Very Berry Sunday
Member
I'm curious to hear difficulties women face that men don't.
Last edited:
This is, like, supreme bait.
To minimize that statement (I may as well be honest), different women face different challenges and are treated differently than other women in the world. Different men face different challenges and are treated differently than other men in the world. In short, different people face different challenges and are treated differently in the world.Marry a women and be open to what she has to say.
You'll likely come to understand that women face different challenges in the world and are generally treated differently than men.
I'm not drawing any conclusions from this.
I'm just saying we get different versions of things because of our biological sex.
I can understand why you would think that this is a bait thread, when the OP ends there enquiry, with what I can only describe as a sarcastic passive agresive “ I’m all ears”This is, like, supreme bait.
Don't you need to experience being both to answer that question?I'm curious to hear difficulties women face that men don't. I'm all ears.
This thread would work...if there were women on NeoGAF. It seems to be a bit of a sausage fest these days.
Well I mean the majority have moved to a much safer place. I'm sure there's a couple females on GAF but they won't come out because they'd be jumped on.
Won't be long with posts like thiswaiting for the drama
Well I mean the majority have moved to a much safer place. I'm sure there's a couple females on GAF but they won't come out because they'd be jumped on.
What do you mean by jumped on?Well I mean the majority have moved to a much safer place. I'm sure there's a couple females on GAF but they won't come out because they'd be jumped on.
You know exactly what I mean.What do you mean by jumped on?
Sure it's subjective. But most girls don't like bad attention.Well I had a girlfriend who then went to work as a nightclub dancer because she enjoyed beind watched by men.
So it's not like some girls don't enjoy attention
Honestly I don't. Jumped on as in "you're a girl so your opinions are invalid" or jumped on as in "will you be my gf?" harassment?You know exactly what I mean.
Honestly I don't. Jumped on as in "you're a girl so your opinions are invalid" or jumped on as in "will you be my gf?" harassment?
I don't think it'd be that bad for girls on here, what with the calmer vibe etc.
People going out of their way to hold the door for me, like, if you only knew what an inconvenience you're being to me at 9am when I'm 20 feet from a door and I have a hangover and a gut full of last night's poor decision making insofar as what I ate. That could be regardless of gender, though.
When a stranger holds a door open for me I'm usually grateful. And surprised they would do that. But I'm a grown ass man. Uncommon things like that are nice.
I need to specify I mean holding the door open when I'm at a distance.
Aw shit, I thought this was a regular occurrence that you had to deal with because you're a woman. Lol, I can see what you mean about it making you feel the need to hurry along though.Sure it's uncommon and nice.
People going out of their way to hold the door for me, like, if you only knew what an inconvenience you're being to me at 9am when I'm 20 feet from a door and I have a hangover and a gut full of last night's poor decision making insofar as what I ate. That could be regardless of gender, though.
I'll bite, though all logic and reason dictates I probably shouldn't. The bottom line is that the world just still largely isn't built to accommodate women. Keep in mind while you're reading this that I've only ever lived in cities, so experiences could be different for rural women.
Catcalling/street harassment/stalking is a legitimate thing. Probably the worst example of stalking/harassment that I faced was: I worked a job at an ice cream place when I was about 19, and I was frequently there either alone or at least was out in front alone while the manager was in the back doing bookkeeping. There was a problem customer at that job who routinely stalked me, and one night he tried to break into the bathroom while I was in there. Thankfully another customer came in and asked what the hell he was doing, so that dragged him away. I quit that job not long after.
Springboarding off of that, I don't think most men realize that women have intricate social systems set up to protect ourselves and our female friends from that kind of shit. Example: was at a club one night with my buddy Andrea. There was a dude all up on her, really super creepy, like, "scared to put my drink down for even a second" creepy. I saw that and told her to chug her drink. She did, and shortly thereafter she pretended like it was about to come right back up. I dragged her into the bathroom and we waited it out. Sure enough, by the time we left, he was gone. None of this was planned on our parts; we didn't have a contingency plan set in place in case of creepers. It's just something that women are conditioned to know and understand and do on a second's notice for our own safety.
