I have already concluded nothing will be fixed. Now im just stuck in some trapped fucked up limbo i cant get out of. Shits horrible. I wish i wasnt petrified of social interaction cause then i might be able to get out of the house and attempt to do something.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
I have already concluded nothing will be fixed. Now im just stuck in some trapped fucked up limbo i cant get out of. Shits horrible. I wish i wasnt petrified of social interaction cause then i might be able to get out of the house and attempt to do something.
True.
I'll have to see what happens I guess.
I've been meaning to check this out, so thanks for reminding me.
I'll be looking for some life drawing classes sometime later this year, so I'll probably take a gander on here.
Also I'll have to go abroad sometime soon since I haven't been on holiday since 2010 (Munich with my parents, great place).
The problem is I can't find anyone up for it.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Would you guys say it's pretty much over for me since im 27 and never had a girl before? Im mean literally never had a girl. Not even a kiss.
Being 3 years from 30 and never being in a relationship worries me. Its gotten to the point where it would feel weird if ihad a girlfriend. Depressing.
Hearing my 18yo brother make love to his girlfriend in the next room doesn't help things
Being 3 years from 30 and never being in a relationship worries me. Its gotten to the point where it would feel weird if ihad a girlfriend. Depressing.
Hearing my 18yo brother make love to his girlfriend in the next room doesn't help things
Atramental
Banned
Kinggi, I want you to try something. It'll only take about 5 minutes of your time.
First stand up, take a slow deep breath in, and then exhale slowly. Okay, now sit back down.
Now while you're sitting I want you look up at your ceiling, put a big smile on your face, and hold that smile for 5 minutes.
After that's all done I want you to post your emotional state.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
I can relate to this post in a lot of ways, perhaps not as extreme as what you say but similar feelings. I've been somewhat more lucky with a handful of gfs, including the love of my life who I lost around a year ago and never really got over.
My point is that I'm 28 and worrying about the future too, this feeling of 'I've fucked up, is it too late to find someone I like, etc,' and yet my 22 year old sister has had a stable bf for 5 years. At family gatherings and stuff I feel like an absolute disgrace. This isn't about me worrying too much about my relatives btw, I'm not that bothered about what they think, but for myself, I'm fed up and actually feel a tiny bit of resentment towards my sisters luck in this aspect, the fact that I've lost the girl I cared most about, yet she's apparently found her soul mate so easily with no bull shit. Selfish and somewhat odd thoughts for me to have? Yep.
This night sucked even worse :lol Third time's a charm I hope! I'm glad I went out and saw and heard the things I experienced, yet I'm not at all. Drama galore and hearing that the woman I've wanted for a long time now has a boyfriend (she told me while dancing intimately) kinda ruined this evening. Luckily I haven't had any alcohol so it's pretty alright for what it is. Feels good knowing I can let go of her. What is it with getting infatuated after like 15 minutes and not daring to make a move? How's that helping anyone? xD
Im in the same situation except i have zero experience. Im 28, have a younger sister who has a ton more success in making friends and getting boyfriends. I too feel jealous of her success as it seems unfair everything comes easy to her but impossible for me. Nobody seems to ever acknowledge though the fact they have never seen or heard of me with a girl, which just frustrates me even more like its no big thing.
Online dating can be so fucking disappointing...
I recently moved and all of my personal photos are at home yet so my profile consists of a few self taken pics over the last few weeks. They do the job but I feel it's hurting my success since they're not anything special.
I think my profile is well written and I think I send good emails to girls. I usually pick 2 or 3 things we have in common based on her profile and then briefly tell how I can relate or whatever. (I.e. I see you're a snowboarder, I've been snowboarding for 10 years now and love it! Etc....) I have a successful and stable career, interesting background, I'm fit and healthy, yet I get replies 10% of the time. Fucking depressing. Do people put that much influence in the photos? I personally don't care if a girl has 20 photos showing her doing tons of different stuff or 2 photos of her in the mirror. If her profile is interesting and she's attractive that's all I care about...i guess if my photos aren't that exciting and turn some girls off I wouldn't care for superficial people like that anyways.
