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I think my GF is trying to gaslight me and i'm losing my mind

Orpheum

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EDIT: We're no longer together. Thanks so much the kind words of support and the advice. I've uploaded some pictures on page 5 of the thread if anyone wants to get an impression of what the trip was like.


Honestly i'm sitting here at work, completely distraught and i can't concentrate on anything for shit. Some outside perspective would be highly appreciated. i apologize in advance for the length, i guess writing all of this will also help me to sort out my thoughts.

Some Background info. My GF is 25 and i'm 28, together for 3,5 years. She suffers from depression but goes to therapy and takes medication which helped a ton. When we started dating we hit a really rough patch 9 months in. she was failing her uni classes and saw me at fault for everything, she started arguments over nothing and ultimately ended the relationship which she regretted 2 days after and came crawling back. This was before she went to therapy... so i denied getting back together until she decided to seek out help. She did and around half a year later we were back to dating and things had been alright since then. That was until last week where everything went to shit.

We started planning a trip to Sweden (8 days of canoeing) with a group of friends earlier this year. All about who would be coming along, where exactly we would go and how long we were travelling was well known to everyone as we discussed everything extensively in a whatsapp group she was also a part of, although she didn't contribute much (which is ok btw). Me and a friend did most of the planning but kept everyone up to date. Her interaction was limited to the absolute minimum, aside from bitching to me in private when she was unsure of a descision. It all came to a head the first time a week before our trip when she told me in private how much she hates the entire planning process and how she could have gone on an all inclusive beach vacation with the money it costs her to do this trip (keep in mind that she was the first one i told about the trip, and she was more than happy to come along. Moreso she told me how mad she would have been if she wasn't invited along). I apoogized to her about the -in her eyes- messed up planning process and how long it took...even though i wasn't sorry about it in the slightest to be honest. It all worked out well and please keep in mind i did all of this next to my full time job, i can't bend reality to plan everything in 2 days as i was trying to make it work for everyone included. In regards to money i can see where she's coming from but to be honest it doesn't really fly with me. She still lives at home, so no rent, i paid for most of the food/drinks whenever we went out (occasionally she paid), and she was working two well paying jobs next to her very few remaining uni classes so she saved up a lot.

So about the group... In total we were 8 people (her and i included) and she knew every single person who was coming along. I was trying my absolute best to include her in the friend group for the entirety orf our 3,5 yr long relationship but this didn't really work out. She's not really a peoples person and talking to humans has always been difficult for her. I didn't pressure her to do anything, let me be clear about that. However whenever plans were made i tried to include her, if she refused to go, no big deal. I always tried to balance my friend circle and the relationship to the best of my abilities.

About the trip... The first 2 days were great but that quickly changed. Seemingly from one day to the other she started signaling to me that she wants to be left alone... i can't really explain it but i was met with snarky side comments, passive aggressive answers and crying for no reason. I was trying to get through to her when it got worse but she completely shut down ("babe pls tell me what's wrong" - "nothing, now go away"). When i finally managed she started to cry and told me she feels left out by the group, we're all egotistical, talking only about trash/non intellectual shit, and she hates every single second of this trip. So let me adress every point one by one...

She feels left out
I also talked about this with my best mate, both him and i were shocked. I knew everyone was extremely polite to her but my friend told me all of the others had the same feeling: That she wants to be left alone, she was signaling it to everyone! i thought i was at fault for not trying to include her more but he made me see it the way it is. she pushed herself out of the group by acting cold, distant and passive aggressive and yet everyone was still nice to her.

