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British Monsoon · Jan 10, 2012

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #42: Eve of Destruction

Theme: Eve of Destruction

"The eastern world, it is explodin',
violence flarin', bullets loadin',
you're old enough to kill, but not for votin',
you don't believe in war, what's that gun you're totin',
and even the Jordan river has bodies floatin',
but you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction."

-- "Eve of Destruction", Barry McGuire, 1965

The theme this week comes from the title of Barry McGuire's 1965 protest song 'Eve of Destruction' that dealt with growing fears over nuclear war, but feel free to interpret it however you see fit.

Optional Secondary Objective: Chōka

The 'Chōka' (literally meaning 'Long Poem'), is one of the most complex forms of Japanese poetry and is made up of three or more 'Katauta' (poem fragments), which are 3-line stanzas consisting of either 19 or 17 'Onji' (syllables) in a 5-7-7 or 5-7-5 pattern, similar to haikus. A pair of katauta stanzas are usually linked by theme, or even as a question and answer, but there's no upper limit on the number of katauta you can use. You can mix 19 and 17 onji katauta as you see fit and also later chōka poems often included a 2-line mini-stanza of 12 syllables, divided as 5-7, which could be used to mark the mid-point or end of a poem, or indicate a turn in theme or change of narrator, etc. Here's an example layout of a chōka that mixes 19, 17 and 12 onji katauta;

1st stanza; 5-7-7
2nd stanza; 5-7-5
3rd stanza; 5-7
4th stanza; 5-7-5
5th stanza; 5-7-7

Or, a more simple layout;

1st stanza; 5-7-7
2nd stanza; 5-7-5
3rd stanza; 5-7-7

But you could simply stick to a 5-7-7 or 5-7-5 style throughout. Also, it must have 3 or more stanzas, as a 2 katauta poem is a 'sedōka'.

Poetry Thread Rules 2.0

For poets entering:

You are allowed one entry based on the theme; and an optional second entry, if it meets the secondary objective.
There are no word counts. Interpret the theme as you wish.
If you're a brave soul, there is a 'super secret' optional objective: performing the poem. Don't worry - we will only judge your official entry (the written version). Try it out. Poetry Slams are always cool.

For voters:

You can vote even if you haven't posted a poem.
Vote for your three favourite poems. But remember that:
- you can't vote for your self
- you can't pick two poems from the same author
- you can't vote for an entry labelled 'ineligible'
You cannot win unless you vote.

Competition:

The contest runs for two weeks.
The deadline is on the last Friday. Once the final entry list is up, the voting begins; it finishes at the end of the weekend.
How we count the votes:
- 1st place is allocated 3 pts; 2nd is allocated 2pts; 3rd is allocated 1pt
- If there is no outright winner, we add half a point to 1st place, so that the person with the most first place votes win. If we still don't have a winner, we then leave it up to the op to decide how to best go about it; or to choose the outright winner
The winner gets a round of applause. They are then in charge of the new thread. If you can't make a new thread, just ask somebody in the current thread, and they might do it for you.

General:

This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
We like to keep the finale on the alternative week to its sister thread: the creative writing thread. Every so often, we get interrupted, such as during E3, and/or Nanowrimo.
The archives and the op templates are managed by Bootaaay. If you have a question about it, you can pm him.
A big thank you to him, and everybody else who manages the thread week in and week out. We would be worse off without them.
Everybody is welcome to enjoy the poetry on offer, or just vote, or just critique.

Submission Deadline; (PST)

Voting Deadline; (PST)

