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[timetokill]

Ehhh, I'd personally rather use the downtime to wrap up NaNo prep.

my thoughts as well.

 

[Ashes]

If we stick to having just one more challenge before NaNoWriMo, that gives us a bit of dead time in between. What would you guys think about having a long (or no) word limit and extending the voting period (and possibly the writing period as well)?

Nay.

I vote the opposite. Give me 1500 words or give me 1499 words or below!

 

[Ourobolus]

I think I'd rather have the prep time.

 

[Cyan]

All right, sounds like the consensus is Batman. Thread will be up shortly.

 

[Nezumi]

Ehhh, I'd personally rather use the downtime to wrap up NaNo prep.

my thoughts as well.

Nay.

I vote the opposite. Give me 1500 words or give me 1499 words or below!

I think I'd rather have the prep time.

 

[Cyan]

Sorry Nez.

Here's the new thread! http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=908192

 

[mu cephei]

Congratulations Cyan!

And thanks to everyone for reading, and for all the feedback and comments, it was so useful to get.

 

[Charade]

Congrats Cyan! And I would have backed you up Nezumi! These guys and their "prepping"...


Also, as promised:


Ourobolus - "Just in Case" - I'm a sucker for twists and I think you had a great one here.

Ainsz - "Dutch Courage" – I liked how it was a snippet of these two characters warped relationship. I thought the son’s drunken courage was done well (ah, the title! ). I don’t know if it’s because I read it in Word, but the spacing made it a little hard to read.

Chainsawkitten - "New Deal" - This was pretty cool. As soon as I saw the title I knew it was going to connect to FDR in some way. Y'know, a music challenge would be a pretty cool idea I think.

Croll - "A Night at the Bar" - I liked how in the beginning you wrote it in such a way that made me think it was a lot more serious, but then all the pieces fit in place (that "ahh I see" moment). I also liked the open ending.

SquiddyCracker - "The Troupe" - I think you nailed the dreamlike quality. This must've been a pretty awesome dream. Or a scary one. It left me wanting to know more about the mysterious group, which is a good thing I think.

theWB27 - "Be Who You Are" Ohh ok, so if I’m understanding this correctly, the brother is manipulating him to murder people. I felt somewhat lost while reading, but I think it came sorta full circle at the end. Also, I liked the formatting here.  

mu cephei - "Dead and Gone" – I’m also confused about his identity (I actually googled the italicized bits to see if they were lyrics or something, but to no avail ), but I really liked how this was written. I thought you captured that sense of helplessness and confusion perfectly.

Mike M - "The Box Rule" – Man, that must’ve been some evil school. I dug the ending, with the door closing. I don’t know if that was supposed to imply some sentience or something, but it added a cool layer regardless. I didn’t really have a problem with the writing. I think it was a little wordier compared to your usual style, but it was consistent and well done in that regard.

Cyan - "A Grim Errand" – A “deeply serious” story about death, huh…. Liar! But seriously this was a very engaging and fun story. But some of those poor cats Also, iirc, he held the box sideways once so the pizza was probably ruined anyway! (even if she did order a different size )

timetokill - "Symbiosis" – This was neat, I like how it was written. Singular focus that builds with the detail/reveals. I feel like the mystery of the narrator’s nature was a positive thing.  

Tangent - "Despite Magic" - I liked how you combined the fantasy elements into a real life situation. I think it gave it an added flavor that helped highlight some of our own idiosyncrasies. I also thought you did a good job at writing the father's "breakdown" and recovery as he starts going over each of his hasty assumptions/predictions.

Zweizer - "Excerpts From a Lost Diary" – Why do you hate me so much?! What have I done to you! But for reals, mac and cheese is the greatest. Kraft Mac & Cheese, particularly. And now really for reals, I liked the diary entry format and the slow progression towards creepier and creepier entries. It's a neat idea.

QuantumBro - "P.A."  - This was pretty funny. I liked all the crazy/quirky phobias you invented (or maybe you didn't invent, they might be out there, somewhere ). The abrupt ending to his story really nailed home how he lost his patience with their antics.

StormBrute - "Carry On" - This was great. I love snippet stories like this, and it does feel like it's part of something larger (which I think you said it was, iirc).

Nezumi - "Chasing Nightmares" - Ohh, so this is the Japanese influenced story you mentioned in the hangout. This was a really neat idea.I liked the politics around the dream-eating (nice world building) and the "get what you wished for" ending.

Charade - "Two Pounds" - So the title is supposed to be a reference to the "weight of the soul" discussion that happened in the story, and what I figured a small piece of metal ore would weigh (the one the old miner tried to steal). Of course, later I realized it should probably be heavier, but it's a fantasy metal so it weighs whatever I say it weighs!

midramble - "Trinkets of the Immortal" - This was a pretty cool story. Kinda reminded me of On the Waterfront, with the fight fixing and all. I haven't read many boxing stories(or any) so this was interesting getting a glimpse into that world.

Ashes - "the first of the cold days" - Very interesting story, with great dialogue. It felt relaxing sorta, despite all her troubles. I especially liked the part where you explained the underlying reasons behind her suffering.

