longer it goes on and the closer you get to her (marriage). Staying with her is a terrible decision. You can break up and still try to be friends and offer her emotional support. But you're 26, she has three kids (one of which you are paying for), and it now seems like she's either going to become extremely religious or is trying to get you to propose so you have to support her.
Alcotholic
Banned
What does your family think?
Screw family. What does OP's mom think of this.
I feel like Momma would keep it all the way real in a situation like this.
Alcotholic
Banned
That's what I meant. His mother, father, sister, brother. Aunt uncle, grandparents. They can't all be in support of this.
Ice. Cold.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Op is upset at no sex.
Op is actually secretly trying to impregnate her.
That's the only logical answer as to why you would ignore good advice.
Op is actually secretly trying to impregnate her.
That's the only logical answer as to why you would ignore good advice.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
Wow. I have not been in that situation, but that is really awful. I don't think that I would leave, because of emotional what nots. I wouldn't be entirely satisfied though. You only have one life, and I am sure that you don't want to live it that way.
I know its been said a hundred times by now, but you should probably confront her about it, or bail. I'm not saying to disappear in the middle of the night, but there is a pretty good chance it will turn out the same either way.
I would have en exceedingly hard time believing it has anything to do with religion, considering her moral standing. Anyone can change, but what are the chances that she is suddenly much more interested in god, and the first you ever heard of her life altering decision was from her explaining that she won't sleep with you anymore?
I would have en exceedingly hard time believing it has anything to do with religion, considering her moral standing. Anyone can change, but what are the chances that she is suddenly much more interested in god, and the first you ever heard of her life altering decision was from her explaining that she won't sleep with you anymore?
OK well. If she's stress/tired/etc and it's temporary, fair enough.
Now it seems to be that the reason is that she's "found god again" and thinks she's sinned enough? I'm sorry but, shouldn't she be thinking that while she "sinned" when she was younger, having sex with the man she loves, who loves her and helps her as much as he can, might just be OK in god's books?
It just all sounds like some weird BS excuse to me. If you already feel this is not normal to the point of posting about it on GAF, how's it gonna be after months of the same situation? Wake up.
crazyrabbits
Banned
Bail.
I said the same thing to my close friend, who was wondering if he should pursue a relationship with a weapon two years his senior with a child from a previous marriage. You don't need that baggage - the fact that she has three kids is even worse. Get out while you can.
I said the same thing to my close friend, who was wondering if he should pursue a relationship with a weapon two years his senior with a child from a previous marriage. You don't need that baggage - the fact that she has three kids is even worse. Get out while you can.
lol, 3 kids out of wedlock and NOW she wants to play some born again virgin and not have sex with someone who's being good to her because she feels like she's offending God..
Yeah you need to bail out.
Someone behaving like that is seriously not worth it.
And yeah if she feels like sex is some commodity she has been offering you in return for all the stuff you do for her as opposed to a mutual act with mutual benefit then she seriously has issues.
Right now you are enabling her to be as fucked up as she is being by your complicity.
Yeah you need to bail out.
Someone behaving like that is seriously not worth it.
And yeah if she feels like sex is some commodity she has been offering you in return for all the stuff you do for her as opposed to a mutual act with mutual benefit then she seriously has issues.
Right now you are enabling her to be as fucked up as she is being by your complicity.
Mammoth Jones
Member
This. C'mon.
There is no other answer I hate to say. Doubly so when baby-daddy come around to "hang out". Seen this happen to friends and it's always the same story.
7 months in? Pfft. I'd say move on and find a GF that isn't a financial sponge.
She is cheating.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Yeah well this is precisely how OP needs to avoid thinking. He can be sympathetic to her and be a friend but he is under no obligation to take care of her and her kids.
Things like this can fuck up your entire life.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
Hey, I wasn't saying it is the right choice. I was saying that I personally would have a hard time with that. I love sex, but there is more to it for me.
IISANDERII
Member
She doesn't realize that YOU'RE her god because the things you do for her are extraordinary and deserve reward. She should be worshipping you.
She's taken you for granted and now trying to guilt you into her way.
