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My best friend/roommate got overly aggressive on a work trip. How can he recover?

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E

Erico

Unconfirmed Member
Megalosaro said:
Luckily he is in a niche field at a company that is now legally required to have a member of his field as an employee. Does that help?
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Sure, that helps.
Lots of companies tolerate that socially-stunted/assholish genius guy who gets stuff done. More prevalent in tech industries and for highly-technical positions, though.

Your buddy's role sounds more like specialized HR/personnel management position though, where office decorum and respect for the pecking order is paramount. Plus contractors are low in the corporate totem pole. So hard to say, really.
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
H.Protagonist said:
Yikes. He might have the slimmest of chances if he personally apologizes and maybe publicly says something, as well. Aggressive behavior/ultimatums to your boss (especially in front of other people) are generally not tolerated, for good reason. Guy might consider anger management classes or something too between this thread and that other one.
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Funny thing is he says I have management issues and suppress shit, but that is only after a lot of prodding and even I don't go as hard as he does.

He has pride issues for sure. He doesn't like being challenged.
 
C

CarpeDeezNutz

Member
Admiral Woofington said:
sorry to say he's pretty much fucked professionally in that company UNLESS the boss is completely understanding and he literally falls on the floor and begs their forgiveness but nothing will ever make them forget this incident.

His best hope to save face is to apologize profusely, and ask to leave the company due to shame. If they don't attempt to keep him in seeing he is willing to sacrifice his job due to embarrassment, then chances are they wanted to get rid of him.

He might keep his job but his relationship with higher ups is fucked unless he's like the Mozart of the job he does and the best of the best. Everybody can be replaced.
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This is where I am thinking about this situation. That's what my friend was, but even he knew if he fucked up again he would be gone. Real talented people get like a second chance but get canned if they keep at it.
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
Erico said:
Sure, that helps.
Lots of companies tolerate that socially-stunted/assholish genius guy who gets stuff done. More prevalent in tech industries and for highly-technical positions, though.

Your buddy's role sounds more like specialized HR/personnel management position though, where office decorum and respect for the pecking order is paramount. Plus contractors are low in the corporate totem pole. So hard to say, really.
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From what I gather, human factors is half personnel management, half technical. They design interfaces and stuff to increase useability and efficiency. Stuff like that. He also does ergonomics, safety sciences and other things.
 
A

Admiral Woofington

Member
Megalosaro said:
From what I gather, human factors is half personnel management, half technical. They design interfaces and stuff to increase useability and efficiency. Stuff like that. He also does ergonomics, safety sciences and other things.
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sounds like an industrial engineering job, or a job for an engineer with management skills. Which are a dime a dozen, especially with the oil industry going down the shitter and many people out there looking for jobs.

This is lnot the time to be biting the hand that feeds when hundreds of thousands of engineers are looking for jobs.
 
H

H.Protagonist

[-_-]/
Megalosaro said:
Funny thing is he says I have management issues and suppress shit, but that is only after a lot of prodding and even I don't go as hard as he does.

He has pride issues for sure. He doesn't like being challenged.
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Until he's the boss, he's going to have to swallow that, but from the sounds of it, he's not going to. Think your friend is out of a job unless by some miracle you can set him straight or he's somehow indispensable beyond reason. Even if he is, I'm not sure his manager could afford not to let him go unless he makes a public apology out of it. He's completely undermined her position as well as his own.


EDIT: I take it back. His boss is a woman and there's this:
All he talks about is "getting his revenge" on women and shit.
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This guy sounds toxic and dangerous as shit. Even if he apologizes I feel like he'll not mean it and just internalize and stew and blow up even worse later. :/
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
Admiral Woofington said:
sounds like an industrial engineering job, or a job for an engineer with management skills. Which are a dime a dozen, especially with the oil industry going down the shitter and many people out there looking for jobs.

This is lnot the time to be biting the hand that feeds when hundreds of thousands of engineers are looking for jobs.
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He actually works in the oil industry lol.
 
C

CarpeDeezNutz

Member
So many negative Nancy's in this thread haha. OP I would want you in my corner if I ever messed up and looked for advice. Keep us updated.
 
Damerman

Damerman

Member
Having a stand off with a manager?

Im outchea busting my ass looking for work and i have to read about ingrates getting confrontational with managers..
 
H

Howard Ballou

Member
He could try apologizing ASAP but the damage is probably done. You should always know your limits with alcohol, but doubly so if you're drinking with coworkers.
 