Yes, yes, I know. #notallmen. But women have no way of knowing which men are just awkward and well-meaning but with terrible social skills, and which of them are going to be like my problem customer who tried to break into the bathroom to get at me. We literally cannot tell by looking at you or even speaking to you. So if you're trying to talk to a woman and she's icing you real hard, just back away. She's not into it, and if you persist, she will eventually become afraid of you. Most of us very much do live in fear of sexual assault, because even if we haven't been raped ourselves, we've had to listen to friends tell us that they've been. And that's fucking terrifying. I'm not trying to take anything away from male survivors, I know they're out there too, but the sheer prevalence of sexual assault against women is the reason why most women walk to their cars with their keys between their fingers, or carry around pepper spray/mace, or make sure that at least one of their best friends know where they are at all times.
Away from that, a lot of men don't take women seriously in a professional setting, and that's something that I don't think that decent, well-intentioned men fully wrap their heads around or understand -- but it's real and it's far more common than you guys think it is. I was asked over and over and over, "Is there a man I can talk to?" when I worked customer service at a car dealership and at Gamestop, even though the men who worked at both places were less informed than me. Also, infantilization is a legitimate thing. Being called "doll" and "sweetheart" in a lovey-dovey tone while my male counterparts were very seriously called "sir" kind of makes a person feel like their input is worth far less. After a while, you learn to just not speak up at all, because you realize no one's really listening. This is made worse combined with the fact that women are far more often interrupted and talked over by men. Fellas, if you see your female coworkers consistently stressed out and pissed the fuck off, shit like this is usually the reason why.
There are a bunch of other minor things I could bitch about. When I worked security, the company I worked for refused to order uniforms in women's sizes. I had to order my own on my own dollar just so I could wear a uniform that would fit, and the company would not reimburse me. If I wear makeup, I'm told that I'm "fake" and guys say shit like "this is why I have trust issues." If I don't wear makeup, I'm told I look terrible and am asked if I'm sick. If I dress well, I'm considered prissy and high-maintenance, but if I dress down, I'm written off as a slob (or a lesbian -- a guy I met in college once asked me if I was a lesbian just because I was wearing yoga pants when I met him). A woman who sleeps around is vilified as a slut, but a woman who won't give it up either faces stalking/harassment/assault or is written off as a selfish bitch who doesn't know what's best for her. Just shit like that.
Some days, it's exhausting just to leave the house, honestly.
Despite that I think it was 80% of sexual assaults happen by people who are close friends or family members I can still understand the fear for sure. And I do not think this is anything outrageouse you posted. And I have no problem with tackling these issues. For example in Germany we have women parkingspots reserved for women which are near exists and I think it is a good thing.I'll bite, though all logic and reason dictates I probably shouldn't. The bottom line is that the world just still largely isn't built to accommodate women. Keep in mind while you're reading this that I've only ever lived in cities, so experiences could be different for rural women.
Catcalling/street harassment/stalking is a legitimate thing. Probably the worst example of stalking/harassment that I faced was: I worked a job at an ice cream place when I was about 19, and I was frequently there either alone or at least was out in front alone while the manager was in the back doing bookkeeping. There was a problem customer at that job who routinely stalked me, and one night he tried to break into the bathroom while I was in there. Thankfully another customer came in and asked what the hell he was doing, so that dragged him away. I quit that job not long after.
Springboarding off of that, I don't think most men realize that women have intricate social systems set up to protect ourselves and our female friends from that kind of shit. Example: was at a club one night with my buddy Andrea. There was a dude all up on her, really super creepy, like, "scared to put my drink down for even a second" creepy. I saw that and told her to chug her drink. She did, and shortly thereafter she pretended like it was about to come right back up. I dragged her into the bathroom and we waited it out. Sure enough, by the time we left, he was gone. None of this was planned on our parts; we didn't have a contingency plan set in place in case of creepers. It's just something that women are conditioned to know and understand and do on a second's notice for our own safety.
Yes, yes, I know. #notallmen. But women have no way of knowing which men are just awkward and well-meaning but with terrible social skills, and which of them are going to be like my problem customer who tried to break into the bathroom to get at me. We literally cannot tell by looking at you or even speaking to you. So if you're trying to talk to a woman and she's icing you real hard, just back away. She's not into it, and if you persist, she will eventually become afraid of you. Most of us very much do live in fear of sexual assault, because even if we haven't been raped ourselves, we've had to listen to friends tell us that they've been. And that's fucking terrifying. I'm not trying to take anything away from male survivors, I know they're out there too, but the sheer prevalence of sexual assault against women is the reason why most women walk to their cars with their keys between their fingers, or carry around pepper spray/mace, or make sure that at least one of their best friends know where they are at all times.