We're egotstical
I honestly don't even fucking know where to start. That's the biggest bs i've ever heard. First of all she was the only vegetarian in the group and yet every. single. meal. we cooked on a day to day basis was vegetarian. She also mentioned she felt left out of day to day activities (fishing, collecting mushrooms etc). Now listen to me, whenever someone announced they would go out in the woods they announced it loud and clear, same with everything else. People joined or didn't join whatever they felt like, i was also left out of fishing once...so what? She never opened her mouth to say she wants to come along and i refuse to be her mom and beg for her to join. She's an adult after all and she has the capability to speak. Every person included is extremely nice, open and wecoming in general. The funniest thing is that one of my mates met my other friends for the very first time and he managed to make some new good friends out of this, it's definitely not the group.

She hates every second
As i stated in the beginning. Everyone was aware of what the trip would be like and who is included. She fucking knew what she was getting herself into and yet she still complained

We only talk about stupid shit
First of all get out of here. All of us (aside from her) work full time jobs and have to be professional on a day to day basis. When i'm on vacation i want to relax and not worry about work or politics so let me talk about trash. It's clear she wants to be more intellectual and her sense of humor just didn't align. This made me realize more than anything that she just doesn't fit with the whole group dynamic. And still we changed subjects when she joined in to not make her feel left out, my friends honestly did a great job of switching between being professional and being stupid xD


It all got worse.. after this she started to either not talk to me for extended periods of time or being extremely passive aggressive. I won't go into all of what happened afterwards but two occasions are still etched into my mind. One morning i was making breakfast for everyone and she was still in the tent, refusing to come out. I miscalculated the amount and one person had to be without scrambled eggs. I took my portion and gave it to her in the tent. A couple of minutes later she crawled out and said "who tf put this food into my tent" with a disgusted look on her face. She smelled it and said "i can't eat this shit". Now look....if you're not hungry i get it but one can be a lot nicer about it. It really hurt me to be honest. i was always trying to comfort her and make the experience better for her.

The second instance was on the last day. One kilometre before our final sleeping point we got into a heavy thunderstorm. My mates gf wasn't feeling safe so we went ashore and sought out shelter until the worst was over. My GF was complaining the whole time about what the fuck we're doing and that we should keep going. I was shocked beyond belief. Being in the middle of a lake with boats made of aluminium while a thunderstorm is roaring is stupid enough as is but as soon as someone feels unsafe it's no longer about what YOU feel is right to do...it's what THEY think is the right thing to do. Talk about egotistical. It only took 20 minutes until we were safe to keep going so what's the big deal.

So yeah and it keeps going. After we returned home I was made aware of some of the shit she told my friends while i was absent collecting firewood or something, and i honest to god just wanted to apologize profousely to my friends. but they all declined saying it wasn't my fault so we good...

The entire way home starting from the hostel, to the airport to our home airport she didn't say a word to me. I tried to initiate contact but she ignored me. I figured that she may need some time for herself or venting to her mother, and i'm going to call her after a day. So last week on tuesday we all got home at 10am. I left her alone for the day and didn't try to contact her. I decided to call her on wednesday at around 6pm, She didn't answer. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to just stop running after her like a dog and let her do the next step which is really hard for me as i have a habit of trying to sort things out as quickly as possible. But she was right...before the trip we had an argument which i tried to talk to her about, she straight up refused, i called her 6 times back then and the only thing i got in return was a text message saying "did someone die or what" we never cleared the air....

So yeah i didn't hear anything back from her for a week now and i was a mess mentally. Until monday i looked like a fucking Zombie, i couldn't sleep and barely eat. I was so incredibly disappointed that she didn't even text me "hey i saw your call but i still need time until we can talk", after 3,5 years she couldn't even do that one simple thing.

