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[BriareosGAF]

It's almost like you can't universalize these anecdotes! We have two children (4 and 7) and our day isn't anything like the above, nor has it ever been, and after eight years of marriage our sex life hasn't been significantly changed either. If your situation sucks, work to change it.

 

[EleventhDoctor]

Except it leaves out all the great moments with the children that totally make having children worth it.

Yeah this is true. My life pretty much blows right now, but the highlight of my life is my daughter who is the funniest person I know. She makes me laugh like nothing else.

 

[WickedAngel]

Except it leaves out all the great moments with the children that totally make having children worth it.

Like putting them up for adoption.

 

[LosDaddie]

Yeah I'm sad to say this has happened to my marriage. We go months and months now. It sucks. We kept it up after the first kid but when the second came along - romance and intimacy died. We really stopped being a couple and instead are co-workers at Raising Children Inc..

You must make personal time for you guys. Like a DAte Night once a month, or so.

 

[Vagabundo]

This should be a sticky thread on every forum on the internets for population control. I'm never having kids.

That's minus all the good stuff though. They are a megaton of work though.

Yeah this is true. My life pretty much blows right now, but the highlight of my life is my daughter who is the funniest person I know. She makes me laugh like nothing else.

Ditto. Mine's only 1 and a bit, but makes me smile every damn day. She says "yea" to everything.

This morning:

You want rice kristpies or porridge?

Yea

You want rice krispies? <shake box>

Yea

You want porridge?

Yea..

Spoiler

I gave her porridge and she painted her face with it

 

[OldJadedGamer]

This should be a sticky thread on every forum on the internets for population control. I'm never having kids.

From all I've heard from friends and all I've read is that kids kill relationships. A wise man once said "the best part about kids is making them"

 

[Flek]

not a cool thread to read while becoming father though

 

[Dyno]

Except it leaves out all the great moments with the children that totally make having children worth it.

I am actually so fucking tired of this sentiment because A) it's a vague, throw-away statement, and B) it closes out conversation on the topic.

 

[JetBlackPanda]

not a cool thread to read while becoming father though

my wife is 5 months pregnant with our first and I have to laugh at some of the people in here. I know plenty of people that are married have kids and have a sex life, Yes your relationship will change, but this is why we waited 8 years to have kids.

 

[beelzebozo]

I am actually so fucking tired of this sentiment because A) it's a vague, throw-away statement, and B) it closes out conversation on the topic.

i think it's merely a way of expressing that to read that and draw conclusions about the worth of parenthood leads to a reductive discussion. read the itinerary of a med student devoid of its rewards and it too reads like a nightmare. or even a rock star.

 

[WickedAngel]

my wife is 5 months pregnant with our first and I have to laugh at some of the people in here. I know plenty of people that are married have kids and have a sex life, Yes your relationship will change, but this is why we waited 8 years to have kids.

We'll see if you're still laughing in another 5 months.

 

[Matt]

It's better to have happy parents who are divorced than to have parents that resent each other but stay together "for the good of the children." Edit: I mean, children aren't stupid, children are usually quite good at picking up those kind of "vibes" (they might not understand it, but they might still know something is wrong and perhaps even blame themselves of it, especially if the parents argue a lot and the subject of _the children_ comes up in those arguments). And children should get a good model of a healthy relationship from their parents. If they don't love each other and stay together just because they "have to", then that might cause some problem with the childrens' love lives too, especially if they see their parents act coldly towards each other.

of course if the parents are divorced yet still continue ruining each other's lives by making everything too complicated and problematic, that isn't good either. A clean divorce where the parents still act at least somewhat decently/friendly towards each other is the best case scenario, when it comes to wife & husband growing apart and there being children in the mix.

Statistically, that simply isn't so. Unless physical violence is involved, children grow up better in a two parent household.

 

[LosDaddie]

not a cool thread to read while becoming father though

It's not going to be easy, but it's very rewarding.

 

[JetBlackPanda]

We'll see if you're still laughing in another 5 months.

I will be, with my child.. what?

I don't think having children is for everyone though.

 

[WickedAngel]

Nothing kills that firstborn optimism like a healthy dose of colic.

 

[Vagabundo]

I will be, with my child.. what?

I don't think having children is for everyone though.

Laughing about how much sex you'll be having..

Mine is 1 and a bit now and our sex life are only starting to get back to normal.

Nothing kills that firstborn optimism like a healthy dose of colic.

I was so glad I dodged that bullet.

 

[EleventhDoctor]

I will be, with my child.. what?

I don't think having children is for everyone though.

To think I was once this naive.

 

[JetBlackPanda]

Nothing kills that firstborn optimism like a healthy dose of colic.

