UpDownLeftRight
Banned
Shit post of the year? Just cause you're complacent with racism doesn't mean the world needs to be. Since your advocating racism, how about you fucking sort yourself out? Being Sikh doesn't mean you get to handwave racism.
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My brother is a massive racist, and I feel broken
- Thread starter Geist-
- Start date
Shit post of the year? Just cause you're complacent with racism doesn't mean the world needs to be. Since your advocating racism, how about you fucking sort yourself out? Being Sikh doesn't mean you get to handwave racism.
King Tubby
Member
This is basically how it goes. lol at people thinking as long as you just keep talking to them about it you'll help solve the problem or something. It's not that simple.
Snowybreak
Member
This is the best route. When dealing with hateful family members, fuck with them. Really. Just continue a barrage of questions, asked at inopportune times. Degrade their beliefs until they start doubting themselves, and then use that leverage to pull them from the pit.
It's a rough way to go, but it works.
Psychoward
Banned
It would be hard for me to love someone if they didn't support civil fucking rights lol
I thank the stars every day my immediate family never fell for the right's bullshit. My brother is even a typical jock navy seal and he still turned out great in terms of social views.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
If people have given up on their families that's fine, but they should also drop wagging their fingers at minorties for not picking up their slack.
Snowybreak
Member
Just gonna straight up insult the OP?
I'm pretty desensitized to it too. But that doesn't magically make it OK
Psychoward
Banned
...yikes
King Tubby
Member
It's not about giving up so much as hammering away at it for years and years and not seeing much in the way of results. You don't really "give up" on your family but you also aren't going to let them go completely because they have ignorant beliefs. Most of the people we're talking about here aren't attending Klan rallies or committing hate crimes.
Yes, avoiding confrontation is a trait unique to Americans, you figured it out.
Prophaniti
Banned
Nice try al qaeda.
LoserMakesGood
Member
I feel you man. The ONLY family member I haven't dropped since the start of 2016 is my wife.
Deep down I always knew that they were vile pieces of shit. I'm just glad I was somehow able to see through all that shit even at an early age. FUCK UM
Deep down I always knew that they were vile pieces of shit. I'm just glad I was somehow able to see through all that shit even at an early age. FUCK UM
cr0w
Old Member
OP, this is a complicated issue, and one you should absolutely not seek advice about on a forum like NeoGAF. You'll get about 10% reasonable responses, 50% "fuck them, cut them out of your life no matter how much they mean to you" from people who have less than zero social awareness, and 40% of the same response but given to you by people who are only saying it to stir the pot and fuck with someone who's in an emotionally fragile state.
Just a thought.
Just a thought.
Psychoward
Banned
Also this is a very relevant thread because I literally just ran in to a highschool friend at the supermarket and she and the rest of that friend group wanted to catch up because we hadn't talked for years buuuuuut one of the reasons I lost touch in the first place is because they could be horribly racist.
Off the top of my head one of the guys unironically wanted to turn the middle east in to a crater and I just out recently that another lied to an Ecuadorian illegal immigrant he was dating that he voted for Hillary Clinton even though he actually voted for Trump just so she wouldn't dump him. Because you know, he voted to kick her out of the country.
Overall I felt much better once I just stopped arguing or yelling at them and stopped entertaining their bullshit altogether.
Off the top of my head one of the guys unironically wanted to turn the middle east in to a crater and I just out recently that another lied to an Ecuadorian illegal immigrant he was dating that he voted for Hillary Clinton even though he actually voted for Trump just so she wouldn't dump him. Because you know, he voted to kick her out of the country.
Overall I felt much better once I just stopped arguing or yelling at them and stopped entertaining their bullshit altogether.
I don't really have this problem personally because my family is pretty progressive and liberal these days and we are compulsive debaters who aren't afraid to change our minds. But still, my dad can sometimes have unpalatable opinions on certain topics. I have told him clearly just how stupid I think those opinions are and that it's no use debating it if he's not going to come around on them. The result is that every time my dad brings up those topics, and he does it a lot because we're compulsive debaters, he is forced to move to my position just to get me to engage him. That's actually how we got to be progressive and liberal. Both my parents always had the empathy and emotional intelligence to be real progressives but both also come from conservative religious backgrounds. We went from a conservatively Islamic household with some progressive ideals but also a lot of ignorance, especially about sexuality, to a household that's as pro-LGBT as they come. Nobody would dare to say ignorant shit about women, trans people or gays anymore.
All I can say is that in my case, the knowledge that I'd never ever cut them off helped us grow as a family and helped my parents to be more open to changing their minds. Like I said, I have never been in a situation as some of the other people in this thread and people need to decide for themselves what the proper response is. But I can't advise others to cut off family members. Family is more important than anything IMO.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Racism consists of a lot more than easy caricatures, and requires continued effort to fight.
Most people understand that those unaffected or less affected by racism aren't going to be as motivated to fight it, that's just how people are. But in cases like this where the person in question is clearly upset and wants to help his family member wake up, it's frustrating to see people saying he should ignore it.
excelsiorlef
Member
What an absurdly low standard.
