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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #39: Of Plants & Trees

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B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #39: Of Plants & Trees

plants.jpg


Theme: Of Plants & Trees

Congratulations to Ashes1396 for winning the last challenge, the theme he's chosen for this challenge is 'Of Plants & Trees'. Interpret the theme however you see fit.

Secondary Objective: The return of the Limerick

If you choose to write a secondary poem
there's one thing you should be knowing;
to write in a limerick style,
you need to rhyme all the while
and keep the rhythm flowing.

Poetry Thread Rules 2.0

For poets entering:

  • You are allowed one entry based on the theme; and an optional second entry, if it meets the secondary objective.
  • There are no word counts. Interpret the theme as you wish.
  • If you're a brave soul, there is a 'super secret' optional objective: performing the poem. Don't worry - we will only judge your official entry (the written version). Try it out. Poetry Slams are always cool. ;)
For voters:

  • You can vote even if you haven't posted a poem.
  • Vote for your three favourite poems. But remember that:
    • you can't vote for your self
    • you can't pick two poems from the same author
    • you can't vote for an entry labelled 'ineligible'
  • You cannot win unless you vote.
Competition:

  • The contest runs for two weeks.
  • The deadline is on the last Friday. Once the final entry list is up, the voting begins; it finishes at the end of the weekend.
  • How we count the votes:
    • 1st place is allocated 3 pts; 2nd is allocated 2pts; 3rd is allocated 1pt
    • If there is no outright winner, we add half a point to 1st place, so that the person with the most first place votes win. If we still don't have a winner, we then leave it up to the op to decide how to best go about it; or to choose the outright winner
  • The winner gets a round of applause. They are then in charge of the new thread. If you can't make a new thread, just ask somebody in the current thread, and they might do it for you.
General:

  • This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
  • We like to keep the finale on the alternative week to its sister thread: the creative writing thread. Every so often, we get interrupted, such as during E3, and/or Nanowrimo.
  • The archives and the op templates are managed by Bootaaay. If you have a question about it, you can pm him.
  • A big thank you to him, and everybody else who manages the thread week in and week out. We would be worse off without them.
  • Everybody is welcome to enjoy the poetry on offer, or just vote, or just critique.

Submission Deadline; (PST)

t1323500400z4.png


Voting Deadline; (PST)

t1323673200z4.png


The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person)
Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment)
Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance)
Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks)
Poetry Challenge #21: A Night on the Town (+ Didactic Poems)
Poetry Challenge #22: A Letter to the World (+ Inside Outside Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #23: The Blues
Poetry Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond (+ Prose Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #25: Futurism (+ Avoid Technology)
Poetry Challenge #26: Prove you Exist (+ Lyrical Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #27: Love, Happiness, Peace, Summer & Pixar! (+ Couplets)
Poetry Challenge #28: Dying Earth (+ Blank Verse)
Poetry Challenge #29: War (+ Narrative/Epic Poems)
Poetry Challenge #30: Dreams (+ the return of First Person)
Poetry Challenge #31: At Gunpoint (+ Epic Poetry/Broetry)
Poetry Challenge #32: Two Sides of an Epic Coin Toss (+ Metre & Rhythm)
Poetry Challenge #33: Lust (+ Poetry Slam)
Poetry Challenge #34: Fear (+ Lyric Poetry *To Accompaniment)
Poetry Challenge #35: Detachment (+ A return to allegory)
Poetry Challenge #36: Open (+ Throw Paint on the Wall, See What Sticks!)
Poetry Challenge #37: Chained (+ Cinquain poetry)
Poetry Challenge #38: The Human Experience
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

ulMAd.png


 
B

British Monsoon

Member
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Lol, perhaps we should extend the deadline? It may have been a bit ambitious continuing during NaNo, and this is too good of a theme to let go to waste through the thread's inactivity.
 
I

iavi

Member
I'm for extending the deadline, if you guys are for it. I have a few in the works, but the holiday has slowed me considerably.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Extension it is. How long though? carry through to the next two week round or the end of the weekend?
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
I guess it would be easier if we carried into the next two-week period, so as to slot back in with the writing challenges after NaNo.

Working on a piece for this at the moment, hopefully I'll have something submitted within a day or so.
 
I

iavi

Member
Goes my love,
To the siren seated side the lake.
For, no reason in particular,
You smile as my muse.
For I am but a fickle man.
A soul changed with even the smallest changes,
Of season.
So, for what good reason,
Could I not have been born a tree?
 
A

Ashes

Banned
flower, flower, floating in the wind...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING ME, SPEAK TO ME IN ENGLISH...
...please.

:p

---- Don't mind me. Just your old fashioned wake up call.