Away from that, a lot of men don't take women seriously in a professional setting, and that's something that I don't think that decent, well-intentioned men fully wrap their heads around or understand -- but it's real and it's far more common than you guys think it is. I was asked over and over and over, "Is there a man I can talk to?" when I worked customer service at a car dealership and at Gamestop, even though the men who worked at both places were less informed than me. Also, infantilization is a legitimate thing. Being called "doll" and "sweetheart" in a lovey-dovey tone while my male counterparts were very seriously called "sir" kind of makes a person feel like their input is worth far less. After a while, you learn to just not speak up at all, because you realize no one's really listening. This is made worse combined with the fact that women are far more often interrupted and talked over by men. Fellas, if you see your female coworkers consistently stressed out and pissed the fuck off, shit like this is usually the reason why.
There are a bunch of other minor things I could bitch about. When I worked security, the company I worked for refused to order uniforms in women's sizes. I had to order my own on my own dollar just so I could wear a uniform that would fit, and the company would not reimburse me. If I wear makeup, I'm told that I'm "fake" and guys say shit like "this is why I have trust issues." If I don't wear makeup, I'm told I look terrible and am asked if I'm sick. If I dress well, I'm considered prissy and high-maintenance, but if I dress down, I'm written off as a slob (or a lesbian -- a guy I met in college once asked me if I was a lesbian just because I was wearing yoga pants when I met him). A woman who sleeps around is vilified as a slut, but a woman who won't give it up either faces stalking/harassment/assault or is written off as a selfish bitch who doesn't know what's best for her. Just shit like that.
Some days, it's exhausting just to leave the house, honestly.
Those sound like legitimate problems.
But with that said, it really feels like you are extremely unlucky or just can't handle some things well.
For example the makeup thing. I have never met a dude in my life who don't like makeup on girls. Sure we laugh when it's so overdone you can't really tell if there is a face under the 300kg of paint but a normal makeup?
Then the yoga pant thing. What dude would say you're a lesbian because you wear yoga pants? It's the sexiest thing in the world. Now, if you should wear yoga pants at places like college is another question.
Despite that I think it was 80% of sexual assaults happen by people who are close friends or family members I can still understand the fear for sure.
What I personally have a problem with are people (not you) who write articles like never talk to a women who is reading in a park. Never talk to a women who is sitting in a cafe etc. Or worst one if you walk behind a women change the street side etc. With people who are using these mainsplaining against everyone who tells her that she is wrong etc. Same bullshit with man spreading, or sweat shaming (yes this also exists....). Also I can never udnerstand how people can judge other people based on their outfits. But I also have heard that women do this much more to women than men to women. But I need to find this study again.
I know that you mean well, but comments like this aren't constructive. The OP is about experiences women have that men don't realize, and the reason why men don't realize it is because they and their friends aren't the ones causing these problems. The difference between me and you is that you're speaking from a place of external observation based on your own behavior with your mates (and you all sound like pretty decent dudes). Women encounter many, many, many, many, many, many more men than that. People come in all sizes, shapes, backgrounds, ideologies, and temperaments. We encounter weird bullshit that you probably wouldn't even believe from men with stupid and/or twisted views.
I'll bite, though all logic and reason dictates I probably shouldn't. The bottom line is that the world just still largely isn't built to accommodate women. Keep in mind while you're reading this that I've only ever lived in cities, so experiences could be different for rural women.
Catcalling/street harassment/stalking is a legitimate thing. Probably the worst example of stalking/harassment that I faced was: I worked a job at an ice cream place when I was about 19, and I was frequently there either alone or at least was out in front alone while the manager was in the back doing bookkeeping. There was a problem customer at that job who routinely stalked me, and one night he tried to break into the bathroom while I was in there. Thankfully another customer came in and asked what the hell he was doing, so that dragged him away. I quit that job not long after.