Yes that would not be fun at all and would be very stressfull on both me and my wife.

however after waiting 8 years do you not think we have thought of this stuff?

this is getting off topic though, this thread was about SEX lets never forget the SEX.

 

[Vagabundo]

Yes that would not be fun at all and would be very stressfull on both me and my wife.

however after waiting 8 years do you not think we have thought of this stuff?

Nothing prepares you for the bomb. It's worse than a a natural disaster, but it's great fun in a crazy turn your life up side down kinda way.

 

[beelzebozo]

this is like an EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND writer convention!

 

[J-Rod]

I'm worried about how children are going to affect it, but I made sure to let her know my expectations about sex and the frequency of it before we got married and so far everything has been good on that front.

 

[SillyEskimo]

My Day:

8:45am - wake up, lay in bed for 15 minutes
9:00 - 10:30 - play with whichever child is not in preschool, clean up house, make beds, laundry, ect. Whatever is needed.
11:00 - throw child in car, get other child from preschool (10 minute trip there and back)
11:30 - make lunch for family, clean as I go
12 - take shower and get ready for work
12:30 - leave for work
1-9:00 - listen to podcasts/music/audio books/watch movies as I work
9:30-10ish - Home. Spend time with wife. Usually catching up on our respective days, sex time, all around "our alone time". Sometimes I just go to bed with her. If not....
11:00pm-ish - Wife goes to sleep. I play video games/read/paint/jack off/whatever till 1-2am.


Her Day:

7:45am - Get child ready for preschool. Change clothes/brush teeth/do hair/breakfast for girls.
8:35am - return from preschool drop off, wake me up. Sex if horny and child #2 is preoccupied.
9:00am - She goes down stairs to work (she works from home).
12 - She has lunch made for her (1 hour lunch) - we chat and talk about our plans for the day/week
1:00 - Kids go down for a nap. They are also allowed to play quietly upstairs
3:00 - She makes a snack for the girls and wakes them up
5:00 - she's done working. She usually takes the girls out or does some type of activity with them, often with friends.
6ish - She makes dinner, cleaning as she goes.
7:00 - If it's bath night, the girls get a bath.
8:00 - kids go down for the night. My wife has the next 1.5-2 hours for alone time before I get home. She reads/watches movies/whatever.
9:00 - I get home, read above.

--keep in mind that since she works from home we communicate a lot during the day, but I really try to leave her alone as much as possible...

We've been married 6 years and our girls are 3 and 4.5. They are really easy to care for, often preferring to play with each other or do their own thing like coloring or playing with toys. Intermixed with daily things, my wife and I determine a single thing to concentrate on studying and we both mix that subject into their week (like colors, counting, ect.)

On weekends, I sleep in as late as I want because my wife prefers to stay on a tight sleeping schedule (only 9ish unless I stay up till 4am the night before). I do big breakfasts on Sat and Sun mornings. My wife does big dinners on those nights. We clean up the house and yard together and do laundry as needed. I am in charge of weekend baths for the girls. When the kids go to bed on the weekends (Sat and Sun nights) my wife and I tend to do activities together. Video games, board games, movies, ect. The days are reserved for family activities like zoo trips, doing the shopping, and all that stuff.

I get surprise BJs once in awhile (ie: during the day or in the morning), morning sex during the weekdays once in a great while, and have sex about 3-4 nights a week on average. That could mean no sex Mon-Fri and 4 times on Sat-Sun. We play it by ear, but we're both horny, kinky perverts. We go through phases just like everyone else, only it's more like "I've only had anal sex for 2 weeks straight, I want some vagina time". My wife is a demon in the bedroom, and often sends me sexy texts, leaves me notes, and makes me feel like a sexual beast at all times. (of course I do likewise!) We also have at least 1 date night a month where we go out for dinner and a movie. We also do 2 weekend vacations a year, just the 2 of us. Usually this is a weekend trip to Chicago. We also do 2 family vacations a year that last much longer.

All in all, I live a very charmed life. My choice in a spouse is the number 1 reason for my insane levels of happiness. She makes my already excellent life even better. Marriage is awesome. Kids are awesome. Life is awesome.

Happy wife, happy life.

 

[RustyNails]

I plan to have a sexless marriage because I've lived this long without it, so why change?

I like this approach. Keeping expectations low.

 

[RustyNails]

If she's honestly thinking BJs are demeaning when they're a fine type of intimacy between two people, she's got some larger issues at work that need dealing with. Most sexual interaction doesn't have to be demeaning, especially if it's about pleasuring your partner. Sounds like such a bullshit excuse, it's not like the dude is asking for bukkake.

Excuse or not, I'd respect her wishes. I wont try to force someone into it. Maybe force is a strong word. I guess the word I'm looking for is justify. I won't try to justify it with "it's just like lollipop, honey".