However i took the opportunity to take a good hard look at our relationship and if i want to continue. The answer is no. I'm not the right person for her, she needs someone who is all eyes for her (however in my opinion she's not even close to being ready for a committed relationship). For me it's important that my GF at least gets along with my friends, she doesn't. Her personality is incredibly difficult and i honestly can't take it anymore. Even if it's her mental illness that's responsible for this outburst i can't go on like this. In my opinion a person is STILL responsible for their actions or what they say during a depressive episode. there is something extremely flawed in our relationship which is beyond repair and since she went no contact, i was hoping she saw it the same way.

until yesterday night when i got a text from her at 10:30pm saying quote "Do you ever plan on talking to me again or what?" Like what the fuck is this shit. It's disrespectful, cowardly and goddamn childish to send this goddamn awful message to me at night. I don't even know what reality she lives in and if she even realizes what she is doing. I'm not even worth a fucking call. Like seriously is she the only person that exists in her world or is she aware that there are other people around her? I think this is so extremely terrible because she completely victimizes herself and is sure about me being the asshole in this entire situation. Im absolutely sure she expects an apology and is certain we can continue like nothing happened. Like dude I CALLED YOU LAST WEEK and you're coming at me with this trash response. I'm just unable to put into words how i feel right now. Either she really is completely clueless or she absolutely knows what she's doing because she's getting scared of what my next step might be and now tries to manipulate her way back. My descision is set, separation is inevitable, i'm just so extremely drained. I don't even know how to answer her message.


I guess this tuned into a rant and less of a question but i still want to thank anyone who read this
 
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EviLore

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Whitecrow

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I cant imagine how awful that trip would have been with the girl ruining the mood constantly. Fortunately you made the trip with friends, else it would have been a nightmare.

I've read through everything but honestly, I struggle to think what the right course of action would be, because we are talking about someone with depression and important mental health issues,
and some things could get out of control...

I whish you the best of luck. Talk with your friends, family, other girls, be patient, and let whatever it has to happen, happen.
 

Orpheum

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I cant imagine how awful that trip would have been with the girl ruining the mood constantly. Fortunately you made the trip with friends, else it would have been a nightmare.

I've read through everything but honestly, I struggle to think what the right course of action would be, because we are talking about someone with depression and important mental health issues,
and some things could get out of control...

I whish you the best of luck. Talk with your friends, family, other girls, be patient, and let whatever it has to happen, happen.

Thank you so much and yeah... my friends have been great through all of this. Her depression is the only thing that keeps me from just going straight kamikaze on her ass. It's honestly so incredibly tough to deal with

also - listen to your mom

My mom is honestly the best lol

-Controlling personality
-Needs therapy
-Vegetarian

Yeah I wouldn’t deal with that.

This is true on so many levels

Tell her to grow the fuck up

i absolutely will
 
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RoyalLaFlame

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To be honest, after reading all of this... leave her alone. She clearly has problems and she is not trying to fix it. If in a relationship everything is about one person (attention, appeasing and all that bs), that a huge no for me. Both people need to adapt and sacrifices need to be made. She acts like a spoiled kid and this brings stress and unhappiness to you. Ok, she has depression, and while you're trying to help, she keeps fucking with you.

So, let it be. If you don't feel happy about the relationship, just jump. You're clearly not happy, and her depression is not your fault. Make sure everything goes well with her if you decide not to continue, as depression can be a bitch.
 
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Orpheum

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I'd say since she has depression if you decide to break up with her immediately contact her family and her closest friends to help deal with the aftermath.

She has alienated most of her friends from school and didn't really make new ones during her time at university. The few remaining ones i hhave no contacts for. I will absolutely let her brother know, him and i get along quite well

To be honest, after reading all of this... leave her alone. She clearly has problems and she is not trying to fix it. If in a relationship everything is about one person (attention, appeasing and all that bs), that a huge no for me. Both people need to adapt and sacrifices need to be made. She acts like a spoiled kid and this brings stress and unhappiness to you. Ok, she has depression, and while you're trying to help, she keeps fucking with you.

So, let it be. If you don't feel happy about the relationship, just jump. You're clearly not happy, and her depression is not your fault. Make sure everything goes well with her if you decide not to continue, as depression can be a bitch.

thank you so much for your answer. And yes what i've realized is that essentially nothing changed from the first time she broke up with me and it's not getting better in the slightest.
 
