Bam Bam Baklava
Member
No one is saying it can't happen but don't base your life on the idea that it will happen.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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No one is saying it can't happen but don't base your life on the idea that it will happen.
daemissary
Member
I am literally in the exact same position as you, age and everything. Unfortunately, I have no advice...I just wanted to quote you to see if anyone else out there could shed light onto our situation.
Rodney McKay
Member
I have a date tonight that I'm looking forward to.
The last date I went on was about a little over a month ago. I thought it went well, but when I followed up with her the next day she said she thought I was cute (she thought I looked like David Tennant), but didn't feel any chemistry. Was a bit of a bummer and I was initially a pretty dejected, but I got over it. I can't hold it against her if she wasn't feeling it plus I think I can learn from it. I think I did a bad job of showing my interest in her during the date other than just talking about what we do or what our interests are. More compliments and better flirting would have definitely helped me out, instead of just talking about how much we like Doctor Who, haha.
^^To the posts above me:
I've mainly used OKCupid. It takes a bit of work, but I find if you put some effort into your messages and message a few people every day you can start a conversation with someone in a week or so.
The last date I went on was about a little over a month ago. I thought it went well, but when I followed up with her the next day she said she thought I was cute (she thought I looked like David Tennant), but didn't feel any chemistry. Was a bit of a bummer and I was initially a pretty dejected, but I got over it. I can't hold it against her if she wasn't feeling it plus I think I can learn from it. I think I did a bad job of showing my interest in her during the date other than just talking about what we do or what our interests are. More compliments and better flirting would have definitely helped me out, instead of just talking about how much we like Doctor Who, haha.
^^To the posts above me:
I've mainly used OKCupid. It takes a bit of work, but I find if you put some effort into your messages and message a few people every day you can start a conversation with someone in a week or so.
shindoku21
Member
I've been talking to this girl. She got out of a serious relationship a few months back. I wasn't initially interested in her but then we started having long conversations and finally started to hang outside of class when finals were over. I spent an entire day with her last week and we had a lot of fun. I realize timing and space are important. She already told me she isn't ready yet, but she does like me. I feel that now that she knows I'm going to ask her out eventually, it kinda sucks cause it's testing my patience and things might change the more we hang out and aren't able to get close. I guess I gotta get a really good feel for when she's ready?
I'll just keep my hopes low and keep an eye out for other potential relationships to keep my mind occupied off the situation. =p
I'll just keep my hopes low and keep an eye out for other potential relationships to keep my mind occupied off the situation. =p
WascallyWabbit
Member
Good luck, my man
MetalGuardian
Banned
We're on OT4 now?
Briefly popping in to give support to this thread. OT1 changed my life. I went from an awkward and shy recluse to having one of the best social lives imaginable, women included. I can trace every single element of my current lifestyle back to that first thread.
Though I don't post on GAF as much as I'd like these days, I'll certainly still be following this thread. Best of luck to everyone!
Briefly popping in to give support to this thread. OT1 changed my life. I went from an awkward and shy recluse to having one of the best social lives imaginable, women included. I can trace every single element of my current lifestyle back to that first thread.
Though I don't post on GAF as much as I'd like these days, I'll certainly still be following this thread. Best of luck to everyone!
There's a serious problem in here that pokes its head out in some posters, and that's a "woe is me I'm ugly" mentality. It's defeatist, and fucking bullshit.
Someone had it so right on the last page: it's rare that you're unavoidably ugly to the point where you're just flat out screwed.
Get in shape, wear nicer looking clothes, groom yourself, smell nice. Bam. Done. Any guy can do this and instantly appear far more attractive than you did before. Plus your confidence will see a MASSIVE boost. And I still hold to the idea that confidence and personality are key. If you change your life for the better in those ways, you'll see a huge difference in your dating life guaranteed.
Fix yourself or give up.
Someone had it so right on the last page: it's rare that you're unavoidably ugly to the point where you're just flat out screwed.
Get in shape, wear nicer looking clothes, groom yourself, smell nice. Bam. Done. Any guy can do this and instantly appear far more attractive than you did before. Plus your confidence will see a MASSIVE boost. And I still hold to the idea that confidence and personality are key. If you change your life for the better in those ways, you'll see a huge difference in your dating life guaranteed.
Fix yourself or give up.
Up the irons
I made some progress in OT1, but I soon rebounded into hopelessness.
I'll get out of this someday, I'm just not sure when.
PflargBlarg
Member
PflargBlarg
Member
By the way, can someone check my last post and confirm that I'm reading the situation correctly?
