Well, I think it's good that you were honest. You did screw up, but everyone makes some mistakes. Don't expect the girl you were dating to forgive you, but try to learn from this experience and maybe take some time to be alone and make sure you're really past these relationships, before you get into something new.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
So I totally screwed up everything and I'm going to be alone forever now
- Thread starter RedZaraki
- Start date
- Status
It feels like a mark on my soul. Maybe in some twisted way this public airing of dirty laundry is helping me reflect more easily.
They don't know each other. But my Ex knows her first name. I wouldn't put Facebook stalking past her though. I'll probably block her too.
Another note about my Ex: 2 years ago before we broke up I was completely in love with her. I would have asked her to marry me if things didn't break down so rapidly.
I intend to. Honestly though I'm internally conflicted. I've never had a relationship last long term and I know that the only common factor is me.
Now I'm beginning to get to the age where I'm losing motivation. Like, I don't know if I even want to be in a relationship at all. I adore the girl I was dating, but I doubt she wants to talk to me now.
I can certainly understand the temptation when an ex comes crawling back. Those are some weird emotions. An ex of mine (who left me for another dude) did the same, and I'm glad I was able to tell her to piss off.
You're not going to be alone forever, OP. Learn from this, move on, and keep your head up!
You're not going to be alone forever, OP. Learn from this, move on, and keep your head up!
SilentRacoon
Member
That was painful to read OP, at least you have a pillow to cry into.
Which anime is the pillow from btw?
Which anime is the pillow from btw?
Poor GRIMES
Banned
I...
At least you know you fucked up. And you'll move past this, just give it time and don't do anything you'll regret in the meantime.
I'm not sure if the girl you were dating will text back again but honestly I definitely wouldn't. If you had something good going on, I have no idea why you'd return to a toxic ex, even for a night.
At least you know you fucked up. And you'll move past this, just give it time and don't do anything you'll regret in the meantime.
I'm not sure if the girl you were dating will text back again but honestly I definitely wouldn't. If you had something good going on, I have no idea why you'd return to a toxic ex, even for a night.
Just regluar-ass white pillow from Wal-mart. 2 of em.
This thread is a bit depressing because some of us will never experience the beauty that you had and you had it and threw it away.
The positive for you is, you dated twice, even at the same time. Anyone that is capable of that is capable of finding another date sooner or later. You learned a valuable lesson, I hope. The next time you date you'll hopefully focus entirely on her and not get seduced so easily.
The positive for you is, you dated twice, even at the same time. Anyone that is capable of that is capable of finding another date sooner or later. You learned a valuable lesson, I hope. The next time you date you'll hopefully focus entirely on her and not get seduced so easily.
You like the new girl? Then man up, call her or better yet, go and see her, and apologise and make it right. Forget this texting nonsense. Explain why you're sorry for hurting HER and don't linger on how shitty you feel about YOURSELF for what you've done. You need to practice putting someone else before yourself and not framing it around just how you feel - BOTH of your feelings matter equally.
It may be too late and that ship might have already sailed but if it hasn't, don't leave it with regrets that you didn't do all you could to put it right. Being blunt, self pity won't help you right now and it's not a good look to the other party. She sounds awesome according to how you've described her, so it's about time you made her feel that way.
It may be too late and that ship might have already sailed but if it hasn't, don't leave it with regrets that you didn't do all you could to put it right. Being blunt, self pity won't help you right now and it's not a good look to the other party. She sounds awesome according to how you've described her, so it's about time you made her feel that way.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
You made a mistake and paid the price. Take it as a lesson for future relationships. Despite making a total dick move, you seem like you're definitely capable of being honest and having a conscience. Don't beat yourself up. You'll be alright.
Not even distance. The problem is that in order to afford her current place and life she has to work 2 full-time jobs. She's a teacher of special needs children during regular working hours and she's a babysitter/nanny 3 other days of the week. She also is involved with a couple of other actiivities on Wednesdays. So she really only has like 2 times a week where she has free time to herself, and in those windows she wouldn't always want to spend them with me.
You're right, it might not have been much of a relationship anyway. But I really am fond of her. She's amazing.
She once saved a man on the street that was bleeding to death. It was a car accident and his arm was hurt. She wrapped it up and treated it right there. She got a medal from the city and everything.
She's originally from up North, she has this great Minnesotan accent that I love too. "Oh yeah, you betcha". It's cute as hell.
