Thank you again for taking the time to respond. I wholeheartedly agree, much of the advice out there is too vague/general and doesn't actually get to the root of a problem and how to fix it.Mental health advice these days is tailored mostly to women (e.g. talking through feelings etc.) but is thrust upon men even though it’s not how we deal with these things. Ignore such advice that encourages you to wallow in feelings.
My advice is to find something that gives you purpose. Something that makes you want to wake up in the morning so you can keep doing it. For me, I’m an engineer and I love what I do. I don’t dread going to work because it’s not a chore — I design something, it gets excavated to my design, and I get to see the end result and say “I designed that”. I get paid well for it too which is a bonus. You say you’re going to uni but whether that is a good thing depends entirely on what you’re doing. Most subjects in the arts and humanities will put you deep in the debt hole and will give you a lifetime of financial stress likely while working a dead end job in an unrelated field. If you’re doing a novelty subject, you’re better off switching to something in STEM or health (if possible) or learning a trade. There is absolutely no shame in becoming an electrician or plumber. In fact, I’d be more proud of my kid if he learned a trade than if he got a participation degree. Uni is not the be all and end all, no matter what anyone says.
Family is the other big factor. As a man, you are hardwired to provide for others. This is where much of your motivation comes from. Find yourself a good woman and work towards building a future together. If you have a long term vision and can see how all the small things along the way fit in, it can provide a lot of motivation to keep going and push through the difficult times. I have known people who lived through severe trauma (one was repeatedly and violently gang raped at school over a period of three years) and the best way for them to deal with their trauma was by living for others. There is a great sense of satisfaction in being a provider.
Also the fact that you can recognise and appreciate how lucky you are to “live like a king” despite your own personal adversity will help you go a long way in life. Never stop being thankful for the good things in your life, no matter how many troubles come your way.
This is a hard thing to overcome, but you can do it with practice. You have to realize and accept that the bitterness you feel will do nothing to better your situation. Practice putting that out of your mind. Try not to focus on the past that you can't change and instead focus on what you can change, you.
Also, since you are young, but not dumb, don't just float through life. My greatest regret was that I didn't just pick a career path and stick with it in my early 20s. Like me, you probably can't afford to go to college to party and waste time. You can get a huge leg up if you stay focused.
My parents despite their faults are good and loving. I have tremendous support from them and I always try to ignore and forgive their shortcomings. Unfortunately sometimes it feels like everything that went wrong is as a result of them and at times I can really lash out at them. Still I like to think of how far I have come as an individual and just how much more I have to give still.I’m no professional but have you made peace with your mum? You’re bitterness may go away if you make up.
Yeah, suck it up and grow up. There are a a lot more people in far worse situations that have turned out well with hard work and determination.Since I'm new and I can't make threads, I'll ask here.
So basically I come from a very working-class family where me and my brothers are the first to go to university. We went through financial troubles during my formative years that really set me back and has left me with trauma. My mum took out her anger on me and my dad was not totally there to support us emotionally. Now I see many of my friends who had 'normal' upbringings doing fine in life. They have absolutely nothing going for them but because they didn't have the same issues as me yet everything seems to just come for them.
I am thankful everyday for what I do since compared the the vast majority of the people on Earth and history, I am living like a king. But at times my bitterness can take over and I find it difficult to get on with my life. Can someone give me some advice to help me get over it?
When putting your shirts on hangers, put the hanger in from the bottom of the shirt, to avoid stretching the neck.
Are you buttoning your shirts before hanging them up??
*inhales deeply*
1. Don't marry unless you've dated your partner for at least five years, have been honest about everything during that time, and there are no red flags.
2. Don't have kids unless you're prepared to love them completely and willing to make the sacrifices necessary to put them first in your life.
3. Don't tear others down to build yourself up.
4. Don't think yourself superior or more valuable than anyone else.
5. Don't take on more debt than you can afford to pay off in one year (except, perhaps, for a house or car). If at all possible, stay the fuck away from student loans.
6. Eat at least two cups of leafy greens or cruciferous vegetables per day.
7. Lay off the sugar.
8. If you haven't started nicotine, don't start. If you have, quit.
9. When driving, don't be an asshole. Stay off the phone, and keep your eyes on the road. Also, be prepared for the stupidest thing the people around you can do. Eventually, it'll happen. --edit: actually, this all applies to life in general.
10. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel about yourself. Validation is nice, and criticism can be helpful but, at the end of the day, the only opinion you need to listen to is your own.
11. Do what makes you happy, without prohibiting others from doing the same.
12. The price for love is loss. Be prepared to pay up eventually, and don't let it destroy you when the time comes. It's only the rules of the game.
