Devolution
Member
Harsh but serious question how many of you single guys just make friends with women? Seems to me the easiest way to be introduced to more women other than school, websites, clubs is through other women.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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*raises hand*
i've got about an equal amount of guy and girl friends. and yes, it is definitely the easiest way lol
Already made several new female friends in recent months, I just happen to be commuting this semester and it's too far for me to get any chances to hang out with them. When I move back into the dorms in January, that's definitely something I plan to do, though.
i feel like i befriend too many girls at times. shame the one i'm interested in is a friend zone deal(although i feel like we're too good of friends for anything to even be possible. i know too much about her)
Walk. Not because she has a kid but because you have doubt. Never engage in a relationship with doubt, regardless of reason. You deserve what you desire and she deserves someone who desires her completely.
Her child deserves that as well.
PflargBlarg
Member
ok i'm going to have a relationship of any sort by the end of next semester. i'm too lonely not to
I can't read your mind, but this sounds like it's going to lead right into acting desperate.
I'm not going to say to do what I do, but every girl I've gone out with has been the one to come on to me. I want to make clear that this is because I'm lazy as hell.
I just think if you're happy with yourself and where you are they'll come to you. I've been perfectly content for all the time that I've been alone because I've got plenty of other things going on.
Avoid defining yourself by your relationship status.
Devolution
Member
If I dated someone with a child I'd basically have to be ready to be a mom because if it works out with them I couldn't just treat the child like a chore. That's not fair to everyone involved.
Vermillion
Banned
Present and accounted for. None of them are super-close or anything, though. Still friends.
It's usually easiest to become friends with friends' girlfriends.
Devolution
Member
Yeah but that's not always easy if they don't work out. Personally I just think getting close to a couple women opens up a guy's social circle immensely. Just seems like some need a best gal pal who's not afraid to call their ass out on shit irl and get them more at ease with talking to women.
Re-reading my post I want to clarify that her having a kid hasn't affected our dates, rather how we schedule dates. Sometimes she has to take care of her kid or sometimes her ex has the kid etc.
I get what you're saying though. We'll see what happens, I like her and I just feel like an asshole for even having these thoughts.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I have actually tried going this route, a few times. Not enough to count anything significant, really.
I've had one woman tell me she actually couldn't think of anyone to introduce me to that she felt would fit me, and me and her are actually very close friends so she knows me pretty well.
I think one of my close female friends is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. after we met, she then pressed me for info on what i thought about certain aspects of her
Vermillion
Banned
Devo: True.
lkr: I kinda know that feel.
lkr: I kinda know that feel.
I have a lot of female friends. I go out for drinks with 3 different girls on a weekly basis -- 2 of these girls I dated briefly and we remained close friends. At times this becomes group things of me, Girl 1 , and then two of her female friends. I get to listen to them complain about their dating lives, why men suck, etc.. Given being out in such a group has also led me to getting some phone numbers from guys or asked if I'm gay.
Pretty much all girls feel comfortable around me and are open about every aspect of their life. Honestly don't know if that is a compliment anymore.....
an ex of one of my friends is convinced im gay for whatever reason
So yesterday was en eventful day. Girlfriend got into a spat with her mom said the f word and her mom decked her. She shoves her mom to get her away from her who then calls her older sister who comes over and gets bullyish.
Needless to say when I got off work I was less than amused and got myself uninvited from future family gatherings for sure by reminding her family they were all pieces of shit who belong in the sewer with the rest of the pieces of shit.
Needless to say when I got off work I was less than amused and got myself uninvited from future family gatherings for sure by reminding her family they were all pieces of shit who belong in the sewer with the rest of the pieces of shit.
Devolution
Member
Does she live at home so she's forced to deal with their bullshit?
Nah this was a case of the holidays getting out of control for sure. Certainly not expecting any christmas gifts this year
I must have really shitty female friends then.
Been there. It's really not an enjoyable position to be in.
Devolution
Member
I feel sorry for people who can't really chill with the fam during the holidays without some drama jeez.