*whistles as he walks down an empty cobbled street*
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Upon the horizon the sun breaks,
bringing with it the chorus of dawn
and the world gradually wakes,
night’s curtain once more drawn
as another day begins anew,
a chill breeze bracing the air,
trees glistening with morning dew
while people arise without a care,
to the sweet sounds of birdsong,
life proceeding as it does every day
and above the sun shines on strong,
over a land alive in a multitude of ways.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
#entry removed... forget dat... I'll post something I've been working on since the original deadline...
 
I

iavi

Member
Lol, you should have just left it in a secondary or something, ashes. I didn't get the chance to see it.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
QmHgi.jpg


Of plants and trees

Of plants and trees,
I have nothing but good things to say,
and wonder to speak,
they provide shelter & shade,
as I lie here reflecting,
on how they let us breathe.

The Sunday grass reminds me of Ma's picnics,
On wooden benches, I always preferred to sit,
and read. My books are made from leaf,
the flowers I bought you, today,
ain't that a modest gesture made sweet?
They make beautiful metaphors, don't they?
They make the greatest fragrances,
they have no airs or graces,
they are the words that nature speaks.
A thorn protects her rose,
a tree lets her children be,
freeing them at the first opportunity.
And all they do is seek the light,
and don't they feed in peace?
and mind their own business,
and thinking about it,
they are my food literally,
figuratively, spiritually, and all
they do is sit there
all majestic,
whether that be a single flower,
shaken a little by the winter breeze,
or a tall oak tree,
from my childhood memories,
with a swing hanging down its branches.

One day, my child will grow up,
and she'll point to dem trees,
daddy, why do you look at the trees all day?
I don't know, I'll say,
- as I watch the leaves bend
to the whim of the breeze-
they help us to breathe darlin,
they help us breathe.
 
N

Neutrality

Member
Autumn in Empire


You are

Some bitter moon stuck in the sky,
A mother singing lullabies
For her son to sleep
And oh he will dream.
Of love and awkward happiness
Two things that he thinks still exist
Oh to live
so naive.



I am

The Darkness that you'll love tonight,
But surely grow to hate me, come the morning.
The words that you will love to say,
The words I will hate to hear
"We're broken."
Some melody without a song
A stone that you could skip across the ocean.
The tree that you'll cut down to build your house
You'll live and love in, out in the open.
Some flowers that I picked for you
But you will never water,
and I
will surely die
out in your
garden.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Regrettably late, but I tried my hand at a limerick;

The piper played his mournful tune
amid the darkened midnight gloom
and as the trees did sway,
on and on he did play,
beneath the lambent light of the moon.

His notes called deep into the night,
yearning, they begged for one last sight
of his departed bride,
who sailed with the tide
life stolen by the water's might.

Her broken body silently washed ashore,
and that sight of her he did most abhor,
her flesh pale and grey,
across which the crabs did play
as from her ruined lips, salt water poured.
 
I

iavi

Member
FantasticMrFoxdie said:
Was wondering about this thread a few weeks ago...bummer I missed out.

how often are these held?

EDIT: Will read and vote later
Click to expand...

Another will be up not too long after the voting on this one ends... Hopefully. We've been slipping a bit lately due to all of the other writing endeavors that ran this month, but this next challenge will probably put the thread back on track.
 
I

iavi

Member
[Crits]

Bootaaay -Dawn

Your phrasing here was apt, and I did enjoy how well this was able to illustrate the indifference of dawn in relation to all of the issues one may be experiencing as they rise in the morning... but it lacked an edge, for a lack of better phrasing. It felt a tad bit safe.

Ashes1396 - Of plants & trees

This was an enjoyable read. Your ability to interject a sense of 'person' into your pieces did it wonders. I do feel as if it began to wane towards the end, ending on a bit typical of a note, but lines such as

"they are the words that nature speaks.
A thorn protects her rose,
a tree lets her children be,"

Makes it hard not to appreciate.

Neutrality - Autumn in Empire

The 'I Am' block was beautiful. The second half however, went right over my head, regrettably. It looks as if you have something interesting there, but I can't make much of it.

Bootaaay - Untitled


I feel as if it started a bit slow, but that imagery towards the end was as riveting as ever.

[Votes]

1. Ashes1396 - Of plants & tress
2. Bootaaay - Dawn
3. Neutrality - Autumn in Empire
 
G

Grakl

Member
Didn't see this until too late, oh well.

Votes:

1. Bootaaay - Untitled
2. Neutrality - Autumn in Empire
3. Miri - don't dare nod

If you want a critique just ask, I suppose.
 
I

iavi

Member
I'll take a crit, if you don't mind. Also, you have a typo in your second choice. Were you voting for Ashes, or Neutrality? The title makes me think Neutrality.
 
G

Grakl

Member
Miri said:
I'll take a crit, if you don't mind. Also, you have a typo in your second choice. Were you voting for Ashes, or Neutrality? The title makes me think Neutrality.
Click to expand...