I lately had a nice emailing with a girl. We both violated some rules of this thread and responded a couple times each the same day. The conversation was good and we went to the next day. We exchanged a couple more emails and after the last one I sent (the 4th one) I decided based on the tone of her reply I would see if she'd be interested in phone conversation. Well suddenly contact stopped from her yet I see she's been online several times the last 2 days. I'm on match.com and I noticed she had the "IM me now!" icon by her name. I was about to give it a shot and IM her but then the icon went off but she was still online. I think this means she was now in an IM conversation with someone else. Fucking hell.
Whatever. I'm moving on to the next match but damn this shit is frustrating.
I recently moved and all of my personal photos are at home yet so my profile consists of a few self taken pics over the last few weeks. They do the job but I feel it's hurting my success since they're not anything special.
I think my profile is well written and I think I send good emails to girls. I usually pick 2 or 3 things we have in common based on her profile and then briefly tell how I can relate or whatever. (I.e. I see you're a snowboarder, I've been snowboarding for 10 years now and love it! Etc....) I have a successful and stable career, interesting background, I'm fit and healthy, yet I get replies 10% of the time. Fucking depressing. Do people put that much influence in the photos? I personally don't care if a girl has 20 photos showing her doing tons of different stuff or 2 photos of her in the mirror. If her profile is interesting and she's attractive that's all I care about...i guess if my photos aren't that exciting and turn some girls off I wouldn't care for superficial people like that anyways.
I lately had a nice emailing with a girl. We both violated some rules of this thread and responded a couple times each the same day. The conversation was good and we went to the next day. We exchanged a couple more emails and after the last one I sent (the 4th one) I decided based on the tone of her reply I would see if she'd be interested in phone conversation. Well suddenly contact stopped from her yet I see she's been online several times the last 2 days. I'm on match.com and I noticed she had the "IM me now!" icon by her name. I was about to give it a shot and IM her but then the icon went off but she was still online. I think this means she was now in an IM conversation with someone else. Fucking hell.
Whatever. I'm moving on to the next match but damn this shit is frustrating.
AdventureRacing
Member
This seems a little odd to me. Why should they be really worrying about your love life? Perhaps they are just respecting your boundaries and giving you some privacy.
I know my brothers are in a very similar situation to you but i also know they would be incredibly uncomfortable if i or anyone else in the family brought it up with them.
Also maybe you should take something away from this, that perhaps it isn't as big a deal as you are making out. You have got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself or you will always have these problems with anxiety.
Some pretty silly advice in the OP imo. Drop the 'nice guy' act? If you need to do that, you're not only more likely to be more of a wanker, but actually LESS confident and LESS of a catch compared to someone who's confident, successful (with life and with women) and still retains the nice guy tact.
It's easy to be a douche and score pussy, since a lack of morality and conscience, added selfishness, a lack of accountability etc, makes it easy to get what you want and not really care for damage control or the potential repercussions there after.
Add to that, the less of a nice guy you are, the less decent girls you will tend to pick up. If you just want a shag, you might be cool with that, but if you want a decent girl for something long term just remember, decency attracts decency.
Sure, some 'decent' girls go through phases of wanting the 'bad guy', but this is usually an immature early thing that girls with their heads screwed on eventually grow out of. What you'll find is the more mature girls (often more marriageable and decent too) actually do want nice guys.
So my advice?
It's true. Confidence is everything. Forget about potential rejection etc. Just be yourself. Be fun, talkative, attentive, cheeky, sweet, funny, smart, fashionable, all those things and more. But don't force it. If you go in to a situation expecting something in return, often the pressure and expectation can ruin things. Don't look at it like that. You don't NEED the date, NEED the shag etc. just enjoy yourself and the company, and the rest will fall in to place. But do NOT lose the nice guy in you, then you're going down that messy path of basically being just disposable fun and not much more, you will attract more of that yourself too. If that's what you want, fair play, but if you want something decent and long term, don't lose the nice guy in you, just don't be easy or be a walk over. Keep the challenge up, let her do some of the chasing too. Also, never linger or yearn for a girl that isn't showing mutual interest back. It must be a two way street.
