Emperor_Uriel
Member
As an educator who deals with the mental health and social development of children, seeing the particularly horrific Iceland case in the headlines made me feel the need to make a thread to discuss how we as a society can truly address this enormous issue. The guidelines presented below were informed by the widely-acclaimed abuse prevention program of organization Darkness to Light as well as peer-reviewed studies by Cushman (2005), Andrzejewski (2006), Newberry (2007), Stronach (2008) and several others. All are fascinating reads in their own right.
=========
Pedophilia
=========
Pedophilia is an extremely tricky problem to combat, largely because of the unparalleled level of emotion involved in cases of child abuse and the secretive nature of the crimes. One of the biggest problems is that there are few concrete facts and definitions associated with the problem out there, so let's get a few basic ones out of the way first:
The solution, in my mind, is for both parents and educators to teach children in kindergarten the three R's:
Equally important to combating this problem is emphasizing what sort of contact ISN'T a danger to children, and merely distracts us from the true threats. Just as we must enforce that the "bad touches" need to be reported and punished, we must also protect the legitimacy of "good touches." A parent kissing their child on the lips should never be the cause of controversy, as it was in June's David Beckham fiasco. Nor should we allow male childcare workers to be profiled and attacked by parents and coworkers for consensual contact that isn't sexually explicit (hugs, tickles and touches outside of the bathing suit area, etc).
Gentle, silly, affectionate and nurturing physical contact between children and the adults around them is a very important part of their social and emotional development, and viewing them with reckless suspicion benefits no one. Even if parents are uncomfortable with their children talking with strangers at the park, or engaging in consensual horseplay with a male teacher, they must recognize that these are minor personal issues with their own comfort and not actual threats to their child's safety.
With these concrete guidelines, the tactics abusers rely on will be far less reliable thanks to an informed child population and adults who evaluate actual threats more effectively.
What are your thoughts on these topics and the guidelines presented? Have you implemented similar guidelines within your community? If not, how do you think you could work towards doing so?
=========
Pedophilia
=========
Pedophilia is an extremely tricky problem to combat, largely because of the unparalleled level of emotion involved in cases of child abuse and the secretive nature of the crimes. One of the biggest problems is that there are few concrete facts and definitions associated with the problem out there, so let's get a few basic ones out of the way first:
- A pedophile is someone who desires explicit sexual contact with pre-pubescent children. This is defined as physical contact with the breasts, buttocks or genitals (clothed or unclothed), oral contact with a child on any part of their body, and/or coercing a child to perform explicit sexual acts on themselves or someone else.
- The "bathing suit area" refers to the area of a child's body that should always be deemed off-limits to the touches of others. The concrete rule must be: No physical contact between an adult and a child, or a child and another child, should involve the bathing suit area outside of a strict and supervised medical context.
- Most child sexual abuse is committed by people known by the child and their family. Parents, siblings, uncles/aunts and family friends are the most frequent perpetrators. "Stranger Danger" is a myth.
- "Grooming" is a term that refers to an older child or adult attempting to integrate themselves into a potential victim's life to facilitate an abusive scenario. It manifests as gift-giving, special favors, frequent unwanted touching, and continuous attempts to gain access to a specific child above and beyond what would normally be accepted. It does NOT refer to general gestures of friendliness towards a child or non-sexual, non-intimate physical contact UNLESS that contact is constant and causes the child distress.
- Secrecy is an enormous component of what allows these acts to go unreported. Pedophiles always seek to isolate their targets both physically and emotionally from their families and peers.
The solution, in my mind, is for both parents and educators to teach children in kindergarten the three R's:
- Recognize that no one can touch where their bathing suit covers.
- Resist anyone trying to touch them in that area. If it's an adult or an older child: run, kick, scream. If it's someone their age: call for an adult immediately.
- Report to a parent or teacher anything upsetting that they did, or were asked to do, with the absolute assurance that they will not face any negative consequences for sharing. They must be aware that this applies even if they promised to keep it ”secret."
Equally important to combating this problem is emphasizing what sort of contact ISN'T a danger to children, and merely distracts us from the true threats. Just as we must enforce that the "bad touches" need to be reported and punished, we must also protect the legitimacy of "good touches." A parent kissing their child on the lips should never be the cause of controversy, as it was in June's David Beckham fiasco. Nor should we allow male childcare workers to be profiled and attacked by parents and coworkers for consensual contact that isn't sexually explicit (hugs, tickles and touches outside of the bathing suit area, etc).
Gentle, silly, affectionate and nurturing physical contact between children and the adults around them is a very important part of their social and emotional development, and viewing them with reckless suspicion benefits no one. Even if parents are uncomfortable with their children talking with strangers at the park, or engaging in consensual horseplay with a male teacher, they must recognize that these are minor personal issues with their own comfort and not actual threats to their child's safety.
With these concrete guidelines, the tactics abusers rely on will be far less reliable thanks to an informed child population and adults who evaluate actual threats more effectively.
What are your thoughts on these topics and the guidelines presented? Have you implemented similar guidelines within your community? If not, how do you think you could work towards doing so?
Reading articles about how much schoolgirls are molested on trains, and how it is often much worse than grabbing their butt, is fucking disgusting and enraging. I think the sexualization in media is definitely not helping, no matter how someone feels about it. I don't see what good comes of it. 
