at least you're not this guy
TheMan
I didn't read the whole thread, but r/deadbedrooms has good advice from people in similar situations.
Is she on birth control, by chance?
continue doing what he’s been doing.
When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.
Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it.
We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss.
Wanting to look outside of a current relationship for something you're after but isn't available is a normal feeling to have, acting on it is totally different though.Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.
Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
As funny as Chris Rock is, he hits on a good point here. Women and men approach positions of authority differently. Girls are socialized to be mothers, and boys are socialized to be fathers. And we approach authority throughout our lives that way. So when a woman wears the pants so to speak in a relationship, they treat their man like a child and become their mother. But her child will always come before her "adoptive" child.
So, look at how your wife's mother treats her Husband, and at how she treated your wife. If your mother in law is an emotionally manipulative bitch and her father is broken husk of a man, well, you know how your wife treats motherhood.
Women need to be led by a man(or dominant personality) in a relationship. Not all women, but a good majority of them. They need that bit of fear that if they get out of line, they will be put in their place. Not that a man should beat his wife, but that he will have the balls to tell her she is wrong.
This sounds fixable and doesn’t seem like she’s cheating (yet). But considering this is posted on GAF, I’m guessing OP won’t listen to any good advice and will continue doing what he’s been doing.
I don't do relationships anymore, too much fuss, too much bending over to please someone else.OP, this is the reason why I'm scared of marriage. I wouldn't know how to handle the situation if I was in the same position you're in right now.
Not being keen on sex doesn’t necessarily mean cheating, but not wanting to kiss does.
Bondage isn’t just about knots and restraints. Glue-play is pretty wild if you know what you’re doing.I can't help but be a bit surprised by the recommendation:
she does not want sex -> try tying her up
OP, this is the reason why I'm scared of marriage. I wouldn't know how to handle the situation if I was in the same position you're in right now.
OP talks about leaving, and doesn't even mention the kids. Only that he couldn't get someone better.
Honestly though, if your relationship has turned to shit, you’re not doing the kids any favors by staying miserable. There are plenty of mixed homes/families that are better for it than the original parents staying in miserable marriages and having the kids suffer through that.
I don't do relationships anymore, too much fuss, too much bending over to please someone else.
Sex is very easy to find and my 2 cats give me all the love and companionship I need, Netflix/gaming/books fill the rest of the gap.
as someone already mentioned the dating apps are a sea of lonely older gals that just want to bang.
That's also basically me, or what I feel right now..lmao, this is basically me, but I've got two daughters in there as well. Single life is best life. No worries, no drama, no bullshit.
Getting laid is easy enough, as someone already mentioned the dating apps are a sea of lonely older gals that just want to bang.
I feel like I'd settle down if I found "the right one" but I'm perfectly content with the way things are right now.
If you trust your wife so little that you hire a damn PI then just end it alreadyYou might want to consult a private investigator op
If you trust your wife so little that you hire a damn PI then just end it already
Have you tried asking her why her sex drive is down?
So you think his wife is not destroying his family treating him like a dog?
Not even kissing him?
Dude, go back to era, they love your type there.
Well he didn't give much information about his wife, so yes I personally think it's shitty of the wife to not even kiss him but like I said no much to go on with what op gave us.So you think his wife is not destroying his family treating him like a dog?
Not even kissing him?
Dude, go back to era, they love your type there.
Well I answered to the original OT and why should I flip genders if OP were a woman then my answer would still be the same. And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!Yes, he did. Also, flip the genders and consider the situation again. Let's say we're talking about a girlfriend of yours. This woman feels older and unattractive. Husband never wants to have sex with her anymore. Lately he doesn't even want her kissing him. She comes to you crushed by the weight of being in a seemingly loveless marriage, and says it's to the point where she'd have an affair if she had the chance. Does she still sound like a piece of shit?
That all having been said, this is still only one side of the story, and I'm not about to make any sweeping judgments of the OP or his wife. I'd still suggest counseling, though. Really, everything depends on how strong the rest of the relationship is, though. Not wanting sex is one thing, but not even enjoying each other's company would be something else.
Ok yes I only read the OT, so if that's the case then OP is in deep shit, doesn't sound like a relationship at all.Maybe you should try to read the whole thread before saying stuff...
Have you ever been in a long term relationship?And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!
No I'm 12 years old and live in my moms basement.Have you ever been in a long term relationship?
Living together, raising kids, having mortgages, etc?
Or are you just giving advice out of an "how life should ideally be in my little pony world"-perspective?
Serious question..
Joke post?Remember, guys, Viagra pills just increase blood flow in the genitalia and adjacent area, it doesn't make one want sex.
It works on men, but not on women, because there is a major libido gap.
Joke post?
It does increase libido in men AND women
Well I answered to the original OT and why should I flip genders if OP were a woman then my answer would still be the same. And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!
Bondage isn’t just about knots and restraints. Glue-play is pretty wild if you know what you’re doing.
To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
Sorry, not sorry, but almost all the advice about talking this kind of issue out is pure, unadulterated, and complete nonsense designed to protect a narrative and never actually addressing both parties' needs for a healthy relationship. People who give this advice will typically offer other gems such as making sure to help around the house, with the kids, etc. (ie: try meeting her needs). They will also, quite frequently, make little demeaning jabs at the guy trying to stop a bad situation from leading to no situation at all (see above). But they rarely, if ever, say the woman should make her husband feel like she gives a shit about having sex with him. And they never explain what to do when the talk just leads to more cold shoulders.
If it's a two way street the talking advice is sound (will either resolve the issue or force it to a head). But unless its a two way street that goes both ways, all this advice does is make the situation worse. It puts the guy into a cycle of trying to make things better while only feeling worse about themselves when everything they do leads no-where. If you really want to help the situation, but cannot bring yourself to tell both sides how important it is to meet each other's needs, then the best advice is to end the situation before several more years of resentment add up, making co-parenting even more difficult.
Nature says good luck with that!!!!!In other words, don't put the pussy on a pedestal.
Sorry, not sorry, but almost all the advice about talking this kind of issue out is pure, unadulterated, and complete nonsense designed to protect a narrative and never actually addressing both parties' needs for a healthy relationship.
For real.I dunno man, usually when I hear something like this, it tends to end up that the person is cheating.