A

Admiral Woofington

Member
Megalosaro said:
He actually works in the oil industry lol.
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Unless he works for Exxon he's basically fucked. I work for a service company and right now I'm sweating my ass off when I don't have a chargeable project because I'm only costing the company money and if a next round of layoffs hit I won't be able to sleep from the stress.

He might be in a position that's needed, but when layoffs come I hope he doesn't think they say "nobody else can do the job, there are no candidates out there who could do it without spitting back at you"
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
CarpeDeezNutz said:
So many negative Nancy's in this thread haha. OP I would want you in my corner if I ever messed up and looked for advice. Keep us updated.
Click to expand...

My advice to him was to go to his hotel, drink a shit load of water and take a shower. Go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

In the morning, high tail it to her office and play up how he understanding estimated the alcohol. Play up some self deprecating humor and for good measure and go humble. Don't go too hard it comes off as kiss ass but definite be genuine and sincere.

Thoughts?
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
YSiA7.gif


Yeah, he's boned.
 
L

LyleLanley

Banned
Ozzy Onya A2Z said:
Flowers delivered in person with a public office apology, make it sincere. Good luck.
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I'd forego the flowers with this apology. But yeah your roommate is fucked unless the person is extremely understanding. People need to learn to keep their drinking under control at work events. Get hammered on your own time.
 
E

Erico

Unconfirmed Member
Megalosaro said:
From what I gather, human factors is half personnel management, half technical. They design interfaces and stuff to increase useability and efficiency. Stuff like that. He also does ergonomics, safety sciences and other things.
Click to expand...

You know, actually the worst part of this whole thing is that he's a contractor. Fair or not, these guys are seen as a mix of outside meddlers complicating everyone else's work or replaceable labor that compnaies don't need to keep a full time position for in-house.

The fact that a contractor directly disrespected an in-house senior manager in front of colleagues is pretty damning.

It will probably come down to how vindictive the senior manager is feeling.
 
L

LegatoB

Member
Megalosaro said:
My advice to him was to go to his hotel, drink a shit load of water and take a shower. Go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

In the morning, high tail it to her office and play up how he understanding estimated the alcohol. Play up some self deprecating humor and for good measure and go humble. Don't go too hard it comes off as kiss ass but definite be genuine and sincere.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I don't think trying to play it light is going to work here. That could make it seem like he doesn't understand how badly he fucked up, and if he's gonna have any hope at all of shaping up, he'd better look -- and be -- serious about it.
 
Goro Majima

Goro Majima

Kitty Genovese Member
Depends on what kind of friendship he's developed with this senior manager to be honest.

If they're not close at all, a sincere in person apology is the only way to go. Probably the only way to go in general but he needs to get out ahead of this ASAP.
 
A

Admiral Woofington

Member
Megalosaro said:
Not Exxon, but its one of the biggest ones.
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Anything can happen man. But it doesn't matter if it's a major one or not, everybody is being hit by lay-offs outside of Exxon and maybe a few more. When the layoffs hit his office and they tell upper managers and line managers that they have to get rid of people who do you think his boss and others will want out? I've seen people fired because they didn't get along with other staff. I can't even imagine lay offs.

Again this is all considering he isn't like one of the best of the best, and even then if there is somebody close enough to him in skill who didn't raise his/her voice at management...

I can't say I wish him luck, sorry. Whenever I go to happy hours with coworkers I always make sure to never drink enough I could say something embarrassing. People now know how he is when he gets drunk, and that means that anything involving alcohol they'll be wary to invite him.

edit: I completely forgot he's a contractor. That's NOT a good position to be in when companies are downsizing.
 
C

CarpeDeezNutz

Member
Megalosaro said:
My advice to him was to go to his hotel, drink a shit load of water and take a shower. Go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

In the morning, high tail it to her office and play up how he understanding estimated the alcohol. Play up some self deprecating humor and for good measure and go humble. Don't go too hard it comes off as kiss ass but definite be genuine and sincere.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...


Yup, that's one course of action, if they like him they might forgive him, long shot but still he has to try something.

Don't listen to the people saying he is done, they don't give a shit what happens to your friend. He may be done but he has to try, you are a good friend OP and make sure to tell your boy not to mix booze with work colleagues.



Edit: I guess one bad night paints you as sociopath hmm.
 