It's easy to be a douche and score pussy, since a lack of morality and conscience, added selfishness, a lack of accountability etc, makes it easy to get what you want and not really care for damage control or the potential repercussions there after.
Add to that, the less of a nice guy you are, the less decent girls you will tend to pick up. If you just want a shag, you might be cool with that, but if you want a decent girl for something long term just remember, decency attracts decency.
Sure, some 'decent' girls go through phases of wanting the 'bad guy', but this is usually an immature early thing that girls with their heads screwed on eventually grow out of. What you'll find is the more mature girls (often more marriageable and decent too) actually do want nice guys.
So my advice?
It's true. Confidence is everything. Forget about potential rejection etc. Just be yourself. Be fun, talkative, attentive, cheeky, sweet, funny, smart, fashionable, all those things and more. But don't force it. If you go in to a situation expecting something in return, often the pressure and expectation can ruin things. Don't look at it like that. You don't NEED the date, NEED the shag etc. just enjoy yourself and the company, and the rest will fall in to place. But do NOT lose the nice guy in you, then you're going down that messy path of basically being just disposable fun and not much more, you will attract more of that yourself too. If that's what you want, fair play, but if you want something decent and long term, don't lose the nice guy in you, just don't be easy or be a walk over. Keep the challenge up, let her do some of the chasing too. Also, never linger or yearn for a girl that isn't showing mutual interest back. It must be a two way street.
Hot Coldman
Banned
The OP isn't as clear as it should be, but it's not saying to be 'the bad guy'. Dropping the nice guy routine just means stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself. If you want a girl, make sure she knows that instead of doing 'nice' things for her and hoping that she all of the sudden drops her panties due to how nice you're being. Also, letting her know that isn't professing your love for her, it's getting physical with her and always trying to push it to the next level.
It's not that a guy can't do nice things for a girl, but he also has to call her on her shit. I remember in college picking one girl up for a date who I met on Facebook. She literally answered her phone in the car and started talking to her friend (this is the first time we'd ever met). The nice guy would have pretended (or maybe even believed) nothing was wrong and kept going about the date. I felt disrespected, turned around back to her place, and told her to get out of the car and don't contact me again if she's gonna pull that shit. Girl texted me almost every day for two weeks until I finally gave in, and she had learned her lesson.
Don't get me wrong, this was a first date. Do this to a girl after you've been dating her for a month or two and you've got issues, lol. Point of the story is that you can still be a nice guy (I actually had a nice evening planned), but you do have to respect yourself first and her second.
I'm almost none of those things. The worst part is, there isn't much I can do about some of it.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
If you really love your girlfriend, but she kissed some other guy... The best thing to do is just give up right? I want this to work out but... I love her
I signed up to a couple of dating sites a few days ago. Nothing big so far but man, I came across this one girl. Likes the same music, movies, games, like everything I like. Looked good too. I thought brilliant, I'll send her a PM. Unfortunately, under "What I'm looking for" is friends and activity partners, not actual dating. Lame. Ah well, the hunt continues! I sent her a message anyway...just in case.
Also, this might be really dumb but...whatever. There's a girl I know and I just can't tell if she likes me or not. However, the other day she comes up and goes "Hey babe". Babe? Never heard her say that before, could it mean anything? I'm probably over-thinking, even typing this I feel like George from Seinfeld getting paranoid about something, it but I'm just asking because of the 2 girls I know who call guys that, it's to ones they are into(Eg: Dating). Or do a lot of girls just say it and I haven't really noticed it?