British Monsoon · Jan 10, 2012

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

ahoyhoy - Freedom
Alarif - Light Blue Reminds Her, Second Movement of Discordia Part 2, Uncanny, The Balloon, Untitled, A Game of Cat, Mouse & Fuck Bioware, Blessed
Amir0x - A painful note, Battlefield Bliss
AnkitT - Gray Areas, Point of View, I See, Internal Conflict, Sightsee, The Circlejerk, Be Pee, You Expected a Title? Really?, Development Hell, Cover Your Eyes, They Say I Talk in Obsoletes, Collective, Sensory Deprivation, Nuclear Winter, Deception, Cremation, Match Made in Heaven, Nobody Came to Mine, Hot Douche, Asylum, Deadbeat, Happenstance, It's Personal, Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40, Untitled, Fossil, Placeholder, If Only, Don't fight back, and see what happens., On again off again, Open to Interpretation, Open Your Mind
Ashes1396 - Left and Right, Trouble Belongs to Me, The Head & Tails of it All, Blind Faith, The Brain, the Heart, the Kidneys, Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs, Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide, und sex?, Golden Phoenix & River Thames, Nobody has time in the city of London for anyone else, Developers, or a poem written in one go in under ten minutes, Soft dreams treading on winter nights, Live, War Torn Machine, Taking Flight From the Nest, The Abominably Rich Man, Prison, A Pure Winter's Daughter, Mechanical Heart, Frightened Rabbits, The brevity of life, Valentines day is over; see you next year!, Don't be sad John., Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle, Thief, High Seas, Why Believe in Hope?, Time, my best friend, What a Wonderful World, The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!, Lonesome Boat, Death Likes War, till we awake, Sleeping beauty, Rest amongst the lilies, Hometown Glory, Mindless violence? Fuck you! - A Youth Cut Rhapsody, Her Words, Walk Not Alone, The unkempt poet on Old Holloway road, We are in this together., Torn, Open for Business =/= The Cracks in the Ceiling, Spectator at a Fireworks Festival, A modern retelling of a Shakespearean tragedy, A Grandma upon hearing her dear friend was ill..., Of plants and trees., Broken Homes =/= Childhood dreams, Free Escape
Beelzebozo - Letters
Bootaaay - Untitled, "Happy" I muttered, trying to pin the word down, November Rain, Vuvuzela & Untitled, Delirium Tremens, Poor Gary Coleman, Nimbus Watching & Crocodile Tears, An Ode to Oscar (the former life of the party), Nerevarine, Trev & Bill's night out on the town, Bastogne, A Man Out of Time, A Dose of Reality, The Storm, The Tower, Smaug, Winter's Shroud, Gone to Ground, Live to Regret, The Sourceress & Current Affairs, Beneath the Waves, Morning Dew, Sea Spray, In the ink deep blackness of night-time's embrace., Ticker Tack, Vigil, Carousel, Death Rattle, Where the Wind Blows, The Road Yet Travelled, A Summer Death, From the ashes of empires we rose once more, Bloodied & Torn, Crows, Streets of London, A Wasp Among the Hoverflies, Either or Or?, Corpse Lights, Sea Wall, Unknown, Wake to See the Sun, Brimstone, Shroud, Whiled Turkey, Deceit, Caged, The Piecemeal Soldier, Sunny Disposition, Dawn, Untitled, Cold, Untitled
Botolf - I Heard Something, The Lights, O Musician
ChiefKief - He Carries On
cory - I'm not that Fond of Ramen
Cryptozoologist - Untitled
Cyan - Goals, George Washington & Ashes1396, Adrian Brody, Untitled, Slow, the End
Dartastic - Untitled, Untitled #2, Within - "Fear"
Davedough - Concious Babblings of a Frail Psyche
disappeared - January 27th, maybe tomorrow., Ape Shit, at last
Divine - Life or Death
Dresden - Chipping Away at the Statue, Old Callisto, See-Through Lenses, It's always within you, Cristiano Ronaldo & They Call it the Vuvuzela, Alarif, Said the Monkey to the Monk, Galactic Trooper, Expectations, Orange Everywhere In This Bitch, High & Low, Scuttle, Ferry, Untitled, Broetry, I ain't caring, just wondering, bind
dvolovets - An Elegy for a Forgotten Artist
FantasticMrFoxdie - The Ending*/, Our Binary Star
Flink - Your Bed
Freezie KO - My Flag
goldlion054 - The Girl at the Grocery Store, The Abandonned Neighborhood, That Day
Grakl - A New Beginning?, If it Pleases You
half a moon - Untitled
H.B. - I've been tired for a year and ten days
hey_monkey - Afterward, In Summer, Chiggers: A Dream Song, Cyan Hobbes, Just One, Untitled, For Monica, Jeddah is Drowning