Get some new ones.
I want a new playground more. Fresh start for everything.
Problem is that those friends aren't suited for me.
That's what I'm about to do. January I'm going to a different city and starting fresh.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Moving somewhere else isn't always the solution. It comes from within.
True. I'm not moving solely to find someone though. I'm moving for a number of reasons. But I also look at it as a a fresh start to meet new people.
Devolution
Member
Some places you're just less likely to find people who are similar political wavelengths than you.
Just speaking for myself here but experiencing a new playground was so eye-opening. It allowed me to be what i wanted to be w/o being measured against the existing, dated perceptions people already had of me. I got treated so much better by the people at the beach that I really didnt want to go back to school/home. It wasnt always sunshine and daisies but the overall difference was clear. I dont enjoy getting dissed and shitted on by people I've never been anything but nice to. So it was nice to escape that for a few months.
I guess it depends on whether you think there's something wrong with you. Personally I think I'm awesome but i admit its hard to ignore the external influences in my current situation. So yeah, I'm definitely looking forward to something new.
TheSchwab_7
Member
I posted my situation right before the last thread ended, so I won't post it again, but I'm seeing my girlfriend tomorrow night after a really shitty week of her causing me a lot of pain, literally and figuratively, and I'm wondering how to deal with it all.
She basically knowingly disrespected me and my feelings so that she could have a good time. She knew that her actions would make me very upset and angry, yet it apparently didn't matter to her.
I'm not a very aggressive guy, but how do I put my foot down and tell her that she won't disrespect me again or ....? I've never been a fan of ultimatums, but if I knew doing something would upset my girlfriend, I wouldn't do it. I do want to be with her, but I'm not sure how to tell her that you will not disrespect me again in a firm enough way to get the point across.
She basically knowingly disrespected me and my feelings so that she could have a good time. She knew that her actions would make me very upset and angry, yet it apparently didn't matter to her.
I'm not a very aggressive guy, but how do I put my foot down and tell her that she won't disrespect me again or ....? I've never been a fan of ultimatums, but if I knew doing something would upset my girlfriend, I wouldn't do it. I do want to be with her, but I'm not sure how to tell her that you will not disrespect me again in a firm enough way to get the point across.
Kind of sounds like she wants to experience going to bars this phase in her life and you don't want that scene. Being a DD and babysitting people that can't take care of themselves sucks.
Calling people fat and ugly in a rage is pretty immature too.
My dad was an alcoholic too. I drink socially, but I never get so drunk I can't have a coherent conversation. I would not deal with a girl I had to babysit every time we went out.
I suck at dating, so, yeah. Ignoring lack of experience, I think I can see some good logic since I have no anxiety about other people's issues, but with myself my anxiety overtakes the logic usually.
MustacheBandit_, the guy who makes them, says it's real.
Your personality and making them laugh I guess.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
sure. This is a great attitude to have. Spread the good Karma. No need to pump'n dump if you are not into dat sort of thing. And as you said, spreading the nice love to all nice women who becomes friend with you might manifest itself to sexy love with some of them later.
But dont be a push over. And obviously it's so bad too do if your secretly in love with someone. Biggest waste is to just be friends with someone waiting for it to happen. It could happen, but my experience has not been so.
Friends are not girlfriends. But it's complicated because most people would probably say that their partner is one of their best friends. I agree, but I think there is a big difference.
I've made quite a few women friends these past two months. I love the company of women. It definitely will help you network with their friends.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I went to a liberal activist we-wanna-live-in-anarchy bunker party a few months back, and there was this decent looking girl. She was not hotter than the rest, but everyone was wearing black gothic/hippie/trash/punky style clothes with pircings, dreadlocks and tattoos from face to buttplate.
But this nice looking girl was wearing this insanely red dress. it was not particularly slutty, but she just stood out from the crowd. she was not hotter, but because she signaled something different she was "the one" that evening. I have never seen so many men hit on the same girl. On the dance floor it was almost simultaneously.
