Congrats dude, you're fucking killing it!
You must be really proud, that confidence is well earned! Good luck!
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Congrats dude, you're fucking killing it!
You must be really proud, that confidence is well earned! Good luck!This is worse than a long distance relationship though. They could meet, but just haven't. They haven't even talked on the phone yet. I'm okay with a little hyperbole in that case.
You would benefit from a more flattering picture. It bothers me greatly that the ceiling is in better focus. And your face is dimly lit, which doesn't do you any favors. Good lighting (but not complete full-face light) does everyone good.
The key to taking great pictures is to take hundreds of pictures from different angles, elevations, and lighting, and pick the very best ones.
And if you really want a confidence boost - go to a proper barber and get your hair done up right. A good haircut can make the man.
EXPotemkin
Member
Congrats dude, you're fucking killing it!
Thanks man! Yeah, I'm not gonna say it's been easy. I definitely feel a lot better than I used to and a lot stronger/much better balance than back then.
EXPotemkin
Member
I'm thinking about taking a picture in front of my work place or something instead of my tiny bedroom. Also I dunno what to do with my hair to be honest. I've changed it every now and then but it always goes back to this. >_>
Keep at it man, that is good progress!
Anyways, I haven't posted in here for awhile. Had written up a whole thing about this girl that's still living with her ex. but we had a thing for each other and started dating. We got some history that took a bit to get past but it's old news at this point. I'd debated breaking things off last I posted but ended up sticking it out after thinking on it more.
Things were a bit all over the place. We haven't had any time for each other because of our schedules over the past month, and over the last week I kind of hit a wall where I thought if we can't really see each other we're probably just better off as friends. We just weren't talking as much as we used to and I was getting stressed.
Long story short we argued about it a few times, finally got to see her for a bit before I had to go to work one day when we were both back in town and talked it out. Was hard but damn, seems we really do like each other a lot. Talking in person and looking right in each others eyes made a big difference - a lot more raw emotion from both of us.
It came up again because I thought she'd have some time this weekend and instead she just said she had some other plans. Didn't really expand on what was up, so I started thinking well shit, if you aren't gonna make time for us then maybe an open relationship would work better?
She didn't like that idea lol.. Argued a bit more but I think we got more cleared up. Got more of an explanation of what was going on - Mainly friends from out of state passing through she hadn't seen in years, and the only time she had after work was towards that. Made some definite plans to see each other this week. We're talking more again; working on things.
It's not an 'easy' relationship but I know she's really keen on keeping me around, and things will get better over time when their lease is up and I can get better hours at my job - Working overnights has been stressful and makes it difficult to do anything together.
On a positive note - Got to take this her to a friends wedding at the beginning of the month, which was awesome. I acted a fool towards the end of the night (too many drinks had a lot to do with it) but it was a good time regardless.
I'll keep sticking it out. We make a good team when we aren't throwin' shade at each other and I think we're past the worst of it.
ZackieChan
Member
That's great. Congrats! Hopefully I didn't offend you.
I would ditch the bangs, but I'm bald in the front so wtf do I know
Honestly, I wouldn't discuss the weight loss in your profile. And I wouldn't just go take a photo outside your work. You want photos that show you either looking sexy as fuck or doing something really interesting. At work? I don't think so.
Or photos of you with cute dogs.
Try either using some mousse and go for an intentionally messy look, or go for a classic side part. If you're truly unsure what to do spend some time on Google/Yelp/your local Reddit, and find a damn good gentlemen's barber. They should be able to help you find something that'll work for your head shape, and will teach you how to do it.
EXPotemkin
Member
That's great. Congrats! Hopefully I didn't offend you.
I would ditch the bangs, but I'm bald in the front so wtf do I know
Honestly, I wouldn't discuss the weight loss in your profile. And I wouldn't just go take a photo outside your work. You want photos that show you either looking sexy as fuck or doing something really interesting. At work? I don't think so.
Or photos of you with cute dogs.
Nah, not really. I thought it was more funny than offensive. You couldn't have known. I meant as in take a picture outside of work like with it in the background or something.
Does a cute cat work?
Shuggananas
Banned
NOPE. Don't.
Cute dog might work (actually any dog), but a cat ? Ehhhh
ZackieChan
Member
Got to talk to her, unfortunately if she had those feelings they're probably long gone. Was just a casual conversation but during that time she mentioned she had a new boyfriend so I didn't even bother asking.
I really need to stop being so fucking insecure, I had 3 near death experiences these past 5 years which scare me half as much compared to just asking someone out for a drink
I really need to stop being so fucking insecure, I had 3 near death experiences these past 5 years which scare me half as much compared to just asking someone out for a drink
ZackieChan
Member
Got to talk to her, unfortunately if she had those feelings they're probably long gone. Was just a casual conversation but during that time she mentioned she had a new boyfriend so I didn't even bother asking.