If you truly care about him and your relationship with him, rather than cut him off you should try to use your bond to influence him and his beliefs. Not in a combative way that alienates but rather with a "kill it with kindness" kind of way. I've seen people accomplish this with family over other topics (i.e. muslim girl marrying a non-muslim, etc.).
Also, how old are you guys? His words come off as incredibly immature and he might just be in an idiot phase some people go through.
Ah yes, that American DNA.
Also, how old are you guys? His words come off as incredibly immature and he might just be in an idiot phase some people go through.
Ah yes, that American DNA.
Pattycakes
Banned
The images in the OP are gone now. Anyone have a mirror?
Psychoward
Banned
Right?
Was about to say that... Why did they get removed?
Yeah that definitely might help. Fingers crossed.
excelsiorlef
Member
If you're going to shit on all "unreasonable" advice you should also include the "just don't talk about politics and civil rights" advice.
Just a thought.
Lol what even is this.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Better for the text images not to be there as there are several members and lurkers who would do untoward things with that info
Psychoward
Banned
Yep. They shouldn't be on here.
King Tubby
Member
At least have some understanding for the person who is in this position and don't pretend like it's some easy problem to deal with. It fucking sucks.
My dad used to run a convenience store in New York City in the 80's and 90's and part of that experience might have made him into a racist. I'll argue with him all day long, but it's hard for me to overturn that kind of shit. It's not like he's actively hateful either; most of my friends growing up were black and he's the type to consider them "the good ones," but it's still hard to deal with and has made me lose a lot of respect for him.
The point of that comment is to say that you're not necessarily going to cut family members out of your life for believing stupid shit if they're not actively harming others. If they were at that level, I think you absolutely try to intervene or cut them out completely if they don't listen, but most people aren't.
Psychoward
Banned
Probably, it's also harder to judge the situation without them though. A transcript or summary would be good.
cr0w
Old Member
Maybe I consider gleefully advising someone to willfully cut a family member out of their life a little less reasonable than advising them to simply avoid topics that they don't see eye to eye about.
Some people are able to exist and function in day to day life without everything boiling down to politics and civil issues. It's a radical concept, I know, but it's a very real concept.
That was my thinking
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
I think you may have missed or ignored part of my post so I'll let it drop
Effective? No. Easier. Yeah. Challengingarguing can be difficult and unpleasant. Depending on the circumstaces, some people interact with family everyday. Some people rely on family. I live with and rely on racist, Trumpist family because I don't have anywhere else right now. That "unique opportunity to challenge harmful beliefs?" If I really persisted, there'd be a unique opportunity to get kicked out on my ass. Fortunately, I got a new job a few months back that could get me out of here hopefully within the year. The point is it's a complicated issue.
I understand, OP.
ipukespiders
Member
What kind of social circle does your brother have?
Your church is going to send a racist to a foreign country. Oh jeez. Is there anyone in your church who you think can talk some sense into him?
Psychoward
Banned
Some people don't have the luxury to ignore civil issues.
excelsiorlef
Member
If you just keep silent below your absurdly already low standard you're enabling ideology that leads to rallies and hate crimes (or hate legislation).
If you keep quiet because "family" you're helping no one.
So true.
Raven117
Member
You are the older brother. You must assert the time honored right of all older brothers.
The right to beat the ever-living dog sheet out of them until they come around!
But seriously, family is important, and is important to you. Be the guide that older brothers should be. This isn't twitter, you wont fix this in a conversation or tweet. It will likely take years to get him back around.
If you do this, you will not only get your brother back, but also take a radical out of the world.
Do it for us OP. Do it for all of us.
The right to beat the ever-living dog sheet out of them until they come around!
But seriously, family is important, and is important to you. Be the guide that older brothers should be. This isn't twitter, you wont fix this in a conversation or tweet. It will likely take years to get him back around.
If you do this, you will not only get your brother back, but also take a radical out of the world.
Do it for us OP. Do it for all of us.
King Tubby
Member
I'm not talking about being silent, I'm responding to the people who say you should just cut them out of your lives completely if they don't listen.
excelsiorlef
Member
cr0w
Old Member
Big difference between ignoring them and knowing when to how to pick your battles. You can do a lot of good in other ways, i.e. volunteering, donating, being politically active, etc. and still manage to handle people you're personally involved with in more nuanced ways than simply punching them in the face and cutting them out of your life.
Logically approaching a situation tends to lead to a more beneficial result than reacting emotionally, the way a toddler would.
You would fist his ass?
Psychoward
Banned
If someone is "massively" homophobic to me as a bi man, is not dealing with them anymore after failing to convince them reacting as a toddler?
Get some perspective lol. The only benefit of reacting "logically" is you don't have to be put in a slightly uncomfortable situation once to stand up for basic moral issues.
Also benefit of acting my way: you don't have to listen to their bullshit anymore and it's reduced stress!
King Tubby
Member
Proven way to open someone up.
Worth noting, if I had stopped dealing with my parents due to racism I never would've gotten them to soften up towards gay people.
excelsiorlef
Member
Ahh yes now everyone who doesn't agree with your tactics of essentially silence are toddlers.
Caching
Psychoward
Banned
That's cool, as a gay person I don't need to be lectured on having to "pick my battles" and to stay cordial with people who hate me especially when I argued with them in the past multiple times. You do you.