So the paradox of all this? We need different, and we are curious about people who are confident enough not to care. To some degree. Dont smudge yourself in donkey poo just to be "Unique". But do it with authenticity. The opposite of a hipster who just does it because it's cool, hip, ironic and anti-mainstream.
Most of us are afraid though. Thats why we wear brands that are respected by society. Its funny how a ultra popular mainstream product like Beats by Dre gets a bad reputation, and suddenly nobody wears these stupid expensive headphones anymore. but some things endure. Like Red Converse shoes!
You can't "put your foot down" with someone who mentally checked out of the relationship already, the question you should be asking is how to make your girlfriend care about you again and I don't think you could right now. Time to start thinking of life without her so it doesn't hurt so much when it eventually happens. I'd also start looking for another girlfriend.
By having fun. You'll see that it's legit once you start approaching yourself.
Vermillion
Banned
You know, I feel like it's a bit more difficult to make female friends. But that's because I don't want to give off the perception that I'm going after them. And asking them the same things I as my male friends can give off that perception (let's get food, you should come over sometime, we should hang out, etc.)
Not that I haven't made any, but still.
Not that I haven't made any, but still.
Girls will confide in me very quickly. One might call that a friendzone or being used as an emotion sponge, but since I'm not in love, trying to date, or jealous if they date someone I have a nice connection and conversations that matter to the both of us along with having fun together.
Nice OP there. The 'Golden Years' line is absolutely true. While it's never too late to find someone, there's no better time to find that special somone than your young adult life. Don't wait for that special someone to fall in your lap, go out there & seize the moment. I'm married, but I see both ends of the spectrum through my 2 sister-in-laws.
SIL #1 graduated from college about 5yrs ago, but instead of finding a job/career afterwards, she stayed at home (in a tiny, back-woods town) for the next 3yrs & worked part-time at diner. Never met a guy. She finally moved out 2yrs ago, and still (in her words) hasn't found a guy worth dating. :lol SIL #2 graduated from college 2yrs ago, landed a job, and moved to the city where the job was. She's been dating a guy for a little while now, and seems very happy about her life.
What I'm saying, GAF, is don't be like my SIL #1. Go out there and seize the moment. Put yourself out there.
Good to see you posting in here again.
What Noid is saying is, if she has custody of the kid, that the endgame here is you being the stepfather. Don't be mistaken about that.
SIL #1 graduated from college about 5yrs ago, but instead of finding a job/career afterwards, she stayed at home (in a tiny, back-woods town) for the next 3yrs & worked part-time at diner. Never met a guy. She finally moved out 2yrs ago, and still (in her words) hasn't found a guy worth dating. :lol SIL #2 graduated from college 2yrs ago, landed a job, and moved to the city where the job was. She's been dating a guy for a little while now, and seems very happy about her life.
What I'm saying, GAF, is don't be like my SIL #1. Go out there and seize the moment. Put yourself out there.
Good to see you posting in here again.
What Noid is saying is, if she has custody of the kid, that the endgame here is you being the stepfather. Don't be mistaken about that.
Vermillion
Banned
Know what? Fuck this shit.
I'll make general friends, as I have been doing. Fuck gender.
I'm more of a go-with-the-flow guy anyways.
I'll make general friends, as I have been doing. Fuck gender.
I'm more of a go-with-the-flow guy anyways.
They're willing to do what others won't. They're different from most guys even though they still chase women like everyone else. They rarely show when things go sour though, unless it's funny, of course. By showing that they're carefree and have balls, it's clear that they are men, something that most women are attracted to.
