D
Deleted member 17706
Unconfirmed Member
It has been since chat rooms were a thing, honestly.
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My kid told me they want to die
- Thread starter Hoho for breakfast
- Start date
It has been since chat rooms were a thing, honestly.
John Mullins
Banned
Damn. Kids these days need to get out. Jump some hedges, throw stones at windows, get chased, climb roofs, build tree swings, jump into rivers, light fires, ride your bike, cause mayhem. We did all that and a whole lot more and it was an amazing time.
Fucking cooped up inside on social media learning to be self conscious as fuck, no vitamin D, shit ain't good.
Fucking cooped up inside on social media learning to be self conscious as fuck, no vitamin D, shit ain't good.
Evangelion Unit-01
Master Chief
Children have always been swayed by "trends" and influenced by the interests and passions of their peers and friends. The past few years have seen a huge surge in children looking into depression, sexuality, individual identity, mental illness, and other traits much earlier and inorganically. Ordinarily these are things that children would grapple with as they move into adulthood after they have organically found their identity through life experience. The internet has been a huge factor in this as children are turning to online discourse to try to figure out why they feel different. Every child feels different growing up and most need to deal with that conflict in order to figure out who they are. Now it is much easier to take a "shortcut" and let someone else figure that out for you. Its tricky because it doesn't mean these problems are not real for children but it replaces the life experience that they would have dealing with them with someone else's life experience. Frankly it is troubling and makes me worry about children that are essentially deprived of the opportunity to struggle with life around them and find their own identity.
Not sure how we can fix this as a society. It is a very deep issue and one exacerbated by our increased tech usage. Tech has brought us both great leaps forward and ethical problems with it. For OP-I really feel for you and hope you can get some help. I hope your kid can learn that he is his own person and find strength in that.
Not sure how we can fix this as a society. It is a very deep issue and one exacerbated by our increased tech usage. Tech has brought us both great leaps forward and ethical problems with it. For OP-I really feel for you and hope you can get some help. I hope your kid can learn that he is his own person and find strength in that.
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bigsnack
Member
My kids are younger (6.5 and 4), and based on all of the shit I read online, I absolutely will not let them use any type of online chat / social media until it is absolutely necessary. Do they require any of that for middle school? If not, then there is no way I'm giving them access to that stuff. Even after that I will only allow it in our main living area so it's out in the open.
I think it's much easier when kids are on screens all day to mix up being sad with being depressed, and the urge to want to connect with someone can make something normal and benign appear to them as something more serious. The next thing you know, they are mimicking behavior they've read or heard about, and then making a huge mistake.
I think it's much easier when kids are on screens all day to mix up being sad with being depressed, and the urge to want to connect with someone can make something normal and benign appear to them as something more serious. The next thing you know, they are mimicking behavior they've read or heard about, and then making a huge mistake.
12Goblins
Lil’ Gobbie
sonomamashine
Member
Contact her parents and have a discussion
DeaDPo0L84
Member
This is my biggest fear that keeps me from having kids. No matter how good a parent you are there are in today's age infinite ways a child can be influenced outside of your control.
Alebrije
Member
OP should seek for help with professionals ASAP...it could be nothing or something that need attention. But honesty this Forum is not the answer.
Internet is a trap for kids specially between 10-15 years old ...I use Family link to review my kids behavior...also see check whats app and social media. Is our responsability to do this more than ever because locks and no contact with other kits at school, parks, etc.
Internet is a trap for kids specially between 10-15 years old ...I use Family link to review my kids behavior...also see check whats app and social media. Is our responsability to do this more than ever because locks and no contact with other kits at school, parks, etc.
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Dontero
Banned
Do what parents is supposed to do. Cut that fucker internet before kid hurts himself. Once kid get delobotomized from his online "friends" and start doing normal kid stuff he will turn normal. Once kid will become slightly more normal then explain him that in this world there are fucked up people who are trainwrecks and he shouldn't feel guilty or empathy toward those people.
And buy him a puppy or even better two. As they say out of mind out of heart.