I really fucked up.
Sometimes it's just for venting. I get that.
haxan7
Banned
I get it, but even if this new girl is gone you just gotta keep trying.
Really sounds like typical early-ish/young person relationship drama; I mean no offense if I'm assuming wrong, but your reaction is also rather immature (forever alone, screaming into pillows.)
You really gotta try to get yourself to a place where you are happy enough to not have such extreme reactions to things; it's all about self worth. It's likely why you made the mistake of hooking up with your ex; low self worth caused you to be easily manipulated into hooking up with her again.
You might even some day realize this other girl didn't really mean much to you; that might sound strange now, but when you are as "down" as you seem to be, anyone willing to spend time with you can be easily put on a pedestal.
You really gotta try to get yourself to a place where you are happy enough to not have such extreme reactions to things; it's all about self worth. It's likely why you made the mistake of hooking up with your ex; low self worth caused you to be easily manipulated into hooking up with her again.
You might even some day realize this other girl didn't really mean much to you; that might sound strange now, but when you are as "down" as you seem to be, anyone willing to spend time with you can be easily put on a pedestal.
It's so hard.
I just need time to myself for a while. I don't like being alone, and I shouldn't be so averse as I am with it.
That's definitely true. I have a tendency to compare myself to my friends I guess. All married with families and kids. I don't have anyone. I'm alone. I could probably die and it'd take people several days before they miss me. It's like that. I'm not that close to my coworkers either. Only talk to my Dad and brother like once a month.
So I do get extremely lonely sometimes. It comes in bursts. Usually I stay busy and can ignore it. So I put a lot of value in relationships. Makes me feel like I'm making "progress". Makes me feel not alone. But it's not right. I'd take just about anyone, and it's not right.
haxan7
Banned
It really does sound like you need to give yourself a little break. If the new girl is still up for hanging might want to try to take it slow ... and let the honesty out again and tell her exactly where you're coming from
It's OK if you don't want to be in a relationship. I think you really need to take some time for yourself, to work through your feelings and figure out what you want. Until you do that, you'll just keep struggling through relationships and making mistakes or self sabotaging. I think being in a bad relationship is a lot scarier than being alone, so...it's OK to be alone for a bit.
ryutaro's mama
Member
Regret is the most useless human emotion.
Not much in the way of advice; maybe some related comedy about arguments to cheer you up? ¯\_(ツ
_/¯I think most of us fall into that pattern at some point or another. But recognize that they have problems too, many of which you may not be aware of. Just because they have more doesn't mean that you're worth less.
And honestly, if you were only able to see this girl once a month, it sounds like you were probably never going to be happy with this arrangement. Take some time alone, work on yourself and then pursue a relationship where both parties are able to be happy.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
Why are there such things as a divorce? Two people say their vows and they say they love each other. Over time they can't fix whatever's wrong and they find out they don't want to spend the rest of their lives with one another. That doesn't mean they'll be alone after that. It just meant that they weren't suppose to be with each other forever.
I did the same thing in high school. Was dating a girl and an ex started talking to me. I immediately went for the ex then told one of her friends. We broke up the next day. It wasn't to the extent of hooking up, but the feeling was about the same. You probably feel hopeless and wrong. It's the wrong thing to do and now you suffer the consequences. All you can do is wait on time to sort things out. It's about time and learning what made you do it.
I'm guessing you won't do this again. To me, it shows you what your actions can do and how they destroyed a relationship. One thing that I probably would never forgive would be cheating.
I did the same thing in high school. Was dating a girl and an ex started talking to me. I immediately went for the ex then told one of her friends. We broke up the next day. It wasn't to the extent of hooking up, but the feeling was about the same. You probably feel hopeless and wrong. It's the wrong thing to do and now you suffer the consequences. All you can do is wait on time to sort things out. It's about time and learning what made you do it.
I'm guessing you won't do this again. To me, it shows you what your actions can do and how they destroyed a relationship. One thing that I probably would never forgive would be cheating.
Castef
Banned
Look, sentimental relationships are not easy.
Sometimes they have no bumps, other times they are messy.
You just seem to me confused and a bit hurt. Most of all, you seem angry with yourself and you are probably drifting over a lot of "What if I did...".
Take everything you learned about this situation and try to build a better relationship. You do not look to me the kind of person who wants to stay alone. Just take your time to rebuild things and see what happens with that girl.
