fivepersondude
Member
If that is the same guy, the dude has major problems...
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My best friend/roommate got overly aggressive on a work trip. How can he recover?
- Thread starter Megalosaro
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If that is the same guy, the dude has major problems...
Septimus Prime
Member
Sounds like he has trouble taking responsibility for his actions. This is not a good type of person to keep around, and even if he's the Mozart of his field, he could be replaced by a Beethoven of that same field who has a better attitude.
Yes, this is very true. Exxon doesn't do layoffs.
Not really. I remember the original thread regarding his roommate and his view of women and seeing his rage issues in this thread only confirms he's a misogynistic psychopath so I don't care if he get's fired because he deserves to.
Nose Master
Member
He's fucked. Good riddance, too. Dude sounds like a mental case. Acting abusive to women (and a coworker ffs) and blaming it on alcohol is bullshit. You don't magically turn into an abusive asshole when you're drunk, you just stop acting how you're expected to act and show your true self.
I'm not surprised at all that he doesn't get much action, according to the "he yells at the ceiling when he is aware of sex being had within a three mile radius" thread. Sounds like the type of guy you should distance yourself from, tbh. Not someone I'd want to pick up the idiosyncrasies of.
I'm not surprised at all that he doesn't get much action, according to the "he yells at the ceiling when he is aware of sex being had within a three mile radius" thread. Sounds like the type of guy you should distance yourself from, tbh. Not someone I'd want to pick up the idiosyncrasies of.
No humor, no mention of alcohol. Apologize like he said those things while sober. He should not do anything other than taking 100% responsibility.
He's already lost his job, apologize like he's auditioning for it back.
Gentleman Jack
Member
outunderthestars
Banned
OP seems to know an awful lot about this job and situation, are we sure he isn't talking about himself?
Admiral Woofington
Member
Sorry but no. Self-deprecating humor is not the way you go when you directly challenge somebody in front of others that badly. Self-deprecating humor is at most for when you fuck up a project and it's been a few days and you can make fun of it.
Considering it's a big oil company professionalism is above all else. He should go in there first thing in the morning, ask to talk to her with the door closed and just kiss so much ass he can't ever do it again.
You go in, apologize, say you'll check yourself in for anger management and say "is there anything I can do to make this better? Anything at all I will publicly humiliate myself if necessary".
You want the manager to know you are the lowly employee and they hold the power.
If this were a small company you can go more personal and humorous.
LyleLanley
Banned
That's when they fire you anyways after they've made you humiliate yourself.
Even ignoring his other stuff that OP has posted about in the past, you shouldn't go drinking and get flat out drunk with co-workers until you are surefire buddies and they know you well enough to forgive and forget. Getting drunk around co-workers you aren't chill with, especially with supervisors is just a rookie mistake. You gotta test the waters and ease into co-worker relationships.
Calamari41
41 > 38
He did this to a female? Yeah, she holds his job in the palm of her hand now. If I were him, I would consider begging.
Prinz Eugn
Member
Goddamn, Fyrewulf laying it out.
Yeah, he seems like a self-destructive person and I would get him help, and if he refuses get very far away.
Admiral Woofington
Member
No self-respecting big business individual is gonna make you run around in your underwear. They'll likely say "that won't be necessary". They just want you to remember what position you're in. If they fire you fuck it, it was beyond salvation.
But going in
"Who has two thumbs and can't handle his alcohol without turning into a dipshit? THIS GUYYYYYYYYY CHECK PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE"
isn't gonna make it better.
I know one guy who was like this at my previous work when he just started new. We had a work function and he was just blasting people at the top of his voice...
He fucked up his reputation pretty bad despite being an amazingly consistent and top performer. He didn't get sacked but the management team basically dislikes him which has affected his progression. He was recently turned down for a promotion in favour of an employee who had been there for a shorter period which came as a surprise to most people as everyone thought he would be the natural choice given his work ethic and abilities.
The fortunate thing is he did realize that the way he was conducting himself was not the way to go and started making amends. Its been a long process though and he could have been in a far better position sooner rather than later if he had just kept his mouth shut.