And for fuck sake STAY away from psychologists. Those fuckers will make out of kid trainwreck on dope. The red alert is when those fuckers start to prescribe drugs. Though this highly depend on nation you live in. If US stay the fuck away.
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Super Mario
Banned
Cut the kid off from influences. Indoctrination, manipulation, there is no good to come from it
synchronicity
Member
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know I will probably be chastised for saying this here, of all places, but in my opinion the prevalence of these issues are most often a reflection of technology addiction, which goes hand in hand with nature deficit disorder. At the risk of sound like a Luddite, and a hypocrite, we're just not meant to live this way - indoors, staring at screens all day, in relative isolation. But when an entire culture is sick, the members of the culture will also get ill. The fish can only swim in the water to which it has access. (Of course, not all issues have the same cause, but the widespread nature and rise of youth depression and suicide seem to be strongly correlated with our collective retreat into the digital realm - from my perspective.)
Gamerguy84
Member
Im sorry OP. As a parent I understand.
My daughter kind of did the same and it felt like I got punched in the gut.
My daughter kind of did the same and it felt like I got punched in the gut.
iconmaster
Banned
No, I think you'll get quite a lot of agreement here.
Hoho for breakfast
In addition to cutting off his internet immediately, make some fixed plans to spend extra time with the guy every day. I mean, actually schedule something to start doing together. I think extra time with dad will do wonders for him.
synchronicity
Member
No, I think you'll get quite a lot of agreement here.
And take him camping and hiking and/or fishing/whatever. Take him on some outdoor adventures. With technology addiction, there may be resistance or lack of interest at first, but give your child the chance to connect with the *real* world.
Tesseract
Banned
that might be a bit harsh for an 11yo, but your point is well taken
DeceptiveAlarm
Gold Member
It's crazy and sad now. My daughter is 13 now. A few years ago though she told the elementary school she wanted to do drugs. She said it was because she was stressed and getting picked on. We had a big meeting and everything. I took her to a counselor for a while and she is ok now. She was really messed up and basically depressed for a while. She is a straight a student and does Stem competitions also. She is a good girl just went through a tough spot.
I feel for you. Hopefully with the right help your kid will bounce back and be ok.
I feel for you. Hopefully with the right help your kid will bounce back and be ok.
Ornlu
Banned
I'm probably going to echo lots of other people here, but the main takeaway from your post that stands out to me is that you need to cut your kid off from social media; it sounds like they are being exposed to things that they aren't equipped to handle. I had a similar issue with my oldest at a similar age (not depressive, but inappropriate chat logs). We cut her off with a quickness, and sat down and explained why. She has been doing well since then, for what it's worth. I wish you the best with your own child.
100%. Kids get wrapped up in that shit. Social media is banned in our house beyond 1 shared Facebook account to post family pictures on.
Yeah, our issue was with our oldest who was chatting with a kid over Discord about Minecraft at about the same age. I didn't look into it until I saw the Discord app pop up on my PC at startup, and saw that the last chat was sent at 10AM, when my kid was in school. She and the rest of her class had figured out a workaround to get the Discord extension to work in the browser on their school tablets, and the kids were sitting in class chatting with people all day. She was having chats with somebody she met online from out of state. I came down on that shit like the hammer of God, and went through and explained the workaround to the school IT admin and had it fixed. We had a long talk at home about how the people you talk to online may be adults pretending to be kids, etc.
Good on you for being willing to pry into your kids business. Lots of parents have their priorities screwed up and try to be their kids friends instead of their parents.
TheContact
Member
OP, strongly consider therapy.
Also, set up screen time on your kids devices. I'm not sure what you use, but if you sign them up as a child account under your google account, you an monitor and regular their online activity. Many routers also offer this functionality as well. Social Media is one of the worst things a child can be a part of.
Also, set up screen time on your kids devices. I'm not sure what you use, but if you sign them up as a child account under your google account, you an monitor and regular their online activity. Many routers also offer this functionality as well. Social Media is one of the worst things a child can be a part of.
