Good morning, ISIS Agents! I’m happy to see that some of you managed to squirm your way out of your Green Russian-soaked dens of sexual deviancy to come to work today. Yes, I’m looking at you, Sterling. Please don’t sit in any of the chairs, I just had them all disinfected.
Anyway, I am literally shaking with rage! You all don’t seem the slightest bit concerned about the security of this office, and you’ve let someone infiltrate this agency! It’s probably those KGB bastards!
You’d think this wouldn’t normally be a problem, but that damned genetic clone of Hitler went off and accidentally unleashed some sort of toxin into the ventilation, leaving us all face-blind, nose-blind, and ear-blind!
…If I meant “deaf,” I would have said “deaf!” Clearly you can still hear me! Now shut up, all of you!
We need to find out who has penetrated our defenses and remove them…violently if necessary. But, I’ve just received a slew of new contracts from the federal government, and, well, the new golden curtains in my boudoir at home aren’t going to pay for themselves, so you’re still on the clock! I’ll be distributing your mission dossiers each day, so READ THEM!
And one last thing, do not, under any circumstances, come into my office without knocking. I have important business to atte- WHAT ON EARTH? Who dropped doughnuts on the floor? Don’t you know that’s how you get ants? PAM!
Whatever. Get to work, cretins.
[m] Septimus Prime
[ f ] YesNOnoNOYes
Pronouns preferences are next to each player's name. [m] - male, [f] - female, [-] any.