13. Drugs and alcohol can be fun, but every high comes with a low. Try to feel happiness without them.
14. Before you resign yourself to a diagnosis of depression, consider the possibility that the system we've designed for ourselves is simply inadequate for the healthy function of human beings.
15. You pay for what you get. Always.
16. Do no harm, but take no shit.
17. Gratitude is the key to happiness.
Thank you again for taking the time to respond. I wholeheartedly agree, much of the advice out there is too vague/general and doesn't actually get to the root of a problem and how to fix it.
Luckily I happen to be studying a STEM subject and currently in my final year. I have a girlfriend who is extremely supportive and she has given my life a whole new meaning and direction. Being appreciative of everything I have has given me a lot of perspective on life, honestly life is too short and there is way too much suffering in the world to just live and die.
My parents despite their faults are good and loving. I have tremendous support from them and I always try to ignore and forgive their shortcomings. Unfortunately sometimes it feels like everything that went wrong is as a result of them and at times I can really lash out at them. Still I like to think of how far I have come as an individual and just how much more I have to give still.
Can't stress this enough. Telling the truth might hurt but that pain is usually very temporary and compared to the pain you'll cause to yourself and others by letting a lie snowball (which is usually what happens with lies; they never come alone), it's nothing.Be honest, lies always make a comeback in some form or another
They'll hurt you, those around you, or both
No poindexter I don't wear button up shirts, the advice was for tees and pullovers.
Shirts have buttons, is this one of those American things to not call a Tshirt a tshirt?
Originally an undergarment worn exclusively by men, it has become, in American English, a catch-all term for a broad variety of upper-body garments and undergarments. In British English, a shirt is more specifically a garment with a collar, sleeves with cuffs, and a full vertical opening with buttons or snaps (North Americans would call that a "dress shirt", a specific type of collared shirt). A shirt can also be worn with a necktie under the shirt collar.
I have heard this a lot from people recently. Definitely looking forward to being productive with my life, even if it means I have way less time to play games.Keep going with uni, mate. Graduating and starting a job with a set routine will help give some structure to your life and help you feel productive. This in turn will help with mental health.
Honestly... I don't really agree, is this attitude that made us reach this situation.Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and blend in. I work in tech and therefore A LOT of the people I work with are super crazy SJW. I don't agree with what they say at all, but I don't let on that I think they are fucking idiots either. This has lead me to get several promotions because if I don't let politics get in the way I can get along with just about anyone. At the end of the day it's all about the Benjamins.
Based. If kids don't fight back they're just gonna keep getting bullied.If you have kids, teach them to fight back if they are being picked on or bullied. If they are being hit, teach them to hit back. And hard. "Two wrongs don't make a right" is a cliche and if your child doesn't learn to fight back at a young age they will be prime targets for bullying and potentially grow up with social anxiety that stunts their social growth.
If you have kids, teach them to fight back if they are being picked on or bullied. If they are being hit, teach them to hit back. And hard. "Two wrongs don't make a right" is a cliche and if your child doesn't learn to fight back at a young age they will be prime targets for bullying and potentially grow up with social anxiety that stunts their social growth.
I have heard this a lot from people recently. Definitely looking forward to being productive with my life, even if it means I have way less time to play games.
If you have kids, teach them to fight back if they are being picked on or bullied. If they are being hit, teach them to hit back. And hard. "Two wrongs don't make a right" is a cliche and if your child doesn't learn to fight back at a young age they will be prime targets for bullying and potentially grow up with social anxiety that stunts their social growth.
Listen to intelligent people talk. A lot. It will make you smarter just listening to smarter people than you discuss things.
Don't be afraid to go old school and write shit down. Ideas, anything that comes to mind you think you'll forget.
Read up on and study history. You will forever learn from it. Speaking of which, I was gonna start an ongoing history discussion thread at some point. Maybe one day I will.