Coolwhhip
Neophyte
What if he does and when he is done he turns to you with a creepy smile and says “Its for you daddy”
Dontero
Banned
Continuing on "no shrink" and why.
Shrink is something you need to visit only when kid is really messed up. Going to shrink early will:
- tell you kid that he/she is fucked up, regardless of how you approach this or how you try to present it, this is the result. Kid will have broken psyche thanks to it and possibly not recover.
- he/she will assume problems are caused not by her but other things and he/she is just victim of it and thus no input from her/him will change anything. "meds will help me"
- kids are vicious. If some other kids will find out that kid went to shrink he will have fucked up school and social interactions. Regardless how you hide it, IT WILL come out.
If kid is really depressed you need to distract him/she for a good while. Take time off and go with kid for week or two somewhere and be non stop with kid, forcing him to think about other stuff.
Shrink is something you need to visit only when kid is really messed up. Going to shrink early will:
- tell you kid that he/she is fucked up, regardless of how you approach this or how you try to present it, this is the result. Kid will have broken psyche thanks to it and possibly not recover.
- he/she will assume problems are caused not by her but other things and he/she is just victim of it and thus no input from her/him will change anything. "meds will help me"
- kids are vicious. If some other kids will find out that kid went to shrink he will have fucked up school and social interactions. Regardless how you hide it, IT WILL come out.
If kid is really depressed you need to distract him/she for a good while. Take time off and go with kid for week or two somewhere and be non stop with kid, forcing him to think about other stuff.
Newly Vacant
Member
Seriously. This 100%.
It's going to be incredibly hard to cut off social media. Once it's wormed its way into your child's life, it's hard to excise. I watched my niece slowly fall apart because of social media, and no one seemed to be able to break her of it until she hit the bottom of it.
Hoho for breakfast
The thing I've seen work is when a child is redirected to a different group of friends. For my family, it was church youth groups. For one of my coworkers it was 4H and scouting groups. Once kids can break out of the routine they feel trapped in, and engage with other kids in social activities, they can start to move away from the thoughts and patterns that are causing them problems. I hope you've found out early enough that you don't have to worry about therapy or other drastic interventions. I feel for you and your son. Being a father is hard enough, and technology and modern society has only made it harder. Try to stay clear-eyed and focus on your son. We're all hoping for you here.
Ozzy Onya A2Z
Member
As a parent of a soon to be 11 year old (boy) and 8 year old (girl) I have nothing but empathy for you and your son. I can only say what I would do and give you the recommendation to hire a professional to help out. Honestly seek professional help and be there with your child as much as possible.
Firstly your child's access to devices/social media, access to this girl and external communication should halt. Only internet/message enabled device allowed in your or your partner's presence, pay attention as well, don't let it be the babysitter. Install family apps or have direct access to everything.
Secondly chat with your child fully after speaking with a professional first.
Thirdly chat with the parents of the girl.
Fourthly if they see each other at school or sports etc then speak with the teachers or coaches about both children so they can be aware and keep an eye out as well as communicate with you. Consider moving class to separate etc.
Fifthly this is an infectious behaviour, if you can remove this girl from your son's life then do it. I don't say this to be mean nor do I wish ill to the girl but it's not an issue that just goes away over night and at 11 years old your child doesn't have the capacity to assist or keep themselves safe while engaging with this sort of behaviour. It's a tough lesson at 11 years old. Initiate new friends and activities for your kid e.g. arrange with other parents and kids to do stuff or sign them up for a team sport.
For reference when I first met my wife some 20+ years ago she had a history of this from her mother and herself in teenage years before I met her. It went on for about the first 12-18 months when we were together and by working with her, a professional and giving her a healthy environment with plenty to focus on away from depressive behaviour there has been zero events in 20 years now and she's a brilliant mum/wife and a totally driven woman with a happy life. Do what is right for your child and let them reclaim their childhood.
There is another option, your child can assist in helping this girl get healthy but it's not something I would advise. My daughter helped a school bully become an included and friendly child to the whole class/school over about 6 months but that's removed from cutting and self harm so It's not something I recommend here with your young kid.
