Alcoori said:
lThen I see you posting to criticize the gay community/culture saying it transforms people in giant queens even though they might not be to begin with.
I find it ironic and not true. But we're all entitled to our own opinion, however incorrect they might be.
But I didn't say that! It
would have been a damn generalisation for me to extrapolate my experiences and say what you believe I said, but I didn't do that. I said people often go through that transformation when entering the community. I didn't say it was a rule that once you enter the community you transform.
Cosmic Bus - unless you actually want to go without dating and partners, get some confidence already! Every coming out event of yours has been entirely positive and you're still worried? Scratch that, you're older than 30 and you still let what others think stop you from being completely honest about yourself? Relax. In the nicest possible way, nobody really cares that you're gay. It doesn't make you who you are. Tell everyone you know immediately and if anyone reacts badly (outside of genuine shock; they can't help that) then ditch them.
My coming out story:
I got drunk and told one of my friends. He was totally cool with it, but unfortunately (fortunately?) he was a gossipy bitch. One week later my entire school year knew. An all boys school. I was terrified, but decided that my attitude would be "deal with it". Everyone dealt with it. Of course, I was the new and shiny thing of interest, so I got heckled, teased and asked a lot of questions, but there was never any malice behind it. Just boys being boys. Everyone accepted me for who I was. Except for the Russian exchange student, Vitali.
"And what do you think about Suairyu being bisexual, Vitali?" said a friend, huge shit-eating grin plastered across his face.
"He should be taken outside and shot with gun," he replied, in the most amazingly thick Russian accent ever. It was James Bond levels of hilarity. He was 100% earnest.
"What if Suairyu was a girl?"
"Then that okay. Girl can like girl. But not man liking other man. They freak"
(he was probably just a Tatu fan)
I thought about coming out to my parents. I was certain my mother would be cool about it, at least. She instilled within me a strong moral code of accepting everyone. She worked in a sexual health clinic and interacted with homosexuals on a daily basis. My father I wasn't so sure about. I believe he has absolutely nothing against gay/bi people, but he just wouldn't want his son to be that. Does that make sense? I decided to wait a little bit until telling them.
I went off to University and it was there I discovered the joys of the LGBT. Or rather, in this particular case, the shiteness. If the members could have removed the 'B' from the title they would have. There was an intense, irrational hatred towards bisexuality. "They're not real gays, they're just sluts, they're just greedy etc. etc." All the straight people I met were completely cool with me. I spoke to bi-sexual and bi-curious people outside of the society and they said they'd all had similar experiences. One poor girl had been completely put off ever experimenting with her sexuality because of a particularly venomous experience. The whole ordeal is what made me first begin to question the role of a gay "community" and -even though I surmised my experiences must be unfortunate rather than the rule- whether the LGBT banner was healthy for gay equality or not. BUT THAT'S ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
Then one day as I sat in my room studying, I receive a text from my sister. It read, "can't believe you're bi, lol." Obviously she was cool with it, but I worried how she knew. I asked her and she told me she'd heard from my mother. Not a few minutes later, I receive a phone call from my mother. The short of it was that she was okay with me being one or the other, but not both.
"Does <your girlfriend> know?"
"Yes, of course."
"And how does she feel about all this?"
"What? What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, how is she okay sleeping with you knowing that... ugh, well I couldn't. Just don't tell your father."
I was shocked into silence and, after a pause, hung up. I found a friend of mine and explained. She then spent a lot of money getting me drunk.
I'm always going to hold a grudge against my mother for that. Most of the time I forget about it, then it'll just come to the front of my mind and I'll be in a foul mood with her for days on end. I felt so betrayed. She was the parent who taught me to understand everyone, then she refused to understand me. I expected her to be
too supportive, if anything, wanting to talk about it and recommending local gay pride events and totally making me embarrassed by being overly caring like mums are supposed to.
I still haven't told my father.
EDIT - to clarify, my mother found out by finding out on Facebook. Now my Facebook never contains relationship statuses or orientations, and it's locked down so hard that even if you know my name you can't search for me. None of that friend-of-a-friend bullshit, either.