Also, this might be really dumb but...whatever. There's a girl I know and I just can't tell if she likes me or not. However, the other day she comes up and goes "Hey babe". Babe? Never heard her say that before, could it mean anything? I'm probably over-thinking, even typing this I feel like George from Seinfeld getting paranoid about something, it but I'm just asking because of the 2 girls I know who call guys that, it's to ones they are into(Eg: Dating). Or do a lot of girls just say it and I haven't really noticed it?
Not wanting to raise your hope or anything, in fact I would let her go if I were you cause it's not cool to steal from another mans coot. But, if you're dancing intimately with a girl and she tells you she has a boyfriend seemingly out of nowhere, she's not telling it to you, she's just reminding herself. (This may or may not apply to your situation as I don;'t know the context)
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Well at least you've had experience. Not saying you don't have the right to worry about anything. Sorry about your girl but im sure you'll find another one. My situation is completely different.
Im not really envious about my brothers success with girls but i do feel bad about myself sometimes.
Same with me. I think either my family has zero clue, or they think it's normal to be 27 and never have had any experience with the opposite sex.
I thinks its easy for others who've always had boyfriends/girlfriends throughout their lives to not really understand what its like. They're so use to having a partner.
I don't think he's saying his family should barge up to him all the time and question why he doesn't have a girlfriend. I think its just that, like my family, they take no notice at all. Like its normal. Its basically what i was saying above about others already having girlfriends and boyfriends.
I don't understand how you can say its not a big deal? How many girlfriends have you had?
You know, some people do want to be with someone else, experience sex, maby even have kids and get married.
theignoramus
Member
I'm worried that giving this girl mediocre sex diminished my standing in her eyes. I guess it's irrational paranoia, since good sex on the first try is probably a rarity but still.....
ConradCervantes
Banned
Messaged with a cute Latina on OkCupid before bed. She lives in Green Bay which is a hundred miles north of me, so that kills any romantic interest, but we had a fun time chatting about My Chemical Romance and the hypothetical zombie apocalypse.
Then I got a notice that another girl was checking me out. She is a cute short curvy nerdy type, which is right smack dab in my wheelhouse. I read her profile and was greatly intrigued, so I sent her a message that spoke of our mutual disinterest of mac and cheese.
Then I got a notice that another girl was checking me out. She is a cute short curvy nerdy type, which is right smack dab in my wheelhouse. I read her profile and was greatly intrigued, so I sent her a message that spoke of our mutual disinterest of mac and cheese.
Yeah I know. I'm backing off completely. Should've seen it coming from a mile away for a long time, really. Again. I have no idea who the guy is but I don't think she was lying or anything. I was working under the assumption that she was still single. As usual, there's been loads of mixed signals that I continue to interpret as being in my favour, when they're clearly not. Fool's hope, basically
Yeah, don't worry about it. Just laugh about it. And remember, you always have your hands.
You got a pretty good username right there.
As for me, I'm pretty confident with the way I write my messages. A lot of girls I msg view my profile but don't hit me back. Guess I have to work on something.
HA! I really don't like this username. Any suggestions are appreciated. What are you guys using?
Mine is sixskins (please feel free to critique GAF). Named after a character from A Song of Ice and Fire.
Honestly, I don't think usernames matter much.
If they're anything like me, they look at the picture, then profile first, and then try to remember the username later if interested.
Honestly, I don't think usernames matter much.
If they're anything like me, they look at the picture, then profile first, and then try to remember the username later if interested.
Sexpanther69.
luckyboyceo
Member
What were the circumstances of it? Kiss like, full blown make out? Or just a peck?
I get that cheating is cheating and you don't want to set a precedent that she can go around kissing guys and get away with it, but if you really do love her then just a simple kiss seems like a small thing to throw a relationship away over. I don't know, that's just my opinion.
Although pretty uncommon, babe can be used as a generic greeting term similar to man, dude, bro, etc. I wouldn't read into it too much.
Don't let it get to your head. The last thing you need is the downward spiral of performance anxiety. Just shake it off and go to town on her the next time. No big deal.