Mully – “Defensive Line” -Damn, I felt pretty bad for Eddie here. I thought your ending was a perfect way to imply that he hadn't given up the past

 

[theWB27]

Congrats Cyan! And I would have backed you up Nezumi! These guys and their "prepping"...


Also, as promised:


Ourobolus - "Just in Case" - I'm a sucker for twists and I think you had a great one here.

Ainsz - "Dutch Courage" – I liked how it was a snippet of these two characters warped relationship. I thought the son’s drunken courage was done well (ah, the title! ). I don’t know if it’s because I read it in Word, but the spacing made it a little hard to read.

Chainsawkitten - "New Deal" - This was pretty cool. As soon as I saw the title I knew it was going to connect to FDR in some way. Y'know, a music challenge would be a pretty cool idea I think.

Croll - "A Night at the Bar" - I liked how in the beginning you wrote it in such a way that made me think it was a lot more serious, but then all the pieces fit in place (that "ahh I see" moment). I also liked the open ending.

SquiddyCracker - "The Troupe" - I think you nailed the dreamlike quality. This must've been a pretty awesome dream. Or a scary one. It left me wanting to know more about the mysterious group, which is a good thing I think.

theWB27 - "Be Who You Are" Ohh ok, so if I’m understanding this correctly, the brother is manipulating him to murder people. I felt somewhat lost while reading, but I think it came sorta full circle at the end. Also, I liked the formatting here.  

mu cephei - "Dead and Gone" – I’m also confused about his identity (I actually googled the italicized bits to see if they were lyrics or something, but to no avail ), but I really liked how this was written. I thought you captured that sense of helplessness and confusion perfectly.

Mike M - "The Box Rule" – Man, that must’ve been some evil school. I dug the ending, with the door closing. I don’t know if that was supposed to imply some sentience or something, but it added a cool layer regardless. I didn’t really have a problem with the writing. I think it was a little wordier compared to your usual style, but it was consistent and well done in that regard.

Cyan - "A Grim Errand" – A “deeply serious” story about death, huh…. Liar! But seriously this was a very engaging and fun story. But some of those poor cats Also, iirc, he held the box sideways once so the pizza was probably ruined anyway! (even if she did order a different size )

timetokill - "Symbiosis" – This was neat, I like how it was written. Singular focus that builds with the detail/reveals. I feel like the mystery of the narrator’s nature was a positive thing.  

Tangent - "Despite Magic" - I liked how you combined the fantasy elements into a real life situation. I think it gave it an added flavor that helped highlight some of our own idiosyncrasies. I also thought you did a good job at writing the father's "breakdown" and recovery as he starts going over each of his hasty assumptions/predictions.

Zweizer - "Excerpts From a Lost Diary" – Why do you hate me so much?! What have I done to you! But for reals, mac and cheese is the greatest. Kraft Mac & Cheese, particularly. And now really for reals, I liked the diary entry format and the slow progression towards creepier and creepier entries. It's a neat idea.

QuantumBro - "P.A."  - This was pretty funny. I liked all the crazy/quirky phobias you invented (or maybe you didn't invent, they might be out there, somewhere ). The abrupt ending to his story really nailed home how he lost his patience with their antics.

StormBrute - "Carry On" - This was great. I love snippet stories like this, and it does feel like it's part of something larger (which I think you said it was, iirc).

Nezumi - "Chasing Nightmares" - Ohh, so this is the Japanese influenced story you mentioned in the hangout. This was a really neat idea.I liked the politics around the dream-eating (nice world building) and the "get what you wished for" ending.

Charade - "Two Pounds" - So the title is supposed to be a reference to the "weight of the soul" discussion that happened in the story, and what I figured a small piece of metal ore would weigh (the one the old miner tried to steal). Of course, later I realized it should probably be heavier, but it's a fantasy metal so it weighs whatever I say it weighs!

midramble - "Trinkets of the Immortal" - This was a pretty cool story. Kinda reminded me of On the Waterfront, with the fight fixing and all. I haven't read many boxing stories(or any) so this was interesting getting a glimpse into that world.

Ashes - "the first of the cold days" - Very interesting story, with great dialogue. It felt relaxing sorta, despite all her troubles. I especially liked the part where you explained the underlying reasons behind her suffering.

Mully – “Defensive Line” -Damn, I felt pretty bad for Eddie here. I thought your ending was a perfect way to imply that he hadn't given up the past

Actually no. Little brother Blake knows the kind of people they are. It's big brother who hasn't quite accepted it. That's why little bro had to fib on the story about their father...and the line about the numbers. Instead of counting the individual amount of people they've killed (which would've been a higher number) little bro just keeps count of the families because it makes the number seem smaller..even though it's a high number regardless.

Thanks for critiques...first time writing something along that tone.

 

[Charade]

Actually no. Little brother Blake knows the kind of people they are. It's big brother who hasn't quite accepted it. That's why little bro had to fib on the story about their father...and the line about the numbers. Instead of counting the individual amount of people they've killed (which would've been a higher number) little bro just keeps count of the families because it makes the number seem smaller..even though it's a high number regardless.

Thanks for critiques...first time writing something along that tone.

Ohhh okay. Reading through it again, now that makes sense.

Yeah, it was pretty dark.