Springboarding off of that, I don't think most men realize that women have intricate social systems set up to protect ourselves and our female friends from that kind of shit. Example: was at a club one night with my buddy Andrea. There was a dude all up on her, really super creepy, like, "scared to put my drink down for even a second" creepy. I saw that and told her to chug her drink. She did, and shortly thereafter she pretended like it was about to come right back up. I dragged her into the bathroom and we waited it out. Sure enough, by the time we left, he was gone. None of this was planned on our parts; we didn't have a contingency plan set in place in case of creepers. It's just something that women are conditioned to know and understand and do on a second's notice for our own safety.
Yes, yes, I know. #notallmen. But women have no way of knowing which men are just awkward and well-meaning but with terrible social skills, and which of them are going to be like my problem customer who tried to break into the bathroom to get at me. We literally cannot tell by looking at you or even speaking to you. So if you're trying to talk to a woman and she's icing you real hard, just back away. She's not into it, and if you persist, she will eventually become afraid of you. Most of us very much do live in fear of sexual assault, because even if we haven't been raped ourselves, we've had to listen to friends tell us that they've been. And that's fucking terrifying. I'm not trying to take anything away from male survivors, I know they're out there too, but the sheer prevalence of sexual assault against women is the reason why most women walk to their cars with their keys between their fingers, or carry around pepper spray/mace, or make sure that at least one of their best friends know where they are at all times.
Away from that, a lot of men don't take women seriously in a professional setting, and that's something that I don't think that decent, well-intentioned men fully wrap their heads around or understand -- but it's real and it's far more common than you guys think it is. I was asked over and over and over, "Is there a man I can talk to?" when I worked customer service at a car dealership and at Gamestop, even though the men who worked at both places were less informed than me. Also, infantilization is a legitimate thing. Being called "doll" and "sweetheart" in a lovey-dovey tone while my male counterparts were very seriously called "sir" kind of makes a person feel like their input is worth far less. After a while, you learn to just not speak up at all, because you realize no one's really listening. This is made worse combined with the fact that women are far more often interrupted and talked over by men. Fellas, if you see your female coworkers consistently stressed out and pissed the fuck off, shit like this is usually the reason why.
There are a bunch of other minor things I could bitch about. When I worked security, the company I worked for refused to order uniforms in women's sizes. I had to order my own on my own dollar just so I could wear a uniform that would fit, and the company would not reimburse me. If I wear makeup, I'm told that I'm "fake" and guys say shit like "this is why I have trust issues." If I don't wear makeup, I'm told I look terrible and am asked if I'm sick. If I dress well, I'm considered prissy and high-maintenance, but if I dress down, I'm written off as a slob (or a lesbian -- a guy I met in college once asked me if I was a lesbian just because I was wearing yoga pants when I met him). A woman who sleeps around is vilified as a slut, but a woman who won't give it up either faces stalking/harassment/assault or is written off as a selfish bitch who doesn't know what's best for her. Just shit like that.
Some days, it's exhausting just to leave the house, honestly.
Another story that absolutly kills me is when she didnt have wheels she rode a bus and this guy was alone with her at the buss stop and he starts talking to her. She told me she was thinking like omg this big MF is like 6ft tall and shes only like 5'7 and weighs about 95 Lbs. So he starts trying to make small talk like hey gurl whatsup hows it going and she says oh im good thank you. Then he asks where you going and blah blah she says oh im meeting my bf as she said that to get the guy to back off then hes like damn you got a bf and you riding the buss to him thats sad you should be my girl ill at least treat you right. At thi spoint she's like no thank you.
Then this fcker has the nerve to say to her "fck your a little bitch im trying to be all nice and you acting all cold and shit to me. You need to stop being a bitch and came closer" At this point she tell mes she is frozen in fear as she was alone with the guy at a bus stop and was worried he was going to drag her off and rape her. She said at that time a bus came by and other people got off and at that point she got on the bus just to get away and got off on the next exit and called us and was crying saying she was scared.
Relatable.This is some real shit. Men often like to ask, "if you're not interested in a guy who's chatting you up, why don't you just say you're not interested/tell him no/walk away?" This is exactly why. Women don't know when even a polite "no" will put us into a murder/rape scenario. Most of the time, it probably won't, but one psycho is all it takes, and we get chatted up so often that it's not worth playing Russian roulette like that.
Relatable.