lmaooooooooooooooooooo savage afschool bully in 5th grade sucker punched me so i tackled him and punched out most of his teeth, kicked dirt and leaves all over him, dragged him by his left ankle 10 feet or so to a puddle of water (was gonna drown him but a teacher stopped me)
first paragraph is truth
i said this before in another thread but again:
school bully in 5th grade sucker punched me so i tackled him and punched out most of his teeth, kicked dirt and leaves all over him, dragged him by his left ankle 10 feet or so to a puddle of water (was gonna drown him but a teacher stopped me)
story became legend in my class until the end of high school and i was never bullied again
lmaooooooooooooooooooo savage af
That's what he gets for sucker punching you like a little bitch. Maybe that made him think twice before hitting somebody again. You never know when there's gonna be somebody like you that's gonna go apeshit.i had serious behavior problems k-5, there's nothing good about what i did and it's not savage af or commendable
It's funny I give that advice because I had the rare exception. I had a neighborhood bully growing up who bullied the entire neighborhood, not just me. But he was a black belt in some form of martial arts and he wasn't a pussy, he walked the walk and would beat up badly on kids who tried to fight back.first paragraph is truth
i said this before in another thread but again:
school bully in 5th grade sucker punched me so i tackled him and punched out most of his teeth, kicked dirt and leaves all over him, dragged him by his left ankle 10 feet or so to a puddle of water (was gonna drown him but a teacher stopped me)
story became legend in my class until the end of high school and i was never bullied again
That's what he gets for sucker punching you like a little bitch. Maybe that made him think twice before hitting somebody again. You never know when there's gonna be somebody like you that's gonna go apeshit.
It's funny I give that advice because I had the rare exception. I had a neighborhood bully growing up who bullied the entire neighborhood, not just me. But he was a black belt in some form of martial arts and he wasn't a pussy, he walked the walk and would beat up badly on kids who tried to fight back.
So we used to fight back in more clever ways, like throw shit at him and run. Fuck with him.
We found out he was plotting to really beat one of us up badly. But it never happened. The reason? He ended up killing a kid who tried to fight back and he ended up going to jail.
Having a couple of fights in your first few years of school means nothing in the grand scheme of things, it's usually some 5-10 year olds slap fights no worse than what they have with their siblings. But getting that respect and not being a victim pays off for the rest of their life. As long as you teach them fighting is wrong, but sometimes the wrong thing to do IS the right thing to do. Just don't apply it to every situation.
i had serious behavior problems k-5, there's nothing good about what i did and it's not savage af or commendable
obv you are gassing me a bit here, that's fine
Fighting is only wrong if you're the one initiating it. Otherwise, swing freely, brother.
My boy understood this and was telling me how he fought back against a bully. "Good lad" I said and he continued "She wont hit me again..". Ahhhh, hold on there son, there's a rule you've forgotten. No biggie, he was only 6 at the time.
Shrug, I think you did the right thing except for the intention to drown him. Taught the little shit a lesson and likely prevented him from continuing to bully other kids.
Lol that reminds me of this big black dude that transferred to our school in 5th grade. He was 13 and like 6 feet tall. He'd bully everybody and when he hit you with one of the giant deflated bouncy balls it stung like fuck.It's funny I give that advice because I had the rare exception. I had a neighborhood bully growing up who bullied the entire neighborhood, not just me. But he was a black belt in some form of martial arts and he wasn't a pussy, he walked the walk and would beat up badly on kids who tried to fight back.
So we used to fight back in more clever ways, like throw shit at him and run. Fuck with him.
We found out he was plotting to really beat one of us up badly. But it never happened. The reason? He ended up killing a kid who tried to fight back and he ended up going to jail.
But most bullies are not like that and kids should still always fight back.
*inhales deeply*
1. Don't marry unless you've dated your partner for at least five years, have been honest about everything during that time, and there are no red flags.
2. Don't have kids unless you're prepared to love them completely and willing to make the sacrifices necessary to put them first in your life.
3. Don't tear others down to build yourself up.
4. Don't think yourself superior or more valuable than anyone else.
5. Don't take on more debt than you can afford to pay off in one year (except, perhaps, for a house or car). If at all possible, stay the fuck away from student loans.
6. Eat at least two cups of leafy greens or cruciferous vegetables per day.
7. Lay off the sugar.
8. If you haven't started nicotine, don't start. If you have, quit.
9. When driving, don't be an asshole. Stay off the phone, and keep your eyes on the road. Also, be prepared for the stupidest thing the people around you can do. Eventually, it'll happen. --edit: actually, this all applies to life in general.
10. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel about yourself. Validation is nice, and criticism can be helpful but, at the end of the day, the only opinion you need to listen to is your own.
11. Do what makes you happy, without prohibiting others from doing the same.
12. The price for love is loss. Be prepared to pay up eventually, and don't let it destroy you when the time comes. It's only the rules of the game.
13. Drugs and alcohol can be fun, but every high comes with a low. Try to feel happiness without them.
14. Before you resign yourself to a diagnosis of depression, consider the possibility that the system we've designed for ourselves is simply inadequate for the healthy function of human beings.
15. You pay for what you get. Always.
16. Do no harm, but take no shit.
17. Gratitude is the key to happiness.
Here's my protip, read this post.
Great post, particularly number 6!