From what I can barely understand by a bit of reading, going back to your ex could not be the best idea.
You know what's the most important part of what you wrote? There are no friends in it. You mentioned no friends. That could be a key issue in your life. You wrote on NeoGaf instead of going to a friend's and talk to him (or maybe you did?).
My advice: regardless of sentimental relationships, seek and build some friendships. They are precious and help you become a better person.
Sometimes they have no bumps, other times they are messy.
You just seem to me confused and a bit hurt. Most of all, you seem angry with yourself and you are probably drifting over a lot of "What if I did...".
Take everything you learned about this situation and try to build a better relationship. You do not look to me the kind of person who wants to stay alone. Just take your time to rebuild things and see what happens with that girl.
From what I can barely understand by a bit of reading, going back to your ex could not be the best idea.
You know what's the most important part of what you wrote? There are no friends in it. You mentioned no friends. That could be a key issue in your life. You wrote on NeoGaf instead of going to a friend's and talk to him (or maybe you did?).
My advice: regardless of sentimental relationships, seek and build some friendships. They are precious and help you become a better person.
Mighty Chin
Banned
Dude you sound like a piece of work.
Astral Dog
Member
Take this as a painful but neccessary learning experience girl, you do definetly need to learn to take relationships a bit more seriously,but this is NOT the end! You still have a chance to find love and happiness.
Apologize to that poor girl,take your time,meet new friends go to the gym,learn something interesting,and you will know when you will be ready to move on.
And forget about your ex she was just using you after she broke up with her last girlfriend.
Apologize to that poor girl,take your time,meet new friends go to the gym,learn something interesting,and you will know when you will be ready to move on.
And forget about your ex she was just using you after she broke up with her last girlfriend.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Gotta learn from your mistakes. Not repeat them. You break up for a reason.
My suggestion: Take a break from dating and trying to get into and maintain relationships until you've improved yourself and your situation a bit. You don't sound like you're in a healthy head space and that's where you need to be just to start dating someone. If not it'll just be baggage and codependence. Never a good look.
I don't know what'll work for you. For me it was the gym, meditation, reading some good books and just getting to know and love myself first.
Rest, heal up. And realize this is just a painful part of growing as a human being.
My suggestion: Take a break from dating and trying to get into and maintain relationships until you've improved yourself and your situation a bit. You don't sound like you're in a healthy head space and that's where you need to be just to start dating someone. If not it'll just be baggage and codependence. Never a good look.
I don't know what'll work for you. For me it was the gym, meditation, reading some good books and just getting to know and love myself first.
Rest, heal up. And realize this is just a painful part of growing as a human being.
diablos991
Can’t stump the diablos
You won't be lonely forever. But in this mistake is an important lesson you need to learn.
Step 1 - Stop cheating on people you would like to have a relationship with.
Step 2 - Start another relationship.
Step 1 - Stop cheating on people you would like to have a relationship with.
Step 2 - Start another relationship.
This is about as definitive an answer as you'll get!
Hmmm.....
Yeah, you goofed, but you won't be alone forever unless you want to be. Learn from this and never do anything like it ever again.
Good. Hiding something is only going to make a bad situation even worse. If it works out now, at least that's not something to carry around. If it doesn't then it was never going to work out anyway. Best decision OP made in this whole situation.
Plus if you're cheating on someone and go back to someone else that you want to have sex with, they deserve to know that they may be exposed to STDs.
LoveCake
Member
Has there been a response to the text?
You have been upfront about what happened and admitted a mistake, I don't need to say that the "we were on a break" isn't going to fly at all.
I think you need to talk to each other, in the written word there is no space for the nuances that are in the spoken word, you said that you didn't see each other often, the only route I can think is if there is a option to meet up, to do so and go through what happened and see if there is a way back, it will never be the same, but it could make the relationship stronger, or it is already the end and it has gone.
As others have said you doubled-down on sending that text, was it the right thing to do, there is an debate for yes and no, I view it that you have put your cards on the table and admitted everything, you have been honest about what you did and why and put the ball in her court.
I hope things work out for you, either with this person or another in the future.
+1
You were a rebound, nothing more.
Not saying that things with an ex will never work out, but they really rarely do and since she's still in a breakup, she just needed someone who comforts her. As she left you previously, you were the first choice cause it's always pretty easy to get back to your dumpee when you were the dumper. Should've seen this red flag from miles.