Best of luck and remain positive and communicative with your child, allow them to share and listen without judgement so they keep sharing with you.
EDIT: saw the girl is in USA and you're UK, block them and keep vigilant about blocking alt accounts etc.
Also for my son's access I have his profile set for friends only and only allow chatting with existing friends. My PC/phone can also login to his Xbox chats/friends and I/wife know each of those kids and parents. We only let them play and private party chat with kids we know. Full stop.
Firstly your child's access to devices/social media, access to this girl and external communication should halt. Only internet/message enabled device allowed in your or your partner's presence, pay attention as well, don't let it be the babysitter. Install family apps or have direct access to everything.
Secondly chat with your child fully after speaking with a professional first.
Thirdly chat with the parents of the girl.
Fourthly if they see each other at school or sports etc then speak with the teachers or coaches about both children so they can be aware and keep an eye out as well as communicate with you. Consider moving class to separate etc.
Fifthly this is an infectious behaviour, if you can remove this girl from your son's life then do it. I don't say this to be mean nor do I wish ill to the girl but it's not an issue that just goes away over night and at 11 years old your child doesn't have the capacity to assist or keep themselves safe while engaging with this sort of behaviour. It's a tough lesson at 11 years old. Initiate new friends and activities for your kid e.g. arrange with other parents and kids to do stuff or sign them up for a team sport.
For reference when I first met my wife some 20+ years ago she had a history of this from her mother and herself in teenage years before I met her. It went on for about the first 12-18 months when we were together and by working with her, a professional and giving her a healthy environment with plenty to focus on away from depressive behaviour there has been zero events in 20 years now and she's a brilliant mum/wife and a totally driven woman with a happy life. Do what is right for your child and let them reclaim their childhood.
There is another option, your child can assist in helping this girl get healthy but it's not something I would advise. My daughter helped a school bully become an included and friendly child to the whole class/school over about 6 months but that's removed from cutting and self harm so It's not something I recommend here with your young kid.
Best of luck and remain positive and communicative with your child, allow them to share and listen without judgement so they keep sharing with you.
EDIT: saw the girl is in USA and you're UK, block them and keep vigilant about blocking alt accounts etc.
Also for my son's access I have his profile set for friends only and only allow chatting with existing friends. My PC/phone can also login to his Xbox chats/friends and I/wife know each of those kids and parents. We only let them play and private party chat with kids we know. Full stop.
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Pretty much this.
Elcid
Banned
You're right. Get your kid the fuck away from the other kid. Call that kids parents and spill the beans. Now if the kid's parents are the source of their problem....be ready to call child services.
bitbydeath
Member
Cut the other kid out right away, limit their online time dramatically and get them new hobbies.
GeorgPrime
Banned
Dont let kids go online without observation. Dont let them have a smartphone before turning 16
Hoho for breakfast
Member
Just a small update: We've taken his tablet away and are allowing him one message a day to her that we're monitoring.
She is either just really smart or not actually 12. She does things like make an alt account for my son so he could get around our snooping. Also instead of actually sending any pics or videos what she was doing was putting them on her own account then giving my son access to the account.
Also asked my son if he knows her last name so we could attempt to contact her parents but he said she told him a long time ago but he doesnt remember. So I dont know if I should bother trying to get him to get her last name again (I think she'd see through it if we did that anyway). Or just let it go and let her deal with her own shit. Id feel bad if anything happened but frankly I have my own kid to worry about.
She is either just really smart or not actually 12. She does things like make an alt account for my son so he could get around our snooping. Also instead of actually sending any pics or videos what she was doing was putting them on her own account then giving my son access to the account.
Also asked my son if he knows her last name so we could attempt to contact her parents but he said she told him a long time ago but he doesnt remember. So I dont know if I should bother trying to get him to get her last name again (I think she'd see through it if we did that anyway). Or just let it go and let her deal with her own shit. Id feel bad if anything happened but frankly I have my own kid to worry about.