 

[vordhosbn]

You should be more worried about the divorce statistics, something like half of all marriages fail. And nearly 70% of the time initiated by women.

With that in mind why would any rational person get married? Only sensible choice is to avoid marriage.

 

[GhaleonEB]

Okay. Except for you.

But I'm sure you already knew you were the extreme exception. It's just the nature of the beast.

12 1/2 years and still going strong.

 

[WickedAngel]

12 1/2 years and still going strong.

You have Paul Krugman articles on your side though.

 

[RustyNails]

You have Paul Krugman articles on your side though.

Which reminds me. James Carville (liberal) is married to Mary Matlin (conservative) for 20 years. I have no idea how I can live in a marriage with someone who's views are diametrically opposite to mine.

 

[WickedAngel]

Which reminds me. James Carville (liberal) is married to Mary Matlin (conservative) for 20 years. I have no idea how I can live in a marriage with someone who's views are diametrically opposite to mine.

They spoke at my campus last year and it was kind of interesting to see the divide. I think they function by avoiding that topic at home, which is healthy as it's also a way to justify leaving work "in the office" as well.

 

[RDreamer]

My marriage and relationship has been interesting. It's not sexless, but it's come pretty close at times. Sex has always been the only thing we couldn't figure out. Everything else has been beyond stellar, and I love the woman to death, but sex has been rough since the beginning. We've been together for 5 years and I know for a while we were probably averaging once every month or two. Since our marriage a bit over a year ago, though, we've been communicating much better and talking things through. And she got off birth control, which helped a lot. We've been experimenting a bit and discovering a bit about our own sexuality in the time, too.

Now we average about once a week. Personally that's still way too low for me, though, and she knows that, especially since our sex is still just 5 minutes or so and we're done. I could go twice a day for hours. I realize that's way too much for most, but I've always been a really sexual person. Luckily for both of us, we're very open with things, and so we opened up our marriage this year. As I said up there, our sex life has gone from once a month or two to once a week, so it's helped.

I know once kids come into the picture, though, sex with my wife will probably go back to once a month or something, depending. Her sex drive is way too fragile. She's horny at all the wrong times (while she's at work or something), and then it goes away by the time she's able to do anything about it. And any sort of stress just kills her sex drive beyond reason. If she's on 6 days a week at work? yep, probably no sex for me. And, any little thing I do can kill it too. For example one day I was trying to figure out hooking up our tv and surround system and everything, since we just moved. I got just a tiny bit frustrated and said dammit out loud (Just once mind you), and she told me later that she was in the mood, but that killed it.

 

[crazy monkey]

Rusty are you preparing for marriage soon? I am guessing yes

 

[YoungHav]

You should be more worried about the divorce statistics, something like half of all marriages fail. And nearly 70% of the time initiated by women.

With that in mind why would any rational person get married? Only sensible choice is to avoid marriage.

The tax breaks and benefits.

 

[levious]

I got just a tiny bit frustrated and said dammit out loud (Just once mind you), and she told me later that she was in the mood, but that killed it.

holy crap

 

[RustyNails]

Rusty are you preparing for marriage soon? I am guessing yes

Next month ^^

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

It's better to have happy parents who are divorced than to have parents that resent each other but stay together "for the good of the children."

I think his general point was more along the lines of "if you want to get divorced because you aren't getting bj's and you have kids, you really should re-think the importance of sex." There are things more important than sex, your children and your relationship with your wife are two such things.

 

[RDreamer]

holy crap

Yeah... And she knows stuff like that is ridiculous too, but she can't help it. She's done so much to try and change her sex drive. She's switched birth control like 4 or 5 times since I've been with her and now got off it altogether to try and see if that'd help (and it has)

 

[levious]

even outside of sexual drive, thinking anything of you saying "dammit" out of frustration, and not even directed at her, is pretty mind blowing to me.

 

[RDreamer]

even outside of sexual drive, thinking anything of you saying "dammit" out of frustration, and not even directed at her, is pretty mind blowing to me.

I guess it's because she thought I'd be in a bad mood for a while or something, and that usually puts her in a bad mood. It was weird and by far one of the most bizarre examples I could think of.

 

[akira28]

I am actually so fucking tired of this sentiment because A) it's a vague, throw-away statement, and B) it closes out conversation on the topic.

Multiple scientific papers out this year about how parents convince themselves that child rearing is so worth it, because it literally costs them their lives.

Saps their energy, uses their resources, and prime years. They have to convince themselves of this, otherwise they wouldn't do it.

RDreamer: open marriage you say? even so...oh muh god. open marriage and a prenup? Then maybe I'd sleep easy.