I really need to stop being so fucking insecure, I had 3 near death experiences these past 5 years which scare me half as much compared to just asking someone out for a drink
But now you know. So you won't waste time trying to move this relationship forward and you can recalibrate things as friends.
True Savior
Member
Yes you should. No reason not to be polite.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I need some opinions.
Quick detail:
Girl has had an illness for the past year or so. Sometimes (every week or so, or less) she gets sick enough to where she doesn't even get out of bed. This is a fact. I've known her for longer than this year, and knew about her being sick before we started talking.
Situation:
It's been about two months talking to her. I've seen her twice since we've been talking. We text all the time, and when I ask, she's really receptive to going out on a date. We always make a day, then once it arrives, she's sick. This has happened 5 times so far. I know that she gets sick often, but damn, It's really hard not to take notice that she's more sick consistently on the days we were supposed to chill.
Here's a little bit more context. Saturday we text all day, all positive, maybe 50-75 messages. Sunday we were supposed to chill. So I hit her at 11AM I don't get a text back until 9:30 PM saying she's sorry she was sick all day and was sleeping most of it.
So since this has been happening, I text her this.
"Well I hope you feel better soon
Any day you're feeling up for doing something,
I'm all the way down. So just let me know!"
Seems like a reasonable way to deal with it?
Also, place your bets on whether I'm being played or not.. lol
Quick detail:
Girl has had an illness for the past year or so. Sometimes (every week or so, or less) she gets sick enough to where she doesn't even get out of bed. This is a fact. I've known her for longer than this year, and knew about her being sick before we started talking.
Situation:
It's been about two months talking to her. I've seen her twice since we've been talking. We text all the time, and when I ask, she's really receptive to going out on a date. We always make a day, then once it arrives, she's sick. This has happened 5 times so far. I know that she gets sick often, but damn, It's really hard not to take notice that she's more sick consistently on the days we were supposed to chill.
Here's a little bit more context. Saturday we text all day, all positive, maybe 50-75 messages. Sunday we were supposed to chill. So I hit her at 11AM I don't get a text back until 9:30 PM saying she's sorry she was sick all day and was sleeping most of it.
So since this has been happening, I text her this.
"Well I hope you feel better soon
Any day you're feeling up for doing something,
I'm all the way down. So just let me know!"
Seems like a reasonable way to deal with it?
Also, place your bets on whether I'm being played or not.. lol
ZackieChan
Member
I dunno, I've done decently with cat pics in the past
Impossible! Did you date crazy old cat ladies?
Played? Probably not. I assume it's legit. All you can do is put the ball in her court and start moving on with your life.
Don't text so goddamned much, either.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I was literally like ten seconds from texting her good morning. 😅
I'm not sure if I should now.
????
Of course cats are cute.
All depends on people's preferences.
No, let her come to you, you've done more than enough already.
ZackieChan
Member
Cats are the worst.
stn
Member
@EXPotemkin
Congrats man, that requires a lot of dedication. Glad to hear. You have to keep at it, though. Tinder is very superficial, the odds are against any guy that isn't considered at least above average. Try OKC before you try Tinder, at least there you can show your personality.
@RayWonder
I'm pretty sure we all told you this before but here goes. Dude, you gotta stop the texting. Its a mood killer. The best way to not bang or date a girl is to constantly text her. Especially boring shit like "Good Morning". Talking constantly just makes you a comfortable, non-sexual friend for her. Very rarely does it actually work in your favor. Stop the bleeding.
Is she always sick when you want to hangout? Stop asking her. Assume its legitimate and leave her be. The ball is now in her court.
Congrats man, that requires a lot of dedication. Glad to hear. You have to keep at it, though. Tinder is very superficial, the odds are against any guy that isn't considered at least above average. Try OKC before you try Tinder, at least there you can show your personality.
@RayWonder
I'm pretty sure we all told you this before but here goes. Dude, you gotta stop the texting. Its a mood killer. The best way to not bang or date a girl is to constantly text her. Especially boring shit like "Good Morning". Talking constantly just makes you a comfortable, non-sexual friend for her. Very rarely does it actually work in your favor. Stop the bleeding.
Is she always sick when you want to hangout? Stop asking her. Assume its legitimate and leave her be. The ball is now in her court.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I can't make any promises on this.
The only reason though is because her dad told me she's weird with this stage of dating, and I should try to stick with her because once I get past that step she's great.
I'll wait a couple days at least.