I mustn't have been clear enough in the OP because you're not the first to interpret the "nice guy" bit as "be more of a douche."
Thanks for pointing this out. I'll edit it for clarity.
You can absolutely still be a gentleman with women, and further more, you should be. You should also be confident enough in yourself to know when a woman isn't worth your time and/or clearly wasting it. This is what I mean, very concisely, by not being a "nice" guy. (Notice the scare quotes.)
Thanks for your input, Nib.
Edited the OP. If you have the time, Nib, please have a read and tell me if that's clearer.
Coalission
Banned
lol wow...a lot of umm..."nice" guys up in this here thread
End that shit now if you didn't already, or if you want to have some fun, mindfuck her somehow. I don't understand how kissing anyone else is acceptable. Maybe I'm too old (28), but if one of my girls ever kissed another guy, I'd find a way to have her drain her bank account for me willingly and then I'd disappear the next day and leave her emotionally scarred for life.
All this nice guy courtesy shit has to stop. Women need to know there are boundaries and lines you don't cross. Something about the question and the first reply just bugged the shit out of me, like men in this country are becoming the fairer/weaker sex and women are just empowered to walk all over them. It's just weird.
You sound insecure when you talk like this. Kick her to the curb and act like it ain't no thang.
No need to go on the warpath. She still controls your mental state if she makes you think up revenge schemes.
Coalission
Banned
Nah I like to teach lessons.
If you think it's a good way to spend your time and energy, go for it. I think it's kind of scummy, but you didn't ask for my opinion in the first place.
Coalission
Banned
Doesn't really take any time and energy...I just rather be the one to get the last big "fuck you" in somehow before we part ways.
If you really want it, and you're willing to do whatever it takes get your ass in gear and do something about it. Guys have a big advantage in being older and still attracting women. Whatever shit is holding you back, tackle it. Build up confidence to the point where you know in your heart that it's not 'pretty much over' for you.
Ever been on a date before?
Have fitness / economic / other issues?
Never bother talking to just one girl at a time, unless you really don't have the time. You shouldn't be committed emotionally or time-wise to a single person until you're actually her boyfriend.
You WILL run into this even further down the road. You'll get phone numbers and a girl will stop wanting to talk to you. You will go on dates and she won't want to date you again. That's just the way it is unless you just happen to be lucky that one time.
Depends on the girl, depends on the kiss. Maybe she's the kind that can kiss a guy and it means nothing. Some girls will cuddle / sleep with (not sex) other guys and it REALLY IS JUST FRIENDSHIP. Yo in some countries guys kiss other guys and they ain't even gay. Don't be crazy.
Some girls are more openly affectionate than others, but all it is is 'babe', don't think too much of it either way, seriously.
It all depends on your personal boundaries, but personally I think you're a controlling psychopath. Still, I'm imagining a relationship where you can kiss other girls too, if she can kiss other guys. That's just the way it works. No double standards.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
I'm going to talk to her tomorrow. Meanwhile I'll explain the situation. You can laugh, you can cry I don't care. It just seems straight out of a fucking movie.
My girl and I have little long-distance relationship going, meaning that normally I can only see her in the weekends. Besides the fact of not seeing her for a whole week, the other downside is that she can pretty much do what she pleases without me finding out. That last aspect is all about trust, knowing her history I didn't fully trust her. So last Sunday, I told her that my only fear was that I might loose her to another guy. That she'd cheat on me. Maybe that isn't a smart thing to say but I just wanted to share that. The next Wednesday, a lady friend of hers was with her while we were talking over Skype. Out of the blue, this girl thinks it is funny to say that my girl has cheated on me on Monday. Now, this lady friend had pranked me earlier and this was a joke as well. A fucked up one and I really didn't like it but still. How she thought of that I don't know, my girlfriend hadn't brought up the thing I told her. Friday she was going to hang out with some friends. I asked her what she was going to do precisely but she didn't want to tell. I figured that she was going to chill with some of her friends and drink (bear in mind that she's underage). This Saturday morning I got a text from my girlfriend, saying that she fucked up. Her parents found out that she had been drinking and they grounded her for a whopping 6 months. Now this might be a problem you'd think: she's not allowed to visit me and as far as I know nobody is allowed to visit her. It's pretty much a prison now. To make it even worse she followed this up with the message: 'I've got some other bad news...' I immediately fucking knew, I just knew what this bad news was. Someone kissed her on the party. I asked her how that could possibly fucking happen and she responded: 'I got a call from someone but I didn't want to answer it so he did it for me. We both went outside to take the call and after he hung up he kissed me.' Well I don't know what this motherfucker was thinking, but she regretted it immediately.