Your friend should start by acknowledging his mistake by apologizing to the relevant people and being open and honest with HR about the situation, how much he regrets it and the steps he is taking towards rectifying it. At this point your friend shouldn't be asking anything relating to the incident. Just that he understands why his actions were incorrect and that he respects the decision made by the Company.
That's what I'd do anyway..
He fucked up his reputation pretty bad despite being an amazingly consistent and top performer. He didn't get sacked but the management team basically dislikes him which has affected his progression. He was recently turned down for a promotion in favour of an employee who had been there for a shorter period which came as a surprise to most people as everyone thought he would be the natural choice given his work ethic and abilities.
The fortunate thing is he did realize that the way he was conducting himself was not the way to go and started making amends. Its been a long process though and he could have been in a far better position sooner rather than later if he had just kept his mouth shut.
Your friend should start by acknowledging his mistake by apologizing to the relevant people and being open and honest with HR about the situation, how much he regrets it and the steps he is taking towards rectifying it. At this point your friend shouldn't be asking anything relating to the incident. Just that he understands why his actions were incorrect and that he respects the decision made by the Company.
That's what I'd do anyway..
ThisGuy
Member
Look, let me spell it out for you.
A drunk grown man aggressively staring down a woman over a work disagreement is a total asshole and probably a piece of shit. Terrible character.
Yes, a drunk grown man aggressively staring down his boss is also a shitty idiotic thing to do that will also factor into his future employment.
If you think her being a women and him being a man won't factor into this as well, you're delusional.
I would consider bribing.
Megalosaro
Banned
He knows he is fucked. That is why I was asking here. He started texting me saying he was about to get "legit fired", and my guy reaction was that that was indeed the case. Wanted a second opinion before I started mentally embracing laying his portion of the rent until he gets a new job.
He isn't taking my calls, probably because he thinks I'm going to moralize him or something. Not really sure. But he did call his previous supervisor who is a close friend and mentor of his. Apparently he was hysterical. She gave him much the same advice, but she said he was refusing to apologize because he's kind of a bitch when it comes to making himself vulnerable.
She was basically crying when I was talking because she was worried about him, which sucks because she has bigger problems to worry about.
After this, at the bare minimum I'm going to push getting therapy again. Sucks that I'm going to basically be paying for his mom and him until he gets a new job, and I'm not exactly making big oil money. But I suppose it can't be helped.
no I am not going to abandon my best friend when he's down, so don't tell me to move out now. He's helped me through shit, and I'm gonna help him through shit.
Apparently his project partner is pretty pissed off at him right now for embarrassing him. That partner is a former classmate that my friend brought into the company.
Boogalogist
Member
Man....this is why you never get drunk at company events.
Calamari41
41 > 38
Exactly.
He should be fired for insubordination either way, but "I felt threatened by [man]" are basically magic words when spoken by a woman to HR. As they should be.
Admiral Woofington
Member
You're a good friend. 3 of my best friends live together. The owner of the house has told me many times that if one of them lost his job he'd have to kick him out. Not because he's a heartless fucker, but because both of them have parents in the same city who could take them in, and he doesn't really do charity in that situation when he could lose his job at any moment and the extra income is a necessity.
Chairmanchuck
Member
Why are you doing this? I mean if he makes $80k each year, why would you need to pay for him and his mom? I mean even if he is jobless, he should have enough money saved for such times.
Megalosaro
Banned
I would put pressure to find something asap. He doesn't really have a safety net besides me tbh. His mom is useless. Myself and my other roommate are his safety net.
My worry is that he thinks too highly of himself and won't settle for any job that doesn't pay as well or better than his current job.
In any case, I asked his mentor and my father what their thoughts are. His mentor said he may have a chance if he apologizes (she thinks his telling of the events is probably exaggerated). My dad is of the opinion he is fucked and that his partner will fuck him even harder by telling his wife, who will mention it to all of the people in their old cohort who will then spread it to their companies so me might be facing a potential 86ing in his industry.
My worry is that he thinks too highly of himself and won't settle for any job that doesn't pay as well or better than his current job.
In any case, I asked his mentor and my father what their thoughts are. His mentor said he may have a chance if he apologizes (she thinks his telling of the events is probably exaggerated). My dad is of the opinion he is fucked and that his partner will fuck him even harder by telling his wife, who will mention it to all of the people in their old cohort who will then spread it to their companies so me might be facing a potential 86ing in his industry.