We text about fucking as well though lmao.
Also, she good morning's me too. This isn't a one way street here. If I get a text, I'm not going to ignore the shit.
Fallout-NL
Member
Maybe you should try to get her dad to help you out a little bit in that case (encouraging her to actually see you once in a while). Sticking with it is fine and everything, but lots of texting doesn't always work in your favor (you risk being seen as a confidence booster / time waster when she needs that). Though of course that doesn't always have to be the case (but it often is
).Shuggananas
Banned
Cats are cute but being in a picture with a cat isn't cute at all
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Yeah, I'm probably not going to talk to her dad. That seems a little desperate sounding to me.
EDIT: MAYBE if we happen to be talking about her, and throw it in real quick like "If she'd let me take her out" just as a hint, but I wouldn't ask him straight up.
Fallout-NL
Member
No I wouldn't recommend that out of the blue as I obviously don't know what the situation is like that you would have discussed things like that with him in the first place. But should the subject ever come up with him again, jokingly suggesting that he do that probably won't hurt.
/edit: anyway, as for what you should actually do... I think keeping your responses via texting courteous but short and to the point is one. Second, don't start conversations, let her start them. Third, then bring up the possibility of a date/hanging out. If she evades the subject, tell her you're busy and you have to get back to whatever you're doing. (Especially if this has been going on for a while now. Just make it clear that you're not in it just to be some kind of pen pal.)
I really enjoy texting so I don't think it's really a problem on an objective level. It's down to the person really. In your case I'd stop texting until she reaches out.
I'm dealing with something somewhat similar though. Like I've said in here before I haven't talked to Tori since that shitty ass party two weeks ago. "Social hibernation", she says. Carried into thanksgiving break and she didn't reach out during then either- understandable since she's been with family but that doesn't stop me from really missing her.
She texted me this morning to say happy birthday (I'm 20 today) and I said thanks, asked her how her break was. "It was fine, I hope yours was too". I said it was great and mentioned that I saw her last few tweets talking about being stressed out, "I hope you're doing ok, thanks for the happy birthday. c: hmu when you want to talk/hang again." Not gonna text her again until at least after exams are over if she doesn't reach out to me before then. I've got my own shit going on anyway so it shouldn't be too lonely.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
She never once has avoided the subject. She just gets sick on the day we decide. lol.
It's taxing on me, but literally how could I be upset if she's sick af.
Well Happy Birthday, and that all sounds pretty reasonable.
I guess I'll just wait it out.
I mean, it could end up being she texts me today, we make another day and I'm back at square one when she's sick again.
Fallout-NL
Member
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Maybe stick with for a little while longer. If it persists, I would just straight up ask. "Hey, I noticed that you cancelled every appointment we've made lately. I totally understand if it's because you're not feeling well. However, if it's actually because you're having doubts about seeing me, I'd rather you just tell me that."
Something like that.
Maybe stick with for a little while longer. If it persists, I would just straight up ask. "Hey, I noticed that you cancelled every appointment we've made lately. I totally understand if it's because you're not feeling well. However, if it's actually because you're having doubts about seeing me, I'd rather you just tell me that
."Something like that.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Maybe stick with for a little while longer. If it persists, I would just straight up ask. "Hey, I noticed that you cancelled every appointment we've made lately. I totally understand if it's because you're not feeling well. However, if it's actually because you're having doubts about seeing me, I'd rather you just tell me that
Something like that.
That sounds crazy passive aggressive lol
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Maybe stick with for a little while longer. If it persists, I would just straight up ask. "Hey, I noticed that you cancelled every appointment we've made lately. I totally understand if it's because you're not feeling well. However, if it's actually because you're having doubts about seeing me, I'd rather you just tell me that
Something like that.
Yeah, I've said something along these lines before. After the second cancel. She said
"How much fun would it be if it was easy 😇😇
Don't worry though, I'm not playing with you or anything so please don't think that."'
So three more cancellations later and I'm still feeling like wtf.
Yeah I said it a bit differently lol
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
This last time, yesterday, was when I text her at 11AM and she didn't get back til 9:30PM saying she's sorry and she was sick/slept all day.
Edit:
Her: I'm sorry I've just been so sick all day and I've been sleeping
Me: I hate your doctors rn lol
Her: I hate my existence rn
Me: I hope you feel better soon 🙂
Any day you're feeling up for doing something I'm all the way down. So just let me know!
electricshake
Member
Yes! Cats are the best! Much better than dogs.
True, I'm just thinking about how I could have been so stupid to not notice that she was ( potentially ) interested in me. I had so many opportunities these past few months but I always chickened out.
stn
Member
@RayWonder
Honestly, the whole situation you described is weird to me. For one, don't involve her dad in this. And yes, stop texting so much. When something isn't going in the direction you want, regardless of the reason, you change it.