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Soodanim

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You’re hanging on to 3 and a half years of relationship, but she clearly isn’t. I reckon she would have left you if she had the independence to go home by herself from that trip, but instead she stuck around people she had no common interests with because she had no other choice, and was miserable about it.

You’re not happy, and she definitely isn’t happy. You were embarrassed and/or ashamed of her on multiple occasions around your mates. Her mental illness is irrelevant, she’s actively bringing your quality of life down and there’s no shame in not wanting that burden for however long - you don’t owe her a continued relationship. She’s not going to change any time soon, and nothing you say or do will make that happen. What’s the point in staying with someone who’s dragging you down with them? 3 years is nothing to a lifetime and you’ll be better off calling it a day and moving on.
 
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Typhares

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I haven't posted here in a while but this post reminded me of myself a bit.
Look I was in a relationship with someone a bit like your gf, it felt like work all the time. Always feeling like I had to be on guard and that any little thing I said or do could trigger some kind of blowup. And being stupid I kept trying, to reach out, to please her because of course I was the one at fault, always.

We only lasted 9 months so I have no idea how you lasted that long.
You need some self respect because she clearly does not respect you either.

After mine ended I realised that there is no good to bend over backward for someone else, not to that degree. You need to stay true to yourself and find someone that wants you for you. I did and now I'm married, when we fight about some random shit we apologize to each other after a few hours and move on. Don't go for some child like relationship full of drama and BS.
 

NahaNago

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She has alienated most of her friends from school and didn't really make new ones during her time at university. The few remaining ones i hhave no contacts for. I will absolutely let her brother know, him and i get along quite well
So am I reading this right? The remaining friends that she has and I'm hoping spends time with you don't have any contact info? Is this worse than it sounds or is it that you don't spend any time at all with her remaining friends.
 

Orpheum

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You’re hanging on to 3 and a half years of relationship, but she clearly isn’t. I reckon she would have left you if she had the independence to go home by herself from that trip, but instead she stuck around people she had no common interests with because she had no other choice, and was miserable about it.

You’re not happy, and she definitely isn’t happy. You were embarrassed and/or ashamed of her on multiple occasions around your mates. Her mental illness is irrelevant, she’s actively bringing your quality of life down and there’s no shame in not wanting that burden for however long - you don’t owe her a continued relationships. She’s not going to change any time soon, and nothing you say or do will make that happen. What’s the point in staying with someone who’s dragging you down with them? 3 years is nothing to a lifetime and you’ll be better off calling it a day and moving on.

This is what i'm HOPING is the case and she's simply too scared but we'll see how she will act once she faces reality soon. She can't possibly be that delusional and think we can go on like nothing happened.

I haven't posted here in a while but this post reminded me of myself a bit.
Look I was in a relationship with someone a bit like your gf, it felt like work all the time. Always feeling like I had to be on guard and that any little thing I said or do could trigger some kind of blowup. And being stupid I kept trying, to reach out, to please her because of course I was the one at fault, always.
That's EXACTLY how i feel mate.

So am I reading this right? The remaining friends that she has and I'm hoping spends time with you don't have any contact info? Is this worse than it sounds or is it that you don't spend any time at all with her remaining friends.

The thing is that she also rarely spends time with them. She met one of her friends for coffee a couple of months ago and that's it. I was only ever invited to a few selected birthday parties over the years but i got along with them quite well. I don't consider them friends though, more like acquaintances so we never exchanged contact infos
 

Relativ9

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I've read through everything but honestly, I struggle to think what the right course of action would be, because we are talking about someone with depression and important mental health issues,
and some things could get out of control...
I mean it's sad that it would come to it, but no matter what happens or how she takes it, this is clearly not a relationship worth keeping, and him dying on the cross is not going to to help her and will just end up hurting him more in the long run. Don't get me wrong, people can change, but they have to be forced to through loss or the threat of loss.