Right you are, it was Neutrality.

Miri said:
I must admit that I feel like shit.
But could feel good when I was able to assess
Within even all her mess, that I had a bitch that felt the same.
But I’m unable to do that now.
How’s one supposed to feel good when greeted at their front door
With the shoddily veiled remnants of a crime scene?
When met with a silhouette--hardly remorse wrought in posture--tussled, her mane,
The air as enthralled--overwhelmed with the scent of a vagina slain
--I just can’t.
And I don’t need her answers.
I need the healing brought about with mental game;
One that involves not the mention of names,
But her silence,
As she sits there, half-dressed,
And attempts to answer my questions.
Click to expand...

I think this is an interesting thought experiment (wrong term, more like situation, all too common, that shows) for how we relate ourselves to other people and how we simply adjust our moods according to how others act - it's in our nature, I suppose. I believe it's supposed to meet both the theme and the secondary objective, so I assume you take the stance here as simply natural instead of literally a plant.

The imagery here is nice (disgustingly so, which is definitely fine and works here, but I don't exactly know if I really want to 'feel' the smell of a vagina) and helps establish the setting and mood well. Describing a person as a "crime scene" sounds good, and allows me to understand what has happened. It also sets up the narrator for disappointment, allowing him to, indeed, continue to fell shitty (heh). I don't really like you saying "the air as enthralled," and you could probably word it differently.

I can talk more about how the whole line 6 is actually the most important one in the poem, I feel, with regards to the tone as well as the setting, but I'm sure you understand why. Basically what I said earlier regarding the crime scene part.

I believe this is about cheating on the narrator, and I feel that you give emotion regarding what has occurred well. It may have been better if the narrator (which I feel is you, as well) didn't even attempt to ask her questions. In fact, simply removing the last line would give the poem more emotion.

Overall, I felt that it was still a rather emotional poem that described a situation well, as good poems should. At times it felt rather 'edgy' for edgy sake, if you know what I mean, but it was cohesive and relatable.

If there's anything you have questions about, just ask.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
1. Of plants and trees - echoing what Miri said, you often manage to give your poetry a really personal tone, sometimes informal in it's language, but formal in it's structure, and I think that works really well. I didn't like the opening stanza, but in retrospect I loved the note which you end upon, and the callback to that final line of the first stanza.
2. Autumn in Empire - some really nice imagery in this one, bitter moon, melody without a song, flowers picked that you never water, etc
3. don't dare nod - I liked the tone of this piece and that while it has no set rhyming structure, rhyming pairs like assess/mess, door/remorse and the multiple end rhymes mane/slain/game/names set the pace and really help the piece flow.
 
F

FantasticMrFoxdie

Mumber
Ashes1396 - Of plants and trees

Very vivid piece. Especially with the picture complimenting it.

Bootaaay - Dawn

Enjoyed the way each line sort of feeds into the other.

Neutrality - Autumn in Empire

I looked for the Ottoman Empire and found its darkness somewhere inbetween those lines...

Until next time, y'all. "A morning glory at my window, satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books"
Booo Finals Week :)
 
N

Neutrality

Member
Time zones, they are so odd.
Anyway, this is late but the votes aren't tallied yet so....

1. Bootaaaaaaay - Dan

2. Ashes - Of Plants and trees

3. Miri - Don't Dare Nod

It's sort of funny that's its just the four of us.
Each tallying the other three's poems.


-ediit-
Also, what do you mean it went over your head Miri?
If you don't mind sharing of course!
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1. Bootaaay - untitled... I have a soft spot for these kind of poems. Nicely put.

2. Miri - Short and felt like an artist drawing just what he sees. Nicely done.

3. Neutrality - deep, rich, and broad. Nicely drawn.

Overall:

Good variety and depth... good stuff.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Just tallying the votes, which of Miri's pieces was your vote for Ashes? No matter, it doesn't really effect the outcome;

1. Ashes1396 - Of Plants & Trees - 11 points (3)
2. Bootaaay - Dawn - 7 points (1)
2. Neutrality - Autumn in Empire - 7 points
3. Bootaaay - Untitled - 6 points (2)
4. Miri - Don't dare nod - 5 points

Congratulations to the winner of this challenge, Ashes1396, whom it falls to decide upon the next topic. I'll post the updated templates shortly... (famous last words).

Good show all-round and thank you to everyone who entered and voted!
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Yeah, forget positions, that was some deep stuff there... Good reading....

Protocol don't really matter, can someone post the next thread for me please.. Main theme something like:

Homelessness...

And for the secondary, a poetry form, if possible.

Work week is heavy, if I post a new thread, it'll be at least a couple of days from now. At the earliest..

oh and the creative writing thread is back... just in case you didn't know... Thanks for entering, reading, critiquing, voting, and generally managing the thread...
 
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