As you always see yourself as the main issue in your relationships, you may want to read more into this subject. Visit some subreddits like relationshipadvice, exnocontact, breakups, .... believe me it softens the blow when you know there are many others out there right now.
If you need some heartwarming advice, watch videos of this dude called Mehran Dadbeh. He has many psychological videos and explanations of how our brain works. I could also recommend you some books. It's never a bad idea to improve your way of how to handle serious relationships.
U dun goofed now. Improve yourself and step up your game buddy. It's never too late.
I've fucked up about six times and became forever alone. Then I met my wife and have been happier than with all the rest combined.
You don't want to hear it but it just takes time.
The last time I blew it instead of being emo I just listened to this on repeat.
Also pro-tip: Sounds awful but if you have a monent of weakness and cheat one time only. Eat that guilt and don't tell your current girlfriend. You're not doing anyone a favor and it may be you wanted out of the relationship. People don't understandably take infedelity well and don't usually go "You done goofed but its all good lets move on."
Or... I may be full of shit and its best to get it off your chest? Honestly though, I don't see the point. Then again I've only been cheated on, never cheated.
You don't want to hear it but it just takes time.
The last time I blew it instead of being emo I just listened to this on repeat.
Also pro-tip: Sounds awful but if you have a monent of weakness and cheat one time only. Eat that guilt and don't tell your current girlfriend. You're not doing anyone a favor and it may be you wanted out of the relationship. People don't understandably take infedelity well and don't usually go "You done goofed but its all good lets move on."
Or... I may be full of shit and its best to get it off your chest? Honestly though, I don't see the point. Then again I've only been cheated on, never cheated.
GameAddict411
Member
Always remember that people rarely ever change, and if you broke up with someone for a reason related to their behavior or personality, it's mostly like will be the reason to break up again with them. Remember why someone is your ex. We humans are always optimistic about things in life. We try to convince ourselves that this time things will be different. You have to learn how to snap out of those thoughts. It needs experience, and remember that there are other women out there.
I met an awesome man more than 2 years ago, and we had the most wonderful time together. His tone towards me started to shift, and then told me that things are not working out. I also noticed that he started lying to me about the simplest of things. Despite that, I forgave on the idea he won't do it again. I was off course wrong. It took me a while to get over him, but then I met many other guys that were better and more trustworthy. None of these girls are the only compatible with you. I met a guy past Friday, and I had one of the most romantic evenings in my entire life. I am sort of glad that things didn't workout for me and my ex. Like I said before we tend to be short sighted.
I met an awesome man more than 2 years ago, and we had the most wonderful time together. His tone towards me started to shift, and then told me that things are not working out. I also noticed that he started lying to me about the simplest of things. Despite that, I forgave on the idea he won't do it again. I was off course wrong. It took me a while to get over him, but then I met many other guys that were better and more trustworthy. None of these girls are the only compatible with you. I met a guy past Friday, and I had one of the most romantic evenings in my entire life. I am sort of glad that things didn't workout for me and my ex. Like I said before we tend to be short sighted.
Frozenprince
Banned
Learn from this collosal fuck up.
If you don't you're doomed to do it again
If you don't you're doomed to do it again
haxan7
Banned
Wait, your ex ran off to marry a woman at age 23 out of nowhere and then divorced her and wanted to start hooking up with you? That is a crazy ass story right there, and no offense to your ex, but it seems like she clearly doesn't have her shit together and makes reckless decisions constantly. When in situations like this, always, ALWAYS stick with the girl who is more mature. Maturity>>>Youth every single time.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
OP, I was arrested for murder in which I used a shotgun and I somehow got out in 5. But, I have changed now bro, would you like to go hunting?
shawnbuddy
Member
Oh well. Forever alone ain't so bad. More time to play video games.
Never having cheated on anyone, but having been cheated on, I'm not all that sympathetic OP.
Having said that, you're not the first person (and certainly won't be the last) to fuck up a promising relationship because an ex you hadn't fully resolved things with popped back into the picture.
Use that self loathing as motivation for some honest introspection.
And no, you won't be alone forever now.
Having said that, you're not the first person (and certainly won't be the last) to fuck up a promising relationship because an ex you hadn't fully resolved things with popped back into the picture.
Use that self loathing as motivation for some honest introspection.
And no, you won't be alone forever now.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked
- Locked