British Monsoon · Jan 10, 2012

Igoritza - Untitled
Irish - Faint, Down the Street & Journeyman, What Have I Done?, B Covers Bread As Well, Never Always, Live the Life, Lock, Mud, Lack of Focus, How It Is..., Ever, Continued, Cement, Went Out, The View, Return
Jangaroo - Tomorrow, Now
John Dunbar - An Ordinary Chap, A Winter Wonderland, This Morning in the Kitchen, Wake Up
kid ness - Me, Coin Flip, The Angry Man, Sandbox King, The Market, Somewhere a World, Lizard
The Lamp - Melanoma
MaxSteel - Poem #1, Interior
Melchiah - Beneath the Flesh
Mike Works - Desire
Miri - Sheath, Entry With Ego, Saboteur. Society. Cycle, As the Sirens Sang in the Halls of He., The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind, Warm, Wild, and Starving, I Am, Upon the Town of Red & Blue. Repeat, Fallen Angel Felled, Wander walks with Lucidia, I am Arlevana. I am Villain, Wander walks towards an Intro, Shallow Gouge, Old Man, Victros, Her Name, Vaccine., Safe with 2-ply, The messenger, laugh as he does tell, I've heard your wishes, woman, now -- let me sleep as I do., Goes my love,, don't dare nod, To be buried, Uke
Monocle - Untitled
More Fun To Compute - Things and stuff
Mudkips - Interior
Nix - Bitter Dreams; Sweet Relief
Neutrality - Goodbyes, Sunne, Vincent, Theo Baldwin's Final Entry, About a Queen, Smoke and the Feeling of Weightlessness, Forever Yours, Autumn in Empire
Nightshade1765 - Reterning the key to the Rightful Gatekeeper
NotTheGuyYouKill - Untitled
OrangeGrayBlue - A Trip to the Moon
PolarBearsClub - Forgetting Birthdays, Guest
Plywood - The Masochist, Again
Plumbob - Untitled, The Witches Wade South, Control, Untitled
Raguel - Untitled
RDreamer - Two Days Short of Forever
Reneledarker - The Stolen Eternity
ronito - Vespers
Salvor.Hardin - A Weathered Man, A Virgin Afternoon in the Arabian Desert, Of Jungles and Lights, Beyond the Horizon, A Soldier For All
Seam - The Tearful Moment/The Sane Moment, Located moment, senses poem.
SoccerGoaliePro - Untitled
soul creator - Overanalyze
soultron - Untitled, Embodied in Copper
Snowman Prophet - Indigestion, THE BOOK OF SEGA GENESIS
ThLunarian - Untitled #1, Untitled #2
ThoseDeafMutes - Tab Explosion
Tim the Wiz - All We Humans, More Love, The Waning Earth, Glorious Field, Utoya, Stardust, You, Mother's Christmas Song, The Harbinger's Screams
Timedog - Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck), Nothing
Trip Warhawkins - A Meaningless Affair, The Coward Says Goodbye, Chained to the t.o.s.
Truth101 - Partings, Alone we wonder
ULTROS! - Room
umop_3pisdn - Untitled, Cellular Matrix, Like sand drinks water
WanderingWind - Untitled, Untitled
Ward - Puffy Chicken Pickle Chips, A Muddled Puddle
Zamorro - Time Well Spent
Zapages - Prince & Farah Meeting in the Two Thrones
ZephyrFate - Dislocation, ZephyrFate, Niche in the Canyon, Left Behind, Untitled

iavi · Jan 10, 2012

Hahaha, what a theme to head into 2012 with. This'll be great.

British Monsoon · Jan 10, 2012

Yeah, I thought this would be quite an apt theme for 2012 - I was torn between this and taking advantage of it being challenge #42 and doing 'The Meaning of Life'

Ashes · Jan 11, 2012

You made the right choice bootaaay.

but if the world ends, I'm blaming you.

FantasticMrFoxdie · Jan 11, 2012

Interesting theme. I literally just read an article about the Doomsday Clock right before I jumped on GAF
D:

AnkitT · Jan 11, 2012

I think I might enter this one.