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Coolwhhip
Neophyte
I would just try to break their contact completely, but I know once you try that he probably wants to contact her even more. Maybe your best bet is try to educate him on mental health problems, because on the internet you can run into millions of very troubled people. It's up to you how you deal with them.
nush
Member
Ok, I believe you and we all do.
But now what you are doing is (To someone that does not know) trying to get personal information about an underage girl through the internet. Step way the fuck back dude and just focus on your son, your responsibility. She's obviously a manipulative damaged girl, there's no way she came up with the alt account sharing on the spot like that. She's done that before, she's been shown how to do that.
RJMacready73
Simps for Amouranth
This sorta shit terrifies me which is why i hope to keep my young kids off social media for as long as humanly possible plus i actively encourage them to only chat with actual school mates, i dont allow them mic access unless they're teamed up with people i know
REE Machine
Banned
Get the kid into cbt fast, therapy does wonder and always be open to talk to your kid, talking helps significantly
Insane Metal
Member
And this is why I don't want kids.
Well, one of the why's at least.
Seriously tho that's really sad and tough to deal with, I have no idea what to tell you to make it better... just wish you good luck. Hope you and both kids stay well.
Well, one of the why's at least.
Seriously tho that's really sad and tough to deal with, I have no idea what to tell you to make it better... just wish you good luck. Hope you and both kids stay well.
Barnabot
Member
talk to your kid on how you love him and how pointless is to be wishing to die. that it doesn't solve any problem, that it's just an act of egoisism and cowardice. tell him that you want him with you both living in this world and learning as either being a parent or a son. tell him how much this world is a better place with him around. let him know that you love him the fullest. and keep him the fuck out of social media and bad company. tell him how much they just want to drag him down to the mud with them.
Faenrir
Member
No online until 13 or 14. I mean, why would you want to expose them to the cesspool that internet has become...when they can't yet decide for themselves what's good or bad.
Of course there's peer pressure and i'm not saying you're responsible but i would really like some things to be studied before we allow kids to have access to everything (and forbidden until then).
Perverts, stalkers, pedophiles, hunters, trolls, fake news everywhere, my guess is it's very hard for a kid to know how to deal with all this. They're still naive and need to build their defenses.
Good luck with your situation, hope it improves! Monitoring and limiting his exposure is probably the best thing to do. If you can, replace that online time with family time, playing together, biking, swimming, football, movies, board games, (offline) video games, etc. i'm sure your kid loves to do some of these and if he doesn't, help him develop a new hobby!
Of course there's peer pressure and i'm not saying you're responsible but i would really like some things to be studied before we allow kids to have access to everything (and forbidden until then).
Perverts, stalkers, pedophiles, hunters, trolls, fake news everywhere, my guess is it's very hard for a kid to know how to deal with all this. They're still naive and need to build their defenses.
Good luck with your situation, hope it improves! Monitoring and limiting his exposure is probably the best thing to do. If you can, replace that online time with family time, playing together, biking, swimming, football, movies, board games, (offline) video games, etc. i'm sure your kid loves to do some of these and if he doesn't, help him develop a new hobby!
bigsnack
Member
Try and find ways and opportunities to limit their contact more and more, and I'm fairly certain their connection will fizzle on its own. This girl sounds like poison, and I think there is plenty of time to redirect your son and snap him out of his current habits. I live in a neighborhood with many kids (13 kids within my sons' age range on the same small street). I tend to be a people pleaser, and I didn't realize how much of a burden it was trying to keep them all happy. Once I really bought into the approach that my boys were my only priority, it became very liberating and way less stressful. I know you want to try and find help this girl also, but I think your energy is better spent working with your son. In my experience, kids seek acceptance / love / connection. At that age, if you strengthen your bond with him he will have less interest in seeking connections elsewhere.
greenteaforme
Member
Social media/internet is a really bad thing for kids in my opinion, at least in it's current form. My younger sibling was the same way at only 13, it was also linked to an online "friend" who was older and manipulating. Once internet/devices were taken away the issue improved immediately. Even I find myself feeling depressed when I'm online for too long. I try to limit myself more.