T

The Shadow

Member
Megalosaro said:
So how bad of a situation is he in? How can he manage this. He's talking about how he's scared for his job and what not.
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He's capital F fucked.

He could write an apology letter and send it to everyone that was present. Make it sound genuine. Make it sound humble and truly apologetic. IE, don't try to skirt the responsibility on stress, personal life, etc. He made a huge mistake and he takes full responsibility, etc, and he's sorry.


But yeah. Odds are highly stacked against him.
 
F

FyreWulff

Member
H.Protagonist said:
EDIT: I take it back. His boss is a woman and there's this: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=99927251&postcount=30 This guy sounds toxic and dangerous as shit. Even if he apologizes I feel like he'll not mean it and just internalize and stew and blow up even worse later. :/
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Yep, seems like this dude has a chip on his shoulder and doesn't know when to stop. If he runs around talking about women like that and acts like a power controlling creep around roommates, he's going to eventually do something fucked up.
 
T

totowhoa

Banned
Unless he's incredible valuable and a little lucky, he's toast.

Guy was a total idiot. Shouldn't get that drunk with work makes if he can't control himself at all. Assuming the drinking is why he acted a fool.
 
H

Hex

Banned
He's done and he deserves it.
Tell him to get help, because I doubt that this is the first time or the last time.
 
G

Gentleman Jack

Member
CarpeDeezNutz said:
Edit: I guess one bad night paints you as sociopath hmm.
Click to expand...

Not just one night

The other roommate gets super pissed though. He starts slamming shit really loudly and shouting when it happens. Furthermore he gets pissed at us because we're not upset about it. None of us are getting laid. It's been about a year and a half since either the roommate that gets angry got laid, and about the same amount of time for myself as well. I don't think the other roommate has ever done anything with a woman. According to the angry roommate though, it's natural for animals to get upset when they know someone else is getting laid and they're not. He says we should be just as pissed as he is.
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Rages at people having sex.

Screams down a female coworker

Fantasizes about getting revenge on women.
 
K

Kieli

Member
Alcohol sometimes brings up the true person behind the facade. Lack of inhibitions and all that.

Does your friend at least realize he fucked up (as a contractor, no less)?
 
Z

Zeus Molecules

illegal immigrants are stealing our air
Is it really hard to replace him because if it is then he might keep his job if he apologizes to her and damn near everyone ASAP..... for now.

Regardless he needs to start the process of looking for a new job because I doubt he'll be allowed to advance there any further.

The overall lesson is don't drink with co workers. Sometime over the last 5 years I developed into a angry drunk and now I just try to avoid drinking anything with people who matter when I am sober because I know I'll regret it.

EDIT: Oh he's a contractor? Yeah nah he's done there. They might let him finish that project he is working on though but after that he's gone.
 
T

TimeEffect

Member
He's done and deservingly so. You don't want some situation where this happens again and then the boss gets blamed for keeping him around after the first go around.
 
H

H.Protagonist

[-_-]/
OP, doesn't the pattern worry you a bit? Wouldn't 'see a therapist' be waaaay better advice than 'drink water' for this guy?


Gentleman Jack said:
Holy shit this guy is a classic psychopath with rage issues. Move out if you can, I'd be legit frightened of the dude.
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It does sound like there's more to it than just a bit of temper. :/


FyreWulff said:
Yep, seems like this dude has a chip on his shoulder and doesn't know when to stop. If he runs around talking about women like that and acts like a power controlling creep around roommates, he's going to eventually do something fucked up.
Click to expand...

That's definitely a worry. We've seen this blow up in the news before, to disastrous result. Hope OP can nudge him to working out the issues instead of letting them fester.
 
P

pje122

Member
Admiral Woofington said:
Unless he works for Exxon he's basically fucked. I work for a service company and right now I'm sweating my ass off when I don't have a chargeable project because I'm only costing the company money and if a next round of layoffs hit I won't be able to sleep from the stress.

He might be in a position that's needed, but when layoffs come I hope he doesn't think they say "nobody else can do the job, there are no candidates out there who could do it without spitting back at you"
Click to expand...
Why are you singling out Exxon?
 
A

Admiral Woofington

Member
pje122 said:
Why are you singling out Exxon?
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Exxon hasn't really gone through layoffs yet, and we were discussing the state of the oil industry in that conversation.

Unless Exxon recently announced layoffs. Maybe other companies haven't either, but here in Houston the big ones have largely mentioned layoffs.
 
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