I really like that she told me right away what happened, it shows some respect and it tells me that she still has some feelings for me. She's also saying that she is really sorry and all. The fact that she is grounded is reassuring because she can't do any of that stupid shit again. But I guess I'm proper fucked now ain't I. Thinking of going to her place next weekend to see her, to see if she still loves me like she says she does. Hope her parents have cooled down by then.
Edit: I'd also like to share the fact that she is smoking hot. This results in lots and lots of boys contacting her and sometimes they aren't subtle at all and are asking things like 'what's the color of your thong'. I've told her that I don't like this, and she should block any of the 500 messenger contacts who send her messages like this. She just likes the attention I guess. She pretty much is a big attention whore. To make things worse: she also told me that before she met me, she was a slut...
Edit2: And she has self-esteem issues which could explain some of her behavior.
My girl and I have little long-distance relationship going, meaning that normally I can only see her in the weekends. Besides the fact of not seeing her for a whole week, the other downside is that she can pretty much do what she pleases without me finding out. That last aspect is all about trust, knowing her history I didn't fully trust her. So last Sunday, I told her that my only fear was that I might loose her to another guy. That she'd cheat on me. Maybe that isn't a smart thing to say but I just wanted to share that. The next Wednesday, a lady friend of hers was with her while we were talking over Skype. Out of the blue, this girl thinks it is funny to say that my girl has cheated on me on Monday. Now, this lady friend had pranked me earlier and this was a joke as well. A fucked up one and I really didn't like it but still. How she thought of that I don't know, my girlfriend hadn't brought up the thing I told her. Friday she was going to hang out with some friends. I asked her what she was going to do precisely but she didn't want to tell. I figured that she was going to chill with some of her friends and drink (bear in mind that she's underage). This Saturday morning I got a text from my girlfriend, saying that she fucked up. Her parents found out that she had been drinking and they grounded her for a whopping 6 months. Now this might be a problem you'd think: she's not allowed to visit me and as far as I know nobody is allowed to visit her. It's pretty much a prison now. To make it even worse she followed this up with the message: 'I've got some other bad news...' I immediately fucking knew, I just knew what this bad news was. Someone kissed her on the party. I asked her how that could possibly fucking happen and she responded: 'I got a call from someone but I didn't want to answer it so he did it for me. We both went outside to take the call and after he hung up he kissed me.' Well I don't know what this motherfucker was thinking, but she regretted it immediately.
I really like that she told me right away what happened, it shows some respect and it tells me that she still has some feelings for me. She's also saying that she is really sorry and all. The fact that she is grounded is reassuring because she can't do any of that stupid shit again. But I guess I'm proper fucked now ain't I. Thinking of going to her place next weekend to see her, to see if she still loves me like she says she does. Hope her parents have cooled down by then.
Edit: I'd also like to share the fact that she is smoking hot. This results in lots and lots of boys contacting her and sometimes they aren't subtle at all and are asking things like 'what's the color of your thong'. I've told her that I don't like this, and she should block any of the 500 messenger contacts who send her messages like this. She just likes the attention I guess. She pretty much is a big attention whore. To make things worse: she also told me that before she met me, she was a slut...
Edit2: And she has self-esteem issues which could explain some of her behavior.