Megalosaro
Banned
He doesn't. He blows a lot of his money, pays for his mom and basically his little sister. 80k doesn't go too far in SoCal.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
I lived on 30k in SoCal on my own. Don't know about his mom and sis sit, but sounds like he needs money management classes too.
MindCollizion
Member
Why would he talk about work during a dinner designed to socialize the employees? He messed up big.
Admiral Woofington
Member
If he's fired he needs to face realities:
He needs to face the music and go get medical help (aka therapy). If the company he would interview for calls this one to ask questions about them, chances are they'll mention this incident.
He needs to stop thinking highly of himself. Tell him yourself he isn't that great of a person and to lower his fucking standards. You know why? Because the oil industry is on a hiring freeze. Nobody is gonna hire him right now unless it's a position they desperately need to fill out, and other engineers are fighting for them.
He needs to accept that there is a 80-90% chance he is not getting a position that pays that much outside of the oil industry. My friend who makes three figures salary says that if he got fired he's willing to take a job that makes 60k minimum, which is the salary most starting engineers are even lucky to get in these days.
This is all hypothetical of course, but you need to make it apparent you will support him up until a point. If not he'll think he can take his sweet time until the job comes to him.
Megalosaro
Banned
He was asked about it at dinner. He gave a response, the person he got into it with didn't like his response and gave a counterargument, he got defensive and it escalated.
DarkJediKnight
Member
If I was his boss, I'd fire him. I see little growth potential in someone like that. Reliable and trustworthy are skills that is often overlooked in the workplace. They seem like just words people throw on a resume; but when a termination decision needs to be made, they play a greater role in the decision making and are usually more valuable than the education/experience they have.
He has burnt bridges and no one wants to work with someone like that. Having his presence around can hurt overall productivity in the long run.
adamsappel
Member
Personally, I'd rather not work with someone like that. He sounds like he has a lot of other issues to work through as well.
This is awful advice. Would you send flowers to a male boss?
Admiral Woofington
Member
the best tip you can give him is when shit like that happens again in the future to realize nobody is impressed by pride/machismo and to say "listen, we can continue this discussion later"
Boss is already pissed at a man doing that to her, sending her flowers is only making it worst.
True, but there's a difference between being in a crappy situation and knowing that one created the crappy situation. In other words, he is fucked or he fucked up.
Aha. This is what I meant by the above. He is in no position to let pride dictate his behaviour. It would be one thing if a confluence of things outside of his control lead to the present situation... but no.
The Incarnation
Member
Tell the boss, that if she fires him, he'll probably murder her.
Megalosaro
Banned
I'm not entirely sure there was room for advancement in his company as is. They were basically looking to him to establish a human factors department at his refinery. The only reason he wasn't brought in full time was because of the hiring freeze.
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
This could work, but he'd have to make sure he does a couple of exaggerated pelvic thrusts as he hands her the flowers to really show that he's sorry.
TipsyArchmage
Neo Member
What a fucking tool I hope he gets toasted
maybe he'll actually realise he needs to get some therapy and work on his anger issues
maybe he'll actually realise he needs to get some therapy and work on his anger issues
Ban Puncher
Member
Tell him to double down.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Abandon your friend ya'll
My Dad once received a very large promotion from a prominent fortune 50 that would have had him overseeing many of their European operations.
He got drunk on a business trip in Germany and ended up climbing the rafters of the old pub they were in; the German business men left, and sent an e-mail to my Dad's boss.
He had his promotion withdrawn and was demoted; he got depressed and retired a year later and was bankrupt within 18 months of that. He likely would have been a mega-millionaire and potentially "business famous" if he hadn't done that.
lol, them's the breaks.
He got drunk on a business trip in Germany and ended up climbing the rafters of the old pub they were in; the German business men left, and sent an e-mail to my Dad's boss.
He had his promotion withdrawn and was demoted; he got depressed and retired a year later and was bankrupt within 18 months of that. He likely would have been a mega-millionaire and potentially "business famous" if he hadn't done that.
lol, them's the breaks.
LyleLanley
Banned
I legitimately laughed at that last sentence.
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