Ashes · Jan 18, 2012

rise from you gwave thread. it ain't the end of the world yet!

iavi · Jan 19, 2012

The deadline on this one is a comin faster than I thought, lol. I'll have to get on working. I have an idea, but unformed.

Ashes · Jan 19, 2012

This is a great theme. Been working on mine. Still working on mine.

Tim the Wiz · Jan 19, 2012

Another Waking Soul

The Choice

Ashes · Jan 20, 2012

Lacklustre Song

If this were the eve of destruction,
I would have only one thing on my mind;
The ship to my sails, my other half.
No time for rock hard nerves,
Hovering on the edge of doubt,
Time to make peace,
And stop fucking about.

This being the eve of destruction,
I have only one thing on my mind,
The pen to my paper, my significant other,
Curse this 'not talking',
Shred your clothes,
Come sit by the fire,
Let's explore the meaning of life.

The eve never happened? Who would have thunk it?
I still have only one thing on my mind,
The dream of the dreamer, my only family.
Since we made it to morning,
Why don't we do ourselves a favour,
And see if we can make it to lunch?

Melody to a string guitar,
Share a last second,
Watch the stars kiss the oceans,
It ain't so bad,
Laugh a little.
We may only have this ship,
And it's broken sails,
This diary,
And its cracked pen,
Our sleep,
And the nightmares within,
But a home is a home,
Conversations make it wholesome,
And the night is better with a shared tomorrow,
Even if life is a lacklustre song,
No?

AnkitT · Jan 20, 2012

Walking through the waking life
savouring every flavour ripe
constitutes of black, white lies
built upon the silent cries
of those who sacrificed lives
but remember the dismembered ties

kin killing kin over the colour of skin
thin skinned hair slim trigger pin
genocide in the guise of herd trim
the crimson dripping lips wide grin
senescence before a wisdom hint
already cold dead; whiskey filled glass brim

British Monsoon · Jan 21, 2012

Seer sister, seek with summoned sight
our fates amongst the fog of night,
divine the dawn of our peoples demise,
to prevent destruction we shall strive,
with fire and sword, a path we shall tear
to avoid the gaze of deaths cold stare,
cutting to the depths of our enemies heart
at the urgent behest of the seers dark art,
fiery fingers tearing the void asunder,
veil removed, fates secrets left to plunder.

Grakl · Jan 21, 2012

I smile at my brother;
Put my hands in his.

We look out into the evening sky,
A golden sun falling,
The clouds flying,
Light fading.

I understand.
I understand how hard it can be
To love another person
As a brother.

My brother understands.
It isn't always possible
To join hands
And love as sisters do.

As we gaze out there,
To the land beyond our own,
Where others live,
We wonder.

Is it possible
To put our hands in theirs?

British Monsoon · Jan 21, 2012

An awkward attempt at the secondary;

For the final time,
sullen suns inexorably
slip below the horizon
red light hazily
diffused through the atmosphere,
the land in sombre tones cast,
people soundly sleep
deeply dreaming, unaware,
life silently comes to close.

Red · Jan 21, 2012

As the two of us sit still here breathing
On the cliffside, sea-faced, waves have beaten
Our final thoughts to unbelieving.
Yet I find a wonder in your hair
Of a shine I notice hiding there.

And I think over all our deceiving,
Our bitter calls and unbelieving.
I feel over the ring you wear
And remember the vows I'd swear
Watching you altar-bound, enrapt, proceeding
Wondering if one day, maybe someday, we'd be there.

But now we two sit still here breathing
And hope gives way unto believing
In the howling bombs and firey air,
Crossing the ocean to us here.

But still I take your hand.

Everything will be okay, I swear.

iavi · Jan 21, 2012

Man. Woman. Lazy winds. Sunset.
“Cycle. Cycle. Cycle again.
Raw reprobates can eventually fake civil in even the arms of a soulmate, you know”
She smiled so, But softly.
Eyes unsure, "Of," she continues, "All the pictures that I--No, we were to paint,
Why this one of such taint: Wasted space, error in paint,
Faux? Love, I hate
The look of our canvas--spent.
I just do.”

iavi · Jan 21, 2012

Not much time left, bros. Get em in!