It was never this bad, but me and my now wife had a situation early on in our relationship where she didn't like a friend of mine because she thought that friend was trying to "take my attention away" (it was a fairly attractive woman), it got bad enough with the controlling and jealousy at some point that I decided to break it off. We of course got back together after a few days of talking things out more and realizing we gave up too quickly, but only on the condition that my wife actually took some time to get to know my friend, realize there was nothing there, and start trusting me more. Her and that friend are now great friends and talk more than we do (me and the friend).

Sounds like the OP has been apologizing for things he doesn't believe he did wrong, and trying his best to be amenable to her needs and wants, while she hasn't needed to return the favor. This is a classic power-imbalance in a relationship and can lead to horrible behavior from the one on the "winning" side of the dynamic. She likely for that reason doesn't even see his needs as valid or of importance (having a social life outside of her, making sure other people are comfortable/happy not just her, ect) so of course in her eyes anything he does that isn't expressly what she'd prefer is seen through her eyes as a crime/wrong. She needs a wakeup call, she needs to loose him and see consequences for her behavior. Who knows perhaps she'll see the error of her ways and improve and there might be a future there, or perhaps she wont, either way going on like they have been is only going to cause pain.
 

GHG

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OP if you were to write down all the reasons for staying in this relationship and it's shorter than the OP (which I strongly suspect it will be) then it's time to bail.

There is nothing wrong with doing what's best for you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not her.
 

Orpheum

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OP if you were to write down all the reasons for staying in this relationship and it's shorter than the OP (which I strongly suspect it will be) then it's time to bail.

There is nothing wrong with doing what's best for you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not her.

I've realized that i stayed way too long because i feel sorry for her social situation and her mental state but i constantly have to walk on eggshells or feel responsible for her well being. However if i could go back in time i'd give myself a huge ass wet slap in the face for thinking that these are grounds for a healthy working relationship.
 

bitbydeath

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Run while you can OP!
Also notify the family and make sure she knows, they know, you’ve broken up.
They can then support her and she should have less reason to pursue.
 

Orpheum

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UPDATE:
I wrote "I'm honestly speechless and i'm asking myself if you're serious with your message. I tried to call you on wednesday and signaled that i want to talk and you're going silent for a week. What reality are you living in at the moment? because i think your behavior was incredibly disrespectful"

Just got a reply from her

"Yeah you called once, ONCE. After i was pissed off by this waste of a trip i didn't want to talk to anyone for a while. you did nothing to contact me again and i'm honestly sick and tired of running after you trying to be the one to initiate contact"

She's completely delusional it's actually really incredible.

Just a side note. I pretty much called her every day after work to talk if we wouldn't see each other that day for the past 2 years. She would get pissed if i didn't call for like 2 days.

She's insane, wtf
 

Orpheum

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yeah i'm out bro. For sure. It just boggles my mind how someone can be this fucking engulfed in their own world. My best mate worded it best

"when your GF is mad you have to feel it" rule number one
"your calls don't count as initiating contact" rule number 2 in her eyes

I'm done. I didn't want to do this via a fucking text exchange but i'm so done.

Edit: he added another Rule
"you can't be mad, that's reserved for her pleasure"

i love this dude
 
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p_xavier

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Remind me of my ex. We were drunk and were watching European Vacation and said it would fun to do the exact same trip so I booked up the trip in first class. I paid for everything, about $25000 for two weeks and complaints were non-stop about the most ridiculous things. Never again. Broke up coming back. Plus the constant manipulation of when I did an activity with other friends, asked me why I went alone etc.

Leave now.
 

Orpheum

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Remind me of my ex. We were drunk and were watching European Vacation and said it would fun to do the exact same trip so I booked up the trip in first class. I paid for everything, about $25000 for two weeks and complaints were non-stop about the most ridiculous things. Never again. Broke up coming back. Plus the constant manipulation of when I did an activity with other friends, asked me why I went alone etc.

Leave now.