Messypandas
Member
If someone is actively making my daily life shittier (sex suddenly no longer allowed) because of an inconsistent devotion to an invisible being that may or may not be there and may or may not give a shit about what they do with their genitals...I'm out.
But honestly OP, there were tons of red flags in what you described.
But honestly OP, there were tons of red flags in what you described.
GameGuru59
Banned
OP, how do you know the 3yo has ADHD? Was it diagnosed by a reputable person? Sometimes kids are just, like, kids.
Also, have you given any consideration to bailing prior to heading to GAF? There are plenty of other girls in this world without this huge baggage. I'd truly have to love a woman like no one else to take on that kind of baggage. Are you sure its just not desperation or dating fatigue on your part? I also used to think there was only one woman for me in the world... that's pretty much bullshit.
There are plenty of people out there you are compatible with. She may be one of them, but she has alot of issues around her that can and will affect your life in ways you and her cannot imagine at this point. I hope you know what you're getting into here. If you have any doubt, seek the counsel of another person that knows you well. At the least, go to a counselor (yes, I know I just shit on them previously, but you're not me), they can help you two view the issues you all are going to face in context, and you can go from there. Good luck.
Also, have you given any consideration to bailing prior to heading to GAF? There are plenty of other girls in this world without this huge baggage. I'd truly have to love a woman like no one else to take on that kind of baggage. Are you sure its just not desperation or dating fatigue on your part? I also used to think there was only one woman for me in the world... that's pretty much bullshit.
There are plenty of people out there you are compatible with. She may be one of them, but she has alot of issues around her that can and will affect your life in ways you and her cannot imagine at this point. I hope you know what you're getting into here. If you have any doubt, seek the counsel of another person that knows you well. At the least, go to a counselor (yes, I know I just shit on them previously, but you're not me), they can help you two view the issues you all are going to face in context, and you can go from there. Good luck.
I knew a girl that did that to her boyfriend.
They used to have sex and then she became religious and just stopped, he pays her rent, her phone bills, and drives her everywhere. Not sure if they are still together though.....he became an angry guy.
Never had this problem myself though.
They used to have sex and then she became religious and just stopped, he pays her rent, her phone bills, and drives her everywhere. Not sure if they are still together though.....he became an angry guy.
Never had this problem myself though.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
"I'm religious now"
Best worst excuse for no sex?
Best worst excuse for no sex?
GameGuru59
Banned
My mom would probably just physically attack me if I was considering doing some shit like this.
TacticalFox88
Banned
If the OP doesn't bail within the week, I will feel zero sympathy when shit goes down.
IISANDERII
Member
The great sex you gave her? She was faking it.
Best boyfriend? That mostly means you give her money, let her use your car, clean and toil and babysit.
Now no kissing either? Lol, coming up: The worst pain of your life. The only question is: How long will the pain last?
As someone who is currently in a sexless marrige, do not marry this women. It's not going to get better. Do not have kids with this women, it will only make it harder to leave.
You will end up feeling trapped, which will only get worse as time goes on.
I get along great with my wife (outside of our intimacy issues), and we've got an super awesome 3 year old son who I love more that life itself. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm depressed and it's impacting all aspects of my life. I could leave, yes, but doing so would take me away from my son (I'm in the military), and I'm hardly home enough as is.
You will end up feeling trapped, which will only get worse as time goes on.
I get along great with my wife (outside of our intimacy issues), and we've got an super awesome 3 year old son who I love more that life itself. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm depressed and it's impacting all aspects of my life. I could leave, yes, but doing so would take me away from my son (I'm in the military), and I'm hardly home enough as is.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
This is literally the most depressing thing I have ever read on GAF, hands down.
TacticalFox88
Banned
sonikokaruto
Banned
just read half the post
she's getting done on another place, and she wants your money.
do like christian and BALE!
she's getting done on another place, and she wants your money.
do like christian and BALE!
What wrong with your wife man? She's treating you like shit sexually. Have you talked to her about it?
We've talked about it, yes. It's hard right now since I'm deployed. She's had people in her past (her ex husband) use sex as a weapon to get what he wanted from her.
It's a work in progress, it's just a hard situation to work on when I'm not home (for many various reasons).
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked