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I think I've been wiping wrong my entire life.

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C

crimsondynamics

Member
At home, one wipe, front to back, then jump into the shower and use plenty of soap with the shower hose.

Outside, alternating wipes - front to back, then back to front, two times each direction, then place neatly folded tissue in the crack and pull up the underwear.

Wear the folded tissue like a sanitary napkin for an hour or two (depending on how much I walk), then go back to the toilet, spread the cheeks so the tissue falls in the toilet, then wipe another four times, but with a bit of water in the tissue to really make sure it's all clean (or if I'm lucky, they will have alcohol to clean the seats, then I'll use that).

Hate having any kind of olfactory or visual indicator that I've gone number two, especially on the underwear.

Sadly, bidets aren't common here, there is literally no space at all for a separate bidet, and nobody sells those fancy two-in-ones.
 
B

bionic77

Member
I just found out that most people eat food through their mouth and not their nose.

I can't believe I was doing it wrong the whole time.

I need to make a thread now advertising my incredibly ignorance.
 
J

Jotaka

Member
V6fRjILm.jpg

A civilized person need a civilized toilet.
 
H

hobblygobbly

Member
Generally wipe from front to back, but as men we can still cup our balls up a bit with the other hand and wipe back to front any ways, then it doesn't matter.

Basically you just don't want shit on your balls, so do whatever you like as long as that doesn't happen.
 
S

SmackDaddy

Member
Stop being a neanderthal and shove a piece of layered tp into your ass and swirl it around . If there's shit on it, so it again until it's gone. No forward to back , no back to forward. It's a drilling motion .
 
T

TwEE-N-Toast

Banned
HawksWinStanley said:
I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?
Click to expand...

You need to be stopped.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
You should actually wrap a bunch of toilet paper around your finger and stick your finger up your bum and twist it for maximun wiping efficiency.
 
jono51

jono51

Banned
Threads like these are an ever present reminder of why you should never buy used games. Who knows what the previous owner of that copy of BotW did with it, or how good his general levels of hygiene were.
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Vigilant Walrus said:
I once clogged a toilet at a exgirlfriends house, and her mom was pissed

[...]

It's embarrassing for your mother in law to see the meal she cooked for you yesterday, floating there in her toilet, along with sweet corn, and ripped toilet paper.

I broke up with my girlfriend not long after that.
Click to expand...

I don't think that term means what you think it means.
 
K

Kilvin

Member
Mammoth Jones said:
Christ. Use a bidet people. It's 2017. Stop smearing shit on yourselves.

If you got shit on your arm would you just smear it off with tissue and keep on trucking? No. Should be the same all over your body.
Click to expand...

You talk as if a bidet is common in all parts of the world. I'm in Canada and think I've encountered a bidet once maybe twice my entire life.
 
M

Meier

Member
I always wipe away from my balls.. but I've found that if I go towards the balls after some time, there's usually more in there that you just can't seem to get. I think you've gotta be comprehensive and wipe both ways.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
Meier said:
I always wipe away from my balls.. but I've found that if I go towards the balls after some time, there's usually more in there that you just can't seem to get. I think you've gotta be comprehensive and wipe both ways.
Click to expand...
Like a scrubbing motion?
 
M

moggio

Banned
François Rabelais knew how to do it right:

"'I have by a long and curious experience found out a means to wipe my bum. The most lordly, the most excellent, the most convenient that was ever seen. I have wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a Montero, with a falconer's lure. But to conclude, I say and maintain that of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.'"
Click to expand...
 
Trojita

Trojita

Rapid Response Threadmaker
crimsondynamics said:
At home, one wipe, front to back, then jump into the shower and use plenty of soap with the shower hose.

Outside, alternating wipes - front to back, then back to front, two times each direction, then place neatly folded tissue in the crack and pull up the underwear.

Wear the folded tissue like a sanitary napkin for an hour or two (depending on how much I walk), then go back to the toilet, spread the cheeks so the tissue falls in the toilet, then wipe another four times, but with a bit of water in the tissue to really make sure it's all clean (or if I'm lucky, they will have alcohol to clean the seats, then I'll use that).

Hate having any kind of olfactory or visual indicator that I've gone number two, especially on the underwear.

Sadly, bidets aren't common here, there is literally no space at all for a separate bidet, and nobody sells those fancy two-in-ones.
Click to expand...

I think the visual indicator is that you have toilet paper in your ass crack after you leave the bathroom.
 
B

Blargonaut

Banned
moggio said:
François Rabelais knew how to do it right:

"'I have by a long and curious experience found out a means to wipe my bum. The most lordly, the most excellent, the most convenient that was ever seen. I have wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a Montero, with a falconer's lure. But to conclude, I say and maintain that of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.'"
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

HawksWinStanley said:
I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?
Click to expand...

100 billion people lived and died on this planet before us
 
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