Jesus Christ Bro 25k??? fuck me we only paid like 700€ pP and she's complaining like a maniac :messenger_tears_of_joy:
 

p_xavier

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Jesus Christ Bro 25k??? fuck me we only paid like 700€ pP and she's complaining like a maniac :messenger_tears_of_joy:
I like luxurious travel. I even (tried to) spoke Mandarin in the middle the night to book a restaurant in Taipei because the damn concierge service couldn't book it. I got my reservation in the end.

Anyways writing a novel you knew what the conclusion is. Just make sure you're guilt-free and that the family deals with her.
 

GHG

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I've realized that i stayed way too long because i feel sorry for her social situation and her mental state but i constantly have to walk on eggshells or feel responsible for her well being. However if i could go back in time i'd give myself a huge ass wet slap in the face for thinking that these are grounds for a healthy working relationship.

Don't beat yourself up about it, sometimes it's better to experience and learn than it is to not. At least you know for certain what you don't want.

Be thankful you've gone through this when you're still young so the implications are minimal. Some people don't get their first dose of crazy bitch until their 30/40's and when that's the case it's much worse because it's more likely to involve kids, finances and a marriage.
 

DeepBreath87

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Just tell her how it is. For you own satisfaction. She’s obviously emotionally immature and/or completely delusional, if your side of this is even remotely accurate. I’m introverted at times, so I can understand some of the feelings she might be having. Feeling left out. Feeling isolated. Even if they’re self imposed. But the big thing is she isn’t willing to own the responsibility for her feelings. So she’s trying to blame them on you. It’s your all your fault she feels bad and it’s your responsibility to make her feel better.

That’s bullshit. It’s a sign of immaturity. Everyone has room for growth, but she would have to be willing to accept responsibility for herself in order to grow. She might not be willing to do that because it’s pretty unpleasant at first. When you’ve built yourself into an innocent victim in your mind, it’s hard to realize that you’ve sold yourself a bunch of lies. Depression isn’t an excuse to treat the people close to her as emotional garbage cans for her to dump bad feelings into.

It is probably best to move on. 3.5 years is tough to let go over, but wasting more time on a doom relationship is worse. Maybe avoid the vegetarian neurotic next time.
 
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Orpheum

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Don't beat yourself up about it, sometimes it's better to experience and learn than it is to not. At least you know for certain what you don't want.

Be thankful you've gone through this when you're still young so the implications are minimal. Some people don't get their first dose of crazy bitch until their 30/40's and when that's the case it's much worse because it's more likely to involve kids, finances and a marriage.
This times 100. I'm so incredibly glad that we don't live together because then it would become ugly
 
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Orpheum

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Just tell her how it is. For you own satisfaction. She’s obviously emotionally immature and/or completely delusional, if your side of this is even remotely accurate. I’m introverted at times, so I can understand some of the feelings she might be having. Feeling left out. Feeling isolated. Even if they’re self imposed. But the big thing is she isn’t willing to own the responsibility for her feelings. So she’s trying to blame them on you. It’s your all your fault she feels bad and it’s your responsibility to make her feel better.

That’s bullshit. It’s a sign of immaturity. Everyone has room for growth, but she would have to be willing to accept responsibility for herself in order to grow. She might not be willing to do that because it’s pretty unpleasant at first. When you’ve built yourself into an innocent victim in your mind, it’s hard to realize that you’ve sold yourself a bunch of lies. Depression isn’t an excuse to treat the people close to her as emotional garbage cans for her to dump bad feelings into.

It is probably best to move on. 3.5 years is tough to let go over, but wasting more time on a doom relationship is worse. Maybe avoid the vegetarian neurotic next time.

You know being introverted is not an issue at all! that's why m circle of friends is so great, they are absolutely tolerant towards any kind of person, respectful when they want to make a point and in general very welcome towards new people.