Bottom line fellas? Prenup. every time. No. Don't argue. Get a prenup. Shut up. Get.

 

[Steve Youngblood]

Multiple scientific papers out this year about how parents convince themselves that child rearing is so worth it, because it literally costs them their lives.

Saps their energy, uses their resources, and prime years. They have to convince themselves of this, otherwise they wouldn't do it.

I really find it disingenuous when parents offer forth vague platitudes to paint raising children as a sort of end-all-be-all experience that people who don't have kids just aren't blessed enough to understand.

However, I do think it's important to also not get carried away going in the other direction. I don't think it's all poppycock when people proclaim that there are joys to parenthood. Furthermore, I don't understand what the takeaway is. Intelligent people who read academic papers on which groups of people are happier should stop procreating because it leads to more misery than happiness?

 

[RDreamer]

RDreamer: open marriage you say? even so...oh muh god. open marriage and a prenup? Then maybe I'd sleep easy.

Yep, we're open. Nice thing is that right now she's more interested in girls than guys, so who knows where that might lead. And for me I've had more sex this first year of marriage, probably, than I have my entire life combined up till now. Or at least it's pretty close. No prenup though. I think if we ever divorced and had to split things she'd lose out pretty heavily, though, since I'm the one with the mountain of college debt. Not sure though. I doubt we're ever going to be divorced.

 

[crazy monkey]

Next month ^^

AHA that is why. Do not worry everything will be fine. Best of luck. Do not come on GAF for while lol. I am sure you will treat her like a queen.

 

[BuggyDClown]

This is why I wont get married until at least my 30s and there WILL be a prenup. Fuck anyone who thinks I will stick around for a sexless marraige, not to mention I dont want to spend my life taking care of children.

 

[JoshDigi]

Yep, we're open. Nice thing is that right now she's more interested in girls than guys, so who knows where that might lead. And for me I've had more sex this first year of marriage, probably, than I have my entire life combined up till now. Or at least it's pretty close. No prenup though. I think if we ever divorced and had to split things she'd lose out pretty heavily, though, since I'm the one with the mountain of college debt. Not sure though. I doubt we're ever going to be divorced.

I find this topic interesting. What kind of rules did you two set? Where are you meeting these chicks who are down for sleeping with a married dude?

 

[RDreamer]

I find this topic interesting. What kind of rules did you two set? Where are you meeting these chicks who are down for sleeping with a married dude?

The big rule is to use protection and be safe, pretty much, and to communicate pretty much everything with each other. We both trust each other fully and don't hide anything. I couldn't really imagine doing anything like this with 98% of the girls out there, for instance.

As for finding chicks? Honestly it's fucking hard. I've found one so far, and I found her online. She was also married and in an open relationship. We had a great thing going for quite a few months, but she had to stop the open part of her relationship (on top of her husbands miscommunications he started having problems in the sack, so she cut things off for both herself and him), so we're done now.

 

[akira28]

I find this topic interesting. What kind of rules did you two set? Where are you meeting these chicks who are down for sleeping with a married dude?

LOTS of Women love married dudes.



I think intelligent people tend to be more choosy when deciding when or if they'll have children. But reports like this probably do pare the numbers down a bit. I would say that it's generally outside factors determining how happy life would be anyway, job life, how much free time the parents have, how much stress, income, etc. If both people aren't working 40 hour weeks and then punching a 10 hour clock once they get home, I bet they wouldn't need nearly as much convincing. But as it stands, all the work that goes into managing a modern family, 300K+ house, college for 2+ kids and all of that. It really does sound like too much. I'd much rather have a child timeshare.

 

[Marty Chinn]

This is why I wont get married until at least my 30s and there WILL be a prenup. Fuck anyone who thinks I will stick around for a sexless marraige, not to mention I dont want to spend my life taking care of children.

Quite the catch you are.

 

[RDreamer]

LOTS of Women love married dudes.

Where do I find these women?

It's been pretty hard. Guys absolutely do not give a fuck about getting with a married girl, I've found, whereas girls are idealists about things and tend to go for only those that fit their criteria, and a married dude usually doesn't fit anyone's criteria. We've mostly been doing this stuff online, though, so that's probably a large part of it, but until my wife changed her profile to basically say she's a lesbian now she would fight off 15-20 messages a day. I'd be lucky if one out of every 15 girls even responded to anything from me. I'm sure though if I went out and hit up a bar or something I could find some, but I'd rather not pick up some of those types. (though my wife has urged me to try it)

 

[Always-honest]

The 'real' answer would probably be my son.

The other equally likely answer is that I'm not going to lose half of my fucking shit in a divorce. Fuck that.

Sorry to say i totally understand.

 

[Fularu]

I was in a sexless mariage (think less than once a year)

Not
ever
again