Up till this point I literally thought you might be the boyfriend of one of my female friends. Now this girl hasn't kissed anyone that I know of but she does have some very close male friends (including myself).
Then I got to the 'underage' part. OK, you're talking about a real young girl. Probably a bit of a stereotype but people that young don't tend to be very committed, it doesn't make sense for them to be.
Still, REALLY sounds like one of my friends, that whole thing. Down to 'slut', 500 messenger contacts, the whole bit. And I believe my friend to be completely committed.
lawlohwhat
Banned
What does this prove?
lawlohwhat
Banned
It probably feels better to think of her as a whore and a slut and all of this, but you have to realize that this kind of behavior from her is coming from an entirely insecure place. If she was happy with herself then she would not openly invite the attention that she gets from other guys. An attractive girl is going to get hit on all the time, but one who is confident in herself will be so used to it that she'll be able to tactfully brush it aside.
Also, you're dating someone who is young enough to be grounded by their parents? Sounds like she's just too young and undeveloped to be in a serious relationship.
Sorry about the stress, though. It's not easy to find this kind of thing out about a significant other.
Coalission
Banned
I have no clue, it's never really happened, I've ended every relationship I've ever had and actually have quite fulfilling ones that run a few years, so I can't even relate to what that type of betrayal feels like...I just think if it ever happened I wouldn't turn the other cheek and let it eat me up inside while they walk around happy as a clam and onto their next conquest. Gotta fuck them over one last time. This isn't advice, it's just one of my personal ego-based flaws that I don't really care to change.
When you get older this is actually pretty normal, that's why trust matters, and having your own life to not die of boredom and anxiety during the week is important.
She sounds young and immature, you sound young and immature, and it sounds like she knows she has you by the balls and enjoys toying with you and your emotions.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
Now that you mention it, I've also thought about this. I told her I was coming over anyway but she really did not want that. And to add insult to injury: a (lady) friend is sleeping over tonight and she is allowed to use her pc again (which was also prohibited). But her parents are really strict though so I don't know.
I think you've read this wrong, her friend joked about this before it even happened. But the fact that she told me is reassuring.
There have been so many red flags it's unbelievable. But at the same time she has shared so many really private things with me that she has to have some feelings for me. I want to see her in person first though before I'm going to make a drastic decision.
Also thanks a lot for the replies guys, read them all and lots of varying opinions. I'll cool down for a bit now, I'm feeling better now. But I will take matters in my own hands, what I'm going to do depends on what she says. However, I will man up and I will tell her that this has to stop and she has to change her ways. Otherwise I'm out.
Don't tell her to "stop." Just stop the relationship entirely. Just because she's hot and just because she's shared private things with you doesn't make this a good relationship for you. It's long distance, she's insecure, she thrives on attention, and she's cheated on you. It's a recipe for disaster that's already occurred and you're a fool if you willingly stick this out.
Time is a common element in both a good relationship and a bad relationship. A good relationship is time well spent. A bad relationship is wasted time. You only have a finite amount of time on this good earth, so why not spend some of it in a good relationship? From what you've told us, it sounds like you're in a busted relationship.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
I'm listening soultron, but I need to be 100% sure. Call me blind, call me stupid I don't care but I still want this to work out. This week is going to make it or break it, I want answers first. And no, I'm not going to fall for her lies.
vandaliser
Banned
To my more learned brethren on gaf i have a slight problem. Basically i have a co worker who i have been struggling to fend away. She's attractive, good natured and a thousand different things. But i have been keeping my attraction to her bottled up completely. Through sheer will alone. Mainly because i have a rule of never hooking with workmates. And two she's from a different nationality and culture and i think it's too big a gap for a stable long term relationship. But i do really like her. But she has no idea on how i feel about her
Anyways cue friday. Time for her to leave work. I leave half an hour later.
So before she leaves i check to make sure everything has been done properly, usual work stuff.
This is how the conversation went
Me: *calls her name*
her: responds yes?