You can talk about fucking her every day, it means nothing if she's sick every time you want to go out. At some point you have to see the writing on the wall and realize one of the following:
1. It isn't going to work out
2. You're doing something wrong
Either way, the ball is in her court now. That means less talking and availability. She will come to when she's healthy. Its a waste of time to become so involved with someone who's flaking on you. She may actually be legitimately sick all the time. But she's still flaking on you.
Honestly, the whole situation you described is weird to me. For one, don't involve her dad in this. And yes, stop texting so much. When something isn't going in the direction you want, regardless of the reason, you change it.
You can talk about fucking her every day, it means nothing if she's sick every time you want to go out. At some point you have to see the writing on the wall and realize one of the following:
1. It isn't going to work out
2. You're doing something wrong
Either way, the ball is in her court now. That means less talking and availability. She will come to when she's healthy. Its a waste of time to become so involved with someone who's flaking on you. She may actually be legitimately sick all the time. But she's still flaking on you.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Time to bail, Ray.
Don't linger, just bail.
Don't linger, just bail.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Fair enough.. I'll take a step back to see if she will come to.
Her dad is my pizza delivery guy, so that's when he talked to me about her. I actually didn't even know that he knew, until he said something about it at my door with pizza in hand.
Ehhh, not quite yet.
Fallout-NL
Member
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
It doesn't help that this girl is pretty much my dream girl.
I kinda don't want to give up, like, at all, if possible.
And the two times we did chill were dope.
This is why I like being fucking single though.
This is entirely too much shit to think about.
I kinda don't want to give up, like, at all, if possible.
And the two times we did chill were dope.
This is why I like being fucking single though.
This is entirely too much shit to think about.
Fallout-NL
Member
Also a very good reason for not being single .
Just do what feels right, don't let us tell you to give it up, but try to keep some of the advice in mind.
.Just do what feels right, don't let us tell you to give it up, but try to keep some of the advice in mind.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Also a very good reason for not being single
Just do what feels right, don't let us tell you to give it up, but try to keep some of the advice in mind.
Believe me, no matter what yinz say, I'm going to do what I think is best.
Which could very well be something one of you says. lol
n64coder
Member
Personally, I think you're wasting your time. Back off and let her initiate like others have mentioned. Pursue other women out there.
The last two times you actually got together, what did you do?
Another approach might be when she starts texting you again, ask her what she's doing and see if she wants to meet right now or later that day.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
This wasn't like I wanted to start dating so I went looking for her. It just happened the way it did. If I don't end up with this girl, I'm 100% fine with being single. I'm not looking to get into the dating scene, I'm looking to date this specific girl.
Both times we just hung out one on one in my home studio. The second time we literally were together for about 8 or so hours, just talking and getting to know each other. And it was pretty fucking great. She kept saying shit like "why can't we just run away and forget all this" and I was saying corny shit like I do because I'm a hopeless romantic. We definitely hit it off. No question. She could've hopped in her car and been out any time within that day if it wasn't going well.
She said she wanted to do something like two days after, and that's the first time she cancelled saying she was sick.
I think I'll try this.
ZackieChan
Member
Eh, we all have those regrets. Learn from it and move on!
@Wonderboy
Don't involve her dad! That's like the lamest thing ever. And do what STN is saying. Stop texting so damn much. You are in a classic friendzone situation, with no physical meeting. Start dating other women. Asap.
Fuck, you live in the 'Burgh? Tinder was a nightmare for me there.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Her dad started it! lol
I don't want to join the dating world right now. I'm literally OK with being single. It's just I had to take a shot at this specific girl.
And I'm not being friendzoned, I make it abundantly clear to her that that's not where I'm gonna be. lol. She actually has a poor chap friendzoned rn, the guy is friendzoned with her and her best friend. Feel bad for the dude, from what she told me about what her friend has done to him in the past.
I do live in the burgh, and I'm not going on Tinder. lol
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
You don't want to date but you don't want to give up because she's your dream girl? And I agree with others saying it's time to move on if she's cancelled 3 times now.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I don't want to join the dating scene. Meaning I don't care about going out, and seeing if I could find a person to date.
I wanted to date a specific person, and if that doesn't work out then I'm not going out looking for someone else. For now at least. I have to much shit on my plate at the moment, and I don't need the hassle.
She's cancelled 5 whole times by the way. lol
ZackieChan
Member
This girl sounds like more of a hassle than any other girl you could date, but whatevs.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
She is definitely more hassle. Not disputing that.
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