Ashes · Jan 21, 2012

Ghost in the Rain

A man in a suit,
his back to a wall - thinking;
jobless, watchless, carless, pity.

The rain falls gently,
no umbrella, he stands drenched,
sinking into his blue dreams.

From afar she comes,
in her classy clean attire,
the highlight of his weekend.

He beckons, she smiles,
before she fades like a ghost,
And then the scene plays again.

Tim the Wiz · Jan 21, 2012

Chōka would be an excellent Pokemon name. I know, Masaoka Shiki is rolling in his grave.

British Monsoon · Jan 21, 2012

OK guys, here's the entries;

Another Waking Soul by Tim the Wiz
The Choice by Tim the Wiz
Lacklustre Song by Ashes1396
Dead;We by AnkitT
Seer by Bootaaay
Fear of the Known by Grakl
Sunset by Bootaaay
Promise by Crunched
Thorough. Through by Miri
Ghost in the Rain by Ashes1396

Great turn out this week, excellent work guys.

The voting deadline in Sunday at Midnight, PST.

Grakl · Jan 22, 2012

Votes:

1. Dead;We by AnkitT
2. Thorough. Through. by Miri
3. Ghost in the Rain by Ashes

Tim the Wiz · Jan 22, 2012

1. Dead;We by AnkitT - "whiskey filled glass brim"; maybe one stop too far on the creative grammar train for me, but loved it otherwise.
2. Seer by Bootaaay
3. Fear of the Known by Grakl

Red · Jan 22, 2012

Dead;We by AnkitT
Seer by Bootaaay
Thorough. Through by Miri

Grakl · Jan 22, 2012

Beginning to look like a clean sweep, lol

iavi · Jan 23, 2012

1. Bootaaay - Seer
2. Ankit - Dead;We
3. Ashes - Ghost in The Rain

HM: Grakl

British Monsoon · Jan 23, 2012

1. Another Waking Soul - Tim the Wiz
2. Dead;We - AnkitT
3. Promise - Crunched

HM; Ghost in the Rain - Ashes1396, Thorough. Through - Miri

AnkitT · Jan 23, 2012

1. Tim the wiz - Another Waking Soul
2. Grakl - Fear of the known
3. Miri - Thorough.Through
HM. Ashes1396 - Ghost in the rain

Ashes · Jan 23, 2012

Votes

1. Promise by Crunched
2. Dead;We by AnkitT
3. The Choice by Tim the Wiz

Comment:

Another Waking Soul by Tim the Wiz : Didn't understand it - convoluted.
The Choice by Tim the Wiz : Very elegant - last line needs work.
Dead;We by AnkitT - Nice work - kin killing kin rolls of the tongue.
Seer by Bootaaay : Nice but a little too ordinary
Fear of the Known by Grakl : Slightly odd way to mark brotherly love.
Sunset by Bootaaay : Rendered beautifully.
Promise by Crunched : Flows nicely - no real reason for last line to form new stanza.
Thorough. Through by Miri - stuttered a bit - difficult to gage scene, nice opening.

British Monsoon · Jan 24, 2012

Whoops, forgot to call this. Oh well, better late than never;

Results

01. AnkitT = 15 points (3)
02. Tim the Wiz = 7 points (2)
02. Bootaaay = 7 points
03. Crunched = 4 points (1)
03. Miri = 4 points
04. Ashes1396 = 2 points
05. Grakl = 1 point

Congratulations to this week's winner AnkiT for his piece 'Dead;We' with 15 points and 3 first place votes! Thanks to everyone who entered and voted, great selection of poems this time around

Thread template; http://tinypaste.com/627665c9
Archive template #1; http://tinypaste.com/522bb215
Archive template #2; http://tinypaste.com/cc45487f

Ashes · Jan 24, 2012

Congrats AankitT

iavi · Jan 24, 2012

Congrats, Ankit! Great return to the thread.

AnkitT · Jan 24, 2012

Thanks guys! lol

New thread is up here: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=34531798#post34531798

Grakl · Jan 24, 2012

Oh no, you didn't give me two points! Bahaha, whateva. Good stuff Ankit.

Red · Jan 24, 2012

Congrats AnkitT

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