Me: err, nothing
her: what? tell me.
me: nah it's nothing. just ignore me.
Her: no seriously. tell me please.
me: there's nothing. really.
by now she's looking me in the eye and tell me repeatedly to tell her what's up. I tell she's going to be late now and she should go home. She says she does not care. I am taken back by this. Normally she usually cannot wait to get home.
She then asks me if it is work related or something else. I stupidly say work stuff to which she's so tell me then which i then say foolishly oh it's nothing. She then laughs and says so if it something work related why wont you tell me so.
I tell her there's nothing and finally she walks away with a strange expression on her face and says if you say so.
Now you might be wondering why i called her name out in the first place. That was my desire which i have bottled for all these months suddenly brusting through. My sheer iron will control was lost for a moment there. throughout this time never once have i betrayed my thoughts or let my feelings known out there. so when i called her name that was my subconscious wanting to ask her out or court or something.
Now i feel there's some sort of tension. I am already dreading monday. I am not sure if she's going to start again when i see her. Oh man why the hell couldnt i think of a lie or something. Throughout the whole conversation i was panicking trying to put the beast back in the cage.
So now i am not sure what to do come monday.
Anyways cue friday. Time for her to leave work. I leave half an hour later.
So before she leaves i check to make sure everything has been done properly, usual work stuff.
This is how the conversation went
Me: *calls her name*
her: responds yes?
Me: err, nothing
her: what? tell me.
me: nah it's nothing. just ignore me.
Her: no seriously. tell me please.
me: there's nothing. really.
by now she's looking me in the eye and tell me repeatedly to tell her what's up. I tell she's going to be late now and she should go home. She says she does not care. I am taken back by this. Normally she usually cannot wait to get home.
She then asks me if it is work related or something else. I stupidly say work stuff to which she's so tell me then which i then say foolishly oh it's nothing. She then laughs and says so if it something work related why wont you tell me so.
I tell her there's nothing and finally she walks away with a strange expression on her face and says if you say so.
Now you might be wondering why i called her name out in the first place. That was my desire which i have bottled for all these months suddenly brusting through. My sheer iron will control was lost for a moment there. throughout this time never once have i betrayed my thoughts or let my feelings known out there. so when i called her name that was my subconscious wanting to ask her out or court or something.
Now i feel there's some sort of tension. I am already dreading monday. I am not sure if she's going to start again when i see her. Oh man why the hell couldnt i think of a lie or something. Throughout the whole conversation i was panicking trying to put the beast back in the cage.
So now i am not sure what to do come monday.
Coalission
Banned
Sounds like she digs you and is waiting for you to make a move, and she thought you were about to. What's the problem?
There are a lot of gold diggers out there. Both men and women. If you're concerned about being manipulated or used for material reasons then keep that aspect of your life close to the vest, or a complete secret, until you're comfortable with the person you're dating.
vandaliser
Banned
Like i said. I really do dig her. But i dont want to romantically get involved with a co worker and also the fact that she's from a different culture.
When i was younger i couldn't care less where the gal comes from. But now i am getting to my mid twenties and i am looking for a stable long term relationship. And i dont want to morph into my younger carless carefree screw it methods. I actually like this girl and i keep thinking i dont want to simply hook up with her and dump her months later. I want the best for this girl and i believe she deserves someone who will go all the way with her.
I dont want to come off as some sort of self righteous twit but i think the older i have become the less of playa i have become.
hydragonwarrior
Member
OK guys, how does one practice lasting "longer" during sex?
At times, I can just "go" right away. Like, it's in and BAM! I have to take it out.... So, what are some tips for more stamina?
(and I think it has to do that I watch porn daily - but I'm willing to make that sacrifice if needed)
At times, I can just "go" right away. Like, it's in and BAM! I have to take it out.... So, what are some tips for more stamina?
(and I think it has to do that I watch porn daily - but I'm willing to make that sacrifice if needed)
- Status