I try and avoid confrontation at all costs, really. Saying "excuse me I have to do something across the room (whatever makes sense in context)" is preferred a hundredfold over saying "sorry I'm not interested," because "no" invites confrontation. I'm not out here trying to get into an argument over whether I should be interested in you or not, is that alright?
I also sometimes hear that, "she said she wasn't interested out of the blue, I wasn't even trying to approach her that way." Maybe not, but a lot of guys have really intense body language they're not controlling well. I've been cornered, loomed over, basically everything short of a full kabe-don by guys who didn't seem to realize what they were doing. It's frightening and it's no wonder it puts women on the defensive.
I have to take things innocently, I can't assume everyone's out here to snatch me up over their shoulder like King Kong. I think most of these guys would be shocked if they saw what their body language looked like from my perspective. But it's difficult nonetheless.
Men can get shot by mass murderers too.Welll...men don’t have to deal with fucking losers who might commit mass murders because they can’t get laid.
I am wondering if it would be more biologically related problems like having less flexibility in urinating, periods, breast hindrance and such..
I can't believe the things I'm reading though. Getting chased into the bathroom? I don't know what to say to that.
But what's the alternative? Say "no" or... what?This is some real shit. Men often like to ask, "if you're not interested in a guy who's chatting you up, why don't you just say you're not interested/tell him no/walk away?" This is exactly why. Women don't know when even a polite "no" will put us into a murder/rape scenario. Most of the time, it probably won't, but one psycho is all it takes, and we get chatted up so often that it's not worth playing Russian roulette like that.
Well I have no idea what "breast hindrance" is, but one time I accidentally spit on my chest while I was smoking because I didn't aim far enough to hit the ground, if that's what you mean.
I saw an article recently where health professionals concluded that menstrual cramps are at the same pain threshold as heart attacks. So, just to give you an idea of what that's like, I guess. Back when I was in high school, my cramps were so bad I had to stay home from school because I would be on the floor of my bathroom sweating and crying and vomiting into the toilet and staring at the shampoo bottles on the edge of my tub and wondering how much I would have to drink until it killed me because I couldn't take it anymore. Birth control fixed that problem. And that's why birth control needs to be as accessible as possible. Just because a woman's on BC doesn't mean she's a super slut who wants everyone else to pay for the sex she's having. The vast majority of women who take hormonal BC pills do so because their entire lives get disrupted once a month if they don't.
And in terms of peeing, when I was working security, I had to invest in one of those weird funnel things so that I could pee standing up because it took too much time to untuck and retuck my shirt every time I had to pee while on a site where I was the only person around to let people in at the door.
You don't have to say anything at all. Just don't be that guy. And if you see that guy around, be like that other customer who came in and called him out and got him away from me. Call the cops if that doesn't work. That's all anyone ever asks for or expects of you.
But what's the alternative? Say "no" or... what?
I think we've isolated the problem... Predators feed on this type of behavior. The only thing that will stop a predator is a strong defense. Feeding the predator will only escalate the situation and get said predator even more emotionally invested in his prey. You're just making them more hungry doing these things...just enough to appease the guy and make him feel like she was giving him attention
I think we've isolated the problem... Predators feed on this type of behavior. The only thing that will stop a predator is a strong defense. Feeding the predator will only escalate the situation and get said predator even more emotionally invested in his prey. You're just making them more hungry doing these things...
A swift and serious "no" is ALWAYS the best option, especially when you are in public and have other people to stand up for you if things escalate. If you aren't in public, fucking run...
I will never say that this does not happen. But I somehow highly doubt that this is the majority or a lot of cases to be honest. Are there any statistics for this? I think it is some modern feminist myth they use to stigmatize men. But I like to be proven wrong here. And then you have to differentiate between these events happening in actual relationships or broken up ones or from just "flirting meeting for the first time"No offense dude, but that's terrible advice that's completely divorced from the reality of the situation at hand. It doesn't matter if it's in public. Women have been stabbed, strangled, and shot on buses and subways. Just for saying no.
I will never say that this does not happen. But I somehow highly doubt that this is the majority or a lot of cases to be honest. Are there any statistics for this? I think it is some modern feminist myth they use to stigmatize men. But I like to be proven wrong here.
And people get beaten up or murdered for just looking at them. These are mostly exceptions at least in my opinion. Its like you also ould win the lottery. How big are these chances?