Your theories all sound plausible. I have no idea what's going on. I've found myself in similar situations actually. My first thought was that perhaps she expects you to come up with new days that she can check in her schedule after telling you which ones don't work. I'd flip it around and tell her "I'm available on X and Y at xx:xx" the next time you talk about it. If she doesn't get with the program, friendzone her basically. Or perhaps "Tell me when you *are* available and I'll see if it fits in my schedule" because it seems like you're very much available right now, right? All of this would obviously not be as much of a problem if you had more prospects in general
So I'd work on that first.The way that I see it, if she says "____ doesn't work for me. How about ______?" then she is interested. If she herself doesn't put effort into finding a replacement day that works, even just suggesting one, then she may not be all that interested.
Don't take that as 100% the case, but it's what I have personally experienced.
Don't take that as 100% the case, but it's what I have personally experienced.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Let's stop letting Kung Fu Grip try to guilt us all about looks all the time. He's broken.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Some girls like keeping a guy around without having to commit to a relationship. I've been in this situation myself for a year and a half and just now started to realize this. If a girl only wants to hang out or be intimate when it's convenient for her, I would take that as a bad sign. Relationships are a two way street and it sounds like you're driving the wrong way down a one-way at this point.
I know it's not easy to cut things off, that was my main problem. I eventually figured out this girl was just keeping me around as a fall-back option and vowed to stop talking to her. Heck, I laid out for her how much I liked her and let her know there was no pressure for a relationship. She told me she wasn't interested but when I told her we'd have to stop hanging out so I could move on she kept blowing me up and saying she missed me. To make a long story short, I was weak and got caught in a vicious cycle of her bullshit. Please for the love of god don't let this happen to you.
Just my 2cents
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Never tell a girl you like her. Just make a move. It kills all of the potential electricity and fun to where you're wrecking it for yourself.
Imagining the scenario you were in just feels awkward.
Emotions are fickle sons of bitches, and can turn you into something you don't want to be.
Nothing quite like it is both so great and terrible at the same time.
It takes life experience and self-awareness to fight through it. Realizing you're in a one sided relationship that is causing you emotional stress is the first step to growing stronger.
This. Actions, actions, actions and actions speak louder than words.
Nothing quite like it is both so great and terrible at the same time.
It takes life experience and self-awareness to fight through it. Realizing you're in a one sided relationship that is causing you emotional stress is the first step to growing stronger.
This. Actions, actions, actions and actions speak louder than words.
PflargBlarg
Member
Haha, well, I'm very much available because I lost my job a week ago and there are only so many hours you can spend looking for jobs. I could probably handle 3 girls at once and still have time left over.
I was actually going to have an opportunity for other prospects this Saturday but the End of the World party got cancelled unfortunately. But, there's plenty of parties between Christmas and January so that shouldn't matter too much. And that Cracked article gave me some motivation on things to do.
I was actually going to have an opportunity for other prospects this Saturday but the End of the World party got cancelled unfortunately. But, there's plenty of parties between Christmas and January so that shouldn't matter too much. And that Cracked article gave me some motivation on things to do.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
I disagree, we had been hanging out for 5 months before I told her how I felt. Honestly, it was a liberating feeling. I didn't have to bottle up my emotions, getting things out in the open took a huge weight off my chest.
The mistakes I made were A) not cutting things completely off after she told me she didn't want anything the first time and B) not making any significant moves. Letting her manipulate me into the same cycle of hang out - build up feelings - tell her how I feel - rejection was terrible for my self esteem.
I'm pretty bad at making moves unless there's a clear signal that she's interested in me. I don't know, I just get nervous about that shit. I know that the worst thing that can happen is a girl saying no thanks but that thought gives me anxiety.
There's very rarely a "clear signal", man. Most of the time you're just taking a shot in the dark. Men are notoriously bad at reading "signals", anyway. Just take a chance and see where it takes you. What you have to do is push past that anxiety, and say "fuck you personal anxiety! You're keeping me from seeing 'what if'!". Just do it. Don't think too much on it.
I don't remember the quote, or who said it, but I think on it often:
"Courage isn't about not being afraid, but being afraid and pushing forward anyway."
Might have been Batman. Sounds like a batman thing.
PflargBlarg
Member
I figure if anything is going to happen, she's going to be the one to plan it, because I'm pretty well done with throwing ideas out. And if it never happens, well, then that's it. Makes it simple.
so then what would you say to somebody who has done all of these things you guys recommend and nothing has changed?
Gucci Messiah
Banned
I don't know man, I get really confused with how females try to communicate that they are interested. Some girls are super straight-forward with me (touching, texting, making a move to kiss me, etc) but this girl I've been writing about has driven me crazy trying to figure her out.