Which brings me to something else I probably should add to the OP. A lot of guys seem to think that men and women are attracted to the same thing, which is why so many guys worry about having good looks. Because that's primarily what men look for in women, like it or not. But women aren't wired the same way as guys. If they were, there would be an insanely large industry for male breast implants, ass and hip increasement plans and tons of guys with pear shaped waists. And well, that's clearly not how our world looks today
Male obsession with cool hairstyles, big guns, nice clothes etc is connected to our genes that tell us that such superficial things are what to look for in our mates. But that's just icing on the cake, never the true selling points.new thread! congratz
i was actually taking about dating and stuff with two of my friends, but they seems like they were very shy about this kind of stuff i donno. its been a year since i moved to a new place for work, it took me a while to adjust the lifestyle here and i was really focusing about my work, but finally things are finally settling down and are going well, i have been thinking to start dating some girls too, i will see what i can do in the next few months!
i was actually taking about dating and stuff with two of my friends, but they seems like they were very shy about this kind of stuff i donno. its been a year since i moved to a new place for work, it took me a while to adjust the lifestyle here and i was really focusing about my work, but finally things are finally settling down and are going well, i have been thinking to start dating some girls too, i will see what i can do in the next few months!
Perspicacity
Banned
One of them is a GAFfer why don't you ask him.
manfestival
Member
I forgot what it was like to date someone... its been 5 years and the longest dry spell
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Everybody, male or female, cares about looks. What world are you people living in?
That's the only first impression we have. Looks are very important. If you're not attractive you're going to have to work extra hard to get a girl to be attracted to you, and you better damn well have something else going on for you. Good job, money etc.
I mean lets face it, if you're extremely good looking girls are going to come to you, i've seen it first hand. Literally. A few years ago my freind was at a mall and a girl came up to him and grabbed his face and said "you're so cute." I don't need to explain further what happened. You think if he was unattractive she would do that? Or even notice him? No. He would have to try as hard as he possibly can to get her attention. He even knows why he gets alot of girls. "They like that look" i remember him telling me. He treats this one girl he has like complete shit yet she still stays with him.
Im not saying it's impossible to get a girl if you're an average looking, or even ugly, guy. It's not. We see it all the time. But you're going to have to put in extra work and have something else in your life that offsets your ok looks.
We all want something pretty to look at.
That's the only first impression we have. Looks are very important. If you're not attractive you're going to have to work extra hard to get a girl to be attracted to you, and you better damn well have something else going on for you. Good job, money etc.
I mean lets face it, if you're extremely good looking girls are going to come to you, i've seen it first hand. Literally. A few years ago my freind was at a mall and a girl came up to him and grabbed his face and said "you're so cute." I don't need to explain further what happened. You think if he was unattractive she would do that? Or even notice him? No. He would have to try as hard as he possibly can to get her attention. He even knows why he gets alot of girls. "They like that look" i remember him telling me. He treats this one girl he has like complete shit yet she still stays with him.
Im not saying it's impossible to get a girl if you're an average looking, or even ugly, guy. It's not. We see it all the time. But you're going to have to put in extra work and have something else in your life that offsets your ok looks.
We all want something pretty to look at.
lol
no
Your personality is everything you need to 'offset' your looks.
Only superficial girls would solely care about money/power when you only have 'ok' looks, do you want superficial girls?
PflargBlarg
Member
Well I'll agree that good looks make the very very first impression easier, after that, it doesn't matter. You even point out yourself that you see completely average or ugly guys with beautiful girls all the time. You know what the 'something else' they have is? A personality that attracts women. I can guarantee you that not all those average looking guys have power and money.
PflargBlarg
Member
I'm going to link something now. It's going to be from Cracked.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
It sparked quite a philosophical discussion in our IRC channel. I think there are good things in there though.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
It sparked quite a philosophical discussion in our IRC channel. I think there are good things in there though.
I'm using some online dating website and i'm wondering... If a girl takes nearly 24 hours to respond to your messages AFTER she have read them, is it a sign that the interest isn't really there? Her messages doesn't give that feeling, but man, why does it take her so long so come up with something? It's not like she's typing 2000 words messages that require a lot of thought either. If I receive a message from someone, i usually reply as soon as i've read it, so i've got that feeling that she's not that interested. =/
Or maybe i'm just overthinking this and she's just very busy or someone that just takes her time to reply to any sort of messages and i'm worrying for nothing.
Or maybe i'm just overthinking this and she's just very busy or someone that just takes her time to reply to any sort of messages and i'm worrying for nothing.
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