Taking responsibility for anything isn't her style. It's always someone elses fault this isn't limited to me but also her workplace, studies and remaining friends. And i agree, depression is not an excuse at all
 

CrankyJay™

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Take everything you said about her and now apply how she would act about your wedding, having children, and raising those children. Do you want to risk that? Plenty of other normal, well-adjusted fish in the sea.

I see this so often on these forums, people with partners with mental illness. It’s simply not your job to fix them for her. That’s her problem.

Do her and yourself a favor and bail, and don’t look back.
 
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EviLore

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The big takeaway to have from this is not to let yourself get wrapped up in solving all the problems of the person you’re involved with. Your outsized sympathy is not helping anyone in this situation. Boundaries and self-respect need to be established going forward in relationships. Don’t look for someone to save, look for someone who is a net positive in your life and who reciprocates. Someone who wants you and who you want, as you both already are.

Take some time to decompress properly and live life for yourself though.
 

Orpheum

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After reading the first post I'm thinking: She must be smoking hot.

she is. gotta admit it.

The big takeaway to have from this is not to let yourself get wrapped up in solving all the problems of the person you’re involved with. Your outsized sympathy is not helping anyone in this situation. Boundaries and self-respect need to be established going forward in relationships. Don’t look for someone to save, look for someone who is a net positive in your life and who reciprocates. Someone who wants you and who you want, as you both already are.

Take some time to decompress properly and live life for yourself though.

Thank you so much, this helps a lot
 
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nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
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A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Sounds like borderline personality disorder.

Also, bail. You have absolutely nothing to gain from interacting with her, and everything to gain from being with yourself or other people other than her.

And when he does he sounds like he has a good group of supportive friends. Then they'll tell him what they really think about her.

I've been in abusive relationship, it does not get any better. When you do break up with them they try to get you back by being nice but if you reject that as you should it flips right back to being nasty.

(Actually reread the OP before posting this, and it's EXACTLY what's happened once)
 
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DeepBreath87

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she is. gotta admit it.



Thank you so much, this helps a lot
Sometimes this is a poison pill. Very attractive people are often used to people catering to them, so they just come to expect it, rather than appreciate it. That’s why when you didn’t chase after her aggressively enough, she came back with a “are we ever going to talk again” pitch. Because in her world, people come after her until she’s ready to turn back around. This is going to be a messy breakup, most likely. Buckle up.
 
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Thirty7ven

Sony make cringe trainers.
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Is it me or is everyone depressed and on pills these days?

PS. Yes, you should probably put and en to the relationship. You sound like good company, and you try, and try, and keep setting yourself up for embarrassment because of someone who really has no interest. Do what's best for you, not because you're an asshole, but because you can't keep sacrificing yourself for somebody who really has no interest in doing it for you. Fear of being alone is not enough to stick around.
 
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NahaNago

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The thing is that she also rarely spends time with them. She met one of her friends for coffee a couple of months ago and that's it. I was only ever invited to a few selected birthday parties over the years but i got along with them quite well. I don't consider them friends though, more like acquaintances so we never exchanged contact infos
Okay that makes a lot of sense. I was thinking these were somewhat close friends that she hung out with on a regular basis and you didn't have their number.
 

Orpheum

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And when he does he sounds like he has a good group of supportive friends. Then they'll tell him what they really think about her.

I've been in abusive relationship, it does not get any better. When you do break up with them they try to get you back by being nice but if you reject that as you should it flips right back to being nasty.

(Actually reread the OP before posting this, and it's EXACTLY what's happened once)

They did. She was nasty to some of them before when i wasn't in the room, which again shocked me to no end
 

DeepBreath87

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They are, it's a personality trait to avoid accountability and get victim points.
I don’t think we should paint with too broad a brush. They can be helpful for some people. I tried them a long time ago when I was at a low point. I didn’t really find them beneficial, but I’ve seen them help people. It is important not to look at the pills as the solution but rather as a tool to help make it easier for a depressed person fix the underlying issues in their life.
 
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