I mean, one day she says she isn't looking for a relationship and isn't interest in me and then a week later she makes out with some random douche at the bar AND chases after me when I immediately try to leave. What the heck is up with that?
Or how after I tell her we can't hang out because I need space to get over her, she starts bawling her eyes out and less than 24 hours later keeps blowing up my phone telling me that she wants to see me and shit.
Or how about all the times she's asked me to go out with her downtown on weekends?
I mean we have a weird-ass relationship. She says she isn't interested and then does things to mess with my head. That's a major reason why I didn't make any moves. She would ALWAYS initiate the hanging out but then say she wasn't interested when shit got real.
/rant
Lower your standards until you land someone and work yourself up...you may just end up with your soulmate, who cares what they look like
If nothing has changed and he has done all of that, the go to answer is that he is unavoidably ugly? I don't buy it. If he thinks that, even after all of those changes, then he has self esteem issues which are in turn leading to turning girls off.
If the guy does all of that, and doesn't have self esteem issues and has confidence, and just keeps approaching girls and going on dates then he will find someone.
You just have to keep going at it, and even if you don't find a girl for a little while after doing all of these things then guess what? You've still vastly improved your life for you. Isn't that more important, really? In the long run?
Maybe we should have a separate looks thread. Looks are an important part of dating, and someone's looks can be transformed by a simple hair cut, change of clothing style, change in weight etc.
People could post pictures seeking frank and constructive thoughts on their appearance. If a new picture is posted showcasing an improvement and the poster is complemented, it should go a way to boosting confidence also.
People could post pictures seeking frank and constructive thoughts on their appearance. If a new picture is posted showcasing an improvement and the poster is complemented, it should go a way to boosting confidence also.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
we have a men's fashion thread here on gaf, people should check that out
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=439580&page=244
It's great for getting an eye for what looks good, and how to wear certain articles of clothing. It's also great for bouncing ideas and getting new ones. Plus people post great sources for sales and what not.
If you're interested in improving your appearance, which does go leagues into improving confidence, it's worth a sub.
Also, this is relevant.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I have a hard time believing any of the people in here who whine about how they're ugly and can't land women have ever been legitimately cocky and funny.
What is ugly? How do you define ugly? Is ugly being skinny? Is ugly having a bad face structure? Is ugly bad hair? Is ugly bad teeth? Is ugly bad eyes? Is ugly a bad nose or lips? Is ugly nerdy? Is ugly a social constructed word we as a society defined? I mean I always thought beauty was defined by the person viewing. Not what society says.
Am I wrong? So your 10/10 girl is probably a 5/10 to me. So attractiveness is subjective.
Am I wrong? So your 10/10 girl is probably a 5/10 to me. So attractiveness is subjective.
lol I'm not ugly and am both cocky and funny, but I still have to side with people who think there are leagues. Sorry, but people who are aiming too high will keep getting rejected and lose hope. I think it's healthier to have realistic expectations, so when you do land that girl who rocks your world and is REASONABLY more attractive than you, it will feel great.
Getting someone reasonably more attractive than you thanks to your charm is normal, getting someone waaaay out of your league simply is not. It just doesn't happen. I've seen someone win the lottery before, it doesn't mean I'll bank my financial future on me also winning. Gotta work your way up the hard way and if it happens, it happens.
Yes, but don't let them know that!
Playing hard to get is immature but it works both ways.I'd ask why it's so important. I'd also want to know why the changes were made because that says a lot about where you might've gone wrong.
Why can't you?
Vermillion
Banned
I'm currently wearing a v-neck, cardigan and scarf. Hipster chic, I think.
*shrug* Thought I'd say something about fashion here.
*shrug* Thought I'd say something about fashion here.
Take a picture, and post it in the Manshion thread.
Sounds like a good combo, man. Colors?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
That v-neck will assure you some v-gina.
Vermillion
Banned
Black cardigan, dark scarf, striped v-neck...
Probably not as nice looking as you imagine, but.
No one would date me
Dark scarf as in what color? Navy? Dark Gray? Also black?
Striped v-neck as in what color/orientation of the stripes?
Details man, details!
And why not?
Vermillion
Banned
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Joker you look fresh my man, I really do mean that
PflargBlarg
Member
If you want to help the people in here help you, don't come in with this shit. I don't want to be an asshole, but you have to be in here looking for help and working for it, not whining.
Vermillion
Banned
Oh, cool - thanks!
Joker: Put on a smile!
Pun not intended? Lol.
No, didn't occur to me xD I agree wih Pioneer, there's nothing wrong with you at first glance like that. It's all in your head
As always.Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You must be such a nice guy!
Tell us more about how good you are and how she should like you.
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